My husband seems like all he’s interested in is money. He wants to go to mediation, because he won’t agree to anything I want. His lawyer suggested it. All he ever says is he wants an uncontested divorce so he can save money. He also lost his job so I don’t know how we can agree on anything because after 35 years of marriage splitting everything and he thinks just getting half of his retirement is supposed to be the answer. I am sick of thinking about this. I just don’t want to get screwed. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Heartbroken – get a lawyer. Of course, he wants to save money, but you don’t want to get screwed. You need somebody to guide you through this besides your husband. Good luck.
Get a lawyer after 37 years of marriage, he wanted to sit down and decide how to spilt things up ! Everyone told me to get a lawyer and I did hes mad about that hit him in his wallet because now he had to get one.
My lawyer told me even if we did get a mediator we would end getting a lawyer and it would cost more ! Let someone else help you out, I was told I couldn’t trust him in the marriage how was I going to trust him spilting eveything else. and I’m heart broken too !!
It’s very hard and very sad. I was married 28 years and my ex changed from somebody who I thought was very honest into a vindictive, money grubber.
I’m sorry you have to go through this, but you need to protect yourself first and forget about being the nice one. I’m not saying to rake him over the coals, but you need to get at least half of all the assets. And make sure you have a lawyer you can trust, too.
Well…what is it with the marriages when they hit 30 years??? Mine wanted a divorce..”no chance for reconcilation” out of the blue. Yes..get a lawyer. Mine wanted to do it the “easy” way too…mediation. He was ok with letting me have 50/50…what I didn’t know..was what he had been socking back for the last couple years he’d been planning this. Found out a lot thru having a lawyer. Now he’s with his “soulmate”…..didn’t take long for her to come out of the woodwork. So I ended up with 66% of his retirement and it isn’t buying me happiness and keeping me from being lonely just yet…..but..for 30 years..I deserve it. Hopefully one of these days I’ll find my “soulmate” and we can enjoy some of his 66%!!! Good luck. Wish we could all get together for a nice evening of chatting and a glass of wine to discuss these “EX’S!!”
Absolutely get a lawyer. Mediation doesn’t mean you do this without representation. It just means you try to agree on something rather than have a judge decide for you. When I was going through my divorce (after recently losing my father who was a financial adviser) I had the benefit of some wonderful support people. One of whom was my father’s business partner (he himself was very ill and died a few months later. One of his last acts was to help me). Howard said to me – “Just remember, in a good settlement nobody is totally happy – you both give a little and you both get a little.” Perhaps he was right because neither of us was happy, but it was probably a decent solution to an indecent situation.
Thank you all for your input. So much good advice. I keep wondering if he has someone else, I don’t think he’s stashing any money because I did the books and saw where all of his money went. I know he might have a little stash some where.
I know I won’t get everything I want, which is what I mostly want is for him to be as miserable as me.
If only I wouldn’t have trusted him so implicitly. Trust is going to be very difficult for me from now on. I’ve learned a valuable lesson, look out for yourself at all times.
Thanks so much.
I had to laugh when I read what you said ” what I mostly want is for him to be as miserable as me.” My sentiments exactly to my EX. I was very trusting..would have taken a bet of anything that he loved me unconditionally. Boy was I wrong. I did not realize in the beginning that an old “friend” of his had become his new “soulmate”. We’re in TX, she was back in OHio. BUT..she’s now HERE with HIM. If I sound bitter, I’m sorry, but..I am. I feel like I was stabbed in the heart and I”m sure there are others on here that feel that same sentiment. So yes..I also want mine to be as miserable as he’s made me. I know noone can make you miserable unless you let them..but..at 61 its hard to pick up the pieces and dust yourself off and be all happy…………………….A L O N E.
Our stories sound so similar. It does feel like he yanked out my heart and stepped on it. It’s been a year since he left and time does take some of the hurt, but all I do is rehash everything in my mind.
My therapist said You won’t ever know what he’s thinking. So don’t let him get in your head. That is so hard to do when you built your life around someone who only 3 weeks prior to him leaving sat in the living room and told me he loved me. I think the thing that hurts most is how he had to have been lying to me. That I can’t get over, I always asked all my friends and family to never lie to me tell me the truth no matter how hard it was. I hope TXNANA you will get stronger with the experience I know I’m trying to and I think I will. Thanks so much.
I would love to talk to you in person.