Women 50+ Know: How to get unstuck

Hot Conversation

1. Meditate.
From Maggie De Vore in Feeling trapped
“I like to deal with basics first. Are you eating well? Sleeping? Exercising? Then, how about trying meditation? Meditation may only mean finding a piece of music – gentle and soothing – sitting quietly listening for the length of the piece. Try it, it works. Find something that stirs passion in you which can then developed into passion outside of you. It would be OK if you fall asleep. You may need that, and in time you will stay awake and drift into wonderful places in the past or daydreams of a wonderful future. I am so very convinced that had I not started meditation just three years before my husband died, it might have taken me much much longer to recover the shock, shake myself firmly and make new plans.”

2. Tackle the little things.
From Hautblossom in Feeling trapped
“One thing that has always helped me is to make a list of the little things that are weighing on me and making me feel trapped. For example, my closets are a mess, my dogs have fleas (seriously!), my garden desperately needs weeding, I haven’t answered Aunt Sue’s letter, I haven’t read my book-club book, the cat-boxes stink, and other such things. Then I tackle those. They’re such small things, but getting them under control help me so much! Not only do I feel less paralyzed, but my world feels better. Organized closets! Happy flea-free dogs! A pretty garden! No cat pee! Those are concrete improvements in my environment. As I clear out the small, immediate things I have more mental space and serenity to look at the bigger things.”

3. Let go of stuff.
From Julie Morgenstern in Shed your stuff, change your life
“[My business] hit a plateau and couldn’t seem to grow any further. Around this time I noticed all the theater books I had been carrying around for years. So I pulled them out and got rid of everything but my favorites, about ten percent of the total. Within months, my business doubled in revenue. I realized that I had been keeping one foot in my old life and one foot in my new life. When I released the trappings of my theater life, I was finally able to be all four paws in my new business, and that’s when it really took off. The trappings of the past are like hand brakes, keeping us from embracing change as an opportunity for growth and from really discovering our true selves.”

4. Start a journal of goals.
From Lisa S in 5 reasons you might feel stuck and 5 ways to jar yourself loose
“Something that has helped me get unstuck is a journal. A journal of goals. When I turned 50 last year, I started my 5-year-plan. It includes everything from what I drive to where I will live to what job I want. It even includes education – mostly single courses I can take at the Free University here. I reevaluate it every few weeks to update what I have accomplished.”

5. Become accountable to someone you trust.
From Barbara Winter in 5 reasons you might feel stuck and 5 ways to jar yourself loose
“Often what we really need to move on can be provided by another person who is familiar with our situation. Seek advice from someone you trust, someone who doesn’t have your emotional attachment to the problem. Of course, when we seek such help, it’s our obligation to listen, not argue for our limitations.”

6. All it takes is one step out the door.
From Tamara in Feeling trapped
“Start off with some baby steps. Take a long weekend to yourself and get away. Explore a new city, join a writing workshop or some kind of class that enables you to get in touch with your creative side. A few years ago, I signed up for a pottery class. I was easily the worst student in the class, but it was probably the most enjoyable class I’ve ever taken. There was just something about getting my hands into that clay. All it takes is one step out the door.”

7. Define your essential self.
From crystalli in What does living a meaningful life mean?
“There is a perception that constant change staves off mortality [but] as humans, we need both stability and stimulation. Find a middle ground that stimulates but doesn’t turn your life upside down. And a good place to start is to ask ‘Well, who am I?’ By answering ‘I Am’ you’ve peeled away the layers to describe the essence of yourself. When you can define, at your gut level, leaving out the “shoulds” and “should nots” what your aversions are and what makes your heart sing, then you’re in a better position to know what actions you might take to bring about changes.”

From Storytaker in Feeling trapped
“Decide what kind of you you want to be and then start working on becoming that you. That includes what kind of wife, sister, friend, mother, employee, stranger, self – and if you believe in God, what kind of believer you want to be. It’s a journey to contentment in any situation.”

8. Live your passion.
From CarolMarlene in Feeling trapped
“Accept what you cannot at the moment change. Change what you can: you. We change all the time so therefore our passions change as well. When I was at the end and felt like I would literally fall apart…I started writing. I wrote day and night. It made me feel powerful and in control of my life because I was doing something I had great passion for. I was creating. And it made the other things in my life more tolerable because I knew the writing awaited and when I was there, writing, I was free to be me. The things you cannot at the moment change about your life are easier to bear because in your passion you have found freedom, contentment, hope and power.”

9. Do one thing that challenges you.
From Rea in What does living a meaningful life mean?
“Choose one thing that you’ve never done before and plan it and do it in these next few months to get yourself unstuck. Just one thing. Tango lessons, tattoo, or diving certification. Doesn’t really matter as long as it challenges you.”

10. Fight procrastination by telling yourself: “I have less than 500 weekends left.”
From Tawnya in Feeling trapped
“I left my husband at home and took my two pugs to PA for three weeks. I want that hot tub even though it’s $9,000. I don’t care if I’m unable to get in it 10 years from now. I want to take a trip to TX and see if we really want to take a chance on a move to Abilene when we fully retire. And I’m going to swim with the dolphins on the way even if my husband sits in the car. I have less than 500 weekends left so I better get myself busy and do something to talk about when I’m sitting in a rocker at the old folks home!”

