Vibrant Nation » NeXT
Home  »  Community News  »  Vibrant Nation » NeXT
VN members
Tricks for Applying Mineral Makeup – Advice for and by women 45+
Fashion & Beauty
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

~ udpated 11/23/15 – VN Editors

Despite some experts insistence that mineral makeup is simply the best for older women, some Vibrant Nation members have tried and didn’t like the result of using the powdery foundation.

For example, susanpariseau said, ” I tried two different mineral makeups BareMinerals and Raw Minerals and wasn’t happy with either. I have fine lines on my face especially around my mouth, unsure if from smoking or just in my chemistry but the makeup highlighted every line it was horrible. I just use a bronzing lotion and go natural now.

TXButterfly had a similar experience after buying a starter kit of Bare Minerals. “…I feel like it settles into the lines on my face and makes me look dried up and wrinkly,” she said. “Am I applying too much? To tell you the truth, I’m cosmetic-impaired: somehow I just never learned to use foundation, and I’ve never been able to do it in a way that looks natural to me and not ‘made up.'”

TXButterfly may have hit upon the problem, because many VN members have talked about the trick to mineral makeup being its unique application. In other words, it’s not only important what brand of mineral makeup you use, but that you know the tricks and tips for applying mineral makeup.

Tips and tricks for applying mineral makeup

The following are makeup tips and tricks for using mineral makeup provided by Vibrant Nation members:

Sue6 provided several pointers for creating a smooth and even finish when using mineral makeup:

Start with a moisturized but dry face – Give yourself a minute to allow your moisturizer to dry before applying your mineral powder.

Swirl, tap, and buff – Put a bit of powder in the jar lid and swirl your brush into the minerals. Go around the lid three times with the Buki brush to pick up the product. Next, tap your Buki brush two times to release excess powder. Then, buff it onto your face. Start with a thin layer and add layers as needed. Remember to brush in a downward direction on the sides of the face to avoid fluffing up the small hairs on the cheeks.

Use a Buki brush (also called a Kabuki brush) – Sue6 emphasized that it’s vital to use the right type of brush to get a flawless finish with mineral makeup. “…It’s worth investing in a good buki brush,” she advises. “A buki brush is a soft dome shaped brush that is especially effective at applying mineral powder and buffing the product onto the skin. It is designed specifically to apply the product evenly around the nose, mouth and eyes.”

Find the right shade for your skin – Remember that mineral powders reflect light, so you’ll want to choose a color that’s a shade or two darker than your usual liquid foundation. “If your foundation looks powdery after you’ve applied it, wait five or ten minutes and check again,” Sue6 advises. “The minerals meld with the oils of the skin and look natural in a short time. If they continue to look powdery your shade is too light” and you should consider switching to the next darker shade.

VN member SIZZELN agrees that finding the right color is key to a beautiful finish, and you may need more than one shade depending on the season. “…My person who mixes for me, I need two shades. One for winter (lighter) and one for summer (darker), brown skin American. In between seasons blend the two going darker or lighter with season.”

Don’t use too much mineral powder – Mineral makeup is intended to be applied in layers, Sue6 advises. “Start with one light layer and see if the coverage is what you want, if not apply additional layers till you reach the glow that simply can’t be duplicated by other types of makeup.”

Stay hydrated – Some members have complained that mineral makeup makes them look dry. Anna Carlson says, ” I love Bare Minerals – I use a face serum underneath, then apply. That might help with the dryness.”

Where’s the best place to buy mineral makeup

If you’re ready to buy mineral makeup, Vibrant Nation members have also provided some tips for finding the best deals on the sometimes-expensive cosmetics:

    Cobrateacher says,
    “I love the quality and especially the priced at ELF (Eyes, Lips, Face) Most of their products are only $1 each, and the mineral products are usually $5. I’ve often gotten free shipping or discounts, too. I wouldn’t bother if the quality weren’t truly wonderful!”
    Pamela4 says,
    “I buy my favorite makeup brands on e-bay. E-bay sellers can only sell new makeup so everything is new. …I love Jane Airdale Mineral Makeup and I get it on e-bay. Recently, I spotted a Bobbi Brown “Summer Nudes” eyeshadow tray that included 8 shadows at Macy’s but it was $64. Not happening. I got it on e-bay for $34.99.”
    dbeth52 says,
    “I buy my BareMinerals make-up from Sephora, QVC, or BareMinerals site. Whichever has the best deal. Over the years, I have tried lots….drugstore brands, Avon, Arbonne, MaryKay, etc., but BareMinerals works the very best for me. No breakouts, no T-zone shine after a few hours like with all others, and my face looks and feels great.”
    rkaster says,
    “absolutely the best I have used. Mineral Foundations. Beautiful, face, eyes, nail colors. Great anti-aging skin care too! Even have tips on this site.. check it out!!”
What’s Your Best “Thanksgiving horror” Story?
Home & Garden
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

For some reason almost everyone has a Thanksgiving horror story. Here are some of the issues:

  1. Turkey still frozen
  2. Turkey cooked with the giblet package contained
  3. Not all the food is done even close to the same time
  4. Toilet overflows
  5. Garbage disposal backs up
  6. Guests arriving at 9 AM for a 3 PM dinner
  7. Guests not arriving because of weather but don’t call
  8. Guests bringing unknown extra guests but don’t call
  9. Guests not bringing food items they were assigned or volunteered
  10. Guests stealing money out of purses
  11. Guests drinking too much and acting obnoxious
  12. Guests getting into physical fighting matches
  13. Guest arguing and leaving early
  14. Guests drinking too much and staying over night
  15. Lots of food is spilled on the carpet
  16. Lots of beverages are spilled on the carpet
  17. The dog/cat is yuuking up on the carpet
  18. Dishes and glasses are broken
  19. Counters tops are cut into
  20. Water rings are left on woodwork and furniture


Here is my best worst Thanksgiving story:

The dinner is over. The same lovely guests who always help are helping with the cleanup. Dishes are put into the dishwasher, pans are washed and dried by hand, leftovers are placed into containers, and the turkey carcass is wrapped up and placed in the refrigerator.

