Due to loss of estrogen and wall thinning, sex has become excruciating over the last few years. I have been to numerous doctors, had surgery, spent thousands of dollars and get temporary relief with each new treatment that eventually doesn’t work anymore. My newest expert from University of Miami has me using Premarin cream, which is working. I believe even Oprah does not talk about this reality for older women. What’s your experience?
Following the grey hair color trend won’t instantly make you look modern, especially if you aren’t flattering your new color with the clothes you wear. Grey hair color is striking and it’s definitely in style, but the clothes you wear will make or break your overall look. When you know what colors to wear with your grey hair, you’ll always look fashionable.
Grey hair coloring affects everything
When you go from colored to grey hair, color in your face and clothing will look different. The make-up you use and the outfits you frequently wear won’t look the same, and may not suit you quite as well. Grey hair color will affect everything else you’re wearing, and make your overall skin tone look different. Keep your look fashionable, and make your grey hair shine, through fashionable wardrobe choices.
Red is grey’s best friend. The two colors naturally work together to create beautiful contrast. From bold ruby red to deep crimson, red goes beautifully with grey hair color. If you don’t want to wear red all over, pair it with nude and neutral shades. Light tans and nudes echo the warmth of the red, but help to tone down the brightness of the color. When coupled with grey hair color, nude and red look modern, powerful and very fashionable. Add grey, blue and black accessories and accents to pull the entire look together with your grey hair. Color is one of the most important elements of fashion, and if you can use it well you’ll create a complete look that always works.
If you can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe (who can?), get some red accents and accessories. Place a red scarf around your neck; this will set off your hair and immediately warm up your skin tone. Use red earrings and/or a red necklace to contrast beautifully against your hair. Summer’s a perfect excuse to break out the bold red sunglasses, and instantly turn the temperature up on your look for a bargain price. If your natural skin tone is cool and pale, look for reds with cooler blue undertones to them. Women with warmer skin tones should seek out brownish and yellowish reds that will suit their coloring.
Expand your color palette by creating a basic wardrobe in white and black. These colors will contrast gorgeously against grey hair color, and give you plenty of room to play with any colors you like. Use accent pieces, like belts and shoes, to show off bold pops of color. Purples look great with grey in just about any shade, from rich berry purple to light lavender. Bold jewel tones are always a good choice to make grey hair color stand out; the bolder colors immediately pull out those silvery tones in grey. Greens and yellows may makes your grey hair color look greenish or yellowy in tone, particularly in sunlight, so you might want to stray away from filling your wardrobe with these shades.
1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Yes, it takes longer to warm us up. Fortunately, one of the best things about mid-life and later-life sex is the absence of urgency for our partners, also. They enjoy slow sex as much as we do! Make sex play last hours... or days.
2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly, sloppily. All kinds of kisses help you bond with your partner, warm up, and enjoy the moment.
3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and your partner’s bodies. Jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight–whatever looks good, feels good.
4. Do sexy things together long before you hit the sheets. Dance together. Visit lingerie or sex toy shops. Leave sexy notes in each other’s pockets. Give each other little gifts.
5. Do sexy things on your own to get yourself in the mood. Wear sexy lingerie under your everyday clothes. Work out. Swim. Dance. Fantasize. Write in your journal all the sexy things you want to do together. Spend some time humming with your vibrator.
6. Make love during high energy times. Midnight sex after a romantic meal may work for young folks, but we’re more likely to feel full, bloated, and ready to sleep. Instead, make sex dates in the morning or afternoon. (Why do you think they call it “afternoon delight”?)
7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days. Lucky for us that sex toys are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!
8. Use a silky lubricant. We don’t have the natural moisture we used to, but there are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When your partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play.
9. Enjoy quality snuggle time before, during, and afterwards. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each other’s skin, is one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of making love.
10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, tease each other, rediscover your childhood together. Laughter is bonding, joyful, ageless–and sexy.
Dianne Morris, in Jeans that fit our figures now
“The middle area of our bodies seems to have changed a bit so we can’t buy just any brands. They can’t be too low below the belly button and not too tight but still cut straight, tailored well with good sturdy fabric… Cambio is one of my favorite brands. The ‘Sharon’ version is a little bit more forgiving than the others. ‘Nora’ comes in several lightly different leg widths and lengths, and they’re a little more fitted.”
2. Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans
Karen Lentini in Jeans that fit our figures now
“You don’t really have to spend a fortune for nice jeans. Gloria Vanderbilt puts out the ‘Amanda’ style which fits women’s curves quite well.”
Sunblossom in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I have very good luck with Gloria Vanderbilt also. Not pricey at all!”
MirrorWoman in Dreamy Jeans
“Gloria Vanderbilt is back in style! After several years of the same ‘unflattering but they fit okay’ pants, they’ve brought better fabrics – lightweight for spring – (with a bit of Spandex to keep their shape) and definite shapes to market. Check out bootcut ‘Allyson’ in the dark wash. Flattering boot cut balances my wider hips, a bit of tummy control with reinforced stitching in wide front pockets, a comfortable rise that almost comes to the waist (and looks smoother with overblouses or great with tuck-ins) and minimal stitching on back pockets. Plus they’re really inexpensive! I paid less than $20 on sale a few months ago.”
