Vibrant Nation

The Silver Pearl

The Silver Pearl's avatar Jimmy L. Smull, Ph.D. Carol Orsborn, Ph.D.Our generation of women is making the journey through midlife and beyond having faced success and setback, love and loss. In their book The Silver Pearl, co-authors Drs. Jimmy Laura Smull and Carol Orsborn share the wisdom we have gained along the way.

Vibrant Nation is pleased to present the online edition of The Silver Pearl and encourages you to join Jimmy and Carol in exploring the link between spirituality, meaning and success.
The Silver Pearl - Table of Contents

The Legend of the Silver Pearl

Copyright © 2007 Jimmy Laura Smull, Ph.D., and Carol Orsborn, Ph.D.

responses (41)

Jan Lavender's avatar Jan Laven…
Jan Lavender said to The Silver Pearl
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Your book sounds wonderful-I'm going to order it and probably share it with many friends. I have 3 adult children and it looks like what your wrote will really help me in "raising" them as adults. I just read a clip about how my kids and future grandkids don't have to live close to be close. You're right--email, cheap airfare, cell phones all help to keep us in touch.

On to The Silver Pearl--Jan Lavender, Texas

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to Jan Lavender
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Thanks so much for sharing your enthusiasm with us.  It means a lot!

Jimmy Laura Smull - The Silver Pearl's avatar Jimmy Lau…
Jimmy Laura Smull - The Silver Pearl said to Jan Lavender
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Jan Lavender:

 

I am gratified that you are enthusiastic about the research that Carol and I conducted to write this book.  As you will read in our book  everything we have talked about has happened in our lives also. So, we are happy to share our findings with others.

 

Jimmy Laura Smull, The Silver Pearl 

Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to The Silver Pearl
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I am so happy i found this site!  IT IS JUST WONDERFUL.  Thank to you all wonderful women we can discuss issues that are important to us.  The babyboomers.  My son thinks they are all that with rock music, he is dumbfounded when i simply tell him... WE INVENTED IT!  Guys, thanks a lot, i know i am going to have lots of fun here.  I already told a few friends.

1 member loves this!
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to Lynnette
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Yay!  Welcome Ley!  Rock on!!!

 

gypsyredheart's avatar gypsyredh…
gypsyredheart said to Lynnette
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I agree with you!  This is the best site for women of beautiful age to come together to share ideas, love, pain and happiness. 

 

1 member loves this!
Mary Dawn's avatar Mary Dawn
Mary Dawn said to Lynnette
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I agree, Ley.  Facebook left me empty, as we, as Babyboomers have so much to offer, but to those that want to hear it.  Unless you have been in our years, you have no idea what we are all about.  I too have shared this network with friends.

1 member loves this!
wishin54's avatar wishin54
wishin54 said to Lynnette
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Hi! I totally agree with Ley's comments! Uh oh - I sound like my youngest daughter when I use "totally" in my comments. Thank you for this sight VN! I am  a "widow" of a traveling husband. He is on the road all the time and I have to be at home for work and the kids. Even in the 21st century it is difficult being a married woman without the spouse when going to any event. I have been 100% faithful to my husband for 30 years.  I am ready for a change in my lifestyle, job, location, etc.  Any suggestions what to do?

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to wishin54
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First of all, welcome everybody--and AWESOME! 

Now, in terms of looking for suggestions, as a rule, it's helpful to be more specific...and you can always start a conversation chain by asking a question or starting a conversation on the home page.  Trust me, whatever you're hoping to do, one of us has both done it right--and perhaps eliminated some options you don't need to try!  I'll be blogging next week on a subject i think you'll identify with:  An Inconvenient Awakening.  In other words, outgrowing the status quo and wanting more--some tips on how to navigate this type of passage, aka growth, as gracefully as possible.  Stay tuned!

LadyB's avatar LadyB
LadyB said to Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist
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Carol, your new blog on an Inconvenient Awakenng is a topic that I believe all women will be interested in.  Many of us outgrow long endured relationships, jobs, friends, and we need to open new doors to new horizons to allow ourselves to grow to fulfill our potentials.  Your topic should give us a breath of fresh air!  Thanks for all you do.  You are a great catalyst!

lrichardson1206's avatar lrichards…
lrichardson1206 said to Lynnette
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I know what ya mean.  My 11 year old step-grandson just got rockband beatles and was blown away when I started singing with him.  What a way to bond with my newest little family member!  Now he calls me to CHALLENGE" me on beatle trivia.  Toooooo funny!

Taylorange's avatar Taylorang…
Taylorange said to lrichardson1206
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That is too cool!  They think that is all new and are shocked to see that we know some of it also!  I get to sing old school songs with my 11 year old son and he is amazed that I know the words also.  I remember when I heard "Rocking Robin" by the Jackson 5 and was told that was an old song....my young butt argued that it had just came out.  When I was older...I discovered mom was right, it was just re-done by the Jacksons!