Next morning hostess looks in her refrigerator and can not find her leftovers. Not one container of potatoes, green beans, turkey, stuffing or even the carcass is found. She calls 2 of her guests who helped clean up and they are dumbfounded. She calls her Mother who says she saw a guest put into a black garbage bag the carcass. The hostess calls said guest who admits that while she was taking the carcass she just took everything else too!


What’s your best worst Thanksgiving story? Vent here before the guests arrive!





Want Better Sex – Temple Tapping & Other Relaxation Techniques
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Enjoyment of good sex isn’t just for fun. History reveals that medicine men throughout history have recommended good sex as one of the best ways to discharge stress – as well as, to have happiness in your life and good health. I’ve learned to combine what is a stress relaxation technique with sex, to achieve good sex, and I will share it with you.
I learned about temple tapping from my girlfriend Beth. She’d learned in chiropractic school, temple tapping can help you give better oral sex by reducing the gag reflex. It both confused and fascinated me, I recall blurting ‘NO WAY’ with laughing in between, over and over again.
In a general sense, temple or face tapping awakens and relaxes the trigeminal nerve and may help:
* alleviate headache
* reduce the pain of TMJ
* support speech production, relieve facial tics and paralysis, etc.
* and, according to my friend Beth, reduce the gag reflex

Tapping of the temples becomes a relaxation technique, benefiting the cranial nerves, stress reduction, overall well being and, oral sex (or as Bethie says, deep throating). Specifically face tapping awakens and relaxes the trigeminal nerve by means of organized stimulation of the nerves, that is, by stimulating them in a way that follows their own organizational pathways. The brain will track the stimulation that is done during the face tapping and try to anticipate where the next tap is going to be. The fact that the tapping follows the organization of the nerves facilitates this anticipation (see the Handle Institute’s web page, here.)
I started using relaxation as a sexual tool after being ’empowered’ by Beth. I was the typical white-girl-prude without a clue. When Bethie told how the professor had announced that he would be teaching them about temple tapping and its use in sex of controlling the gag reflex, there was stifled laughter – that’d be me; I’d be nervous.
If we use dancing as an example, it is instantly seen how important relaxation is to the task. Dancing absolutely requires rhythm, looseness, a pliable body. No one wants a stiff, rigid or nervous dance partner. To enjoy good dancing, the ability to relax and yet still consciously dance is invaluable. Similarly, relaxation techniques during sex help to create good sex.
To start to relax I put mind on, or focus my mind on another place, it can be as simple as counting backwards, mentally saying the alphabet, repeating phrases, etc. I will sometimes use clock-face visualization, imagining the face of a clock, and follow the pattern or the organization of its numbers. Eyes closed, visualizing and finding the 3, following down to the 6, up to the left for 9, and up and over to the 12, this is then your repetition or meditation.
Sex is at its best when it is not only a whole-body experience, but a whole-person experience; body and mind are both involved. We naturally all are consumed with daily living – emotional vulnerabilities are just barely below the surface at all times, resulting in stress and causing conscious and unconscious tension. When we are no longer inhibited, endorphins are released and we are empowered sexually, whole-body and whole-person.
When my mind can help my body improve the sex for my partner and me, that is d*mn hot. Again, be enthusiastic, attitude is nine-tenths of the law. Have fun now. Have a lot of fun, in fact.

VN Editors
Friendship in midlife: How to make new friends after divorce or major life change
Family & Relationships
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Big life changes, like death or divorce, have a ripple effect that touches every other aspect of your life. Old friends may fade away, old relationships may become uncomfortable, and old habits might start to feel depressing instead of enjoyable. Learn how to make new friends after divorce, or another major life change, and start building a new life for yourself. Now is the time to explore new hobbies, find new haunts and discover a whole new you.


The sad truth is, some of your friends will vanish after you go through divorce or another life-changing event (such as the death of a spouse or even extreme weight loss). The Huffington Post recently explored the topic, and found that many friendships change or disintegrate entirely after breakups.

Often, friends make themselves scarce during the divorce itself. These people may re-emerge into your life once all is said and done. People drift away during these times because they’re uncomfortable, and that discomfort may continue after the divorce is final.

In the case of divorce, other factors may also be at play. If you’re divorced you’re single, and single women make some married women feel threatened. Breakups also have a way of tempting people to take sides, and some of your friends may decide they’re not on yours. Others may be afraid that your divorce, illness or change is “catching” – your grief may infect their lives and shake things up there, as well.

Old Relationships, New Challenges

After a major life change, you are not the same person. Your friends may have trouble interacting with you in the same way, and you could find yourself on equally unstable footing. Start exploring the new you by seeking out new friends, while hanging on to the old of course.

Here’s the rub: it’s never easy to make friends, and after a certain age it starts to feel harder and harder.

“At middle-age, I realized I had few friends (does the one who lives halfway across the country count?) Worse, I didn’t know how to find new ones.” VN member Lynne Spreen shared her story, and her pain. “Finding new friends at our age is harder because our peers aren’t looking. By now, they generally have all the friends they need, so you have to sort of sneak up on them… I now know that the best way to make friends later in life is to find the activity and let the friendship follow.”

“A wise person has said that if in your whole life you have three close and entirely supportive friends, you are extremely fortunate,” says VN member Sienna Jae Fein.

And you may not find a best bud in your efforts to make new friends, but sometimes it’s okay to have a handful of casual acquaintances to enjoy the afternoon with. After a life-changing event, you should get out and meet new people and discover new things. If friendship results from that, more’s the better.

How to Make Friends

“I think it’s harder to make friends the older you get because there are fewer opportunities for encountering others in situations where friendships can develop. We have to go out of our way to join groups, take classes, go to meetings — and do so regularly, so that we get to know people. It takes time,” said VN member Seawriter.

