I just discovered that my sister gambled away her entire life savings and her house.
My sister is gay and was in a relationship with the same woman for 21 years. Shortly after their last child (two hers, one my sister’s) graduated college, her partner left her (for a man, go figure) and demanded her share of the house and the retirement accounts.
The house I could understand but the retirement accounts were only in my sister’s name. I begged her not to touch that money.
My sister has borrowed money a few times and we all thought something was wrong.
Two years ago, when my mother was still alive, she borrowed money for her state taxes.
I demanded to know what was going on. She admitted she was gambling.
I told her we would give her the money but she had to go to Gambler’s Anonymous and tell her daughter everything.
She did go to Gambler’s Anonymous a few times but told me, “I’m not like those people.”
It’s two years later, she has about $10,000 in her retirement accounts (down from $112,000), she’s $113,000 in debt, has only $10,000 equity in her home, has 27 years left on her mortgage (she’s 57!), and has filed for bankruptcy.
Her grown daughter and son-in-law live with her and help with the mortgage, if not, I’m sure she would have lost the house by now.
I’m just so shocked and horrified at what she’s done I just don’t know what to say or do.
She keeps joking about living with me (she can’t, I have cats and she’s highly allergic). I don’t find it funny.
There are three of us (three sisters) and we are very close but I never anticipated having to share my house with her.
I’m just competely stunned that she was this stupid and self-destructive.
I also can’t believe that she would be so selfish as to jeopardize the roof over her child’s head.
In fact, I am just utterly staggered by what’s she’s done.
I literally don’t know what to say to her.
I don't know a lot about them either, but I'm always skeptical of mass marketed procedures like that. I went on the website and checked it out. I actually sent away for the info and I got it, but I couldn't seem to find any real info on the act
Wow. This is tough. The joking is probably there to hide her fear. But you are not the one who did this. Don’t let her manipulate you into doing something you did not agree to. I had a relative that gambled away a car. That was after we had taken him to GA, and talked with him, and bailed him out a few times. It was time for tough love. I suggest that if you decide to speak to her, you be very honest. And use “I” statements. Avoid “you did” and “you are”. Just “I” – I’m horrified and frightened for you”. ”I’m very worried about your children.” But be completely real. She needs to deal with this on her own – and it seems like with declaring bankruptcy she is. Best of luck to you.
Thanks for your response. I’m a little calmer now. I realize that she’s an adult and has the right to make her own decisions (no matter how disastrous!).
She got into this position by trying to push her pain away. That’s really what addiction is all about–hiding from the pain instead of dealing with it.
I’m still deciding what to say to her, but I know how to say no.