Maiden1960's avatar Maiden196…
Maiden1960 said to The Silver Pearl
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I have just finished ordering this book from Barnes & Noble and can't wait until it's in my hands! I've already shared some excerpts from the sections below with a close girlfriend of mine. We are both struggling with understanding how to manuever this new course with our respective adult children. It's definitely a new challenge for us. We are both looking forward to reading your insights into this very confusing and frustrating new relationship with "the kids."  Thank you for making this blog. I will definitely keep tuned!

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to Maiden1960
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You are sooooo welcome!

lorele's avatar lorele
lorele said to Maiden1960
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First of all, I thank you all for this website. One day I googled for Grandparent's website and I found a lady author about her book and being a grandmother, but what I need is something like this.  Anyway, I just joined this weekend and I am living here in Yokosuka Japan due to my husband's job in the Fed Govt.  I hope I can buy the book Silver Pearl here at the NEX. I look forward to read it. My kids are all in the states and I "see" them and my grandkids through Facebook.  I look forward to join to the conversations, which most of it is..interesting.

1 member loves this!
Letty175's avatar Letty175
Letty175 said to lorele
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I love this site al the others are for younger women with children.  This site allows me to have a conversation with women who have been were I have been and where I proberbly going.   Thanks

tennim's avatar tennim
tennim said to The Silver Pearl
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Hello everyone -  I have just joined - found this through sheer luck - I am a 1946 model, still in pretty good condition, except for some rust in the wheels and things like that.  Live in Ottawa, Ontario, work in private practice from my home (psychotherapist).  I can identify with the posts I have seen and I look forward to joining conversations.  My practice is exclusively with women 40 years old and over, so I will definitely share this resource with them. 

NormaJeanne's avatar NormaJean…
NormaJeanne said to tennim
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I'm also a 1946 model.  I'm just working past a family crisis, wherein my husband blew his cool, so to speak, with my son and his wife.  Difficult.  Anyway, I passed on two topics from "Silver Pearls" to my husband, advising NOT giving advice to adult children.  To my shock, he said he'd never heard such a thing!  But it raised his consciousness about that possibility and gave credence to what I'd been trying to tell him.  Whew.  I hope it will sink in!

snookums's avatar snookums
snookums said to The Silver Pearl
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I just happen upon this site tonight and so glad I did. I have read so many stories about situations and things that they are going through that I can relate too. I feel very comforable here. Thank you!

PJB's avatar PJB
PJB said to The Silver Pearl
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This is my situation. I have this in a blog but I am unsure about what to do. I will be purchasing your book very soon! Here it goes:


from
PJB Estranged from three daughters posted 4 weeks ago One day about a year ago, all 3 decided not to speak to me again. Why? because I accepted SS payments based on their deceased father's income. We were divorced many years ago and I remarried & divorced. I was single and had been married well over the 10yr min. the SS dept. requires. One daughter dropped out of my life, another text messaged and the third called and told me she no longer wanted me in her family. After many attempts to contact them, I have finally stopped - but left the door open if they change their minds. Is there more I can do to open this closed door or should I just let it go as is?      Any help will be sincerely appreciated. Thank you for this great site!
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to PJB
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First of all, welcome to all the first-timers who are loving this site!  PJB, I'd suggest you start a conversation strand about this on our home page.  Perhaps you could say:  "Anybody have experience/advicer on reconciling with estranged adult children?"  Then you would say everything you said here where it asks you to tell more.  I bet you'll get a lot of responses!

Myke 's avatar Myke
Myke said to PJB
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What in the world would getting SS on their dead father's income have to do with their relationship with you? You are entitled to the claim.

dona's avatar dona
dona said to PJB
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Let it go, they all will eventually grow up and realize you are not JUST their mother, but a person in your own right. With needs that they dont undestand now...but they will...take my word for it.  Your daughters will become careing women...and with age comes knowledge...they will understand.  It might even happen to one of them...you did nothing wrong.

 

Jaidie's avatar Jaidie
Jaidie said to PJB
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Hello PJB.

I know the feeling of isolation when adult children turn their back on you.  I have now reconciled with my daughter after the stress of a maritial breakup.  In my case it took time.  She now realizes that after a 37 year marriage her father owes me half his SS and more.  He left me high and dry, no support, turned off the utilities and drained our retirment investment accounts. 

It is still a tenuous thread but getting stronger every day with understanding and setting parameters.  It is wonderful to have the granddaughters back in my life as well.

As for my husband, well he is happy with his 38 year married lover and her child and cruising the internet looking for sensual women....silly man!

Look after yourself.  Time is a great healer and with time comes understanding, hopefully on your childrens part.

JD

 

SassySenior's avatar SassySeni…
SassySenior said to The Silver Pearl
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I'm really enjoying the on-line version of Silver Pearl. I dole it out to myself at bedtime on nights I'm not really ready for sleep. Thank you.   