From Sarah Gayle Carter in No infinite string of tomorrows
“Part of youth [is] the sense that we’re going to live forever. We start out with so much energy, and we pour it into working, working, working towards this life that we believe is out there somewhere. Then, as we approach the end of this journey, we’re finally allowed to ask ourselves what we really want, and why. It’s ass backwards. It’s not that I suddenly thought I was about to die or that my life was over – but I did all of a sudden see that there is no infinite string of tomorrows. With it comes the realization that we need to make very conscious choices with the time that’s left. I want to work on my whole life this way, thoughtfully and deliberately. ”

11. You have to go through it to get to it.
From pambarge in Has anyone hit the wall so to speak as in a midlife crisis?
“My husband left me when I was 55. I lay in a fetal position on the bathroom floor for a week or so, then slowly uncurled, got to my knees, took a shower, ate something, started working out, got some cosmetic surgery, bought some pretty new clothes, started dating. Two years later I was remarried, sold a business, got my counseling license reinstated after a twenty year hiatus, started a private practice, got into mindfulness and considering life as a pilgrimage, and created a circle of like minded women. I now have a life I could not even have imagined back in the day. You have to go through ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ is) to get to it. There are no shortcuts. I’m now 62 and am happier, have more zest and passion in my life than I ever have. Life is so, so good – but for it to be this way, you have to engage in life. Jump in with clear-sighted focus, attention and intention! Get a a good therapist or a good personal life coach if you need some help.”

12. Consult a coach.
From Sarah Gayle Carter in I want to reinvent my life
“For about six months after my last big furniture deal fell through, I was in shock, paralyzed. Finally I thought, “Okay, what am I going to do?” Someone I knew suggested I hire a business coach, so I went to this woman and I described the collapse of my life’s work. She said to me, ‘Don’t tell me what you can’t do because you don’t have enough money. Tell me what you want your life to look like.’ It almost seemed like a joke question. How could what I wanted possibly make any difference? So without really taking the question too seriously, I answered without thinking: ‘I want a house in the mountains with a studio and I want to paint.’”

13. Serve others.
From spiritalk in What does
living a meaningful life mean?
“Our grandmothers didn’t sit home and do nothing. They found others who were housebound and went on visits and drank gallons of tea. I think the art of serving others has been lost in today’s satisfaction of self. If you don’t know what you need, volunteer in a nursing home or hospital and see others who have little to no choices. Yours will come.”

14. Stay with the free fall.
From Suzanne Braun Levine in The fertile void: The female midlife crisis
“For most of us, the hardest thing to do is to be patient and give ourselves the time we need to stay with this free fall. People will get impatient and say, “What’s the matter with you? Why don’t you figure out what you want to do? Why don’t you get on with it? Why don’t you retire? Why don’t you get a job?” Often we’re impatient with ourselves too. But within all the confusion is this awakening to caring about what you think, saying no to what you don’t want to do with the rest of your life, and beginning to say yes to what you do want to do. The more we push against this irrational state of mind with rational solutions, the longer it takes. Realistically, it can be a year or two before you realize that you’ve got your feet on the ground.”

From watermusic in What does living a meaningful life mean?
“This restless, unsteady and determined state is interesting. I wonder what it will bring. I know it is spiritual, it is my inner being urging me forward in at a time when I thought ‘I’ was finished growing. This feels like a transition, to where and what I don’t know. I’m at peace with not knowing, with trusting the unfolding of my life. I’m trying to set a place for magic in my life and stay out of the way of my own best good.”

15. Be loving and kind to yourself.
From pambarge in Has anyone hit the wall so to speak as in a midlife crisis?
“That free fall in a black void is pretty scary. Looking back on my time there, I think the period was a time of healing. It really is a rebirth…pain and awakening. Practice your zen. Rest in it. Be loving and kind to yourself. Buy yourself a flower, take a warm bubble bath, write yourself a love note. Remember you are lovely, precious and awesomely unique.”

16. Ride the bull.
From Dynamomma in Feeling trapped
“A therapist friend of mine helped me to understand where I was in my life by talking about a bullfight. She said at some point in our lives we are content to just watch the bullfight. It’s exciting, we can root for the bull fighter and boo the bull. We jump up and scream and holler and almost wait for the moment that we can jump in the ring to really get involved in the excitement. So for a while we flirt with jumping in the arena and then back in the stands as a spectator. Time passes and we are no longer happy with being the spectator, being in the arena with the bull fighter is almost too much. My friend said to me, ‘Dynamomma, it’s time you got in the ring and grabbed the bull by the horns, hopped on its back and rode the bull.’ You are everything you need to be, you have all the abilities you need to ride the bull. It’s time, you are ready. There’s nothing wrong with you, nothing lacking. So take control…ride the bull.”