| Moving On & Letting Go |
My name just got added to the newly divorced list. Although I recognize that I need to time to heal and discover new things about life and myself, I am still hanging on to some old garbage. Any ideas on how to make the most of this time and get moving in the right direction?
Posted in family & relationships, work & money.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Hi again. I have to laugh. My friend Gina Mcnew just wrote a blog post about the myriad of skincare and beauty products women use compared to men. And how it gets crazy as we get older. I laughed my butt off! I thought you ladies would enjothank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he'sI used Noxzema from the time I was old enough to wash my own face, all through school and into adulthood. Then I decided it wasn't 'sophisticated' enough and went with higher priced, higher end products. About 5 years ago, I went back to 
My divorce happened decades ago and to be honest I was the one that insigated it – long story of alcohol abuse etc. I found that the weight lifted and I knew deep down it was the right decision epecially for my son who was 18 months at the time. I was lucky to have a close family who helped me a lot with the practicalities of child care etc as I worked full time. I did not have any ‘loss’ feelings as I had taken a long time to make my decision – I think that helped a lot. My advice would be to give yourself time to adjust and not to make any rash decisions. Be kind to yourself – be selfish!
Hi CurlyGirl: Sometimes we hang onto the past because it’s familiar. So the payoff is feeling comfortable. What has happened to you is truly life shattering. So it’s normal to head for what is comfortable. So put a big smile on your face, let go of your past little story, it’s not doing a thing for you, and begin to make another story . . . only bigger and better this time. Good luck.
There is a statement that is popular to us these days and it is “been there, done that”. I have the scars from it. Moving on was hard at first. He kept coming by and wanting to sleep with me. I mean come on, he had made his choice, he has his bimbo so that should have been enough for him. Finally I made up my mind that the only way I could put an end to this was to put miles between us. I moved thousands of miles away. I am not saying this is what you need to do but it helped me to get delivered from his curse. By doing this I was able to work on my healing because I did not want him or her to think that I had any feelings left for him.
After being gone for so many years I was able to come back home and face the devil. Lord I looked so cute. As a matter of fact I was more beautiful than I was when I was with him. They both look like big fat pigs now and I have heard that both have been very sick and both have had to have surgeries from their hearts to whatever else. I have never been sick a day in my life.
Now you move on and if you see him don’t tell him any sad stories about how bad your life has been. Let it all be good news even if you have to make it up. A friend told me when I was going through this drama that I don’t care if your stomach is having to eat your ribs for lunch, don’t tell him. That is what he will want to hear. Oh I am having it rough, this is happening, this and that is wrong. Don’t do it. Smile even though your heart could be aching and tell yourself, this too shall pass and it will. I am so happy I am not with this thing I don’t know what to do. I have gone places, done things, and met people that I would not have if I had stayed with him. And I just might be like her, unhealthy.
Don’t expect to meet Mr. Wonderful right away now that the other is gone because the world of dating is quite different than what it used to be. Just focus on you and do what you like, do what you want and think about it, the one thing I hate the most is having to clean the commode after a man.
I’ve answered a few posts like this lately. Forgive me if I start to sound like a broken record, but take care of YOU. Eat right, exercise, go out with friends. Read a good book, see a new movie, get tickets to whatever wonderful concert is coming to town. Celebrate life. Buy something pretty that makes you feel good (it doesn’t have to be expensive). Don’t waste time thinking about what was, what should have been, what could have been, what you wish you’d done differently, what a bastard he was, etc. He’s gone, he’s history. Don’t think about him, don’t write to him, don’t spend any time that you don’t HAVE to spend on him. Even celebrating his absence will keep you down and stuck in the negative and in the pain. Keeping up on his doings, celebrating his ill fortune, etc, are all sure ways to stay stuck. Living well isn’t the best revenge (although it’s often quoted to be); needing no revenge, just moving on into your own peace IS.
Finding a new passion or taking up an old one helps. Take a class. I made stained glass windows for a while. Sewed quilts. Repaired dolls. Went bird watching. Took a class in photography. I went swimming most mornings and got massages to help with that desperate need to be touched.
You’ll be fine. You are asking all the right questions and you’ve already done the hardest things . . .
LIKE ALL OF US GIRLS OLDER MAYB BUT YOUNG @ HEART, . I LETF A BAD MARRIAGE OVER 30 YRS AGO , AND TOOK 5 CHILDREN WITH ME , HE WAS STILL IN THERE LIVES BUT NOT IN MINE . MOVED MY MOM IN WITH AFTER DAD DIED AND AT NIGHT SHE MJNDED THE KIDS AND I GOT A JOB ,, MOVING IS NOT EASY ,, IN SOME CASES IT HAS 2 B DONE SOONER THAN LATER , SO B IT JUST DO IT , AND DONT LOOK BACK , BCAUSE IT CAN MAKE U FEEL SORRY 4 UR SELF AND THE GOOD TIMES U SHARED . THE BEST WAY I FOUND WAS A FAST& CLEAN BREAK WAS THE BEST WAY TO GO . OUR FAMILY GREW UP NOW I AM A GRAND MOM 2 11 & GREATGRAND MOM 2 7 , MY X AND GET ALONG GREAT 2 DAY ,,,, HE IS 74 AUG. 6 AND I WILL B 71 IN OCT , WE EVEN GO OUT 4 DRINKS AND ATTEND FAMIL GATHINGS . WE R VERY GOOD FRIENDS NOW .. TO DAM BAD THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED 30 YRS AGO ,,,,,/////////
I read that in order to move on that one must get rid of all memorabilia and have a funeral for the ended relationship. That is the one thing I could not do, and hung on to the belief that one day we would re connect and fix what went wrong. Now, 30 yrs later, I regret that I could not go through with that final step…the funeral for the relationship, for I still wish I could fix the past, and cannot. I moved on physically, never emotionally. I stay busy, on the go, don’t let my guard down, make friends, but not intimate ones, and cling to my children and grandchildren. If I only knew that one day would turn into 30 yrs. I would have tried desperately to let go forever, and get on with the ‘living my own life’, rather than hanging onto hope for the ‘us’.
I did join many singles groups, and online dating (which is great for making friendships as well as dates), and found many other single ladies like myself at those singles dances…..and now we get together sometimes in groups and travel together, and put ourselves out there where other singles are mingling. Be patient with yourself, but know there are as many lonely men waiting for you when you are ready to begin anew.
Most of what I would say has been said – the main one being, take care of YOU! Find out what your own likes and dislikes are. Do what you enjoy. Don’t do what you don’t want to do.
My other piece of advice – don’t be afraid of seeing a counselor if you feel you need one. Sometimes I think counseling should be mandatory! The best part of counseling is hearing what you have to say out loud. I sometimes thought the counselor didn’t even need to be there, since what came out of my own mouth actually surprised me often.