I read a post in Vn almost deriding people that have a little cushion to spend on themselves. I understand many people are in dire straights. But I refuse to feel guilty, because I have worked hard, as has my husband everyday of our lives, and now at 55, and 58 respectively, we can afford to do things. Things like go back to school, take a camping trip, and give a nice wedding to our son. I really hate that us vs them mentality. Over the years I have always helped people who have had financial problems, often lending them money, which they never paid back. Don’t hate us because we happen to have financial security. We didn’t have it handed to us we worked everyday at it. I refuse to feel guilty because of it.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
I recently asked my counselor why I feel so guilty about having so many wonderful things and a rewarding life when there are so many that are desperate and in poverty. He said that I should see my life as being blessed by the grace of God. I am now trying to focus on exactly what you have written. I worked hard all of my life and denied myself so much. Now I am blessed.
MB, The word says “the poor will always be with you” Mark 14:7. Now if Oprah give all her money alway she be just as poor as the rest. We are suppose to help where we can. No one is to feel bad, cause they did well in finances and planning. Careful comparing ourselves with others. I know people who have worked all their adult lives and not saved one penny, their choice!
Enjoy what you worked for…TRACK
Good point, TRACK. Life is not fair. Period. ‘Well off’ to me includes a lot more than money. We all know folks that have material goods, but are far from ‘well off’.
Matriarch, Indeed you shouldn’t! We work and save, and didn’t always go on vacations, but now our ship is in. Enjoy your retirement until the end, good for you…TRACK
Matriarch: I DON’T HATE you – I ENVY you your good fortune. Unfortunately, most people in your position have a very smug attitude when it comes down to us vs. them. Some even think because they are fortunate they are better than those who are not – not realizing that God has blessed them in some ways and those less fortunate in others – and those blessings can be taken away just as easily as He gave them. They look their noses down on us and make us feel small. Congratualtions on being able to give your son the wedding he deserves. I hope you enjoyed and wish you well. Enjoy your life – and DON’T FEEL QUILTY!!! You are Blessed and if God didn’t want you to have it you most certainly wouldn’t – regardless of how hard you worked for it.
It doesn’t matter how many worldly possessions we have there will always be people with more and people with less.
But each and every one of us has only one body, one mind and one soul.
I believe that we can all be blessed by God , no matter how much or little we have. Don’t feel guilty, your choices throughout your life have brought you to this point. Many that have also done as you have do not end up in the same place. And those who have less are blessed also to be where they are if their heart is also in the right place and can have “the peace that passeth understanding” and they know that they have done the best they could…. enjoy….
I guess everyone else’s comments have summed up mine. No need to feel guilty, for what?
I think many people have worked very hard all their lives, maybe they saved or maybe they couldn’t. Maybe whatever they earned just wasn’t enough. We need to treat each other with respect and dignity, help when you can, or if you can. (Track said that)
Money can be a burden, whether you have it or not, might sound weird.
I guess, what I believe is in the end it won’t matter how much we have or how much we haven’t, but how we have acted.
To Matriarch: I guess technically I’m a “have” rather than a “have not”, but we’ve budgeted carefully our whole lives, we’ve always squirreled money away so we could enjoy our retired years – and it’s never occurred to me to feel guilty for that. We take 2 nice vacations every year, something we could never do if I didn’t pinch pennies ruthlessly the whole rest of the year.
Persimian mentioned people who are smug about their money/station in life. YEP – those people definitely exist. I just had my 40th class reunion last night and we had 2 braggers there who take great pleasure in being obnoxious about how awesome their lives are to the point of making others nauseous. I have no use for people like that, so I just quietly walk away. Not interested, sorry!
I figure we’re lucky that my husband was able to keep the same job for 40 years and has a good pension because of it. In this day and age that most definitely makes me feel VERY lucky – but no way will I ever feel guilty for it. I give 10% to charity and I’ve had some pretty devastating stuff happen health-wise, so I most definitely deserve to enjoy my life while I still have it.
