After reading an article titled 30 Things Every Woman Should Know and Do by 30, watermusic and a few other VN members started a similar list for women in their fifties. What would you add to the list?
From Watermusic
1. “Be able to make at least one incredible meal.
2. Have one OMG-you-are-so hot outfit and wear it regularly.
From Dallas Lady
3. “Vacation alone…..and enjoy it.”
From Hawk Lady
4. “Lose the fear of being alone.”
From Vicky1956
5. Surround yourself with funny women who can drop a curse word occasionally, dance with abandon, and do a shot…and keep that all to themselves when they get back from the conference.
6. Wear a swim suit on the beach and NOT CARE. After 15 minutes you realize someone has on a white thong and a tanning bed tan and is fatter and happier than you…so who cares!
From Shannon Ingram
7. Know when you have collected too much stuff and recycle at least some of it. With me, it’s definitely refrigerator magnets.
8. Accept your own tastes. If you prefer white kitchen appliances to stainless steel, them proudly show them off.
9. Know about comfy shoes as a great alternative to 4 or five-inch stilettos. Wear those comfy flats with attitude!
From jbwritergirl
10. Throw out everything you don’t need, want, use, love.
11. Try something new, something that scares you.
12. Start to see yourself in a whole new light.
13. Become what you dreamed of becoming. Stop being afraid and go for it!
From Guilded Lilly
14. Allow yourself to be your favorite person.
15. Be kind to your favorite person.
From Sharon Greenthal
16. Know that other people’s opinions mean nothing. Except for those you truly respect. Be true to yourself.
[These comments were originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
What would you add to this list?
To all those Vibrant Women who have, like me, left abusive relationships - whether verbal, emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical, financial, social...or all of the above! - I say congratulations to us!
When I read this post, I think to mys
HI, Annamarie,
Thanks for joining in. Whether co-renting or co-owning, getting a compatible mix of people, and ensuring financial and personal security, are certainly number one.
There are so many intentional community and shared housing models o
I hate being alone and would hate going on a vacation alone; that will never change…however I continue to live my life with joie de vivre, living on the edge!!
Learn how to forgive everyone and everything, including your parents, your ex and yourself.
Realize sometimes the best thing you can do is to say nothing and breathe.
If something isn’t working for you, accept it for what it is and either fix it, learn to live with it or let it go.
Make friends with yourself (including your body) because like it or not you’re together for life.
Find something you love doing that you can do alone and makes you feel good.
Be comfy seen without makeup.
Let go and allow others to take care of you once in awhile.
Accept a compliment with a simple “thank you.”
Realize lovers aren’t renovation projects.
Look for ways to do good — every day. This is even more fun if you do it anonymously.
Stop searching for gurus for the answers and listen to your heart, your intuition and your brain because you’re a big girl now and this is your life.
For available women, have a fling with a younger man!!!!
I kept saying he is too young 48 to my 60 but when I decided it didn’t matter it was the best fun I had in a long while. He likes me for who I am, nothing more nothing less. Yea for the younger man
Stand at the top of some cool places: Pike’s Peak, the Eiffel Tower, the Empire State Building, the lighthouse on Bald Head Island. Take in the view and marvel.
Go to a foreign country, even if is just Canada and experience and be open to the similarities and differences!
Spend money on yourself whether it’s a day at the spa, a new pair of shoes or a tube of lipstick and don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t wait for a gift card.
Step out of your comfort zone at least once a month, so you don’t fall into a rut. Even if it’s a tiny step like having lunch by yourself at a new restaurant.
Don’t say no to a fling. Safely and discreetly, of course, but it can do wonders for jumpstarting your soul.
Amethyst, I love your stop searching for gurus. This is a thing with me as I’m a thinker, searcher. I can’t seem to turn off my brain as I want the answers to everything. I know that’s not possible. But I love reading opinions and ideas.I I’m always looking for something that makes sense to me. My biggest thing is justice. The inequities of the world. and I know it’s not my job to figure it all out. Just gotta convince my heart of that.
Hi Linda,
Thank you for your heartfelt response. You mention your concern about justice and I can very much relate to where you’re coming from. It’s gotten so that reading the paper is becoming an increasingly difficult thing for me to do. I can feel my stomach tighten, the effects on my energy as I read because I feel helpless in my inability to help all the innocents (both animals and people) who are being abused.