Golfwidow4everr in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I love the Chico’s Platinum jeans for more dressy occasions, but for everyday wear, I like the Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda jeans.”
3. CABi (Carol Anderson by Invitation) Jeans
Jan Cullinane in Jeans that fit our figures now
“If anyone you know sells CAbi (Carol Anderson by Invitation), their jeans are great – comfortable, stylish, and flattering. I’ve attended a few CAbi parties – their clothing is sold in the home.”
AprilDiva in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I also love anything CABi. The styles are cut for our age and shape. My 23 year old daughter always comments on how young I look in these clothes. I am about to host my third CABi party and can’t wait to save on their new line. I live in Los Angeles and there is now at CABi outlet near downtown at the Citadel outlets. Great savings if you’re in the area!”
4. Reitmann’s Jeans
Irish77 in Jeans that fit our figures now
“Reitman’s of Canada’s comfort fit jeans are amazing. I have access to all the jeans out there and for anyone with a few extra pounds on them, these fit like a glove. No zippers or buttons and they are styled so you just pull them on like a pair of leggings. The waistband is about 2 1/2 inches wide so it fits flat on your hips and meets your waist just in the right spot so there is no muffin top ever. They are so comfortable to wear and I always look well put together. The price: just $36.00, even better.”
5. Wrangler Jeans
Carolyne in Jeans that fit our figures now
“Wrangler Aura’s have fit me well for a few years. They have 3 rise lengths and come in lots of leg lengths. And I have just found another Wrangler that I love — the Jet. It has a little elastic hidden in the waistband, and long enough for me to wear heels with them. This is a first! (I have no booty, no curves, short waist length, and very long legs.) And the price is reasonable.”
7. Not Your Daughter’s Jeans
Judi50+ in My New White Jeans
“According to NYDJ, their jeans with the ‘Flatten Your Tummy’ double criss-cross feature also lifts my buttocks and allows me to look and feel one size smaller.” I am a size 4, so the one size smaller isn’t the biggest benefit, but the buttocks lift is a definite plus. These jeans are the best. I will have to purchase another pair of these jeans in blue denim and maybe black denim too.”
Dianne Morris, in Jeans that fit our figures now
“Cut just a little bit looser, comfortable.”
Judy Steinberg, in My New White Jeans
“I, too, stumbled unknowingly into the dressing room with a pair of NYDJ. Mine were blue denim, but a very soft denim, not the cardboard fabric most jeans seem to be made of. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the 3-way mirror and realized that I looked like I’d had a recent butt lift, I immediately ran back out to the rack where I found them, desperate already for a whole closet full of these miracle jeans, and was lucky enough to score the same lightweight blue denim with a gold lurex thread running through. Bonanza! A dress-up pair of jeans! This is my new favorite label, for sure. Best news of all….my daughter wouldn’t be caught dead in these jeans. Yesssss!!!”
Vibrantspirit in My New White Jeans
“I too have recently found NYDJ and I love the way they fit. I am petite and it’s always been so hard to find jeans that fit me. So I am extremely happy to have found this brand and I highly recommend them. The material is high-quality and the workmanship too. I don’t pay retail for them since they are so expensive but I have been lucky to find them discounted on e-bay or in a consignment store.”
Kiki12 in My New White Jeans
“I went to Zappos and ordered a pair of dark denim NYDJ – OMG as the kids say, what a terrific fit, I absolutely love them and will be my jean of choice from now on. A little pricey for my taste, yet, I think they are worth it!”
8. CJ by Cookie Johnson
oneshiela in My New White Jeans
“A good fit for women with larger hips and behinds. I actually receive compliments when I wear them. The best compliment came when I was in a clothing store in New York and a very young salesperson came up to me and expressed how much she really liked my jeans. I was elated that at 58 years old, young women were complimented me on of all things, jeans.”
9. DG2 Jeans (HSN)
SavageGrace in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I am very curvy and petite, and often have trouble with gapping at the waist because my hips are large, but DG2 on HSN.com work great! Also, Chadwicks.com 2-way stretch jeans! Both are under $50.”
Auddie in Jeans that fit our figures now
“DG2 (Diane Gilman) jeans sold on HSN (are the best for jeans!”
10. Miraclebody Jeans
Dianne Morris, in Jeans that fit our figures now
“They claim you will ‘look 10 lbs lighter in 10 seconds.’ Not sure about that, but since they are cut looser you might take a smaller size and feel better.”
11. J. Jill Jeans
Malarkey in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I really like J Jill’s ‘boyfriend’ jeans right now. Great fit for my bod, very comfortable and soft fabrics. Comes in both corduroy and denim.”
Munz in Jeans that fit our figures now
“I bought a pair of white jeans from J.Jill last fall, then another pair just last week, because the fit was excellent and I wanted a dark-wash pair. They’re called J. Jill skinny jeans, and you cuff the bottom to the length you need, so no tailoring needed! They have a bit of stretch and are full and high enough in the waist to accommodate my 5’1″ 130-pound body perfectly!”
