My first post on this site was “Paralyzed by Fear.” I received many thoughtful responses and suggestions and have sort of sat back, digested, done a whole lot of thinking, and a whole lot of reading here, and elsewhere.
In a nutshell – I have been married 20 years; unhappy for 15; miserable for the last 6 or 7. I’ve got 2 teenage daughters and have spent most of the past 12 years as a stay-at-home-mom.
I went back to school 6 years ago, got my degree in 2011, and found a part-time job in my chosen field (about a year ago). But…working part-time without benefits wasn’t moving me towards self-sufficiency. So, shortly after my first post here, I decided I should look for a full-time job with benefits.
Well…I managed to land a good job at a law firm. It’s challenging and a bit daunting, but I will be okay once I settle in. It’s a nice group of people, a mid-sized firm and most of the attorneys and support staff are middle aged (like me!). It’s a good fit and I am so excited.
I woke up this morning, and although I no longer feel paralyzed by fear, the first thought that popped into my head was “What the heck am I going to do? I am moving forward but I am scared!” (I am planning, etc., and hope to file for divorce in the Spring.)
I’m excited. But I’m scared. I’ll soon be 53, and have no family except for my daughters. I will be leaving without any assets, savings, etc. What if I lose my job as a result of the shaky economy?
I guess I’m making progress. From completely paralyzed to just scared…from part-timer to full-time with benefits…I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where my journey takes me.
It’s a leap of faith, I guess. But before I leap, I’ve got to conquer my fear. Is fear healthy or unhealthy? I dunno.