How’s that for a catchy title? And it’s true. So true. I will never, ever, EVER date again. Oh, I can just hear all of you motivational speaker types getting ready to tell me to “never say never” and all of that other kind of platitude-y, cliche-ish kind of stuff that I hate worse than the thought of dating again.
But here’s the deal: I’m going to be 58 years old next month. I’ve been divorced 3 times. The last one is still rocking and rolling inside my emotional and spiritual psyche. Even if I wanted to date again (which I don’t), I am not in a healthy place. Talk about a disaster waiting to happen.
I also won’t dismiss the fact that I’m wrestling in the worst way with bitterness toward anything with an XY chromosome – except my wonderful son – and so, it’s safe to say that if a guy attempted to ask me out on a date, I would probably haul off and let him have a swift right hook. Not exactly a great way to begin a relationship. No?
But here’s the real reason I will never date again: I was never very good at it in the first place. Even when I was young and “date-able” I hated the process. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. You can’t just be yourself because everybody is in “putting your best foot forward” kind of mode, and so, there’s always a lot of judging going on. And frankly, I just can’t take it.
The mere thought of dating is utterly exhausting to me.
I also don’t see the point in dating anymore. For what? I’m not ever getting married again. Ever. NOT EVER!!! There will be no “4th time’s a charm” for this girl. No thanks, girlfriends. You can keep all of those Prince Charmings all to yourself. I’ve kissed enough frogs.
That is not to say that I wouldn’t mind someone to have coffee with. Or someone to watch a movie with. Or even someone to grab a bite of food with. But, unless I meet that person going about my normal, everyday activities, that won’t happen either. Because I refuse to exert any additional effort to “meet someone.”
In the meantime, my focus has become my own well-being. I spend a lot of time doing things that I love. Reading, writing, watching movies, working in my garden, doing the work of graduate school, and spending time with my children. My spiritual life has become a priority too. My relationship with God and His love for me is becoming my all in all. I say “becoming” because it’s definitely a process, learning to love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength; learning to lean on Him for everything.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isaiah 54:5
I’m no longer afraid to be alone either. And the thought of dying alone no longer scares me like it used to. Perhaps the change of menopause has profoundly changed the things which motivate me in the last part of my life. I just no longer feel compelled to “couple up” like I did in my 20s, 30s, and even in my early 40s. Except maybe with my Jack Russell or my favorite cat.
I’m finally okay with being exactly who I am, exactly where I am in life, with no prospects for it to change. Besides, there are plenty of opportunities to love and receive love in this life. We don’t need a spouse or significant other to do it either. We just live it and give it.