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VN Editors
Vaginal dryness and dyspareunia: Sex toys can help, if you’ve got the nerve to buy them
Love & Sex
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Women who experience vaginal dryness and dyspareunia are encouraged to experiment with self-touch, partner-touch, and/or vibrator-touch. While vaginal dryness at this stage of life can result in painful sex (dyspareunia), effective treatments do exist for vaginal dryness and dyspareunia.

Many women help relieve vaginal dryness and overcome painful intercourse with their own hands. Your body can be retrained to provide more natural lubrication by “waking up” your clitoris and G-spot to relieve vaginal dryness and dyspareunia for better sex after menopause. And, if your own hands aren’t enough, many experts recommend sex toys, like vibrators, vaginal dilators, or dildos to help.

While all manner of sex toys are available in a variety of places, finding a vibrator or dildo to help you deal with vaginal dryness or dyspareunia can be a daunting task, especially for someone who’s never made that kind of purchase. Recently, Vibrant Nation blogger, Dr. Dorree Lynn answered a question from Erica, 65, who said she recently went into an adult sex shop for the first time.

“I was so confused that all I could do was make a quick lap around the store and get out of there as fast as I could. How in the world do I know what I want?”

Dr. Dorree was quick to provide some comfort and advice:

“First forays into adult sex stores can be embarrassing and even intimidating, but going online and shifting through the gazillions of mostly useless and often expensive sex products can also be pretty overwhelming. One is better off seeking the advice of a trusted friend or a knowledgeable sex educator. If you can screw up your courage to ask for help (we understand it may be too hard), salespeople in adult sex stores are like good salespeople in all stores. They usually know their products and enjoy their work. If that’s too embarrassing, I suggest going to a knowledgeable therapist and educator, like myself or one of my well-trained colleagues.”

Once you’ve got your purchase home, you can use it at your own pace. One VibrantNation.com member describes the process she used to overcome vaginal dryness and dyspareunia using a dildo this way:

Get some lubricant and swab in around your genital area and tuck a little into the vagina. Put more lubricant on the dildo. Insert the tip of the dildo into the opening. If it hurts, just roll/rotate the tip around the outside next to the entrance. A little at a time over a period of weeks, maybe even months, gradually insert the tip more and more.

For me, even that hurt a lot at first. Once you can get it inside of that tight little sucker, slowly thrust it in and out, as if you are really having sex. If you stimulate your clitoris at the same time, that will help. And yes, get yourself off. But don’t be impatient with yourself if it doesn’t happen for a while.

Dr. Dorre reminded Erica that there’s no need to feel embarrassed about wanting to explore sex with a toy.

“If we can use eyeglasses, hearing aids, canes, dentures, large-size type, wheelchairs, support stockings, knee braces, orthopedic shoes, wigs, push-up bras, vitamins, sun block, Botox, glue-on fingernails, false eyelashes, back supports, and all manner of other technologies to make our lives work better, why in the world can’t we use sex-enhancing technologies in bed? This isn’t dirty or shameful; it’s stimulating, fun, and makes sex less physically demanding. For adults from 50 to 100, sex toys make sex a lot easier, and for some, even possible.”

Stephen Reily - VN Founder
CES Does Market To Boomers – It Just Didn’t Know It
Other Topics
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Maybe that is too much to expect of an industry that has spent the last 15 years filling just about every house and car in America with smartphones, flat-screen TVs, video game consoles, satellite radios, laptops, tablets and high-tech headphones.

If CES didn’t offer breakthrough technology, it did offer some innovative products for consumers who aren’t usually identified as the important electronics customer they represent: yes, Boomers, and every other person over 45 who may be the secret to the growth of CES and the industry it represents.

Some examples:

Samsung Home Appliances

On one side of Samsung’s giant booth displaying “bendable” television screens (a sign that TVs may have innovated beyond consumer interest) were home appliances illustrating a creative sensitivity to the needs of aging consumers, whether Samsung knows it or not.