No-one here has ever made me feel guilty, but obviously I must not have read the post you refer to. It’s hard to say – I’d refuse to feel guilty anyway, though, because that would be absolutely pointless and do no-one any good.
Why ever would you feel guilty about any aspect of your personal life? Financially you are in the majority here, though some are temporarily experiencing financial distress. Am I reading something between the lines that isn’t actually there? Are you alluding to the imaginary “Socialist” boogeyman who’s hiding under the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom?
I don’t understand the genesis of this thread. Who here expressed hatred towards you? Link, please.
Be Happy.
Not trying to fan any flames here but by way of explanation only. There was a thread (Reinvention) where several VN’ers who are having difficulties in finding a job and/or this economy had a vent and in that vent mentioned some opinions/issues. I had participated on the thread so was following new posts. I took those issues mentioned to be coming from extreme frustration and desperation and the feeling of being alone, isolation. I did not take them to heart, we all lash out when having those feelings. Or if we don’t, we want to. But, I can also see if one is not understanding the context of the thread or maybe just the history of the posters, those comments could be perceived as they were with the OP.
I have a friend who is unemployed and long term. In my relationship with her, I have come to understand a great deal of those frustrations. But, on the other side of the coin, I have found I can not discuss anything with her. If I get my hair cut, then I hear how she hasn’t had hers cut for X amount of months, etc. So, I am down to listening or reading her vents, commenting on the weather, or my sleep or lack of sleep, etc. but nothing of substance for me. For those in the dire straights, it is tough to have regular conversations but it is for us not in them to as well. I think that was all there was to this thread. And those VN’ers need to have a safe haven to discuss just as everyone else here does with favorite restaurants in Italy to whatever. Personally, I just move on.
Thank you so much for the explanation, JEM. I will search that thread and read there.
Matriarch: Now that JEM has kindly told me the reasoning behind your thread so that I now understand your point of reference, please accept my apology for my baseless political swipe. In the future when citing a previous discussion, it might be helpful to your readers to provide a link to that thread.
I am truly sorry for the misunderstanding and for offending you without cause.
Be happy.
Yak, you are right I should have provided a link, I will next time. You didn’t offend and I value your input. You sound like a real gentle soul, and an awesome lady.
I have been in that same situation, where I had to keep things superficial conversation wise or it would end up like you described, and I would feel bad because they were unable to do what I do, like your example get my hair professionally cut. With those kinds of situations I just listen to them as well, and look at it as a theraputic relationship for them, not a mutual friendship where I could talk freely as well. It’s nice to know I am not alone in this.
I think we all know that there are people who are quite poor, financially, and very rich in love and with meaningful lives. Millionaires commit suicide every day. Somebody probably envied them their money!
So, those of us who have ended up with the ‘good life’, from hard work or ‘whatever’ (inheritance) can express our humble gratitude. We do what we can for the less fortunate and continue to count our blessings.
My husband and I are taxed, in huge amounts, every year! Those of us who are ‘earners’ keep this country going! We ‘pay’ dearly for our comforts! So, no guilt, but lot of gratitude!
Hi matriarch:
I wish you the very best and want to respond to this thread but a slightly different angle that has developed.
People say: I worked hard all my life, and saved and now I am financially secure. Great!
What really stands out for me is that some people work hard all their lives, live good lives and and end up with nothing. Not because they didn’t work hard, every day of their lives! So when I hear people say, well I worked hard all my life, I think that is great, but so do many others.
The other thing that really really annoys me personally is this: I worked hard all my life, and God has blessed me!
What I hear, and what I read is: I worked hard all my life and God has blessed me so I believe that if you don’t have financial security then somehow you are not worthy of Gods blessing.
So why can’t you just leave God out of it?
I agree with you NanaC,
God blesses some, and not others? Some are well off because God blessed them, he chose not to bless others. I don’t get this.