“I recently went through a rough separation and divorce, covering a span of three years. At the end of it, I had assumed my friends had my back, and was looking forward to rebuilding a lot of those relationships…I actually lost all my dear, close friends, who told me I had been too unhappy for too long, and they were done with me.” Paula Ellen, VN member and featured commenter, shared her own friendship story. It’s got a sad beginning, but it doesn’t end that way.

“I had to do something to find new friends, so I took advice that I had been giving others for years. Find things you love to do, and find groups of others who enjoy the same activity. Join these groups and be active in them. It will take some time, but friendships will form,” she explained. She started volunteering after subscribing to a website that provided her with local opportunities.

Next, she took a class to learn a new skill. Look to your local YWCA, community colleges and public gathering spots to find classes near you. Arts and crafts classes, exercise classes, cooking classes – any of all of these could become your next hobby. You might also look to your community theater, something else Paula Ellen tried. You don’t have to be on stage to contribute. Community theatre groups always need help behind-the-scenes, at the front desk and in the advertising department.

“Get out there and do something. Anything. Just get out there. Lose yourself in something you like to do, and the rest will come,” said Paula Ellen.

VN member Trixie suggests hosting a “Ladies Night.” Invite women you know to your home for the event, serve some snacks, and tell everyone to bring a book or magazine to trade. While everyone works out their trades, they’ll all be getting to know each other. If the evening is a success, encourage one of the other women to host their own Ladies Night next month. With luck, you can turn the event into a monthly date and potentially make some new friends and deepen existing relationships.

“ exists to promote events for like-minded people.  There’s something for everyone, you sign up online and meet in the real world.  New people keep joining as others drop out, so you’re always seeing new faces,” says VN member crystalli. She’s joined groups through the site, and she’s had positive results with making friends.

Why You Need Friends

Making new friends is a good way to cope with divorce or another life-changing event. Even positive events will rock your world and have an affect on you and your relationships. If you’re divorced, try making friends who are single. This will help you adjust to your new, not-married lifestyle. Building new relationships is a great way to create new memories that don’t make you think about the past you’ve left behind.

It is hard to make new friends, but it’s well worth the effort. It’s always good to expose yourself to new points of view, new interests, new places and things to try. Life can change at any time, and it feels pretty scary. Instead of shying away from it and dwelling on the past, move forward and embrace the future. Maybe this is the first step in a new, happier life.


Magnolia Miller
Why I Will Never Date Again
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How’s that for a catchy title? And it’s true.  So true.  I will never, ever, EVER date again.  Oh, I can just hear all of you motivational speaker types getting ready to tell me to “never say never” and all of that other kind of platitude-y, cliche-ish kind of stuff that I hate worse than the thought of dating again.

But here’s the deal:  I’m going to be 58 years old next month.  I’ve been divorced 3 times.  The last one is still rocking and rolling inside my emotional and spiritual psyche. Even if I wanted to date again (which I don’t), I am not in a healthy place.  Talk about a disaster waiting to happen.

I also won’t dismiss the fact that I’m wrestling in the worst way with bitterness toward anything with an XY chromosome – except my wonderful son – and so, it’s safe to say that if a guy attempted to ask me out on a date, I would probably haul off and let him have a swift right hook.  Not exactly a great way to begin a relationship.  No?

But here’s the real reason I will never date again:  I was never very good at it in the first place.  Even when I was young and “date-able”  I hated the process. It’s awkward.  It’s uncomfortable. You can’t just be yourself because everybody is in “putting your best foot forward” kind of mode, and so, there’s always a lot of judging going on. And frankly, I just can’t take it.

The mere thought of dating is utterly exhausting to me.

I also don’t see the point in dating anymore.  For what? I’m not ever getting married again.  Ever.  NOT EVER!!!  There will be no “4th time’s a charm” for this girl. No thanks, girlfriends.  You can keep all of those Prince Charmings all to yourself.  I’ve kissed enough frogs.

That is not to say that I wouldn’t mind someone to have coffee with.  Or someone to watch a movie with.  Or even someone to grab a bite of food with.  But, unless I meet that person going about my normal, everyday activities, that won’t happen either.  Because I refuse to exert any additional effort to “meet someone.”

In the meantime, my focus has become my own well-being.  I spend a lot of time doing things that I love.  Reading, writing, watching movies, working in my garden, doing the work of graduate school, and spending time with my children.  My spiritual life has become a priority too.  My relationship with God and His love for me is becoming my all in all.  I say “becoming” because it’s definitely a process, learning to love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength; learning to lean on Him for everything.

For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isaiah 54:5

I’m no longer afraid to be alone either.  And the thought of dying alone no longer scares me like it used to.  Perhaps the change of menopause has profoundly changed the things which motivate me in the last part of my life.  I just no longer feel compelled to “couple up” like I did in my 20s, 30s, and even in my early 40s.  Except maybe with my Jack Russell or my favorite cat.

I’m finally okay with being exactly who I am, exactly where I am in life, with no prospects for it to change.  Besides, there are plenty of opportunities to love and receive love in this life.  We don’t need a spouse or significant other to do it either.  We just live it and give it.

VN Editors
Use vaginal dilators to treat dyspareunia (painful sex) after menopause
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dyspareunia—the recurrent or persistent genital pain before, during, or after sexual intercourse—has a variety of causes and treatments.  Vaginismus (vaginal tightness that makes sexual intercourse painful or even impossible) is a type of dyspareunia.

Both dyspareunia and vaginismus can be caused by the hormonal changes of aging and menopause.  In addition to aging, one major cause of painful sex is not having enough sex.

Unfortunately, women over 50 more frequently go through stages where (because they are single, widowed, divorced, or even unhappily married) they simply aren’t having sex.