Samsung’s four-door refrigerator is customizable by section, allowing homeowners to change the way its space is used – something of special value for Boomers whose nest is sometimes empty, but sometimes full of adult children, grandchildren and aging parents. Moving away from one product designed for one customer (the growing family at home) suggests that Samsung is paying attention to the aging population and the alternate ways that homes and families operate today. Samsung’s washing machine also features a drum that is wider but also shallower, making it easier to access and lift heavy clothes out of. And Samsung’s lower freezers also feature an easy-open door handle, which doesn’t require a back-wrenching yank to get at your ice cream for dessert.

Soundcast Speakers

Boomers also represent the biggest market in second homes and home renovations, and a number of home entertainment products are making it easier to enjoy these homes without unnecessary hassles. One of them came from Soundcast Speakers, a company whose high-quality portable speakers connect by wifi or Bluetooth to your source of music, whatever it may be. A home-renovator can now spare herself the investment in a high-maintenance, hard-wired sound system by connecting her iPhone with one of Soundcast’s lightweight “Melody” speakers, which can be used indoors or outdoors. Soundcast’s CEO Mike Weaver understands that loudspeakers play a role for many consumers who aren’t gear-heads but still want to enjoy music, and share it with their friends.

Siemens: Hearing aids and “gateway” appliances

I saw unexpected innovations even in a quintessential Boomer-oriented category like hearing aids.

Eric Branda, an audiologist at Siemens, the leading brand and researcher in this space, showed me a new interfacing device that Siemens calls the miniTek.

A smaller-than-smartphone device that allows its user to control the sound that comes from other devices, the miniTek even has a microphone that you can talk into. And you can control it through an app. If you separate it from the hearing aid itself, I could see the miniTek serving as a “gateway” device to hearing aids for Boomers, who often wait a decade before buying the hearings aids they need.

Trax GPS Trackers for Pets

While a number of companies featured GPS trackers for children, not many are connecting them to a fast-growing market in which Boomers play a big role: pets. But Swedish company Trax is promoting its small, real-time GPS tracker for pets as well as children. Trax was the first GPS product to raise money on Kickstart, and I predict that its marketing insights will capture interest from Boomers, who spend more money than anyone to achieve the pet owner’s peace-of-mind.

Boomers: The unintended consequences of innovation?

Most consumer electronics still say that they are chasing the elusive Millennials, whose lives are now chock-full of the consumer electronics their Boomer parents have purchased for them. But when you look at the actual work and new products those same companies are offering, they seem to be recognizing the genuine needs of aging consumers, who may hold the key to their industry’s future.

[This post was originally published on MediaPost. ~ Eds.]

Stephen Reily - VN Founder
How Will Boomers Buy Hearing Aids?
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For the last year or so, my interest in the Boomer marketplace and new products has gotten me thinking about the hearing aid market.

For decades, the hearing aid industry developed products with the idea that no one would buy a hearing aid if it were visible. And, in spite of many billions of dollars at stake, they never succeeded. Meanwhile, consumers have completely changed the way they think about listening devices hanging from their ears.

It is hard to find a major consumer product category more in need of disruptive innovation. How can the hearing aid industry disrupt itself to meet the needs of the biggest growth trend it has ever seen: Boomers?

Read my complete post on MediaPost.

Esmée St James - Hotwire Your Life™
Pump Up The Volume – When Aging Parents Need Hearing Aids
Family & Relationships
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‘I GUESS YOUR GRANDMOTHER was right, Pussycat’, my mother ruefully admits in the car on the way to get fitted for a hearing aid. “That certain something that annoys you about another person is exactly what will afflict you.”

After years of kvetching about having to constantly repeat herself to my father, my mother’s ear infection has left her practically deaf in one ear and the other one is not open for discussion.

In defense of my father, he did get a hearing aid at the time and even wore it for about five minutes. When I asked “Dad, are you wearing your ear thingy.. because you don’t seem to be hearing a word I’ve said”, I’d always get a cryptic, “Oh, it doesn’t fit right, keeps falling out” from him and the conversation would be adeptly nudged in a new direction.