12. Dreamer Jeans (Old Navy)
KarenT in Dreamy Jeans
“I don’t usually shop for myself at Old Navy – their target customer is of course younger than I am. However, I was there over the holidays and saw jeans called “Dreamer.” The description: tummy panel and bottom lift, plus a bit higher rise to keep things covered in back. I tried on a pair and bought two on the spot. They make me feel fashionable and comfortable in my size 12′s!”
13. Talbot’s Trouser Jeans
Debbie-deb in Dreamy Jeans
“Cut so that my ‘muffin top’ isn’t bulging. No pockets on the tush, more of a relaxed boot cut and a little more tailored, but cool-looking. The final judgment came from my 26-year-old daughter who stopped by this afternoon. I tried them on and she gave them two thumbs up! Definitely not ‘Mom’ jeans!”
What’s your favorite jeans brand now? Recommend it below!
Why is mineral makeup great for women over 50?
Susan Posnick, who has her own line of makeup, says that mineral makeup is the best for women over 50 for several reasons.
First, mineral makeup allows your skin to breathe. Traditional foundation and powder “blocks the skin so that it can’t breathe,” Posnick explained. “And especially today, many of the liquid foundations use silicone which makes for a beautiful liquid foundation, but doesn’t let the skin breathe in the same way.”
Secondly, mineral makeup has light-diffusing properties that help soften the appearance of lines and wrinkles. And finally, minerals don’t settle into lines and wrinkles the way traditional liquid foundations and powders might. “…What you see is that the powder settles into fine lines and can make the skin look dry. And as we age, those lines of character can become a little stronger, a little more obvious–you don’t want your makeup settling in,” Posnick said.
Certainly, mineral makeup has gained popularity in the last few years. As member Jeannie Smith said, “There are so many out there. I started with Bare Minerals and am now with Smashbox because it seems less drying.”
Riaholz agreed, saying, “I know how hard it can be to find a mineral makeup that works for you. I had tried many, and was about to give up when I found a brand called 24-7. I found it at CVS and decided to give it a try. It is reasonably priced and at least on my skin goes on beautifully. Of course the problem with this is you can’t try samples because it is the drugstore. The store assured me I could bring back anything with my receipt that did not work.”
Mineral makeup products most recommended by women over 50
What follows are some recommendations for mineral makeup from Vibrant Nation members – women over 50 who’ve tried the mineral makeup trend and reported back on what helps them look their best day to day.
VN member Lois Joy Johnson is a writer and author and a leading expert on the looks and lifestyles of women 50 +. Former Beauty and Fashion Director of MORE magazine, her The Makeup Wakeup has guided many members to try new things with their beauty routines. She has two favorites when it comes to mineral makeup:
“It’s more expensive than most mineral foundations, but this soothing pressed powder is amazing for covering blemished skin,” Johnson said. “The bonus is you won’t end up with a cakey, flaky look. It can be applied dry or with a damp sponge and works well for rosacea and blotchy or sun-damaged skin. You can even use this base over tinted moisturizer for a hint more coverage or to mask flushed areas.”
If you don’t like the feeling liquid makeups and creams leave, but want subtle coverage and sun protection, Johnson suggests this loose mineral powder that buffs on fast. “It leaves your skin feeling naked, and the original formula (not the newer matte one) gives a radiant look to dry skin—hard to believe powder does this until you try it,” she promises. “There are no parabens, sulfates, synthetic dyes or fragrances, petro chemicals, talc, oil, waxes, or preservatives to think about either.
I don’t often sing the praises of any makeup because I’m 63 and when it comes to wrinkles, I’ve got my share. They are more like gutters than wrinkles. They come from spending years in the sun and tanning bed and not properly caring for my skin.
Well, the same beautiful daughter-in-law who turned me on to the “Soothing Care” by Monistat [as a primer for the face], also turned me on to the best mineral makeup I have ever used in my entire life. The Signature Minerals are the softest, smoothest minerals I have ever used. I also have never seen another mineral makeup that completely covered everything including shadow, concealer, and all in mineral form. Everything I need to do my face except my mascara is made by Signature Minerals and is in one little pouch. It has never been easier than it is now to look great.
Mineral makeup is the best thing for older skin as it makes your skin look smooth and flawless. I cannot tell I have this mineral makeup on my skin but it makes my skin look smooth and youthful. I always get compliments about how I don’t look like I’m 63 years old.
The best part about these minerals is that they give away free samples at their website. I love getting “free” samples anytime! That is the base coat, eye shadow, concealer, blush and all. The samples they give away of the foundation powder are not small samples either. You just pick your colors. You can get your samples of Signature Minerals at signatureminerals.com.
Mo Brock says
Ditto on the Motives by Loren Ridinger. The Liquid Powder Mineral Foundation is the absolute best!! Try it; I think you’ll like it. I’m not a cosmetics guru … but finding this foundation has made me a believer.
Cheryl Bowman says
My favorite is Mary Kay Mineral Makeup. Great deal for the money, feels fantastically light! easy to match color! Great brush you can take with you for touchups if you like!
