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Jun
14
Dawn
Need Help
Family & Relationships
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My husband of 29 yrs came home and said he wanted a divcore & he cheated on me again.  Says it is not me & can’t answer any questions. He is at my oldest son’s house.  We work together.  He was my soul mate. We are in debt. He makes more than me.  I am scared. I use to be so outgoing but thru the years I have changed and relied on him for everything.  I am or use to be a strong woman. Now I am doubting myself.  Been married 1st time 10 yrs and he left for younger women.  How do I move on.

Dawn

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Jun
14
Anonymous
What would you do?
Work & Money
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I’ve been employed in the medical field pretty much FT for 24 years (I’m 45 yo). My husband and I have been (pretty much happily!) married for 24 years. Our children are grown (22 yo LPN, married last summer and 19 yo taking general classes at local community college…transferring next fall to another community college to start out as a PTA). My husband makes a pretty good wage working 12 hour shifts pretty close to home. We also have a side business (utilizing our open land) that is generating pretty good income on the side. This income will continue to grow over the next few years. We are adding to that now also. We built our house 17 years ago and recently paid off our mortgage. (Very happy about this!!)  Here’s where I’m at: I don’t hate, but REALLY dislike my current job. (After 13 years I made a change last year to what I thought would be a better job, better benefits, better hours, etc.) It is stressing me out beyond belief. I dread going there almost every day. I feel burnt out in the medical field now also. Or in this part of it in particular, maybe. It’s frustrating. I get up in the morning full of energy and ready to take on the day. By the time I get home every evening I’m done. Tired. A little depressed even. My husband is telling me to quit. I find it hard to just quit. I feel like I need to have a back-up plan. But we also know with our current situation (no bills except a little on our car, mortgage paid, not much for tax write-offs with children anymore, the other business generating income) that I probably should actually decrease my income as we will ‘get hit’ when it comes to taxes, etc.  I’m at a loss. I’m looking for PT jobs, something different, hoping to not have to work weekends again, etc.  Ideas? Suggestions??  I’m open to hearing what any of you have done, experienced, etc.  I feel lately like life is sucking the life out of me. I would love to be home more but yet….scared to death to make a big change.  BUT…I think I need it.  Ugh. So confused right now!

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Jun
12
Vibrant Nation Guest
Envy
Work & Money
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Full Disclosure, I am sometimes envious. Uncomfortably envious. The kind of envy that sends me on a downward spiral as I compare myself to someone who I deem more talented that me.

For example, there are a number of coaches out there who are outrageously successful. They write well, speak well, ask provocative questions, give solid advice and have outstanding marketing skills.  And, they’re young.

I start judging them with thoughts like, “how can someone who is not married, hasn’t raised teens, hasn’t lost parents, or lived long enough to know the vast range of human emotions have the wisdom to advise or coach others?”  They can of course and they do, some very well.

As I continue to contemplate this youth versus wisdom paradox, I begin to default to silly self-doubt. It’s not attractive this internal dialogue of mine.

So here I am a 50 something year old woman, mother, wife, teacher, friend, coach and I get myself in this mental tug of war with thoughts like, “Shouldn’t I be doing X, Y and Z like so and so?” This may go on for a time until I tire of feeling uncomfortable.

And then miracles of miracles, wisdom gently wafts into my consciousness and then loudly declares, “STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!”  “I AM VERY GOOD AT WHAT I DO!”

I remember my humanity. I begin to acknowledge my own talents and gifts just like I do with the people I coach. Relief! I begin to stop comparing and start learning from anyone, young or old.

Tips for putting the brakes on envy:

  1. Embrace your uniqueness. Flaunt that. How boring to be a clone of someone else.
  2. Do your best at what you do. Not someone else’s best, your best. That may mean looking at others as models and fine-tuning your skills to suit your personality. Mastery takes work, including practice and there is value in observing what successful people do.
  3. Temper the self-doubter. As wise as the doubter may be, it can paralyze one from forward momentum. Bring those judgments down a notch or two.
  4. Be in a constant state of gratitude. Gratitude for everything, especially for the flawed and imperfect life, that helps us stretch and grow.
  5. Be gentle with yourself. Envy is normal. Keep it in check, allow and then watch it dissipate. Send love to those who are successful.  Learn from them.
  6. And, send that love to yourself.
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Jun
12
Vicki
FROWN LINES
Fashion & Beauty
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Hi Yall,

Do any of you have those frown lines in between the eyes, which some call the number 11?

I was doing some research and found a product called “Frownies”.  Apparently, these patches have been on the market for quite a while.  I never heard of them.  

If anyone ever tried them, can you reply to this inquiry and tell us if they actually work?

Thanks much.

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Jun
10
Kaja
should I stay separate?
Love & Sex
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Im 55 years old and for 4 years prior to my leaving my husband of 33 years of marriage he has been very controling, such as controlling whom I can have as friends, checking up on me at work, not allowing me to have alone time or time with girl friends.Then he resorted to going out into the public and churchs we attend and spreading his rumors of me sneeking behind his back to see girl friends and having an affair with whom ever I happened to be in contact with at the time.  The last two years have been very verbally abusive.  May of 2015 is when I finally had enough of his accusations, critizing and stalking me. He now says he is going to change, but this is the same old record he has been playing for over two years. I’m confused, what happened to the caring man I knew. What should I do now? 

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