When sex after menopause is difficult because it seems painful or almost impossible for a man to insert his penis in your vagina, doctors most frequently recommend vaginal dilation with dilator sets.  Dilator sets help you strengthen and train your pelvic floor to relax.

What is a vaginal dilator?

Vaginal dilators are tampon-shaped devices that women can insert into their vaginas for several minutes to stretch the tissues and keep them pliable. Dilators often come in sets that range in size from small (about ¾ inch in diameter) to about the size of a fully-erect penis.  You start with the smallest, and gradually work your way up to the larger sizes.

Where do you buy vaginal dilators?

Because this problem is more common than most women over 50 realize, they are also surprised at how easy it is to acquire a vaginal dilator. They’re even available from You can try your local sex specialty shop or, if you’d rather shop more privately, try a woman-friendly online retailer.

How do you use a vaginal dilator?

You may need the help of a doctor or trained physical therapist to explain the proper technique, but a woman can do the treatment in the privacy of her home and at her own pace.

One member describes the process this way, “Get some lubricant and swab in around your genital area and tuck a little into the vagina. Put more lubricant on the dildo.  Insert the tip of the dildo into the opening.  If it hurts, just roll/rotate the tip around the outside next to the entrance.  A little at a time over a period of weeks, maybe even months, gradually insert the tip more and more.

“For me, even that hurt a lot at first.  Once you can get it inside of that tight little sucker, slowly thrust it in and out, as if you are really having sex.  If you stimulate your clitoris at the same time, that will help.  And yes, get yourself off.  But don’t be impatient with yourself if it doesn’t happen for a while.”

Does this treatment work?

One member who describes herself as a “successful self-devirginalizer,” wrote about her success using vaginal dilators. She said: “Ultimately my husband could actually fit again.  At first it hurt and just inserting his penis was enough.  Then when we began having sex, we changed positions.  He was on his side and I was on my back, our legs intertwined.  That position hurt a lot less than others and then after a month or so of actual sex, it didn’t hurt at all.

“And you know what?  The sex is now better than it ever was prior to menopause.  This position leaves the clitoris out and available for manual stimulation at the same time. Sex is now the best it’s ever been.”

Sex after 50 can be one of life’s great pleasures.  If you want to experience sexual intercourse but it seems too painful to enjoy (or even attempt), follow the lead of other women over 50 and either ask your doctor about vaginal dilators, or try them on your own.

VN Editors
Buying Vibrators for Women? Get a Groupon First
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Like bargain shopping? Need to get some new vibrators for women? Turn to Groupon to find great deals, and discover vibrator models you never knew existed.

A Penny Saved

Groupon is a website that specializes in coupons, discounts and various money-saving deals. The site rose to fame by offering discounts and deals on activities, but now you can find coupons for any number of retail items as well – including lots of different vibrators for women.

Before you go shopping for your next new vibrator, browse Groupon to see how much you can save. There are several types of vibrators you can expect to find on the site:

  • Rabbits: Several different brands of rabbit vibrators offer coupons on Groupon. The rabbit vibrator is one of the world’s most famous designs. It stimulates you in multiple ways, and has a classic vibrator look.
  • Bullets: Small, handheld bullet vibrators are very popular on Groupon and in general. Little bullets are made to be discreet. They’re used to deliver targeted pleasure.
  • Pocket rockets: Small but powerful, pocket rockets are available in a wide array of colors.
  • Voice activated: If hands-free control is what you like, use Groupon to find voice-activated vibrators for women. These devices allow you to enjoy pleasure without even pushing buttons.
  • G-spot vibrators: Find affordable g-spot vibrators at Groupon, too. These vibrators target the elusive g-spot, an erotic area that’s so mysterious some scientists aren’t even sure it exists.
  • Finger vibrators: You don’t have to let the device do all the work. Groupon is a good place to find finger vibrators for women, too. These little devices are slipped on over your fingers to turn your own digits into vibrators.

Finding Vibrators for Women

Don’t know exactly what you want to buy? Groupon is a good place to find vibrators for women and see what different types of models are available. Browsing through the site may introduce you to new types of vibrators. If you’re going to experiment and shop around, it only makes sense to do it when you’ve got a good discount. Groupon coupons can help you feel a little less guilty about spending money on vibrators.

Groupon is a good place to start, but it’s not the only website that offers discounts on vibrators for women. When you buy vibrators online, you have several different money-saving options. Sites like RetailMeNot offer coupon codes for online shoppers. If you’re shopping anyway, why not save money, too?

Lisa Copeland, The Dating Coach Who Makes Finding Love After 50 Fun and Easy!
Beware of Too Much Chemistry
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As a twice-divorced woman in my mid 50’s, I found myself back in the dating world yet again after my second divorce. Hubby #1 and I met in college but hubby #2 and I met at an online dating site. Online Dating does work and I chose a very nice man to marry. We just married for all the wrong reasons.

You see, when hubby #2 and I first met, there was this instant chemistry between us. Sparks flew everywhere. Its intensity was so strong that within six weeks of meeting each other, we were already planning a wedding. Saying good-bye was so difficult and left me in tears every time we parted ways. I couldn’t stand being without him at my side and I couldn’t wait until the day we would live together as husband and wife.

The love we shared continuously tugged at my heart. I’d never felt this way before. Although I could see his shortcomings, the “chemistry” between us was so intense that I totally overlooked any negative issues, excusing them as behaviors that would somehow change as the result of our love over time.

If you read enough online profiles, you will see that most men are looking for “CHEMISTRY” as the barometer for success on a first date. Everyone wants to fall in love the minute they set eyes on each other and that is exactly what we had happen to us! Our first coffee date turned from a half hour meet and greet into an 8-hour marathon. The energetic vibes between us were magnified. Have you ever felt like you knew someone the second you met them? Within minutes, I felt like I’d known him my entire life.

