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Starting over at 57 Most Liked

Thanks to the women who wrote to me about being blindsided by their soon to be ex.  I still can’t get my head around it.  I did buy a book that might help all of you.  It’s called Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal. It gives some insight into why they do what they do.

I still can’t figure this out.  I do have a therapist and a lawyer.  I saw my husband today and he told me his lawyer fired him.  My lawyer was asking for too much.  I wish I knew what he thought was going to happen.  He seems so surprised that I’m asking for alimony, and his retirement from the Air Force Reserve.  I truly think he thought I’d roll over and split it down the middle.

My daughter’s still don’t talk to me much, but I’m not backing down.  Like I told my husband today.  You started this mess, I’m not cleaning it up.  35 years of marriage and all he can tell me is “He hasn’t been happy for years”.  When I ask why haven’t you told me about this, all I ever heard was you hate your job.  Nothing about I don’t like you too much either.  I know I’ll make it through, it just hurts.

Thanks for listening.

Heartbroken

Divorce After 50: How to Save Yourself and Lose Him
6 keys to help you survive (even thrive) when a long-term marriage ends

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8 Responses

  1. Lynnette Lynnette says

    Keep fighting for what is yours.  Don’t take his crap lightly.  It hurts, i know, at this age we have all gone thru this phase.  Some younger, some older.  It hurts like hell but we get thru it.  The best thing you can do now is go to the hair salon, change your look, you will get thinner, divorce is the best diet and start thinking of yourself.  Keep your head high and if he was not happy for a long time, well, nobody promised him a rosegarden.  Tell him to be a man and stop whining. This is about you now.  Good luck and keep in touch.

    4 like

  2. Vicky1956 Vicky1956 says

    We are in your corner. Don’t just hang in there…stride through!

    4 like

  3. Generic Image Debbie says

    I am going to go out and buy that book.  All my husband will tell me is he has been thinking about a divorce for 5 years.  I asked him why he never told me and the only answer I got was he hasn’t been happy and wants to find someone more compatible.

    It helps knowing there are others going through the same situation because it feels so lonely.

    I am thankful to have found this site.

    1 like

  4. NanaIsland NanaIsland says

    Having gone through a divorce myself after being a stay at home mom of 3 kids for 18 years, I know how tough the whole thing is, emotionally and financially.  But it is also a tremendous opportunity for you to grow, learn and find your own footing.  When you begin to believe in your own strength and ability to learn – amazingly wonderful things begin to appear.  Somewhere I read – “Become the person you want.”  An open heart becomes full while a closed heart remains empty…

    2 like

  5. joyful53 joyful53 says

    My ex – an attorney himself, presented a whole argument as to why he thought I wasn’t entitled to anything.  My lawyer answered him “Well counselor, I believe the State of New Mexico looks at this differently” and summarily put him in his place.  In the end neither of us was happy with the financial settlement (which is what my accountant ,and old family friend, told me to expect).
    However hard it is to understand this sudden, unexpected and unwanted change in your life I can promise you that if you give yourself the chance you will discover all kinds of new and wonderful things – the friends who are really there, interests that you didn’t know you had,and  strengths that surprise you.  Be prepared for lonely times, sad times for certain, but be open to the change. My therapist once asked what envisioned for myself.  I told her I didn’t know what I wanted but I was 100% clear about what I didn’t want.  I didn’t want to be “pitiful”.  So I refused to be.  I refused to be defined by what I lost – my marriage and strove to define myself by what I have – brains, friends, interests, talents. Good luck.

    1 like

    • Generic Image Roadrunner says

      Thank you all for your comments.  I know you are all right but I’m still struggling.  Joyful 53 I especially was drawn to you because I also live in New Mexico.  It must be in the water.  I try to keep a positive attitude, my husband still hasn’t done anything as far as divorce paper work.  I’m still wondering why he’s dragging his feet.  I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m asking for too much.  I know he doesn’t want to work it out.
      I am thankful for all of your comments and hope everyone has a better 2012.
      Heartbroken

      0 like

      • joyful53 joyful53 says

        I’m in Santa Fe.  Where are you?  If we’re close enough we could meet for coffee.

        0 like

  6. Vicky1956 Vicky1956 says

    Heartbroken…it will make me smile when you change your name from Heartbroken to something else. You deserve joy.

    0 like

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