Jane Iredale. I am a beauty professional and love this line. Jane has rosacea and that is why she started her own makeup. Look into this line. It is not drying and does not settle in the creases.
I’ve used Bare Minerals for at least ten years; have turned others onto it; I love it. Occasionally have tried others, but none compare, in my book. If you use a moisturizer, dryness shouldn’t be an issue.
Arbonne’s mineral powder gives a flawless-looking finish with realistic coverage. The formula contains minerals and pigments that are blended into a light reflecting powder. Provides sun protection – SPF 15 – available in 15 shades. Totally love it!!
I LOVE Bare Minerals. They were one of the first – the original – and they are simply the best. I’ve tried other brands to save [money], but I’d rather purchase Bare Minerals – and know I always look my best. Ulta 3 usually carries gift sets for about $60 which should last several months depending on how often you apply your makeup. Like any good makeup application – make sure you moisturize (and tone if necessary for us oily gals).
Susan Lide says
I use Lauren Hutton Mineral Make up. It’s great for my skin as it has moisturizers in it and does not irritate my skin. There are also other products in this line that I use – she specializes in products for our demographic group.
I use Bare Minerals Foundation with SPF 15. It is a loose powder you apply with a brush and you control the amount you apply. I apply it very lightly and it covers fine lines, pores, and evens skin tone. It buffs beautifully and is light and looks very natural. I think it is lighter than liquid foundation and I will never go back to liquid again.
LOVED Bare Minerals, especially their Mineral Veil that makes your face just glow. I found them to be a bit expensive, and have supplemented with over the counter Physician’s Formula mineral makeup, but nothing compares to the quality of Bare Minerals. I sound like an ad, and I never could be a salesperson, but this stuff sells itself.
Be sure to start with a good moisturizer, and, yes, apply lightly. Their ads show how much the brushes have to be tapped free of excess minerals before applying to your face.
For more great tips and tricks for applying mineral makeup,
see Best Makeup Over 50: Tips and tricks for applying mineral makeup
How’s that for a catchy title? And it’s true. So true. I will never, ever, EVER date again. Oh, I can just hear all of you motivational speaker types getting ready to tell me to “never say never” and all of that other kind of platitude-y, cliche-ish kind of stuff that I hate worse than the thought of dating again.
But here’s the deal: I’m going to be 58 years old next month. I’ve been divorced 3 times. The last one is still rocking and rolling inside my emotional and spiritual psyche. Even if I wanted to date again (which I don’t), I am not in a healthy place. Talk about a disaster waiting to happen.
I also won’t dismiss the fact that I’m wrestling in the worst way with bitterness toward anything with an XY chromosome – except my wonderful son – and so, it’s safe to say that if a guy attempted to ask me out on a date, I would probably haul off and let him have a swift right hook. Not exactly a great way to begin a relationship. No?
But here’s the real reason I will never date again: I was never very good at it in the first place. Even when I was young and “date-able” I hated the process. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. You can’t just be yourself because everybody is in “putting your best foot forward” kind of mode, and so, there’s always a lot of judging going on. And frankly, I just can’t take it.
The mere thought of dating is utterly exhausting to me.
I also don’t see the point in dating anymore. For what? I’m not ever getting married again. Ever. NOT EVER!!! There will be no “4th time’s a charm” for this girl. No thanks, girlfriends. You can keep all of those Prince Charmings all to yourself. I’ve kissed enough frogs.
That is not to say that I wouldn’t mind someone to have coffee with. Or someone to watch a movie with. Or even someone to grab a bite of food with. But, unless I meet that person going about my normal, everyday activities, that won’t happen either. Because I refuse to exert any additional effort to “meet someone.”
In the meantime, my focus has become my own well-being. I spend a lot of time doing things that I love. Reading, writing, watching movies, working in my garden, doing the work of graduate school, and spending time with my children. My spiritual life has become a priority too. My relationship with God and His love for me is becoming my all in all. I say “becoming” because it’s definitely a process, learning to love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength; learning to lean on Him for everything.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isaiah 54:5
I’m no longer afraid to be alone either. And the thought of dying alone no longer scares me like it used to. Perhaps the change of menopause has profoundly changed the things which motivate me in the last part of my life. I just no longer feel compelled to “couple up” like I did in my 20s, 30s, and even in my early 40s. Except maybe with my Jack Russell or my favorite cat.
I’m finally okay with being exactly who I am, exactly where I am in life, with no prospects for it to change. Besides, there are plenty of opportunities to love and receive love in this life. We don’t need a spouse or significant other to do it either. We just live it and give it.
Dyspareunia—the recurrent or persistent genital pain before, during, or after sexual intercourse—has a variety of causes and treatments. Vaginismus (vaginal tightness that makes sexual intercourse painful or even impossible) is a type of dyspareunia.
Both dyspareunia and vaginismus can be caused by the hormonal changes of aging and menopause. In addition to aging, one major cause of painful sex is not having enough sex.
Unfortunately, women over 50 more frequently go through stages where (because they are single, widowed, divorced, or even unhappily married) they simply aren’t having sex.