Over time I’ve concluded that after a fifty plus year stretch of being married and now minus an office job to escape to, letting that hearing aid collect dust in some forgotten drawer is my father’s way of just tuning into some private time.

This is all just peachy as far as my mother’s concerned, she also likes her privacy. So much that the mere mention of a hearing aid has her cursing and spitting tacks in all directions. Fine. Not touching that one with an eleven foot pole.

Fast forward to a fabulous family wedding in Florida’s summer heat, my mother and I are sitting together on the hired bus headed from the post-wedding sunset sail to the   reception. Where more delicious tropical drinks beckon us.

Everything is just honky-dory and I have gotten quite used to SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY around my mother to avoid repeating myself more than thrice. I always know she’s faking it when she just nods and smiles at my musings regardless of the subject matter. “Your hair is on fire”, I test with a smile. “Oh, ha-ha… yes, yes… mm-hmm” my mother nods, her eyes betraying the fact that she hasn’t got the foggiest what I’ve just said.

As the bus nears the delicious tropical drink destination my mother reveals, in a hushed tone that the entire busload and those in surrounding vehicles can make out, “Did you know that the parents of the bride only paid for one fourth of the wedding!?”

I wince and discreetly turn around to survey the damage, praying the parents of the bride are riding in a completely different vehicle vibrating with the loud boom of heavy metal. The blood drains from my body as I spot them, sitting there right behind us… not moving a muscle.

There is not enough room under the bus seat for me to completely crawl underneath and wallow in my pool of drained blood. Instead I give my mother the elbow, hard and hiss “They’re right behind us ma!”. Huh, what-what, what!! What’s right behind us!?” she queries shrilly at the top of her lungs, concerned she may have missed something juicy.

She finally comprendes when I slowly draw my finger across my throat and bug my eyeballs practically out of their sockets. “Oh” is all that squeaks out from twixt her lips.

I can laugh about this now that both my parents sport spanky new hearing aids and yes, they are turned on.

After swimming through oceans of sinking sand to convince them that being able to hear is a good thing they now appreciate that if you want quiet, that should be a choice.

Okay, I laughed about it then too.

Choosing to shut out one’s mate now and then for some privacy is one thing, but shutting out the whole world is another matter.

Lately I imagine my folks snickering as they turn off their hearing aids the moment they hear my car pull out.

Grandma, does this give me good karma?

Esmée SJ



VN Editors
Choosing your first vibrator: Reviews and 8 tips from 4 sexperts
Love & Sex
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The greatest strength of the Vibrant Nation community is the collective wisdom of women in the richest time of life, pooling expertise and experience on every conceivable subject. Vibrant Nation members can ask sensitive questions that are sometimes difficult to ask anywhere else, and know that they’ll get smart answers from women who understand.

For example, when 65-year old Erica recently asked for advice on choosing her first sex toy, she received plenty of knowledgeable advice and encouragement from not one, but four Vibrant Nation members – each one a recognized expert in women’s sexual health and sexuality after 50.

Here’s what Erica said:

“A couple of days ago, I went into an adult sex shop for the first time and I was so confused that all I could do was make a quick lap around the store and get out of there as fast as I could. How in the world do I know what I want?”

Read on for the eight tips Erica received from Vibrant Nation’s sexual health and sexuality experts Dr. Dorree Lynn, Joan Price, Dr. Barb DePree, and Patty Brisben.

Choosing your first sex toy: 8 tips from 4 Vibrant Nation “Sexperts”

  1. This is one topic on which Internet research may not be the best way to start.
    According to Dr. Dorree Lynn, author of Sex for Grownups,
    first forays into adult sex stores can be embarrassing and even intimidating, but “Going online and shifting through the gazillions of mostly useless and often expensive sex products can be pretty overwhelming too.” Besides, shopping online may feel more private than shopping in a brick and mortar store. but remember: when you shop online, you’re usually paying by credit card anyway. Says Dr. Doree Lynn, “You’re better off seeking the advice of a trusted friend or a knowledgeable sex educator.”