So, in my little corner of the world I try to make a positive difference, even if in only very small ways like opening the door for someone, smiling and saying hello to a neighbour, helping a lost or injured animal on the street. By the way, most animals love it if you stop and say hello and admire their beauty, the beauty that comes from within and that you can see in their soulful eyes. Funny thing is animals are much more gracious about accepting compliments. I have yet to compliment a dog or cat (or for that matter a squirrel or raccoon) and be met with “No, this old thing? I’ve been wearing this fur since forever!”
I’ve come to avoid using the word “spiritual” as it’s become over used and it seems to have pretty much lost it’s meaning. Having said that, the following are important to me: truth, loving kindness, compassion, respect, beauty, humour, having fun, being a good person and making a positive difference.
It’s more and more about “good enough.” Am I being a good enough person? Am I making a good enough effort? Are my relationships good enough? Is my life good enough?
Naturally everyone’s idea of “good enough” will be unique to who they are, how much effort they’re willing to make and what they’re willing to accept. A professional athlete or female actor will have different standards for their fitness level or appearance than someone who isn’t in the public eye. Some people wouldn’t be content with a cozy two-bedroom apartment and won’t settle for anything less than a mansion with a tennis court and indoor swimming pool, while others crave simplicity.
As a truth seeker I have learned the importance of being an open minded sceptic and of trying to be the best person I can be, creating the best possible outcome given whatever the day brings. And since I have no ambition of ever being a domestic diva or having a the face of a 20-year-old with a 22-inch waist at the tender age of 50 plus, that frees up my precious energy for more important stuff like reading a thought provoking book, watching a wonderful film, losing myself in my creative projects and hanging out with my two diva kitties.
Here are some links you might be interested in:
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/20/movies/vikram-gandhis-kumare-the-true-story-of-a-false-prophet.html
http://rickross.com/
All the best to you and may you have a day filled with much joy.
Very insightful. Thank you for your reply. Part of my problem with the inequities of life is I don’t feel deserving when there are so many people suffering. Not that I haven’t had my share. Haven’t we all? I have a tremendous sense of guilt. It’s all in the raising. I’m still trying to counter that at the age of 57. How does one go about releasing the guilt?. And its about things I have absolutely no control over also. Part of me knows that it is ridiculous. I see or hear things and I feel guilty because I may have food when someone else doesn’t. Just an example.
Hi Linda,
I’m amazed you persevered through my response. It became much longer than I expected and I didn’t have the energy to chop it down.
I can relate to what you wrote. Is it our generation? Is it because we’re women that we carry around so much guilt?
I was raised to “not be selfish.” The worst thing I could do was to be selfish, and my sister and I were expected to step back for our brother who was also the baby of the family. It was one set of expectations for him and another for my sister and me.
I was also raised to not be a bother and would end up feeling guilty if I needed anything (like a drive to a school event) with the all too frequent reminder that my mother was still a very young girl in Europe during WWII and while she went though so much, here I was this spoiled brat.
Now, despite the noise in my head, I’m trying to do my best.
While I’m not Christian, I find the serenity prayer helps me put things into perspective. I also try to stay in the moment and focus on finding solutions, things that I can do to make a positive difference despite my present limitations.
You sound like a compassionate, giving person. The world needs more people like you.
Take good care because you’re worth it.
I think we might be twins separated at birth. I was raised the exact same way. My younger brother was so coddled and given everything. Today he’s a non functioning member of society. We lost our dad and it was always about the poor boy who didn’t have a father and everyone over compensating. They sure created a monster. I was made to feel non deserving. And the selfish thing…omg yes. That’s why this path I’m trying to travel is so difficult because it seems selfish and self indulgent. You just don’t do stuff like that. Who do I think I am???? I’m working on it. I just talked with a friend who is helping me on this journey. She’s in such a good place since she’s embraced this way of life.
Hi Linda,
I can relate to what you wrote. Who knows, maybe we are twins!
Like everyone else on this planet, I was very much effected by my upbringing, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my parents did the best they could with what they knew and it’s up to me how I live the rest of my life. Having said that, I’m still very much a work in progress.
There’s a book I’m looking forward to reading called Dying to be me by Anita Moorjani. Anita had cancer and her family was told she had 36 hours left when she had her near death experience. From what I’ve read about her it seems she didn’t feel good about herself and was a very fearful person, but since her NDE she sees life very differently. Her message is about loving one’s self and living an authentic, joyful life.
Several days ago I started a thread on VN regarding Anita’s realization about love. Her message deeply resonated with me. Maybe it’s something that will feel right for you.
http://www.vibrantnation.com/other-topics/spirituality/how-loving-yourself-leads-to-more-love-for-others/
Take care!