When sex after menopause is difficult because it seems painful or almost impossible for a man to insert his penis in your vagina, doctors most frequently recommend vaginal dilation with dilator sets. Dilator sets help you strengthen and train your pelvic floor to relax.
What is a vaginal dilator?
Vaginal dilators are tampon-shaped devices that women can insert into their vaginas for several minutes to stretch the tissues and keep them pliable. Dilators often come in sets that range in size from small (about ¾ inch in diameter) to about the size of a fully-erect penis. You start with the smallest, and gradually work your way up to the larger sizes.
Where do you buy vaginal dilators?
Because this problem is more common than most women over 50 realize, they are also surprised at how easy it is to acquire a vaginal dilator. They’re even available from Amazon.com. You can try your local sex specialty shop or, if you’d rather shop more privately, try a woman-friendly online retailer.
How do you use a vaginal dilator?
You may need the help of a doctor or trained physical therapist to explain the proper technique, but a woman can do the treatment in the privacy of her home and at her own pace.
One VibrantNation.com member describes the process this way, “Get some lubricant and swab in around your genital area and tuck a little into the vagina. Put more lubricant on the dildo. Insert the tip of the dildo into the opening. If it hurts, just roll/rotate the tip around the outside next to the entrance. A little at a time over a period of weeks, maybe even months, gradually insert the tip more and more.
“For me, even that hurt a lot at first. Once you can get it inside of that tight little sucker, slowly thrust it in and out, as if you are really having sex. If you stimulate your clitoris at the same time, that will help. And yes, get yourself off. But don’t be impatient with yourself if it doesn’t happen for a while.”
Does this treatment work?
One VibrantNation.com member who describes herself as a “successful self-devirginalizer,” wrote about her success using vaginal dilators. She said: “Ultimately my husband could actually fit again. At first it hurt and just inserting his penis was enough. Then when we began having sex, we changed positions. He was on his side and I was on my back, our legs intertwined. That position hurt a lot less than others and then after a month or so of actual sex, it didn’t hurt at all.
“And you know what? The sex is now better than it ever was prior to menopause. This position leaves the clitoris out and available for manual stimulation at the same time. Sex is now the best it’s ever been.”
Sex after 50 can be one of life’s great pleasures. If you want to experience sexual intercourse but it seems too painful to enjoy (or even attempt), follow the lead of other women over 50 and either ask your doctor about vaginal dilators, or try them on your own.
Charla Krupp’s book How Not to Look Old, is an excellent guide to quick and easy steps to take years off our lives without the help of major surgery. One tip that everyone can embrace is to “put on pink lipstick.”
The best lipstick color for us
Why pink? The right shade can compensate for dull complexions. Dark lips emphasize dark circles under the eyes, and the darker the color, the thinner your lips will look. It’s just like wearing dark clothing—dark slims, lighter emphasizes. (You know, black makes your rear look smaller, and white makes it look plumper) So follow the same principle when selecting your lipstick, and your lips will look fuller and sexier.
Victoria’s Secret makeup artist Nick Barose has this to say about your lip shades.
- Mauve makes you look older and sad
- Nudes can make you look washed out
- Orange veers into the clownish
- Purples make you look like you’re suffering from hypothermia.
Ouch! But the more I think about it, the more I agree with him. Time to clean out my makeup bag and buy a few select shades of pink. But how to select the right shade of pink for me?
How to choose the right pink for you
1. Not too dark, not too light – just right. If the pink is too dark, it will blend into your lip color and you won’t look like you even have any on. If it is too light, you will look too pale. “Choosing a color one or two shades lighter than your natural lip color shines just the right spotlight.”
2. Get professional advice. If you don’t want to ask for professional help at the department store, consider visiting Ulta or Sephora. There are literally hundreds of lipsticks to try out before you buy, and there are private stations with tissues and applicators for your play-time. If you prefer the grocery or drug stores, keep your receipt, as most will allow a return if the shade is not just right.
3. Keep in mind that the creamy lipsticks work much better and look more “dewy.” Long-wear lipsticks are great for those of us who don’t want to reapply frequently, but most of them can be very drying, making your lip lines look even worse. Lip stains gather in the creases and won’t smooth over your lips. And don’t go with a matte lipstick — it will not reflect light so your lips will look dull and dry. Do select a lipstick that is velvety with a hint of sheen. Nick says,” Opaque lipstick is about as youthful as opaque nude pantyhose!”
Anti-aging tips for applying lipstick
Here are four steps for that perfect pouty mouth:
4. Prep. Exfoliate and moisturize, just like you do the rest of your face. Lipstick will stick better to a smooth surface, and the extra moisture will help plump them up. Use a lip balm before applying your lipstick and you will have a nice youthful look.
5. Conceal. Use a concealer along the edge of your upper lip to fill in lines and prevent your lipstick from “feathering.”
6. Shape it up. The older you get, the more you need lip lines. I know I do! My lips seem to be disappearing before my very eyes. Your lip liner should be either the exact color as your lips, or a couple of shades lighter. And here’s a great tip: after you’ve shaped your lips, fill them in with the lip liner. This will help your lipstick adhere better and last longer.
