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Why do I have a crush on my boss? Most Liked Hot Conversation

Why do I have such a crush on my boss. I felt very uncomfortable with this. I do not expect to feel this way at my age. I need to stop this nonsense. This is not normal, I guess. My work is affected.

Could it be because, my husband lost his romantic side and my boss is a sweet talker and very much appreciative of everything that I do. I am seeing in him everything that I wanted my husband to be today.

I noticed to be always daydreaming about him. I have to divert my mind to a healthier things.. This is not good.

 

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Posted in family & relationships, love & sex, work & money.

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16 Responses

  1. Magnolia Miller Magnolia Miller says

    The answer to your question is: Yes.  If your husband is not giving you what you want, and your boss is, then you will be romantically attracted to him.
     
    However, unless you are prepared to have trouble in your marriage (and maybe his if he’s also married?) you might want to find yourself a good therapist.
     
    If you are unhappy in your marriage and no longer wish to be married and this crush is evidence of that – leave.
     
    Do not have an affair.  It’s not worth it. At the very least, it will destroy your dignity and self-respect.
     
    Magnolia

    3 like

    • Generic Image mszgm says

      Hi Magnolia,

      Thank you for your post. So happy to know that you understand the situation that I am in now. I perfectly know that this should never get so far. Am glad that I have somebody like you to talk to about this very sensitive concern and helps me think clearly.

      1 like

  2. Dallas Lady Dallas Lady says

    A couple of thoughts:   It isn’t all that unusual to develop romantic flights of fancy for people at work. Let’s face it:  at work, we are on our best behavior.  Have on our best clothes.  And smell our best. 

    Hardly what happens at home, huh?  Then add other lacks of sizzle at home, and well…….not surprising.

    Whatever the cause, what’s important is you NOT act on it. 

    And you try and make home better, decide what you are willing to do to make home better, and candidly–if finding a new job will help make home better, then that is what you do.

    And if home can’t be made better, then you change that too.

    But you do not act on your feelings for your boss.  Sorry, but that is just plain dangerous on about 20 different levels.  Do Not Go There.

    4 like

    • Generic Image mszgm says

      Hi Dallas Lady,

      Appreciate your advice. The best thing that I learned from your post is that I am perfectly NORMAL. It gave me a lift…Thanks

      4 like

  3. Lynne Spreen Lynne Spreen says

    There might be a primal reason for it. I heard it explained this way: back in the early days of the caves, the female who survived was the one who identified and won the most powerful mate, who would protect and feed her and father her offspring. We’re drawn to winners for this reason, too. The boss is the leader of the pack, in a sense. You may be feeling this way only because it’s logical in a cave-woman sense, but your 21st-century brain has to say, put a lid on it, kiddo!

    7 like

  4. Sienna Jae Fein Sienna Jae Fein says

    You’ve called it a crush — not love — and that’s a good sign. You’ve also said your boss has qualities you wish your husband had, another sign that you may understand that this is less about him than about a longing for something in your marriage. You are doing a lot of fantasizing, and there’s no harm in that, but as others have warned here, it’s a very bad idea to go further than fantasy.  

    You don’t say anything bad about your husband except that he has “lost his romantic side.” If he were more attentive / generous / sensual would the crush you describe be neutralized?

    Have you given any thought to what is in the mind of your boss? Words of appreciation are what we all long for – from bosses, friends, family members. You say he’s a sweet talker. Is he expressing special interest in you, or are others recieving the same kind of encouragement and appreciative comments?

    2 like

    • Generic Image mszgm says

      Hi Sienna Jae Fein,

      You are correct with all of your analysis.i do not have the slightest idea if my crush will be neautralized if my husband would be more attentive, generous or sensual.
      I have unconsciously accepted the fact that this kind of relationship that I have with my husband is how it will be until old age. I have no complain about it before until this time.
      I am not sure if my boss is giving special attention or is treating me differently. It is because I know that it could be impossible for him to engage in such. Or just dont have idea of what he thinks or feels. I do not like to speculate.I do not want to assume or even validate his feelings because it could probably magnify my problem.
      Am really trying my best to divert my attention away from himwhich is the right thing to do.