Some chemistry is a good thing. You absolutely do need to click on certain levels. You need to have enough in common to keep things moving forward. But first dates are so awkward that it’s hard to click really well when you first meet. It takes time to develop a true relationship. And it takes conversation, lots of it and it takes playing together as a couple with activities, friends and families to see if anything is really there.

Instant, intense, chemistry like I had with hubby #2, keeps the natural progression of the “getting to know each other” process from happening. The chemistry gives you a false sense of being in love when it turns out what you are really in is lust. We found ourselves feeling what we thought was love for each other so by date #3, it wasn’t surprising when the “L” word appeared.

After knowing each other for only a year, we were married. The intense chemistry between us was still going strong and we were still having a lot of great sex but we were always angry at each other. Neither of our needs were being met due to his inability to communicate well. Yes, that was the red flag I overlooked and thought would correct itself over time.

As 2 years wore on, the chemistry never wore off. But, our arguments got more intense and began wearing on each of us. Without, a friendship, there was nothing to keep the marriage solid. When we separated, I could still feel a strong tug at my heart and it took a while to stop wanting his physical presence in my life.

Although this was such a painful period in my life, I did learn a lot. I realized that a relationship truly needs to develop at a slower pace and that its most important quality is the friendship that develops with time between two people. As we age, sex can wane. It is the friendship, the similar values and the fun you share with another person that holds a relationship together.

If you find yourself in a situation where blinding chemistry shows up between you and a potential partner, take a deep breath and as hard as it will be, slow it down and give yourself a chance to see if the two of you can work beyond the intense attraction. Learn from my mistakes. Divorce is hard on everyone and messy whether you’ve been married 24 years or 2.

If you have a first date with a man and you feel like there is no chemistry, try going out again and see if it develops over time. Often it will and it’s this slow building type of chemistry that will create a lasting and enduring relationship between you and a “Quality Man”. And that is what we all really want don’t you think?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that began with intense chemistry? Did it last? I hope you will share your stories by posting them below. I look forward to hearing from you.

Learning more about men is helpful and my upcoming teleseminar will help you understand more about them.

Until next time-


Susan Posnick
6 age-defying makeup tips for women over 50
Fashion & Beauty
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
  1. Use highlighting color to lift and brighten.
    Next to sun protection, a highlighting color can be the most valuable tool in your makeup wardrobe. As we age, gravity makes things fall. Careful use of highlighting color can counter the appearance of this:

    • Brow: Use a little bit of highlighting color just underneath the brow and a little bit above the brow to lift, open, and brighten the eye.
    • Cheeks: Use the same highlighter at the top of your cheekbone to make it more prominent. Again, it’s a lift up.
    • Mouth: Use the highlighter around your mouth where those little lines sometimes settle in. Just sort of outline the mouth to make it look a bit fuller. This also softens the lines around the mouth.
  • Open your eyes.
    I think women over 50 should always use some eyeliner. Apply it above the top lashes and don’t go too thick; it can be a very thin line and then you can smudge it out a little bit by the eye. Keep the eyelid lighter in color rather than darker in color because it will keep the eye looking open. Choose an eyeliner color that flatters your coloring–something that defines the eye but isn’t too hard. Black is good, but sapphire blue can be beautiful, or coppery brown, or a deep purple.


  • Go easy on the lip liner.
    Definite lip liner was popular about 20 years ago. Today, too much lip liner has a dated, aging effect. If you’re going to wear a lip liner, wear a very neutral color just to cheat the lip line a little bit.


  • Enhance your lip color.
    You want nice, moist, pretty lips–but with some color. I think glosses are great, but I think once you’re over 50, put a little color with that gloss.


  • Don’t be afraid of a little eye shimmer.
    Many women over 50 are very afraid of eye shadows that have shimmer in them. 20 years ago, you needed to be afraid because the particles were so big that they made the eyelid look crepe-y. But today, everything is so refined you don’t have to be afraid of a little shimmer. This is a big change.




  • Flatter your neck and jawline.
    There are things you can do to flatter these areas which can be a problem for some women. For example, under the chin and onto the neck you can apply a little bit of contouring color (two or three shades deeper than your foundation color) to shadow it back a little bit. Another trick is to apply highlighting color above the jaw line and below the bottom of the cheek, to lift the face.


Finally, learning these tricks is easier when you’re shown how to do them. If you go to a department store, approach someone whose look you like and who is age-appropriate. But you may get better attention at a smaller apothecary because in an apothecary they are not selling a specific line–they are selling what works best for you.


The Makeover Guy
8 lessons from 8 makeovers of women over 50
Fashion & Beauty
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As women age, the more beautiful they become–but often, the less attractive they feel. Who they are isn’t coming across in how they look. And so, they feel invisible.

I wrote a makeover book for women over 45 because I like them. We “get” each other. Younger women tend to gravitate towards the trendy and trivial whereas women who’ve sort of “been there, done that,” like I have, are impatient with hype. My clients are smart and they’re ready to hear it. I wrote my book, Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for Women Over 45, as a labor of love–focusing on techniques I’ve used for over 20 years in my professional career, and addressing the specific challenges women face as they grow older and as their bodies change.

Here are some of the lessons women 50+ can learn from makeovers in my book:

1. Growing old is optional

Rici is the perfect illustration of what happens when you do next to nothing because “it’s just too much work.” Looking natural does not mean doing nothing, especially after 60! It takes makeup to look naturally attractive.

Rici’s “before” look evoked granny in the rocking chair with the knitting–but that image simply didn’t match the Rici I met. With a great hairstyle and highlights, shaped brows, and yes, makeup–we see the true Rici, a woman who wants more from life, who wants to live.

2. Your hair speaks volumes

Nancy has a great personality that her “before” look didn’t come close to capturing. Technically, there was nothing wrong with Nancy’s look–but, as I suggested, she might want to save it till she’s 70.