7. Add color. Select that perfect pink, and finish it off with a dot of gloss in the center of your bottom lip to give the illusion of fullness.
Finally, a word about lip plumpers:
8. Don’t waste your money on lip plumpers. Even the best over-the-counter serums give only temporary results. And just think of Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club when you consider getting collagen injections — you don’t want to have “trout pout” forever.
Today’s Featured Comment
Just a few ideas I would like to add if you wear all black all of the time (like me). An article in the January 2012 edition Real Simple magazine gave me some good ideas on how to dress your age and not like an old lady. I have given a few of them a try.
1.) Stop wearing “matchy-matchy” jewelry. This proved relevant for me as I tend to buy the whole set (though not wearing all of the items at once). Instead, go for similar textures, colors, etc. I realized that I always reach for the same pieces to wear together when I decide on what to wear. Do any of you feel like you do that too? Try a bold statement piece, and then pair with contrasting yet complementary items. I feel like I have twice the jewelry now that I’m mixing it up more.
2.) Stop with the enormous black purse that you could literally fit your kitchen sink into. Same with the shoes. Never having a lot of money, I always stuck with black shoes and handbags since they go with everything. Now I have a much smaller steel-blue purse with both a removable shoulder and regular strap. I usually don’t even bother with the shoulder strap because it falls down constantly anyhow. I also kept a similar purse by the same manufacturer and it is in a velvety, “not-quite-fur” material in gold to wear with my gold ”foil” gladiator shoes. I also have several different shades of brown shoes and NEVER had gold ”foil” shoes before! I know that I will never be a red-shoe kind of gal, but these small changes have really made difference in how I think and feel about the way I dress now.
3.) Stop wearing “boxy” clothing. With an apple-shaped figure, this is a tough one to apply to myself. But I stopped buying cute cardigans, and bought a jeans vest, and a darling blue jeans shrug. Its just another way for me to hide my belly and here in Florida, layering needs to be lightweight. I have to “alter” most of my clothing now at my age, but sometimes, just an inch or two taken in can make the all the difference in the world. Remember, not too loose, and not too tight-slinky, slightly form-fitting is the best fit. Properly fitting clothing is the best thing in the world and if you are fortunate enough to have had a mother who taught me you how to sew like me, its going to be a lot cheaper. But you can learn to do simple alterations with iron-on hemming tape (melts into the fabric to hold a seam), sewing on buttons, etc., you can do a bit yourself. Otherwise, you must decide if you can either afford a tailor or pay a friend to help out. (It would be much cheaper).
Well, these are the ones that I have applied. Some of the others were quite obvious (at least to me ) but here goes:
- STOP wearing “work-out’ clothes; except to well, work-out. Those matching pantsuit-type sweat-”outfits” that all of the “Housewives of Everywhere” wear. And don’t wear flip-flops except at the beach, pool, or your own backyard. Believe me, this is a biggie in Orlando. Even the locals wear “wife-beater” tanks, too-short shorts and flip-flops-disgusting!
- no head to toe pastels,
- no matching sets of any kind,
- no orthopedic-looking shoes, and lastly,
- no wide-cut capri pants. If you must wear capris (and yes, I have had to give in with the heat here), then make sure they are slim cut.
Hope this helps others out there who may be stuck in a mold when it comes to the way they dress too. And hey, I haven’t once missed my black purse!
[These recommendations were originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
Like bargain shopping? Need to get some new vibrators for women? Turn to Groupon to find great deals, and discover vibrator models you never knew existed.
A Penny Saved
Groupon is a website that specializes in coupons, discounts and various money-saving deals. The site rose to fame by offering discounts and deals on activities, but now you can find coupons for any number of retail items as well – including lots of different vibrators for women.
Before you go shopping for your next new vibrator, browse Groupon to see how much you can save. There are several types of vibrators you can expect to find on the site:
- Rabbits: Several different brands of rabbit vibrators offer coupons on Groupon. The rabbit vibrator is one of the world’s most famous designs. It stimulates you in multiple ways, and has a classic vibrator look.
- Bullets: Small, handheld bullet vibrators are very popular on Groupon and in general. Little bullets are made to be discreet. They’re used to deliver targeted pleasure.
- Pocket rockets: Small but powerful, pocket rockets are available in a wide array of colors.
- Voice activated: If hands-free control is what you like, use Groupon to find voice-activated vibrators for women. These devices allow you to enjoy pleasure without even pushing buttons.
- G-spot vibrators: Find affordable g-spot vibrators at Groupon, too. These vibrators target the elusive g-spot, an erotic area that’s so mysterious some scientists aren’t even sure it exists.
- Finger vibrators: You don’t have to let the device do all the work. Groupon is a good place to find finger vibrators for women, too. These little devices are slipped on over your fingers to turn your own digits into vibrators.
Finding Vibrators for Women
Don’t know exactly what you want to buy? Groupon is a good place to find vibrators for women and see what different types of models are available. Browsing through the site may introduce you to new types of vibrators. If you’re going to experiment and shop around, it only makes sense to do it when you’ve got a good discount. Groupon coupons can help you feel a little less guilty about spending money on vibrators.