      Thanks for giving time to post your thoughts…

      1 like

  5. Generic Image justannesopinion says

    It’s completely normal for a minor bit of sexual chemistry to be magnified by having to focus your attention on someone. Think of the not especially attractive clergy, professors, office holders, etc., who have lots of crushees. If you frame it as a minor physical attraction that’s enhanced by the circumstances., it won’t seem like a such a big deal, but it’s perfectly normal.

    If this attraction has focused your attention on your marriage being not so great, pursue that but keep it separate from feelings for Boss Man.

    0 like

  6. Vicky1956 Vicky1956 says

    You sound like a really, really smart lady. Over the years I have sometimes had crushes on men who were off limits. It is kind of fun to fantasize, but in the end I always, always got over it. At some point down the road I thought, “what was I thinking?”

    Right now I am separated with divorce on the horizon. For the first time in my entire adult life I don’t have a crush or a love interest. I miss both :-) . But not enough to go looking.

    3 like

  7. Generic Image KAT says

    I just found this post!  Don’t know if anyone is still looking at it after two years but I’m in the same situation.  I am in love with my boss though.  He’s single, I’m married and I have told him of my feelings.  He said “if he wasn’t my boss” last year when I told him.  I’ve been separated but have not left the company yet.  We’ve had a big project and I didn’t want to leave him with all of it.  Of course now he has a girl friend and I’m devastated.  I’m starting to apply for other jobs so I don’t have to see him and can get over him.  I’m not divorced yet and am thinking I should maybe just stay in my marriage.  Although I will say that if my boss had wanted to get together I would have.  I still love him and can’t think of anything else and it kills me to see him everyday knowing he’s with someone else.  I’m in a bad place right now.  Lot’s to lose if I leave the marriage but not truly happy…of course I was fine until I started my job 2 years ago.  Any words of wisdom?  I sure need some right now:-)  Thanks!

    0 like

    • LuckyDuck63 LuckyDuck63 says

      KAT – move on.  Your boss isn’t interested.  His response to your confession was probably his idea of being “safely kind”.   If a man wants to be with you, he will move mountains to make it happen.  Men love to get what they want.  Seriously.   He’s got a girlfriend.  You’re married.  Your boss has an ideal situation – a devoted employee who is crazy about him.  I’m sure he’s a great guy, and what an ego boost for him!  I think you have romanticized your boss because you feel something is lacking in your marriage.  I wonder what would happen if you put all of that energy and emotion into fixing your marriage?

      0 like

  8. Generic Image Maria says

    Word of caution: Stop and be careful about how you feel for your boss. It is complicated enough for you to be in an emotional turmoil and lose the ability to concentrate on work. It may even be more complicated if he responds in your favor and a romantic relationship develop between you two. You will be creating a possible sexual harassment scenario or some form of conflict of interest that maybe cited as unfair by you colleagues. This is a tip of an iceberg you don’t want to mess around with. May I also suggest that being a woman would put you in a more unfavorable light than him just because you’re a woman. There are double standards in these issues and you’re on a losing end.

    Remember: Don’t crap where you work (or something like that!)

    2 like

  9. LuckyDuck63 LuckyDuck63 says

    You;re not in love.  You’re smitten, you have a crush – you said it yourself, “daydreaming”.  You only see your boss when he’s dressed for work,looking good,  and probably doing what he’s best at – that’s a very limited scope.  I’ll bet in your daydreams he’s perfect.  You lack romance in your life (why not TALK to your husband and make an effort together?) – and this guy is pleasant and convenient.

    0 like

  10. Generic Image Maria says

    There you go! LuckyDuck63 is right and to quote:

    “Your boss has an ideal situation – a devoted employee who is crazy about him.  I’m sure he’s a great guy, and what an ego boost for him! ”

    Which means it all him and never anything for you. Nothing to gain here for you. Look somewhere else…

    0 like

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