  3. Get a broad overview.
    Joan Price, sex blogger and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty, says, “With so many types, sizes, shapes, and functions of sex toys these days, it’s understandable that a first time shopper would be intimidated. Once you get to know what you like, you’ll appreciate the variety of sex toys available. Until then, though, educate yourself first be reading ‘first timer’ articles such as ‘Why to use and how to choose vibrators’ from A Woman’s Touch.”

  5. Zero in on the features that most appeal to you.
    Once you have a better sense of what’s available out there, Joan Price says, you’re in a better position to decide which features are a priority for you. “If you’re looking for a vibrator, for example, ask yourself what kind of vibrator you want. Clitoral? Vaginal? Both? Strong or mild? Does noise matter? Do you want waterproof?” This will allow you to focus your search on just the toys that fits your needs and preferences.” 

    VN blogger Dr. Barb DePree, a gynecologist who specializes in midlife women’s health, writes extensively on women’s sexuality and shared a list of features to be aware of when narrowing your choices in vibrators:

    Size and shape

    • Vibrators come in sizes and shapes destined for specific as well as general use. You will find mini vibrators great for clitoral and prostate stimulation. These small devices may fit in the palm of your hand or strap to a finger (especially good for making love in the dark).
    • There are larger clitoral vibrators shaped to cup the clitoris and labia. These can be combined with a dilator or dildo, used during intercourse, or used on their own to help stimulate vulvo-vaginal tissues.
    • Midsized vibrators are often wand-shaped for vaginal and G-spot stimulation. Large women find these useful for the reach they provide, and they can also provide leverage for women who have difficulty with hand strength.
    • Massagers are dual use devices, used for vulvar stimulation as well as massaging muscles anywhere in the body. Attachments for these devices can transform them into vaginal and G-spot stimulating wonders.



    • Older women generally need more power, both a stronger vibration and a longer session time. For that reason, rechargable batteries or plug-in devices are usually a better bet than disposable battery-operated devices.


    • Hard plastics and stainless steel are easy to clean. Look for materials that are guaranteed to be phalate-free.
    • Silicone surfaces are wonderfully warm to the touch, with a skin-like feel. They clean up with soap and water or with cleaners made especially for sex aids, but owners need to be careful not to use them with silicone-based lubricants.
    • Some manufacturers now use anti-microbial plastics, medical-grade materials formulated to discourage bacterial growth.


    Heat feature

    • Vibrators that warm up before and during use are great for those of us who flinch from the cold.


    If the above list feels like too many variables to maneuver in one shopping experience, Dr. Barb DePree offers a recommendation: “For your first vibrator ever, why not start with one designed specifically for clitoral and labial stimulation? That way you’re sure to have a device that will help you improve circulation, keeping your vulvar tissues responsive and ready for sex when you are.”


  7. Read reviews of the sex toys that fit your specifications.
    Once you’ve identified the features you’re looking for, Joan Price says, you’re ready to read product reviews of various toys that fit your specifications. “Find a just a few toys that entice you, then read more reviews by Googling the name of the toy + ‘reviews.’ When deciding which reviewer recommendations to trust, remember that different reviewers have different likes and dislikes. Find a reviewer whose choices (and reasons for choices) make sense to you, then keep following that reviewer.” 

    Some Vibrant Nation members, such as sex blogger Joan Price herself, have shared numerous sex toy reviews on Vibrant Nation. Joan Price’s reviews are particularly helpful to members of Vibrant Nation because they are written from a mature woman’s perspective, with a consciousness of the unique needs of our changing bodies.


  9. Knowledgeable sales staff are a great resource.
    Gadgets are fun and can enhance your love life, solo or together, but as with all products, selecting what best suits your needs often takes some sage advice. Dr. Doree Lynn says, “If you can screw up your courage to ask for help, salespeople in adult sex stores are like good salespeople in all stores. They usually know their products and enjoy their work.”