Much of Nancy’s transformation had to do with simply getting rid of her grey and going for a cut that truly suits her. Short, blond, and bangs all promote a youthful look. The spirit of who Nancy really is radiates in her “after” photo, and that’s what any makeover is all about.

3. Classic doesn’t have to mean boring

Linda’s “before” look was classic to the point of failure. Her hair and clothes were shapeless, her makeup colorless, her workbag completely lacking style. Did someone say “schoolmarm”?

Her “after” look is still classic, but it lets Linda’s vibrant personality shine through. To me there is nothing sexier than a woman in a straight black skirt, a beautiful silk blouse opened one extra button with a killer pair of heels. Plus, the matching hem, hose, and heel work together to elongate her legs. Bam!

4. Give yourself a liftBy age 40, about 40% of women have experienced some hair loss, and the hair loss accelerates during menopause. The right haircut and styling can make a big difference.

For example, Carol thought she needed shorter layers on top for height. In truth, she needed color for texture and more length on top for support. Take control: Give yourself some lift and keep it there by back-combing and using a fine mist hairspray, preferably aerosol.

5. Dress the woman you are today

As you try to find the balance between growing older and looking modern, don’t fall into the trap of becoming “mutton dressed as lamb.” You won’t look younger, you’ll simply look vulnerable and insecure.

Cheryl’s transformation shows the importance of dressing age-appropriately. Rather than tell a story about our past, our image must declare the person we’ve become. In her “after” photo, Cheryl shows just a hint of cleavage (all that’s needed!) and her skirt length, just below the knee, is flattering as well as sexy.

6. Build a foundation

Maybe in the 1960’s and ’70s you burned your bra and let it all hang out, but as time passes, the spirit may still be willing, but the flesh does become weak. It’s time to recognize that the single, most important garment you can wear under slim-fitting clothing is the appropriate foundation.

Lynette’s makeover shows how the right shapewear smooths, slims, and firms. Also, choosing an outfit that creates a monochromatic line slenderizes and balances.

7. Minimize

Lynda told me she hadn’t really “gone out” since the 1980’s because she’d been self-conscious about her weight. But after weight-loss surgery, she lost 155 pounds. And although I thought Lynda was beautiful, she couldn’t seem to see it.

In Lynda’s makeover, warm colors brighten her face while monochromatic color blocking is slenderizing. The lapels draw the eye up and out, away from her midsection. The V-neck elongates, and the necklace draws the eye to Lynda’s face. Finally, fuller leg pants help balance a bigger top.

8. Keep it current

Gail started out with home hair color from hell and a dated hairstyle, plus dark makeup that was aging–and a little scary. Part of the problem was that Gail had spent her life spending money on her children’s clothing, makeup, and haircuts–but had trouble feeling that she deserved those things for herself.

Gail’s makeover stayed true to her beauty buzzwords–simple, clean, and natural–but the softer hair and makeup are much more feminine and the trapeze silhouette works well for her A-shape body.

VN Editors
Best makeup over 50: Lipsticks we love
Fashion & Beauty
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When you’ve reached the expiration date on your lipstick, or you’re just looking for a new brand to try, your choices are almost overwhelming. Lucky for you, Vibrant Nation members are ready with lots of recommendations for the best lipstick shades and brands available, especially for mature women with lips that may need a little extra definition or plumping.

Since dark lip liner and oozy liquid lipsticks and dark gloppy glosses are on our list of 10 taboo beauty items, you’ll want to find a paler shade that gives you a youthful look while keep your lips moist and healthy. Consider these recommendations for the best lipsticks for women over 50 from the members of VN:

VN member Paula Ellen

I like using Blistex Silk & Shine under any lipstick I use. It makes your lips very moist and pretty, and I think it makes the lipstick look better, and last longer since you use less. Plus, the Blistex smells and tastes GREAT!

That said, I use Wet ‘n’ Wild #911B in summer and #912B in winter. It looks ridiculously pink, and I have to admit it was a leap of faith for me. I am not a fan of pink but for some reason it looks good on me. Go figure. The universe loves to play these sorts of jokes on me. Wearing anything darker just makes me look like a clown, so I have stayed with this shade.

Marla Heller
I love Elizabeth Arden 8 hr tinted lip balm. It is absolutely the best. And you can get it untinted for bedtime use. Every other lipstick makes my lips peel.

I use Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm. Love it!

Found a great color lipstick today by Elizabeth Arden called Breathless…it is more a neutral color of rose, love it! Has no shimmer, more a creamy matte, but beautiful on!

Chanel Hydrabase which I have loved for over 25 years… I like Hydrabase because it’s so creamy and feels good on my lips for hours.  It’s almost like a balm.  I even wear it around the house rather than a balm.

I cannot afford to have botox every 3-6 months so I tried several lip plumping products.  I started out with the more expensive department store options.  Slowly I tried less expensive products.  Now I use, are you ready for this?, Sally Hanson Lip Inflation.  I absolutely LOVE it. It comes in colors and in clear.  I love the glossy look it adds and I find it plumps ever bit as much as those expensive brands.  Who would have guessed?  I usually buy it at Walgreen’s.  It sells for about $6.

Kelly ann Cavender
I use Sally Hanson too. Try their invisible lip liner, it keeps your lipstick where it is supposed to be… on your lips! I love many of Sally’s nail polish, and grooming tools.

Shelby Jean Etheredge
I use Sunright lip balm SPF 15 from Nuskin.  They also have lipstick.

Sharon Lee 123
I have switched to pencils entirely. They don’t bleed and there are many colors. They seem to last a long time on the lips. I find them easy to apply too! … My favorite [lip pencil] is by Almay because its glides on easily and seems to last a long time (but not through a meal). However, I’ve tried all the brands from expensive to cheap and they are work best for me. And so many colors! The ones in pencil-like tubes are softer and easier to apply. Sometimes I put a dab of lotion on my lips and let it dry thoroughly and that seems to help it “set.”