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to SassySenior
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What a nice compliment!  Jimmy and I love to hear this!

mul's avatar mul
mul said to The Silver Pearl
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Last Saturday at the age of 56 I became a Gran for the first time. I also joined Facebook! The kids were NOT amused, but my son and his girlfriend are delighted, cause I can advise them about any problems that arise night or day. I had an idyllic childhood in Ireland,9 of us in a three bedroomed semi! Trained as a Nurse and Midwife,and engaged at 26, my beloved Dad died. Broke off the engagement to take care of my family and a year later,went to work as a volunteer in the bush in Kenya.Loved everything  about the life there and would never have come home only for illness.Met and moved to London with my partner, who turned out to be a violent alcoholic.We separated after he nearly killed me and I've spent the last 22 years raising 4children alone without extended family and on benefits.Daily Ithank God for my wonderful family. We're each others best friends , and are truly blessed

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to mul
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What an amazing life!  You should definitely do a memoir!

judge392's avatar judge392
judge392 said to Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist
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delighted to catch this site... i am a self made women who alone raised a self made son..through violence, courts, unusual disease.. overcame it all and after 25 grueling years healed a son..who stopped the generational spousal abuse.. THIS i am going to write about..any one know a sucessful writer and publisher who could co write??

 

Nancy Schimmel's avatar Nancy Sch…
Nancy Schimmel said to judge392
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If you feel unsure about writing, try telling your story to a recorder. Then you can write down what you said and edit from there or get help with the editing. But that way it will be YOUR story, not filtered through someone else. If talking to a recorder feels too weird, invite a good friend to listen at first till you get used to it.

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to Nancy Schimmel
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This is great advice.   I don't personally know anybody who would collaborate on someone else's story unless there's significant money involved.

sheammi's avatar sheammi
sheammi said to The Silver Pearl
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I found Virbrant Nation today.  I had the luxury of reading The Silver Pearl and the post all day...couldn't put it down.  By the end of the day I enrolled to go back to school.  Thank you for this fabulous book and the very nurturing and wonderful VIBRANT NATION!

1 member loves this!
LDvolunteer's avatar LDvolunte…
LDvolunteer said to The Silver Pearl
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Lovely book. Lovely site. Thanks. Can (will you) share how to build a site like this on VN? I have asked the site but so far no response.

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to LDvolunteer
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Thanks, LD...Do you mean how to post a book online?  Please shoot me an email with your description of what you'd like to do and  i'll forward it to the editorial team. 

vblair's avatar vblair
vblair said to Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist
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I am going to order this book today. Hopefully I can get it on my new Kindle. But the real reason I am posting this is to say how impressed I am Carol at how much you are willing to assist others by forwarding info to an editorial team or responding with suggestions and recommendations. I found this site last night. It seems it will be the best thing I did for myself for 2010. So off to download The Silver Pearl.

Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist's avatar Carol Ors…
Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist said to vblair
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Thanks for your warm words.  The cool thing about this site is that so many of us are willing to go the extra mile. 

vblair's avatar vblair
vblair said to Carol Orsborn - VN Strategist
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Rats. Can't download your book to my Kindle. Oh well. I will just go to Borders to get it. But you might want to look into seeing what's up with that! Have a great day.

Reenie31's avatar Reenie31
Reenie31 said to The Silver Pearl
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WOW!  I am so glad to find this site.

I am like so many other women I know my age:

  • Divorced for twenty one years.
  • Raised three kids on my own.
  • Prevailed in bad and sad times.
  • No time for me (education or relationships)
  • Am very successful.

I have done so many things in my life and feel that I have so much to share with other women out there trying to make it.  I want to help them realize that they deserve to do more than just make it.

I have recently been certified as a Life Coach and enjoy working with women discovering what their place in this world is.

I will go to the book store and purchase your book in the AM.  I am looking forward to reading what you have to share with me.

 

1 member loves this!
Reenie31's avatar Reenie31
Reenie31 said to The Silver Pearl
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WOW!  I am so glad to find this site.

I am like so many other women I know my age:

  • Divorced for twenty one years.
  • Raised three kids on my own.
  • Prevailed in bad and sad times.
  • No time for me (education or relationships)
  • Am very successful.

I have done so many things in my life and feel that I have so much to share with other women out there trying to make it.  I want to help them realize that they deserve to do more than just make it.

I have recently been certified as a Life Coach and enjoy working with women discovering what their place in this world is.

I will go to the book store and purchase your book in the AM.  I am looking forward to reading what you have to share with me.

 

Reenie31's avatar Reenie31
Reenie31 said to The Silver Pearl
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WOW!  I am so glad to find this site.

I am like so many other women I know my age:

  • Divorced for twenty one years.
  • Raised three kids on my own.
  • Prevailed in bad and sad times.
  • No time for me (education or relationships)
  • Am very successful.

I have done so many things in my life and feel that I have so much to share with other women out there trying to make it.  I want to help them realize that they deserve to do more than just make it.

I have recently been certified as a Life Coach and enjoy working with women discovering what their place in this world is.

I will go to the book store and purchase your book in the AM.  I am looking forward to reading what you have to share with me.

 

Hadayai55's avatar Hadayai55
Hadayai55 said to The Silver Pearl
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Just what I need.

Pure and Natural