Many women who suffer from female dryness often wonder how they can have better sex after menopause if their body won’t cooperate. Unfortunately, a woman’s body produces less natural lubrication as it ages, resulting in vaginal dryness and dyspareunia, a nasty word for post-menopausal thinning of your vaginal walls.
While female dryness at this stage of life can result in intercourse pain, the good news is, effective treatments exist for vaginal dryness and dyspareunia.
Many women help relieve female dryness and overcome painful intercourse with their own hands. Your body can be retrained to maximize its natural lubrication by “waking up” your clitoris and G-spot to relieve vaginal dryness and dyspareunia for better sex after menopause.
Here are some examples of how to do just that.
Awakening the clitoris for better sex after menopause
You’re undoubtedly aware of the nub of the clitoris — the glans — but did you know that the structure of the clitoris extends beneath the surface? It’s true: the clitoris and its thousands of nerve endings extend far and wide beneath the surface of your body.
The clitoris is the only part of the human body that has no function other than giving pleasure. Women who suffer painful intercourse, or have lost sensitivity due to aging and hormonal changes, or who experience vaginal dryness and dyspareunia, might experiment with self-touch, partner-touch, and/or vibrator-touch, using pressure all around the visible part of the clitoris, not just directly on the glans.
Be prepared for this process to take some time. As Dr. Pepper Schwartz says in Great Sex After 50: A Woman’s Guide to Getting Her Mind, Body and Relationship Ready for Pleasure, “Masturbation, with our without a partner, takes some exploration in order to find out what works for you. Some women have not stuck with it long enough to figure it out. And they have made some mistakes. The most common one is to directly stimulate the head of the clitoris for too long. The clitoris is a very sensitive organ and can be come irritated relatively quickly.” This may be something you need to address openly with your partner as well: “You are touching my clitoris too directly. I need you to stroke the outside area and not directly on the top of the clitoris.”
Remember, even if you learned how to masturbate effectively long ago, those techniques may not be work as well today because of the change in hormones , blood floor, lining of the vagina and sensitivity of breasts. As Dr. Schwartz says, “Your body may have changed and so you might have to re-think how your body wants to be treated now.”
Defeating female dryness with the vibrator
Many women are afraid to treat female dryness with a vibrator for stimulation because they’ve heard that it will decrease their sensitivity over time and affect their ability to orgasm. This is untrue, as is the myth that a vibrator will turn you against real, live sex. As Dr. Schwarz says in Great Sex After 50, “Sometimes we need stronger stimulation than a hand can give without it becoming irritating. And sometimes we just need a different kind of stimulation for the sheer eroticism of it.”
While vibrators can help many women over come vaginal dryness and dyspareunia, and achieve natural lubrication and orgasms faster, the vibrator will never take away the intimacy you can achieve with a live partner.
Women shy about introducing a device into their relationships can either save the vibrator for private time or encourage their male partners to give their vibrator a name. Our favorite name from VibrantNation.com: BOB (for “battery operated boyfriend”).
Many women are also shy about shopping for vibrators or other sex toys. Be not afraid of that either, and be sure to check out women-friendly, online retailers like Good Vibrations and A Woman’s Touch. If you’re unsure where to start, try a couple of vibrators favored by women 50+:
- The Eroscillator (recommended by Dr. Ruth)
- The Hitachi Magic Wand; or
- Any of the various “Rabbit” devices.
And don’t give up if the first one (or two) you try don’t work for you; every woman’s dimensions and senses are different.
Finding the G spot for better sex after menopause
The Gräfenberg Spot (aka the G-Spot) is one of those little mysteries that have confounded scientists. Although it has been the subject of research since 1981, arguments over its very existence continue. But many women over 50 declare that not only do they know it exists; they’ve found it and are using it to their advantage!
With the right technique and a bit of practice, stimulating the G-spot has been reported to provide orgasm, multiple orgasms, and female ejaculation. Not all women find G-spot stimulation to be pleasurable. There are many ways to experiment with stimulation to find the technique that is right for you.
The G-spot is a zone about two or three inches inside the vagina on the front wall, closest to the clitoris or pubic bone. The best way to locate it is to extend your first two fingers (index and middle fingers) and make a “come here” motion. If you were to do that inside your vagina, that is the approximate location of your G spot. Many G-spot toys have been created with a curve intended to stimulate this sensitive area.
In an interview with VibrantNation.com, renowned author and women’s health specialist Dr. Christiane Northrup explained, “Women have as much erogenous erectile tissue in their pelvis as men do in their penis; it’s just all inside and no one teaches them this. All that tissue is created for pleasure and to create increased nitric oxide. And you can learn to wake this area up.”
In her Vibrant Nation interview, Dr. Northrup recommended practicing finding your G-spot twice a week, either alone or with your partner. “It’s a whole new world that couples can get into together, and the man never even has to have an erection.”
How does all this result in relief from vaginal dryness and dyspareunia and better sex after menopause?
How exactly can exploring your own pleasure spots undo the effects of vaginal dryness and dyspareunia? As author, advocate for ageless sexuality, and Vibrant Nation Blogger Joan Price says, “As we age, we get less blood flow to the clitoris and vagina, and the vaginal walls get thinner. Most of us need more arousal time and more time to reach orgasm after we’re aroused.”
Learning how to increase blood flow to your genitals faster and more powerfully will give you more pleasure and the confidence that such pleasure is within your reach again..