I will never stop speaking up against injustice. I have been standin’ up and talkin back since childhood. The name of my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice).
I stood up (lliterally) to a whole church who voted me out of membership, with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words, “Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.)…because I had gotten a divorce (31 years of abuse) and let the x live in the house for awhile afterwards.
‘Be ashamed to die until you have done something for humanity, is one of my favorite quotes, and Elie Wiesel (one of my endorsements) said; “When good men do nothing evil prevails.”
Don’t think you can’t learn new things. You are a work in progress until you are dead. Don’t go into menopause overweight – decreased metabolism makes weight loss hard. Learn coping stradegies for memory loss. Ignore people who are age biased. Research nutritional aids that help to lose belly fat. Laugh when you “leak”. Worse things can happen.
Above all know that your life has great meaning. You are not just your own story. You are part of the history of human life. Your story has no beginning and no end. Your ancestors are part, your descendents are the rest of the story unwritten.
Practice smiling. It is magical. A smile is worth a thousand compliments to those who recieve it. Practice the awareness that blessings are not confined to the young – pay attention to the things that come your way and see them with an open mind.
Above all, appreciate each and every day you have because each day is a celebration of existence. It is not how long you live that matters, it is how you lived it. Mark Twain said “age is matter of mind – if you don’t mind, it does’nt matter”.
Learn to reflect on what life has taught you. Buddists say “no man is your friend, every man is your teacher”. Buy lots of Kleenex – sad tears water the soul and happy tears hydrate the heart. Peace and love to all.
What should we know? That there are no “shoulds.”
Take on a whole new creative endeavor every year to stretch your mind your eye hand coordination and your comfort zone!
Remember that while you may be slowing down physically or mentally, you can continue to grow in unlimited ways spiritually.
We are here to have fun…explore your passions.
We are here to make our world a better place…find ways to give back.
ALWAYS listen to your intuition, and act accordingly. It will never lead you astray, like your logical mind will.
Keep a small child in your life to share their wonder, excitement and unconditional love. “Adopt” a small child if you don’t have granchildren or the grandkids are grown.
You wrote my mantra. That’s lovely. Someone said I asked for a child and got a teacher. Smart cookie, you. You’ll probably never lose your amazement, joy and humility. Good for you. Love you.
Be yourself, it’s about time!
You cannot please everyone……please yourself instead.
Flirt if you feel like it, it does wonders for your ego!
Financial independence.
Tell your husband or partner to flurk off. It’s very exhiliarating.
Learn to say “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” I can’t believe how many people I know who still stumble on this one! Nobody’s perfect, and it’s very freeing to admit that I’m not either. Let alone that it sure wins friends!
to find a real gentleman who doesnt want his horn tooted
I gave everything away, sold everything. I had intentions of moving to Dominican Republic. Every week something come up. I was leaving this week, my son goes to jail for some old traffic stuff. I didn’t want to leave my daughter with his son, my son is a single parent. Now my son is out, now I pain developed in my right leg, went to the doctor he said it’s is a nerve. I can barely walk. Another week, gone. Every one thank I shouldn’t go without knowing someone, and what if I get sick like in pain now. I wonder if all this stuff folks saying is taking an affect on me. I am living with my younger daughter she have a one bedroom. She offer me her bed but I couldn’t take her bed she works. I was with my older daughter it’s hard for us to live together, I knew it wouldn’t work because my daughter offer I decided to try it. What is your opinion? Maybe I have fear, I have a friend of a friend who live there for about 10 years. He said he will help me find a place. I thought well I am a big girl have no husband he passed away 2010. My kids are grown, grand kids we raised are in college. My younger daughter want come with me to find place, but never mention when she have time off. She told me I can stay with her as long as I need. I am getting tired of the pull out. No longer do I want live Atlanta GA. I live 20 min outside Atlanta. I am confused. I know I am a big girl but sometimes we just need another opinion. Thanks
Listen always and dance, at least occasionally.
The hardest thing for a woman to do is to just ‘Let go’, Let go of all the people, places and things you care about. Yes, of course, love , but love yourself first. I think of it as a well. When you love yourself, you are filling up the well, so then you have something to give.
I can’t relate to the guilt post earlier, learned from parents that our own needs don’t matter, etc.
But, here’s something to think about:
Choose one thing you feel guilty about, express it, at length via a journal, or a dear friend, then find one step to do about it. Just one step in that direction, and begin to let go of the guilt, because you are making a difference.