Groupon is a good place to start, but it’s not the only website that offers discounts on vibrators for women. When you buy vibrators online, you have several different money-saving options. Sites like RetailMeNot offer coupon codes for online shoppers. If you’re shopping anyway, why not save money, too?
As a twice-divorced woman in my mid 50’s, I found myself back in the dating world yet again after my second divorce. Hubby #1 and I met in college but hubby #2 and I met at an online dating site. Online Dating does work and I chose a very nice man to marry. We just married for all the wrong reasons.
You see, when hubby #2 and I first met, there was this instant chemistry between us. Sparks flew everywhere. Its intensity was so strong that within six weeks of meeting each other, we were already planning a wedding. Saying good-bye was so difficult and left me in tears every time we parted ways. I couldn’t stand being without him at my side and I couldn’t wait until the day we would live together as husband and wife.
The love we shared continuously tugged at my heart. I’d never felt this way before. Although I could see his shortcomings, the “chemistry” between us was so intense that I totally overlooked any negative issues, excusing them as behaviors that would somehow change as the result of our love over time.
If you read enough online profiles, you will see that most men are looking for “CHEMISTRY” as the barometer for success on a first date. Everyone wants to fall in love the minute they set eyes on each other and that is exactly what we had happen to us! Our first coffee date turned from a half hour meet and greet into an 8-hour marathon. The energetic vibes between us were magnified. Have you ever felt like you knew someone the second you met them? Within minutes, I felt like I’d known him my entire life.
Some chemistry is a good thing. You absolutely do need to click on certain levels. You need to have enough in common to keep things moving forward. But first dates are so awkward that it’s hard to click really well when you first meet. It takes time to develop a true relationship. And it takes conversation, lots of it and it takes playing together as a couple with activities, friends and families to see if anything is really there.
Instant, intense, chemistry like I had with hubby #2, keeps the natural progression of the “getting to know each other” process from happening. The chemistry gives you a false sense of being in love when it turns out what you are really in is lust. We found ourselves feeling what we thought was love for each other so by date #3, it wasn’t surprising when the “L” word appeared.
After knowing each other for only a year, we were married. The intense chemistry between us was still going strong and we were still having a lot of great sex but we were always angry at each other. Neither of our needs were being met due to his inability to communicate well. Yes, that was the red flag I overlooked and thought would correct itself over time.
As 2 years wore on, the chemistry never wore off. But, our arguments got more intense and began wearing on each of us. Without, a friendship, there was nothing to keep the marriage solid. When we separated, I could still feel a strong tug at my heart and it took a while to stop wanting his physical presence in my life.
Although this was such a painful period in my life, I did learn a lot. I realized that a relationship truly needs to develop at a slower pace and that its most important quality is the friendship that develops with time between two people. As we age, sex can wane. It is the friendship, the similar values and the fun you share with another person that holds a relationship together.
If you find yourself in a situation where blinding chemistry shows up between you and a potential partner, take a deep breath and as hard as it will be, slow it down and give yourself a chance to see if the two of you can work beyond the intense attraction. Learn from my mistakes. Divorce is hard on everyone and messy whether you’ve been married 24 years or 2.
If you have a first date with a man and you feel like there is no chemistry, try going out again and see if it develops over time. Often it will and it’s this slow building type of chemistry that will create a lasting and enduring relationship between you and a “Quality Man”. And that is what we all really want don’t you think?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that began with intense chemistry? Did it last? I hope you will share your stories by posting them below. I look forward to hearing from you.
Learning more about men is helpful and my upcoming teleseminar will help you understand more about them.
Until next time-
When the weather turns cold, I wear more pants than skirts. But about a month ago, I selected a dress from my closet. Gee, I thought, if I’m wearing a dress, I should shave my legs.
I HATE shaving my legs.
I probably thought it was fun in seventh grade, when my mother said, “Okay.”
But for the last forty plus years, it hasn’t been high on my list of thrilling activities.
Not to mention the danger! Razor too fast over shin or ankle. Yikes! Bleeding for an eternity.
Anyway, before I put on the dress, I trudged into the bathroom and picked up the razor.
Yes, for real.
Well a hair here and there, but not many.
Then I remembered reading that in menopause, the hair on your legs can stop growing.
Web searches didn’t reveal much info, but women on some of the forums reported the same happy situation.
After a few weeks, some hair appeared worth shaving off, but all in all, the need to shave legs seems to be slowing down.
SCORE ONE FOR MENOPAUSE!
Anybody else have a similar story to tell?
Photo: If this is a TMI post, this sculpture is a major TMI piece of art. It’s the work of George Segal, done in 1963, and appropriately titled Woman Shaving Her Leg.
Talking about self stimulation and vibrators is not something many women are comfortable doing. There is an entire generation of women who were taught that talking about masturbation, let alone using something like a vibrator, was something proper women just shouldn’t do. This is unfortunate since using a vibrator and self stimulation are easy ways to ease the uncomfortable sex after menopause caused by female dryness.
Even a few women who are comfortable talking about having sex after menopause still have reservations about using a vibrator for self stimulation. Some women are afraid to use a vibrator for stimulation because they’ve heard that it will decrease their sensitivity over time and affect their ability to orgasm more naturally.
