You ladies seem pretty together and knowledgable and caring so because my heart is breaking over this situation, I could really use some objectivity here.
My son is 43 years old. The second of three sons. All my sons are from the same father and they are ages 45 43 26.
I was married to their father for 30+ yrs and got a divorce and took the youngest one with me.
I divorced him not because I did not love him but because he was a compulsive gambler.
During the marriage we had stocks and 401ks and such. He never changed me as beneficiary even though he had 17+ yrs to do it.
In March of this yr. the youngest son got a phone call that his dad (my ex) was in hospital. He never remarried, just became more consumed by playing cards. Since I was with my son when he got the call, I went with him to the hospital.
To make a long story short, the hospital thought he was homeless. They were very glad to see us because he only had about a week to live due to renal cancer. The son with me was the youngest son and he went to pieces because he was close to his dad.
His dad asked me to help him and said he trusted me and signed the medical power of attorney and financial power of attorney.
I had him moved to hospice and cleaned up and called the other two sons and his sister.
This son shows up on Friday and when he is there he says to me, I moved 5000 out of Dad’s account into his account and I moved 11,000 of his money into your account on Wednesday in case you need anything. he told me this like 10 minutes afer his father dies and he is in process of leaving. I could not even think and said ok.
We got the call on Monday and on Friday he passed away,
I was devastated. This man was the love of my life since I was 17. I was just in shock.
On Saturday, I go to the mortuary and make the arrangements knowing I am going to end up paying for it because I was not sure he still had the 5000 insurance policy on him.
Saturday night, son #2, the 43 yr old, emails me a copy of a will that he said was his fathers and a spread sheet listing the assest.
I read the will and I was shocked.
The will said, to the oldest son, he leaves 250.00.
To the second son, he leaves all of his estate.
To the third son, he leaves a few gold coins he had in a safe deposit box.
I am upset because of the 250 for the first son.
The will says the second son is executor and all.
I have never had any experience with a will. So, I figure ok this is his will and I don’t like it because it is not fair to all three sons but it is his will and what he wanted.
I finally get the deaths certificates and I send letters to each of these companies for IRA’s and 401k’s and stocks advising them that he has passed and including a copy of the death certificate and advising them of all three son’s individual assets.
I find out the insurance policy is still made out to me so that will reimburse me for the funeral and give me about and extra thousand.
Things are ok until I get a telephone call from this son and he goes off on me telling me that other than the insurance policy and the gold coins, everything else belongs to him because the will said he got the “residue of his father’s estate”.
I was upset and angry because their father had not even been buried yet.
I took the will to my attorney and showed it to him and low and behold, the will is invalid because it does not have two disinterested parties signatures on it – it is notarized.
In the mean time, I have been notified by certified mail by everyone I sent a letter to, that I am the beneficiary on these accounts. He never changed them and one open in 1996, after the divorce, he still names me as beneficiary.
My son wants the money. I said no, I don’t think so because he left it to me.
He goes to an attorney and the attorney tells him it is legally mine.
But during the time he lived with his father six years prior to his fathers death, when his father had heart surgery, he created this will, took over handling this money and bills and mail for his father. His father did zero on a computer. So, son sets up on line accounts to everything unbeknowst to father and it remained so apparently.
Father assumes money he is putting in is staying in accounts and he is living off social security.
So, he is angry. All the funds are transferred in to my name except for the last stock account for 11,000 is still in process of going from both our names to my name.
I am checking the account on line because I have not got the statement on last Monday.
I am stunned to see all the shares have been transferred out of the account.
I call the company and ask what happened to them and they said I transferred them and I said to who.
They gave me the name of my son. I told him I did not.
So, here we are.
This means that whether or not my son agrees that I should have the stock, he decided it belonged to him and took it using identity theft means on the account.
It is my son’s name and address into an account he set up for himself. So he took them from me and put them in an account for himself. All of this is trackable.
I called him and he would not talk to me. I sent him and email and said you have till Friday at 5pm to transfer the stock back to me or send me a certified check for the entire amount.
His reponse was not nice and I am now dead to him.
This is id theft and grand larceny. I filed a police report stating the funds are gone just to get it on record.
The company immediately refused to talk to me because of ID theft.