From Sarah Swenson (Seawriter)
My favorite lipstick right now is Dior Addict. (doesn’t that sound HORRIBLE?)

I use color #583 which is a beautiful shimmery pink that blends perfectly with my coloring. (I have very fair skin, green eyes and blond hair).

I like it because the color lasts, it stays smooth and not bumpy or chunky, and the color is so pretty.

I used to swear only by Chanel lipsticks, which I still like, but this Dior Addict has trumped Chanel, at least for the time being.

Jane Edenfield
So far I am impressed with Mary Kay and M.A.C.

I line my lips and wear mostly colored gloss. I am now using the Sally Hansen plump gloss. Suggested by someone here.

Jackie Brown
My new favorite lip color/gloss is a by brand called “Ruby Kisses” which I discovered at the beauty supply store. I wouldn’t say I can’t live without it, but the colors are lovely and the gloss long-lasting and moisturizing. Best of all, it’s only $2.99 for a palette of three coordinated shades and a clear gloss.

I’m not sure..i haven’t had much luck with drugstore brands OR department store brands.  I just ordered a Paul and Joe lipstick that i saw in a magazine and loved the color… Loved it!!  Stays put, color is great!!  Paul and Joe Limited Edition RPM (beige-pink)  Costs a lot but it’s worth it to find a good one!

Another great lipstick – Laura Geller.  Feels great, lasts a long time, great colors, but cost a lot.  I buy it off her website or $15.50/tube.

I have been using Cover Girl Outlast Lipstick since 2000. It is wonderful. I put it on in the morning, eat, drink, sleep, get up the next morning, take it off with my moisturizer and put on fresh for the next day. I have been asked many times, “How do you wake up in the morning and still have on lipstick?” I can kiss my grandkids and they know it won’t be on them. Never leave marks on your coffee cup, your hubby. It is great!!! It comes in a box, has the lipstick in a long slender tube, then a moisturizer you HAVE to put on after a minute. That is what makes it stay on.

Carol Orsborn
Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain and Balm by Revlon. (My shade: “Forbidden.”)

bubbyof5 provided a few tips to “keep lip color on for hours longer than usual.” She recommends:

1. Exfoliate your lips weekly.

2. Use lip liner pencil all over the lips.

3. Apply lipstick with a brush, especially first time in the day.

4. Powder lips (even blush will work).

5. Blot with tissue between lips.

6. Reapply lipstick or gloss.


Are dry lips your problem? Check out these best lip balms to protect and hydrate your lips recommended by members of VN.

Did your favorite lipstick make the list? Recommend it below!

Patty Brisben
What is a vaginal moisturizer?
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When was the last time someone told you to hydrate your vagina? Don’t worry about reaching for your reading glasses. You read it right. I would venture to guess it wasn’t any time very recent (if at all!). The truth is no one ever talks to us about it.

Think about it: every woman out there at some time or another has had someone remind them of the importance of taking care of their skin. After all, how many of us have been walking in the mall when someone at a kiosk shouts out, “What moisturizers do you use on your face?” or “Do you want to know how to look 10 years younger?” Not surprising questions considering that many women do use special facial creams and regiments to ensure that their skin is hydrated and in good health. Yet, what people don’t realize is that every part of your party ages and goes through different types of changes and stress. Why should your vagina be any different?

Have you ever lied in bed one night while being intimate with a partner and felt like your mind was there but your body was not? What people don’t realize is that there are so many causes for vaginal dryness including childbirth, menopause, medications, etc. – common occurrences in everyday life. It’s so important not to confuse lubricants with vaginal moisturizers as a way to treat this.

Pure Romance’s Fresh Start is a wonderful product that can help counteract vaginal dryness. It is an estrogen-free vaginal moisturizer, making it great for all women, including those women who cannot or do not want to use hormone replacements. It is gentle and non-irritating and helps alleviate vaginal dryness, as well as the discomfort that accompanies this condition.

It is common for women of all ages to experience vaginal dryness at some point in their life, or even within their menstrual cycle. Vaginal dryness is most common among women going through menopause, due to the decrease in estrogen that occurs at this time. Estimates vary, but as many 40% of menopausal women may experience vaginal dryness.

To use Fresh Start, fill one of the included applicators with the vaginal moisturizer and insert into the vagina, applying the liquid as far into the vaginal canal as possible. The best time to use Fresh Start is before bedtime, allowing the product ample time to absorb into the vaginal tissues. Many women find it helpful to use the product everyday for a week to 10 days, until the start to see their symptoms decrease. After that time, women can use the product two to three times a week as part of a maintenance program, to keep their vaginal tissues moisturized and prevent vaginal dryness.

So next time a girlfriend asks you what you’ve done lately to take care of your face or skin, maybe you should ask them what they’ve done to hydrate their vagina! You may get a surprised look, but you’ll be doing your part to educate someone on this very important issue!

other blog entries from »

Lisa Copeland, The Dating Coach Who Makes Finding Love After 50 Fun and Easy!
3 Steps For Filling The Empty Hole In Your Heart
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Heart Puzzle with Piece MissingOften when I begin working with single women over 50, they share with me that one of the hardest parts of being alone…is the feeling they have of an empty hole inside themselves.

And they’ll tell me the only way to fill this emptiness is with a man and a relationship in their life. When you’re not in a relationship, it can feel like everywhere you go…

All you see are couples holding hands, kissing, and whispering in each other’s ear the private jokes they share.  It can make you feel as if your life is incomplete.

Want to know a secret?

A lot of those married women would love to be in your shoes.

They’d love to have the freedom you have in your life where you are only accountable to you and no one else.

In my 40’s, I can remember coming out of a long relationship feeling kind of lost and very alone.  My kids were in college and I had no family living in the same city as me. My life had been turned upside down.

Instead of being part of TWO…I was now just ONE and I was having a hard time adjusting to my new status.