I will NOT leave God out of my life or conversations just because someone reads my words wrong. I have worked hard all of my life, but I never equate financial security with working hard. I live in the middle of a major oil area and know all too well how quickly one’s financial well-being can crash to the ground from an “iffy” financial base. Fortunes rise and fall with the price of oil. I am blessed because I realize how fortunate I am to have a little bit of financial security in the midst of chaos. I would NEVER imply that anyone is not worthy of God’s blessing simply because they have less money. Blessings come in many forms. I have reviewed my life and willingly acknowledge that, comparing my life now with what I’ve lived through, I am indeed blessed.
It did sound that way in your original post tho’
You are correct, that’s why I came back to clarify. I feel that me, myself, and I am blessed by God to have what I have. What is so wrong with expressing gratitude to God and not the bank down the street? Even if I had not worked hard for what I have I could still appreciate and express gratitude to our maker for my life. I had no intention of criticizing anyone else for their situations or beliefs. However, I feel that I was slammed simply because I posted my own gratitude to God.
I don’t think anyone has an issue with your gratitude, it just sounded like those who aren’t feeling successful are’t blessed…you clarified just fine….it is just difficult when communication is done in a box on the internet.
Yes you are. We all get blessings from God. If you were able to get out of bed this morning, that is a blessing. Sounds like you life an attitude of gratitude, and that’s a good thing.
Yep, read “The Book of Job!” GOD blesses those who have little also “Widows Mite”…TRACK
Track, I understand “Widows Mite” more than you can know. I have enough to pay my bills each month and a small amount extra to help others if needed. That is only because I continue to work for a paycheck. For my ability to continue to work…I feel that I am blessed.
I have seen what you described, people working hard all their lives and end up with nothing. I don’t know why it happens to some, to others it’s their choices. I guess when I say I worked hard all my life, and saved and now I am financially secure, it’s a statement of what is going on with me…not an indictment of what anyone else is doing. Kind of like the statement, I am having ice cream for dinner.
I have always said, “If you have it, can afford it, then do it.” I do with what I have, and can’t afford to do vacations, or many shopping sprees, but if someone else can do these things, then I am happy for them…..
So I say…Go forth and spend, have fun, and do what you want!!!!!!!
The thread you are discussing is mostly a thread about people feeling overwhelmed with their situation. Part of the nature of VN is the freedom and ability and vehicle to vent those feelings of being overwhelmed and reaching out a hand to hold and know that someone out there understands what you are going through.
I have just started reading a book called The Shape of Living….one of the steps to aleviating the feeling of being overwhelmed is to say it and name it, describe it….I look at the ability to do this on VN a gift….for in having the gift of being able to give our feelings a name helps us to find a perspective in which we can start coming to terms with our situation….by talking about it—to ourselves and to others. As soon as we describe something we get a glimpse of how common a situation may be and that maybe we are not as isolated as we think….in talking about it, we are linking to other people who let us know what we are going through is a very human condition, it can free us from guilt regarding our situation, and frees us from isolation and the potential for despair…..
No one was attacking you personally as you took it…We are just trying to help each other…..
“We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another”…Luciano de Crescenzo
…how common a situation might be….that’s exactly it. Thank you Sunblossom, then we can start to move forward from it.
understanding….just understand
Guilt is something that should be saved for a crime or a wrong doing …you have worked hard and saved that is no crime and you have applied the verse Go to the ant thy sluggard..you have been a good ant…although thee are other good ants who end up without .The journey we each have to travel is our on..and each should be happy for what ever we have.. and not envy or desire other’s things to want for what you desire as any human being should have is normal.
The one thing we all know and will share equally that is” death” or the passing over and we take nothing with us so one funny way to look at life with few things …less to leave behind (lol) and nobody will have to make a decision which moving van they will use for this exit. so let’s be happy have or have not.