Bottom line are two issues:
One, I do not know if the stock company is going to prosecute or anything they want to do or what is going to happen but if they can track him I am sure it is out of my hands.
Second is I am ill over this. Just stunned and in shock that he would do something like this and risk so much for so little, his job, his marriage, everything he has accomplished and end up in jail.
I am like an emotional wreck walking around.
I, like many of you, have done many good things for all my sons and this one financially more than I should have as well. I have been so proud of him getting his MBA.
I am angry because this is the action of a spoiled brat and ungrateful child. How could he so calmly break the law and think I would not notice or figure it out.
To know that this is a felony is crushing me. To know that he deliberately schemed to do this a day after the statement closed, changed my address, one month before I am 65 so it cannot be elder abuse is just mind boggling to me.
My son is a criminal and this is heartbreaking.
If any of you have experience with this type of situation or words of advice, please feel free share and thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. Thank you.
Hi Watermusic! Love your response. I have found that once I allowed myself to be open to new ideas and new skills, a whole new world opened up for me. I used to tell myself that I was just useless at certain things because that's what other people to
Oh my gosh, what a horrible thing to go through! I’m so sorry. When I started reading it, I thought you were going to be asking for objectivity in comments because you were struggling about what you should do.
I can’t tell you how proud I am for you and impressed that you’ve already done what needed to be done and now you’re posting in order to vent and share. I know you did right. You know you did right, but it had to have been one of the hardest things in the world. I don’t know if I’d have had the strength. I pretty much think I would do, but you never know….
You said that your ex husband had over a decade to change things and stop you being the beneficiary of his assets, and did not do so. It kind of makes me think that he really knew the kind of person that the son has turned out to be. It sounds like you think he wasn’t ware of the transfers that were going on whilst he was alive but I’m thinking that maybe at least suspected something. It sounds like the will was fishy, too. I wonder if the son forged it?
Anyway, I think this isn’t necessarily the most cogent post ever, but I hope that in time you’ll work out a way to be at peace with this, I’m sorry that your son has turned out to be such a schmuck. I’m just glad that he’s not a smart enough schmuck to do this crap and not get caught.
I hope you feel better relatively soon. I feel like you’re going to walk out of this stronger and more self-assured than when you started out.
Thank you Dennie. I needed that. I am just struggling knowing that eventually something very bad is going to happen to him over this and although the money in reality is not the issue it is that he did it to his mother and you know I would die rather to see one of my sons be hurt. It just kills me to see them when a girlfriend hurts one of them or they are sick.
On one hand I am outraged, how dare you, you ungrateful child.
On the other hand, my heart is breaking.
Yes, I know you are right about I will walk out of this more assured eventually but the price is more than I ever expected to pay.
Thank you again for your generosity in replying.
I am so so sorry that this has happened to you, and by one of your sons no less.
I have no words of wisdom for you other than, do what you feel that you need to do protect yourself and if you feel your son needs to be taught a lesson, then so be it.
The old adage, that money is evil, I guess is very true. Not sure why, but deaths always seem to bring out the worst in some people.
Please take care of yourself…
Thank you so much for your replies. I appreciate your allowing me to vent
Gold Bangles:
You mentioend that your son lived with his dad for 6 years and took care of all of his financial, health, etc needs.
Did dad leave the son who was taking care of him anything?
Did the son ask you about splitting the stock BEFORE he made this move to transfer it all into his name?
Sounds like you are going to have ot take him to court to get an order for him to return the money back to you. It will be a cut and dry case.
Personally, I would have made sure to give him some of the money just because he did take care of his dad..probably a 40/60 split or 30/70 split on the stock.
Hope he doesn’t have children because you may never see your grandkids. I hope you are able to work this out.
Lovely Smile
He lived with his Dad for abt five years while the (my son) went to school to get his BA and MA degree. He did not take care of him. Then he got married and moved out of his Dad’s house. He did this when he was about 36.
For the last two years, he had not even seen his dad.
I had considered splitting with him or at least giving him something but the transfer was not even complete into my name alone yet and he did this.
No, no grandkids. But, needless to say, I am the bad guy here.