I shared this with a married friend of mine…who gave me great advice when she said, “Enjoy this time of getting to know you again.  Once you’re back in a relationship, you’ll wish you’d had more of it.”

This was great advice but I was at a loss for finding me again. All I wanted to do was be part of a couple once more.

Then one day, I woke up and it’s as if while I was sleeping, I was given a message by my higher power for what to do to overcome this lack of love I was feeling in my life.

I want to share with you these 3 steps that worked so well for getting me back into life and love again. If you do them, I know they can work for you too!

Step #1

After a relationship ends, you feel like you’re missing “love” in your life…. this is happening because you’re looking outside yourself to find that love again.

Even though you may think it’s about finding the right man… he really can’t fill this part for you. He can bring love to your life but it’s up to you to find love within yourself first.

So, how do you do this?

In relationship, you can get so out of touch with what you love doing.

For years, you may have bent like a pretzel to accommodate what the man in your life wanted to do…allowing his wants and desires to trump yours.

Well, now it’s time to rediscover what excites you.

Start by making a list of all the things you love to do in life and start doing them. This may be hard at first. But I know you can do it! You’ll want to keep adding to your list as you rediscover this part of yourself again.

Step #2

Next you’ll want to make a list of all the people in your life you love.

Since you are NOW looking for love to start inside of you, this is about who you love….not about who loves you…

Otherwise you’re back to looking for love outside you again.

Here’s an example… I love my granddaughter with all my heart and it’s so easy to tap into those feelings of love inside myself when I think of her. My heart just opens up.

You’ll want to feel this type of warm fuzzy love about everyone you put on your list

Step #3

Julia Cameron created a book called “The Artist’s Way.”  In it she suggests going on “Artist’s Dates” with yourself.

What’s so cool about this exercise is you don’t have to be an artist to do it.

It’s about taking 2-4 hours weekly to do the fun things you’ve wanted to do but haven’t done yet.

I can remember going to the botanical gardens near where I live and sitting in the rain forest, listening to the water spilling over the rocks… while watching the gorgeous butterflies float from leaf to leaf.

I remember walking out of there filling renewed and refreshed.

Artist Dates are great to do whether or not you are in a relationship.

As a woman, you often over give your energy to others and this is a great way to recharge and refill the energy you’ve given away.

As you fill yourself up doing the things you love to do in life while enjoying the friends and family you love, you’ll find that empty hole closing more and more.

You’ll begin to radiate with the deepest love that shines from within you for the world to see and that’s when you’ll attract a good man into your life.

Getting a guy is pretty hard when you feel empty inside and that’s why these 3 steps are so important to incorporate into your dating life.

I would love to hear about who and what fills your heart.  I hope you’ll post a comment  and let us know.

For more about getting your heart ready to love again, check out Chapter 1 of my bestselling book, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men.

Until next time…Lots of love and hugs to you!

Much love and joy to you, Lisa

VN Editors
Vaginal dryness and dyspareunia: Sex toys can help, if you’ve got the nerve to buy them
Love & Sex
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Women who experience vaginal dryness and dyspareunia are encouraged to experiment with self-touch, partner-touch, and/or vibrator-touch. While vaginal dryness at this stage of life can result in painful sex (dyspareunia), effective treatments do exist for vaginal dryness and dyspareunia.

Many women help relieve vaginal dryness and overcome painful intercourse with their own hands. Your body can be retrained to provide more natural lubrication by “waking up” your clitoris and G-spot to relieve vaginal dryness and dyspareunia for better sex after menopause. And, if your own hands aren’t enough, many experts recommend sex toys, like vibrators, vaginal dilators, or dildos to help.

While all manner of sex toys are available in a variety of places, finding a vibrator or dildo to help you deal with vaginal dryness or dyspareunia can be a daunting task, especially for someone who’s never made that kind of purchase. Recently, Vibrant Nation blogger, Dr. Dorree Lynn answered a question from Erica, 65, who said she recently went into an adult sex shop for the first time.

“I was so confused that all I could do was make a quick lap around the store and get out of there as fast as I could. How in the world do I know what I want?”

Dr. Dorree was quick to provide some comfort and advice:

“First forays into adult sex stores can be embarrassing and even intimidating, but going online and shifting through the gazillions of mostly useless and often expensive sex products can also be pretty overwhelming. One is better off seeking the advice of a trusted friend or a knowledgeable sex educator. If you can screw up your courage to ask for help (we understand it may be too hard), salespeople in adult sex stores are like good salespeople in all stores. They usually know their products and enjoy their work. If that’s too embarrassing, I suggest going to a knowledgeable therapist and educator, like myself or one of my well-trained colleagues.”

Once you’ve got your purchase home, you can use it at your own pace. One member describes the process she used to overcome vaginal dryness and dyspareunia using a dildo this way:

Get some lubricant and swab in around your genital area and tuck a little into the vagina. Put more lubricant on the dildo. Insert the tip of the dildo into the opening. If it hurts, just roll/rotate the tip around the outside next to the entrance. A little at a time over a period of weeks, maybe even months, gradually insert the tip more and more.

For me, even that hurt a lot at first. Once you can get it inside of that tight little sucker, slowly thrust it in and out, as if you are really having sex. If you stimulate your clitoris at the same time, that will help. And yes, get yourself off. But don’t be impatient with yourself if it doesn’t happen for a while.

Dr. Dorre reminded Erica that there’s no need to feel embarrassed about wanting to explore sex with a toy.

“If we can use eyeglasses, hearing aids, canes, dentures, large-size type, wheelchairs, support stockings, knee braces, orthopedic shoes, wigs, push-up bras, vitamins, sun block, Botox, glue-on fingernails, false eyelashes, back supports, and all manner of other technologies to make our lives work better, why in the world can’t we use sex-enhancing technologies in bed? This isn’t dirty or shameful; it’s stimulating, fun, and makes sex less physically demanding. For adults from 50 to 100, sex toys make sex a lot easier, and for some, even possible.”