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Dr. Tara Allmen
The Anatomy of Hot Flashes
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Hot flashes – what are they and what causes them?

While nobody actually knows the mechanism for a hot flash, we do know that there is an area in the brain called the hypothalamus that regulates body temperature. For whatever reason, during the transition through perimenopause and menopause, the hypothalamus sends signals that cause women to get hot. It starts out as an ascending flush in the chest, goes up the neck, into the face and turns your face red. There is no rhyme or reason as to which woman will have a mild flash and which woman will have a severe one. Genetics can play a part, though. There is a relationship between when our mothers and sisters transition and the severity of their symptoms. So now would be a good time to talk to your mother and sisters to find out more about their experiences.

Treating Hot Flashes

According to the North American Menopause Society, many women will not need any treatment for hot flashes. If hot flashes are bothersome, they can often be reduced with one or more of the lifestyle changes listed below:

– Identify and avoid personal hot flash triggers like external heat (such as a warm room or hair dryer), stress, hot drinks, hot or spicy foods, alcohol, caffeine, and cigarette smoking.
– Try meditation, yoga, bio-feedback, positive visualization, acupuncture, or massage.
– Stay cool during the day by dressing in layers.
– When sleeping, wear light cotton nightclothes.
– Use sheets and garments that absorb moisture from the skin onto the surface of the fabric where it evaporates.
– Wash your hands in cold water when you get a hot flash to cool down and feel refreshed.
– Keep a small fan on your desk, by your bedside, even in your purse.
– Keep a frozen cold pack under your pillow and turn your pillow frequently.
– Learn techniques for getting back to sleep when awakened.
– Take slow deep abdominal breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth at the beginning of a hot flash.
– Lose weight if you are overweight

About 80 percent of women are going to experience hot flashes, which is the most common menopausal symptom. The average duration for experiencing hot flashes is 7 years. Some women will experience flashes for over 20 years! So do not let your hot flashes get you DOWN. Get UP and do what you can to feel better!

Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Rx for a better sex life: Fantasies and masturbation
Love & Sex
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A large percentage of women age 45-70, 40%, are not having sex very often. The issue of depressed sexual interest plays a part in this, so whatever we can do to re-energize this interest is worth a try!


For instance, part of our erotic energy comes from our fantasies—whether enacted or just alive in our heads. Some famous sexologists (Simon and Gagnon, 2005) believe that one of the reasons that women seem to desire sex less often than men is that they have fewer erotic fantasies (45% of men versus just 8% of women). Simon and Gagnon believe that some of the difference in fantasies is because they are culturally tabooed for women and that the fewer number of fantasies may result in less masturbation (which also affects the amount of sexual fantasy that is produced).


Masturbation is a very important element in the construction of sexual appetite. We know that masturbation stokes appetite rather than diminishes it, and men masturbate much more often than women do. Almost all men (90%) say they masturbate, less than half of all women say they do (Lauman, Gagnon, Michael, and Michaels, 1994). Only about a quarter of women masturbate at least once a week, and about 25% masturbate within a relationship context. Many research studies show that masturbation produces higher desire, higher valuation of sexuality, and a more intense sex life (Schwartz and Rutter, 2000).

Do fantasies and masturbation play a part in your sex life?

Lisa Copeland, The Dating Coach Who Makes Finding Love After 50 Fun and Easy!
Dear Lisa, How Do I Win At The Dating Game?
Love & Sex
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Dear LisaDear Lisa,


You state a lot of rules about how men react, behave, what they want, etc. ALL men? Not all men think and behave the same and there are not only two kinds of men and women.


Alpha? Beta? People are multidimensional. A true Alpha Male isn’t threatened by a strong woman – he sees her as a partner and enjoys her ability to walk shoulder to shoulder with him.


The best relationships start as friendships where two people know each other as friends – not trying to figure out strategies to attract each other, just allowing each other to naturally be themselves and letting romance happen.


It seems like we should not be playing boy/girl games in our fifties. It may take a while, but I’m convinced that by being out in the world and minimizing if not eliminating my time online, I will find the right person.


If there are as many divorced, widowed, and still single guys out there in our age group as you say, it’s only a matter of time. It worked when I was younger – why not now? Susan

Hi Susan,


Yes, you can meet a man in the real world but you do need to understand who men are at this age and how to relate to them.