This is untrue – a vibrator will never take away the intimacy you can achieve with a live partner. According to Dr. Pepper Schwarz, “Sometimes we need stronger stimulation than a hand can give without it becoming irritating. And sometimes we just need a different kind of stimulation for the sheer eroticism of it.”
The fact is that vibrators can help many women over come vaginal dryness and enjoy sex after menopause. Using a vibrator helps a woman achieve increased natural lubrication and reach orgasms faster. While you won’t find many women so open about sex that they are willing to display their vibrator collection on an open shelf in the living room, it’s true that most women need to be more comfortable with expressing their sexual needs.
Women who are shy about introducing a device into their relationships can save the vibrator for private use. Many women are also shy about shopping for vibrators or other sex toys. Be not afraid – thanks to the Internet there are many women friendly online retailers like Good Vibrations and A Woman’s Touch.
If you’re unsure where to start, try a couple of vibrators favored by women over 50:
- The Eroscillator (recommended by Dr. Ruth)
- The Hitachi Magic Wand; or
- Any of the various “Rabbit” devices.
Don’t give up if the first one (or two) you try don’t work for you; every woman’s dimensions and senses are different.
1. Reconnect with your soul.
From Jackie Haughn in 3 rewards of divorce
“During this time of transition, expect some additional downtime, which is a great opportunity to reflect. You are not alone. Your higher self is always eager to listen and provide answers to questions that you’ve been yearning to know.”
2. Know that it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person.
From Myrna in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“I have been divorced for nearly 26 years, and wouldn’t go back for a million dollars. Enjoy being able to make your own decisions and controlling your own life. I’ve discovered over the years that it is sometimes better to be alone than with the wrong person… Do I get lonely, sure sometimes; but its usually just for companionship which you can find in friends.”
3. Do something symbolic.
From Judy Steinberg in Surviving divorce after 50: 4 steps back to the real you
“Here’s what I did: I took an armload of my husband’s 8×10 glossy publicity photos to the parking lot of our favorite restaurant and I burned them. Seeing his lying cheating face go up in smoke did wonders for my morale and allowed me to feel completely disconnected from him and the life we shared. My friend tossed her wedding ring into the river to accomplish the same feeling and then, in a more aggressive act of symbolism, my mother cut the crotch out of all her husband’s pants. What a woman! Create your own private revenge and move on!”
4. Be not afraid to take the leap.
From Dr. Coach Love in Later-in-life divorce
“Twenty-five of the thirty years of my first marriage were satisfying and the tale of the last five years is sadly long—including ‘his’ 7 bypasses,loss of employment, depression, and his total inactivity in taking care of himself while I looked on in frustration and helplessness, unable to be of any influence on him. The short story is that my new husband of six years and I have a great life– very different than I would have had. I still feel a loss in some ways, but I could not let myself sink with him. There is definitely life after 30 & 50. If you need to do so, do not be afraid to go out and find yours!”
5. Take time to grieve.
From MajorInsight in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“You have some grieving and letting go work ahead of you. If there are children involved, they need as much attention and stability as you can afford to give them. Surround yourself with family and friends who can listen and let you grieve.”
6. Deal with depression in a healthy way.
From MajorInsight in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“Don’t start dating until you are emotionally in a healthier place. Get involved in a faith community, seek counseling, choose to live in a environment that is healing for you. Don’t drink or drug to numb the pain. See your doctor and a therapist if you find yourself getting clinically depressed. You will need to learn to be happy and single again, it takes time, but you will make it.”
7. Know that new love may be right around the corner.
From roadtripdreamer in Later-in-life divorce
“After being single for 4 years, I met a man right under my nose – worked out at the same club, but neither of us realized the other was single. Now 16 years of marriage later, we are still having the time of our lives and have never looked back.”
8. Make this your time.
From fatnsassy in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“Do all the things you always wanted to do but could not because of him, his plans his needs his wants, his needs. Read that book. Write your own. Go places you always wanted to go to. Be the person you are and always wanted to be.”
9. Embrace your fear to move past it.
From markiesparkle in Divorce after 25+ years married and starting over
“Fear. I didn’t know how much I’d depended on my husband for emotional support and reinforcement. I also had no clue how afraid I was, of how many things! It’s been almost 8years now, and I’m finally getting back to being the (relatively) self-confident person I’d thought I was.”
10. When you date again, don’t settle for less than the best.
From silentnomore08 in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“My advice is to be strong, be true to yourself, and believe that you are worthy of the best there is in a man, so don’t settle for less than the best.
I have recently begun dating again and I am very clear up-front that I am not looking for a physically intimate encounter, but for a deeper soul relationship. It “clears out the weeds,” as my grandmother used to say.”
11. Find a support group.
From Karma in How do I start liking myself after ending a 24 year marriage?
“If you are able, get involved with a support group. Either online or in person. Do things to take care of yourself, especially things that are free or low-cost to build up your self-esteem. Get physical exercise. Engage in spiritual reading and ritual. Keep in touch with people who care about you. Your low mood will not last forever.”