Vibrant Nation

The Silver Pearl
Section 1: Preparing for the Future
You're Not Alone

The Silver Pearl's avatar Jimmy L. Smull, Ph.D. Carol Orsborn, Ph.D.You think you’re the only one who feels unprepared for the future. So, you present a brave front to outsiders lest they judge you to be inadequate.

Unbeknownst to you -- while you were figuring out how to pay for your children’s college educations, worrying about the rise and fall of the stock market, and rushing to stay abreast of the increasing needs of your aging parents -- our entire generation of women was doing the same things.

Here’s a plan. Call eight friends and invite them over to talk -- not about little complaints that are suitable for networking lunches, but a real, honest to God, let your hair down session where everybody’s saga is welcome and nobody is judged. Your savings aren’t where you think they should be, and the thought is dawning on you that you will need to work forever? The younger people at work are eyeing your job like a hungry pack of wolves? Your mother won’t use her hearing aid and you’ve got a sore throat from shouting? Whine, cry, laugh. Don’t set out to solve anything. You don’t need answers. What you -- what we all need -- right now is to know that we’re in this together and that together, we will somehow make it through.

What subjects come up when you truly let your hair down with your women friends?

Copyright © 2007 Jimmy Laura Smull, Ph.D., and Carol Orsborn, Ph.D.

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responses (8)

feisty2U's avatar feisty2U
feisty2U said to The Silver Pearl
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Thank you for this post. I think many women our age have a difficult time talking about these things. We are ashamed of not being where we thought we would be. We feel that if we had planned better, if we had done somethig better, then we would not be headed backwards in some way.

 

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to feisty2U
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Now, more than ever!

suzi's avatar suzi
suzi said to The Silver Pearl
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my relationships... with Zan (partner), Don (ex husband) and grown kids

wanting "more" than what I have; not materially, but psychically and spiritually.

Wanting to "do" something but afraid of the judgement

My ADD and its impairment on my life (especially true with friend Connie)

Bobby Nicholas Modinos's avatar Bobby Nic…
Bobby Nicholas Modinos said to The Silver Pearl
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ALL of my 'buddies' over 60 & me feel this ABSOLUTE LONELINESS for our "Blood Relatives" ie., grown children/ & grandchildrens' love/attention/little segment of time outa their busy lives...we have women friends..some men friends we do things with socially  but NOTHING eases the "pain/feelings of being unnescessary-uneeded" in our childrens'/grandchildrens' day to day lives....Smiles Bobby Nicholas Modinos: Raleigh, NC

p.s. Yeah--we DO write/we Calll and leave V/m's continously/ and we visit  WHEN WE'RE INVITED of course,lol!!!

wishin54's avatar wishin54
wishin54 said to The Silver Pearl
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At this time in my life, I don't have any women friends. I have spent all my time getting my kids through school and college (doing volunteer work along side other mothers is just surface relationships - no long term friendships), working to support the expenses, finishing my college degree to get a better job, and keeping my very self-centered husband happy. Groups of women my age are not very receptive to new people joining the group. I have found this communtiy to be very introverted. Ya, I know, do I want any cheese with that 'whine'.

Matriarch's avatar Matriarch
Matriarch said to wishin54
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I have found that too.  It's like in high school when the clicks were already formed, you were on the outside looking in.  I of course have gone back to school, and I guess that was my attempt to get out of the house and stop the loneliness of not having anymore children to raise, not having parents to take care of, and the boredom of a long term marriage that inevitably sets in.  But even there, at school,I feel quite alone.  So I guess I will have to keep groping to find a few good friends. I just wish there was a formula to this I could follow, because for others like my sister in law it seems so easy. 

SusieQ's avatar SusieQ
SusieQ said to The Silver Pearl
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Honesty....in response to questions about life experiences. And only if it is not embarrassing to oneself or others.

Matriarch's avatar Matriarch
Matriarch said to The Silver Pearl
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Well That sounds marvalous but I don't have 8 friends, I have no friends my age but my husband.  His viewpoint is from a man's viewpoint.  Luckily we talk alot, but I often feel unheard because of his different take on things and the fact he feels he has to solve anyting I mention.  Bless his soul, I love him. 

I had a friend my age, and we parted ways recently.  Noncompatable.  So my question is, where do you find these friends that are willing to let you vent, as you have suggested.  This kind of venting implys you are close, so you just couldn't join a club and expect this type of intimacy.  This site has helped because I don't feel like I am in these changes alone, there are other women in the world.  But intimacy among women our age is difficult if you didn't have a lot of friends from your youth.  At least it is for me.  Perhaps I'm alone in this don't know really.

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