Today’s Featured Comment
From Watermusic
This summer I have explored what it means to be an older woman in education. I’ve questioned a number of things in part because of the lack of respect that I think I’m getting.
I have to be honest and confess that I was expecting respect just because of longevity. I do my job and I do it well but I am not owed anything because of my age. I know more and do many things easier and better than my younger colleagues. When they want help, I help – otherwise I don’t bother.
I really had to ask myself why I wanted recognition in the work place and I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter to me very much anymore. I wanted it because I thought I was entitled to it. (To be brutally honest.)
When I shared some of these observations with some younger teachers, they didn’t consider me older. They did consider several other teachers who are younger than me older. Some of that is because of my attitude. The ‘older teachers’ are considered old because of how they dress, how they talk, and they don’t keep up with trends, the profession and technology.
I work for a younger man and work with younger teachers. They consider me young because I’m enthusiastic, dress nicely, am interested and engaged in life and my profession. It’s an attitude. That’s their observation. I’ve gotten a lot of recognition in my career but that is honestly not my focus right now. However, if I wanted it I would do some things differently than I am now. I would publish, be more active in my professional organization, conduct staff development. I would sell myself differently.
There is a bias against older women for sure but some of that we bring on ourselves. Then we complain about it and act like victims. I’ve seen that too often.
And for the record, older men are experiencing the same thing. If our culture values youth, and I believe it does, we might ask ourselves what is it about youth that is valued. I don’t think it’s just looks. I thinks it’s passion, energy, commitment, being engaged with life and interested in the world.
Here’s one more thing, you get what you give so give what you want. That means giving younger people as much respect as you think you should have. I know that I’ve been guilty of not doing that.
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
I love this article because it just demonstrates how no one is immune to this silent thief. I signed the registry. I hope others will join me.
Our lives are what we make of them. If we don't like them, we need to do something about it. Creativity is the lubricant the soul/spirit/inner self needs to grow and become. I'm following mine, and it's made all the difference.
Wonderful blog! I agree that attitude is a big factor in how older people are viewed in today’s society. However, I still see a lot of discrimination against older people in the workplace. I have seen many very qualified older people passed up for positions just because they were over 50 or 60. Our society values youth not elders which to me is very sad. The truth is…If two people apply for the same job and one is 25 and one is 60, the job will probably go to the 25 year old, even if the 60 year old has the best attitude in the world. In our economy today, retiring is not a choice for many older people so the competition is tough in the working world.
I am a teacher as well and I absolutely agree with what you say, Watermusic! I too see older colleagues who refuse to try new things, who don’t bother keeping active in professional groups, keep up to date with professional publications, who have worn the same hair and makeup since the 1970s, etc. It does age them. It does set them apart as “the old ones,” and it boxes them in. There’s also a bit of arrogance that can be based on the sheer number of one’s years in a field. However, if you’ve been teaching for a while you do see trends come in and out and you can get cynical.
I try to be cooperative, receptive and to do the best job I can do. I mind my own business and worry about my professionalism, not anyone else’s. And I try not to look dowdy! (Don’t know how I’m doing on that, I hope OK.)
I also agree with Debi that if you’re looking for work after a certain age the cards are definitely stacked against you. I feel lucky to be in a field that has job security.
It’s cheaper to hire someone who is younger. I’m expensive…and worth every penny. Plus I talk back, question authority and stand up for what I think is right. That kind of person can be a pain in the neck. A necessary pain in the neck, but a pain in the neck none the less. You can become cynical or interested. It’s a choice that takes a certain level of consciousness. The gift of experience is that I can usually relate what’s new to something I already know and tweak it a bit. I also know where and how much of my energy to put in the latest bandwagon. It took me a long time to stop jumping on every bandwagon. I also know how to make things work for my
students.
I have a very different experience about being an elder. I am respected and valued. When I’m not I know that it’s not personal, that it has everything to do with where the other person is that. I can resist it and create more negativity or I can accept it. I don’t need to be venerated or treated with a higher level of respect than anyone else is treated. This generation is very much about now and energy and being current with technology. They don’t much care what you did. They care what you do.
I do think that our generation is redefining what it means to age and it’s not about being young as much as it is about being actively engaged in the world. I love the new Toyota commercials for that reason. Why are we so insistent about being valued for our wisdom and our experience? That question, honestly just occurred to me.
And I’ve been puzzled lately at how many younger women reach out to me and want to do things with me. I completely don’t get that at all.
My youngest daughter just turned 29. She gave a birthday party on the beach and it was so much fun. One of her new friends who attended is 50. She told my daughter the next day that she had the BEST time at the party. My daughter said to me, “I don’t choose my friends by their age but rather by their enthusiasm for life.” The reason I am sharing this story is….I think this is why these younger women are so attracted to you!
That’s a sweet thing to say, Debi. I probably choose my friends for the same reason.
This post is spot-on. In fact, I printed a copy. Thank you, watermusic.
My pleasure. I’m not denying that age discrimination exists, but I also think it’s useful to look at where we contribute to the problem.
This is spot on! It IS all about attitude! I am 60 and work in a law firm with mostly younger people. I have created a bond with some of them and hang out with them occasionally. I keep my appearance up to date and stylish but, more than that, I have an enthusiasm for life, I’m energetic and still get excited about things and love to experience new adventures! People like to hang out with me. In fact, just a couple weeks ago we had a happy hour after work and the night ended with me, another youthful (48 yr old) woman and 4 young men under 30 hanging out and going to dinner and laughing all night! And no, I am not a cougar. One of my nice co-worker’s bought my dinner and we ate at my 29 year old son’s restaurant. They said they had never had so much fun with someone my age. It didn’t matter that I am 60 years old and about 40 lbs overweight. It’s all about your outlook on life!
What a nice experience. A neighbor my age stopped by today to tell me that she was puzzled by me. She told me that I was fully engaged in everything I did and wondered where it came from. It’s a choice I make and I suspect you make too, to enjoy the life that’s right in front of you instead of mourning for the life you had or longing for the life you want. I’m grateful for all of right now.