They are not the same men you met the first time around in your late teens or twenties.


Thinking they haven’t changed is one of the everyday mistakes women make at this stage of life that keeps them from attracting the perfect guy.


Understanding Men 101 reverses the myths about men over 50.


Does an Alpha male want an Alpha woman? Alpha men love women who are independent, strong and successful. BUT, Alpha men do not want to compete with you.


They need you to let them be the real men they are. And if you do, they will bring out your most feminine side, cherishing and adoring you.


This is the KEY to dating an Alpha male when you are an Alpha female.


As for games, the beginning of dating is all about flirting.


Flirting is FUN and playful and men love women who smile and laugh. I can’t tell you the number of men who tell me they are so tired of meeting Debbie Downers.


So if your intention is to capture the interest of a man, you will want to know how to get his attention. And once you have it, how to keep it.


I will tell you that men who think of you as being in the “friend zone” will take themselves out of the relationship game with you because they think you’re not interested.


Do you want to know how to play “the dating game” when it comes to getting what you want in the love arena? You can be dating successfully knowing these simple secrets.





I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. We live still live together. I did move downstairs to my own room.


I want to date but don’t feel it’s right to date. I feel as though I’m cheating. Even though he has told me clearly… “It’s over and there’s no going back.”


It’s such an awkward situation. But I’m lonely and want a companion, someone to go out with and talk to and just have fun with. Walk, have a drink, have dinner.

Do I wait because I don’t want to blow any chance I have to make sure that I get my fair share of the house profit? But then in the other breathe I just want to have fun… with a companion. Who in their right minds would say, “Oh ok sure let’s date, while you live with another man?”


Hopefully you can respond to my dilemma. Brenda

Hi Brenda,


Legally, you will have to speak to an attorney about getting your fair share of the house.


Emotionally, living in the same house with your ex and trying to date is pretty tough.


The types of men who would tolerate this arrangement are probably only looking for a sexual partner and it sounds like what you’re looking for is a true partner.
Consider taking this time to heal and get back in touch with YOU again.


Go out with your girlfriends to movies and dinners. Let them keep you company for a while until you have your issues resolved and are living on your own again. Good luck with this Brenda.


Dear Lisa,


Is it ok to text a guy to say good-bye when I’m going on a trip who I’ve been out with 2 times and calls about every 3 weeks? Bonnie



If you were in a true relationship, he’d know you were going out of town.


What you have with this man is a couple of dates and a couple of phone calls.


This leads me to believe he’s more than likely dating other women at the same time he’s occasionally calling you, which, by the way, is at his convenience, not yours.


My answer to you is NO. Don’t text him. And when you come back, move on and find someone who wants to be involved with you on a more consistent basis.



Hi Lisa,


I am 49 and am dating a 55-year-old man. My children are still young (11 and 7) and his are older, late teens.


We have been dating for 18 months now, and are planning an overseas trip for 3 weeks.


I feel like I am just a ‘fill in’ for him. He told me last week that there is no way we can live together while my kids are still at home. It could be 15 years or even more until my children leave home. He still has a daughter at home.


I really do want something more. He seems to be content to just date (we see each other one to two nights a week at the moment).


I don’t want to say too much until after our holiday, but then after this I think I need to bring it to a head.


Do you have any advice? Liz



This man has made it clear that he enjoys your company but cannot live with you as long as minor children are at home.


One of the things about men is they honor their deal breakers… something women don’t always do, thinking a man will change if you just love him enough.


Your power lies in deciding whether this relationship is enough for you the way it is. If so, stay with him and have fun enjoying his company a couple of times a week.

If it’s not, let him go and find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you just the way you are.



Dear Lisa,


I was finally ready to start dating last fall, four years after my husband died from cancer when I turned 50. I joined an online dating site.


The issue is that I live in a small resort area and the men in my area who are/were responding are either too old for me or really not compatible at all.


That said, I extended my search area to include a metropolitan area about 2 hours away.


In my profile, I offer to meet someone halfway or even let them know when I’m in the area (I travel there frequently for work and pleasure). Even though guys exhibit interest, many have said that they’re not interested in dating someone out of their immediate area.


