where does one start?
vibrant nation has given us all the right to say as we feel..and i have read so many of your thoughts.
i am so far from perfect….but i have struggled for so long……i honestly think my depression has been with me since the day my mother divorced my daddy in 1950…..cause she met a man on Ham radio….duh the start of meeting someone on the internet. a new man came into our life, and i hated him….fast forward 6 months..when he died in front of me with a heart attack…i was in the 7th grade…
mother moved us around so much, it is a wonder how i kept as sane as i was. i can remember 38 addresses….she said she kept finding a cheaper place…..
then 2 more marriages in her life…
as much as i did not want
to be like her…i have become her..
married at the age of 18..a baby…a divorce..after 5 years, he was in prison……to another marriage for 23 years….a divorce…marriage again for 14 years…….a divorce. he said god wanted him to kill me…..another marriage…….for 11 years……..and i was allured to the guy i was engaged to in high school …….only to leave 2,000 miles away
and i was assaulted by him twice….the second time i called the police…he was arrested, having two hand guns in the house…one a 60 round ammunition gun….
left to go back to my town….i lost everything, my house , my Mercedes Benz….my animals…my life savings to the ex..
i am doing my best to keep my head above water…money wise and mentally wise…because the ex got my Mercedes, he was kind enough (ha) to buy me a 1986 Mercedes…..i bought the new one with my inheritance money when my mother died….my sister is a piece of work…..when i told her i was beat up..she e-mailed a friend of mine and asked for the other side of the story.. he told her she needed to believe me. as he knew the truth…everything i own is in storage…..i am just a mess.
thanks for letting me unload….
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Hi tennessee. I’m not sure that you wanted a response from any of your VN sisters. I just felt so compelled to tell you none of us are perfect. None of us have gone through this many years without making huge mistakes and suffering the consequences. My mother always told me “Honey life isn’t about the choices you make. Life is about how you choose to handle the consequences that makes the person.” The time right now in your life is your time. To rebuild your life, learn how to love yourself and take chage of who you want to become. Look back over your life and for every situation that didn’t turn out like you hoped, write down the lesson you learned so you don’t need to do that again. Be grateful for air to breath, a warm place to sleep, water to drink and enough years left in your life to find out how to create the life you want. Remember, Life is drawing without an eraser. So where do you start? Begin a new drawing one small stroke at a time. I’m sending you much love and best wishes.
I love that song by Janis Joplin it’s what drew me to this post. It sounds like you had a lot to unburden. When everything falls apart, and you have nothing left to cling to but your own strength it is then you see, the only person you need is you. Now is the time to love the one person who has stood beside you in all of this, you. Nurture yourself, praise yourself in the mirror everyday. Give yourself the love you have looked for in others. Smile at yourself in the mirror and say something like you are a tough old bird nothing will get you down. (that’s my favorite one). The mind is the most powerful thing we have, the answer to everything mental, financial is all inside you. Brainstorm as to the many solutions to the problems you have, and write them down. Then this is the hard part, follow up. You will be surprised how life turns around when you take the reigns of your mind in hand. You are in my prayers today. Matriarch
Our choices in life are made according to our sense of our own worth.
“You Can’t Direct the Wind but You Can Adjust the Sails”
As Confucius used to say: “Even a long journey starts with one footstep…” – the most
important thing is to get started, right now! Everything can always be improved in the course
of time. That decision to get the ball rolling is ours to make, no one else can make it for us!
O thank each of you for your response.
and no i was not lloking for a resolution…just the voices in my head , to speak out. Ialso have honestly considered writing a book. my kids use to walk in front of me, waving their hands in front of my face,say “earth to mother”so, they havr seen my downfalls throughout all the years. my 3 children are all in their 40″s and 50″s…..
I honestly believe i am the person i am today, because of my past. I like me, some don’t and others say i am the best friend they could ever have.
writing a book…actually, yes, i have already contacted a few publishers, and ghost writers. i would honestlly like my kids to know who their “real” mother is…she is caring, emotional, loving and have always been there for them. it is a path they dont actully know about. i am thinking about getting a tape recorder, and have one tape for each year…such as 40′s 50′s 60′s 70′s and such……….
there are time in my life, that i remember nothing. like a big black hole, sucked me inside.
i thanks you for reading my notes, for responding like a woman does. I so appreciate it.
Men just want to be cave men and rescue you………
at the moment i have moved back in my home, with my ex-husband. working on getting the house out of shambles and ready to sell. we have a much better relationship, not married, than married. it is odd, i know.
hugs to all of you, and i stroll down the road, in my old 1986 Mercedes Benz.