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Divorce at 55

I am scared witless. I find myself getting my second divorce at 55. I am absolutely terrified. And lost. And the crazy thing is…I initiated it. I am even more terrified of staying in a marriage where I can’t find myself. No communication, little common ground – and that is tenuous and thin – no affection (and no desire for affection) – no sense of “this person considers me first.” And frankly he could probably say the same things about me. So why hold on? Loneliness with someone else in the room? Or peace. We just separated. I need advice.

Divorce After 50: How to Save Yourself and Lose Him
6 keys to help you survive (even thrive) when a long-term marriage ends

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Posted in family & relationships, work & money.

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7 Responses

  1. ThurmanLady ThurmanLady says

    From someone who got their second divorce at 52, all I can say is “what took me so long!”  (You can check out some of my story on my post Happy “Anniversary” to me!)
     
    Advice?  Take time to reconnect with who you are and what you want.  Don’t rush to fill any voids with anything other than things you love to do.  Take time to figure out where things went “wrong” and try to fix any part of you that would lead you down the same path you just got off from.  Take time to do those things you love but have put off and now have time for.  If you feel you need it, get a good counselor to help you meander through your life.  Most of all, get up every day realizing how wonderful it is to be free and to be you. ♥

    2 like

  2. suzydu suzydu says

    Tl, just read your anniversary link – you are truly inspirational!  Do you think that surviving your new environment helped empower you to move on, have confidence and visiion?  Seems so,  Sometimes we just don’t know how strong we really are and I truly believe all women are strong – whether they know it or not.

    Vicky, heed TL’s advice, she is very wise.  What exactly are you terrified of?  It might help to identify/write down every single thing (big or small) that causes you fear.  This should help you focus and probably find out that many of your fears are perfectly normal, survivable and give yourself some direction by focusing on them one at a time.  Easy ones first, of course.  This should help prevent that horrible sense of free floating anxiety and keep things in perspective.  I think you are very brave to identify a unfullfilling marriage and have the guts to get out of it even if the thought of being single is terrigying for you.  Agree with TL. if you get or remain paralyzed by fear, get some help.  Another set of eyes realy can help cut through our self-defeating irrational thoughts/fears.

    I’m still struggling with the end of a long marriage but it truly gets better!  I promise!

    1 like

  3. Vicky1956 Vicky1956 says

    I am taking baby steps. Gave him a timeline to get everything out. I’ve tried to give him some time to get himself together. I haven’t taken him off insurance yet. Haven’t had locks changed. But he’s oh so angry with me.

    But I’m so ready to have this over with. I’m terrified that I won’t have enough money. I had started paying off all the bills I owed – many of them are things he put on our mortgage – which I will pay. I had a plan so I could get out of debt in about a year and a half. That’s going to take longer now. I’m just scared I can’t make it on my own. But I’m determined. But free floating describes exactly how I feel.

    I’m waiting to feel better…

    1 like

    • ThurmanLady ThurmanLady says

      You will feel better; some things do take time; debts take time, feelings take time and seeing that you’re fine on your own may take a bit of time, too.  As long as you aren’t in any kind of danger from him, baby steps are probably easier.  You’ll know when it’s time to get to the locks.
       
      We are here any time you need us! ♥

      1 like

  4. Generic Image Sapphire Blue says

    I  am in the same position. I initiated and I left. I got my own insurance on the car because he cut me off. He kept telling me he was giving me things to show he loved me, that’s not love. There was no security. He quit paying the mortgage! Our entire relationship was a battle of who did what, always a competition.  Right now I am job searching, I can’t find one and that’s the scariest right now. But, I must say, I feel a tremendous burden lifted off of me already as I move forward.  Thirty years of leaving and returning had to end and I will come out stronger. I raised the children, gave him my younger years and should feel, no, be better than at the start. I deserve that.

    2 like

  5. Generic Image freeatlast says

    Vicky1956,

    I too am a member of the club.  I am 3 years out now, still going through the divorce process and I agree so much that it does get better!  I still worry about my future, but you know what?  I worried MORE about my future when we were together.  What future do you have with someone when for whatever reason the relationship just isn’t giving you what you need anymore. Leaving a long term marriage is BIG change, and that’s scary.  What has helped me the most is maintaining my own rituals and daily practices.  I not only left my husband, I left my city and my job.  Try to keep one foot in “normal” as much as you can.  Other than that…as it’s been said, baby steps, one day at a time and before you know it you look back and can’t believe you survived..but survive you did!  Once you are completely and 100% positive that you have succeeded at survival, it’s time for the next phase…thriving!  At 55, at any age, you can choose to be vibrant and attractive and fully engaged in your own destiny.  Sapphire Blue is right, you will come out stronger.  I feel for you and what you are going through, hang in there!

    0 like

  6. Generic Image Owl says

    I am going through the exact same thing. terrified, yet I’m the one (working up to it. Same issues too. I’m really worried about money and about being alone, but I feel like I’ve been dying in my marriage.

    1 like

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