What he had his dad do was sign a will (the will is invalid though) that left left him everything except the coins to one brother and 250.00 to the other brother. So he thought he got it all – the remainder of his dad’s estate. But, the house his father and I sold two yrs before his death and got literally nothing for – so he did not get that. Everything else was by beneficiary designation to me (that I was totally unaware of). So, he wants it all, I should get nothing.
I may have given him some but he decided to go into these accounts and just take what he felt was his.
I think it is beyond the work out phase because he took the funds from “them” not me and I cannot control the brokerage accounts.
I told him I knew. I told him I want the shares back, transfer them back into the account. I gave him plenty of lead time to do this and all I got was vile words and anger.
I am not going to be able to stop the brokerage account from doing whatever it is they do.
I cannot see how he could possible do this and risk his job and his marriage and serious trouble to himself.
So, it is just not a good scenario that I can see at this point but time will tell.
Gold Bangles:
Finally read this post about your son and it breaks my heart to think that your own son can do that to you. It is fraud. You were named beneficiaries on all those accounts because your ex probably was too lazy to get them changed. Men just simply do not think about those things when they divorced. Changing their wills or beneficiaries take time and effort and some are simply just too lazy to do that. I know when I got separated, the first thing I did was to change my will, changed all the beneficiaries on all the assets I have. My ex does not deserve to inherit my estate. In your case, there should be some kind of paperwork done with your signature on it for all those funds transfered. So the brokerage company too is at fault. Your son must have faked your signature on all the documents in transfering the funds to him. I would call the brokerage and demand to see those documents. After all it is your money they have lost to your son. You are entitled to that money, not your son. He felt entitled to the money even though the will is invalid and he was not smart enough to make sure those funds name him as beneficiary . Greed causes people to do nasty things.
He is so greedy as to want it all and not to share with his brothers. You are not the BAD person. You are doing what is right. Your son cannot get away with this. It is fraud no matter what. He is the BAD person, not you.
I know what we moms feel about our kids. We love them no matter what but in this case, your son has decided that the money is more important than anything in the world and has not even thought much about the consequences. You still have the other 2 sons. Hang in there.
Hi NanaP
He did this all on line. He set up an account for himself and then he transferred the shares out of my account into his account. He got a new password and all, and went into my account and transferred the shares into his account so mine are just gone.
When I called them, I had no idea it was my son who had done this. I simply said where did the stock go because I had taken no action. They said I transferred the stock out on Aug 17. I said I did not transfer anything and the guy said to me you transferred it to (and gave me my son”s name). Again I said no I did not.
When I said that, they immediately put a lock on the account and now no one will talk to me because there is “legal action pending” on the account.
I am ticked off about this one because of my son but two because it will still in process of being tranferred from joint acct to my single name account.
I agree it is fraud and I am almost glad it is not going to be my choice because it is just causing me so much struggle inside and I figure he thinks I would not press charges but because he did it the way he did, I am not going to have to do a thing, they are going to go after him and his momma is not going to be able to do a thing.
I do agree, this is just BAD, very BAD. But I think it has been going on for some time. I think he has just been picking and choosing his fathers account and taking little at a time and his father never new.
His father purposely did not change the beneficiary. I left him in 1988 and in 1996 he sat up an account for an IRA and I was beneficiary. That really floored me.
His father never even used a computer, never wanted one. When his dad went in hospital when he was living with him and going to college, he had Larry pay his bills and I think that is how it started.
Anyway, my youngest son and I talked about it and he said give him a heads up. So I did. I sent him and his wife and email and said either transfer the shares back into the account or send me a certified check for the 12,000 dollars. She does not believe it and he told me I was dead to him. End of story. I figured if he did not that and give me the money back, I could then say, yes I transferred the stock to him.
So, it is just a matter of time and it is out of my hands. This is not going to have a good ending but I can not do anything about it.
Gold Bangles:
Is the brokerage firm going to prosecute (go after him for fraud)? I hope so because this is truly THERE error to not verify that they had the correct information prior to releasing the funds.
In addition, the check would have been made out in YOUR name which means your son cashed a check that was payable to you. Wow…
I know this one has got to hurt..please keep us updated regarding how things are moving forward.
In addition, have you spoken to an attorney? An attorney can send a letter to your sons bank requesting his assets be frozen so he doesn’t get a chance to spend the money.