That said, do I need to relocate to enjoy an active dating life? Jan



You don’t have to move find a good love life but you do want to understand that dating is a numbers game that takes persistence.


Your profile or the dating site you are on might be why you’re attracting the wrong type of guy. You want to find the right dating sites for you and have the right profile so you can attract the guys you want to meet.


You’ll also want to be savvy at meeting men in your local area.


Is flirting with men scary for you?


In the Fun Path to Mr. Right, you’ll discover exactly how to flirt with men in a way that’s easy and fun.


Dating isn’t easy and doing it alone without support leads to frustration and giving up on your dreams. It’s why I share links to specific coaching programs and products for over 50’s dating. I know they’ll help you find the right guy while having fun dating after 50.


Tell me about your dating experience in the comments below.

Until next time~


Much love and joy to you. Lisa

The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun And Easier Over 50!

Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Are prescription meds harming your sex life?
Love & Sex
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Women in their 50s and 60s and older use more prescription drugs than they used to use. In particular, high blood pressure medications, some back medicines, diabetes treatments, and mood mediators (antidepression and antianxiety drugs) have a decidedly negative effect on libido.

So, if you or a partner is taking one of these medicines, it is an added (although not impossible) hurdle for your sexual relationship.

My advice? Talk to your doctor about it and see if lower dosages or different drugs are possible for you.

My dog and cats.
Family & Relationships
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I realize that I am posting this on the family and relationship board. I do so for a reason.


I am alone, having no family to speak of or should I say that I speak to.


I have a sister that wants money. Any and all that she can get from me so I finally said enough when our mother died. Our mother was the last connection and I have no regrets over my decision. Some sadness at times that I had to do that but I have been cutting out the dead weight of dysfunctional relationships since age 50.


Have a brother but he hasn’t spoken to me for going on 30 years. Why? Don’t know except to say he and our mother had a huge blow out when she wanted to baby sit my niece when she was a baby and he said no.


Can’t say as I blame him since mom was very much into beating the crap out of us kids when we were growing up. I think I would have done the same thing if I had had kids. Spare the rod, spoil the child mentality was definitely apart of my mother’s creed.


If any of that would have happened now we children would have found ourselves in foster care.


But that was then, then is now.


I tried to intervene in the big fight since I was the token negotiator in the family so I lost my brother in that fight. Never did forgive me.


Oh well, he made his choice and I guess that he felt he could not go back and change it….kinda like my mother in so many respects. She would dump friends in a heart beat and not even tell them why. Said that if they didn’t know, she wasn’t going to tell them.


But I digress.


I have three animals.


I know there are some that would just let them go after a divorce because of the extra responsibility and mostly (I hope to believe) cost.


I did not and it has been expensive. I find that my choices of where to live, what I can do with my free time, and what I will do going forward. I will be turning 60 in a few months and getting closer and closer to wondering what kind of place can I live with three animals.


I do not have the moola to purchase anything, and the pet rent in the area I live is tremendous.


I know in 10 years my dog will probably not be here or she will be a very OLD Jack Russell and they are long lived. My one barn cat as I call her is about 10 also and could live another 8 years. Then there is my half siamese half tiger kitty who is young and very long lived…she could be around for another 15.


My animals are long lived. The last two lived till 18 and 22 respectively. Ever seen a cat at 22 yrs…it is uncommon to say the least but she was a Main Coon and they are very long lived.


I guess where I am going with this is how to ensure if for some reason I leave this planet before they that they will not be forced to leave before their time also.


There will most likely be money to pay for their care if I were to die within the next ten years. I am not trying to be morbid but this is the reality of it and I am setting up my PODs and IRA Bens and basically taking care of the business of dying.


Have any of you had a issue such as this. In the state I live pets are considered as a piece of furniture and cannot technically be put in the Will.


All I can think is bequeathing a sum in my will to a no-kill shelter with the proviso that the animals are housed their until their natural death.


Can’t believe that I am actually talking of giving money to the “cat farm”


Well, there it is…these animals give me more love than most. And the most already are in the Will.


So what do you think I should do? I have discussed this with attorneys and they look at me aghast. Leaving money to the “cat farm”


Any opinions would be appreciated.


From the kitty cat road,