    Sex blogger Joan Price agrees:”A good, woman-friendly sex shop has staff ready to assist, so try to get past your shyness and ask questions. Believe me, you’ll never come up with a question they haven’t heard many times before!”


  11. Consider attending a sex toy party.
    Sexuality expert Patty Brisben offers an alternative viewpoint about traditional sex shops. Says Patty, “Chances are, the people working behind the counters of those stores don’t know every detail of every product. Take for example shopping at a high-end department store. Each department, whether it shoes or handbags or clothing, has its own specialist, trained in their industry and appropriate sales techniques. Now compare that to the experience you would receive at your local megamart. You can almost guarantee that any employee you encounter won’t know much about any single product beyond what aisle it’s located in.” 

    Patty Brisben stresses the importance of a woman’s first sex toy shopping encounter be in a comfortable, educational environment, and points out that certain companies (such as Patty’s own company, Pure Romance) facilitate sex toy parties. These parties are a somewhat daring, but potentially more informative and personal alternative to shopping at a brick and mortar store or online. At a sex toy party, a trained consultant who knows the product line answers customers discreetly, permits customers to view and touch products out the box, in the comfort of your own home.


  13. When selecting a sex toy, focus on function, not flashy appearance or gimmicks.
    Fortunately, women over 50 are much less likely to make the mistake a younger person might of choosing a sex toy based on how snazzy it looks. A sex toy is for your pleasure, not a fashion accessory, so as Dr. Dorree Lynn says, “It makes sense to get items that will easy to use, feel great, and get the job done. Mature women like to feel good about using it and want to get the most benefit from it – like the ability to be aroused quickly and easily so we can enjoy our partners and still have time for a good night’s sleep!”
  14. Once your toy arrives, keep a few tips in mind.
    Dr. Barb DePree shared these tips for the new sex toy user.

    • When you have your new device in hand, be sure to charge it fully before you use it.
    • Start slowly and gently, using plenty of lubricant with the device, learning what your device will do and how your body likes it.
    • If it’s been awhile since you have had any sexual stimulation at all, be patient. Give your body time and a number of sessions to awake to this new sensation.
    • And if you’re bringing this new toy into an old relationship, talk through it, explore this device together. The more communication, the better.

  16. Have fun!
    “A sex toy isn’t dirty or shameful; it’s stimulating, fun, and makes sex less physically demanding,” says Dr. Dorree Lynn. “If we can use eyeglasses, hearing aids, canes, dentures, large-size type, wheelchairs, support stockings, knee braces, orthopedic shoes, wigs, push-up bras, vitamins, sun block, Botox, glue-on fingernails, false eyelashes, back supports, and all manner of other technologies to make our lives work better, why in the world can’t we use sex-enhancing technologies in bed? For adults from 50 to 100, sex toys make sex a lot easier, and for some, even possible.”

    Discover more tips and advice by downloading our free report, Toys for Grown Women: Vibrator reviews, sexual health benefits, tips for new users, where to shop, and how to choose the best sex toys after 50.

Dr. Dorree Lynn
Dr. Dorree Lynn Denounces “Sex Drive Magic”
Love & Sex
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Dr. Dorree Lynn Denounces Claims Made in Mark Wallace’s book “Sex Drive Magic”


In early September 2011 I received an email from Dr. Patti Britton regarding my name, image, and credibility being used to support and market Mark Wallace’s book “Sex Drive Magic” and associated websites.  Yes, I was interviewed by Mr. Wallace earlier this year but I regret to report that I have been misquoted and misrepresented in his book.

Upon learning of this situation, I requested Mr. Wallace remove me from his websites and from his book immediately.  To my knowledge, so have several, if not all, of the other experts that Mr. Wallace interviewed and included in his book.

While situations like these are sometimes unavoidable, they, like many awkward and unavoidable situations in life, provide us with an opportunity to either learn and/or teach ourselves and others.  Hopefully Mr. Wallace has learned a lesson in referencing direct quotes from other people.  I have learned a lesson on how to handle situations like this, and we’re all about to learn the important things to know about sex toys, factors killing your sex drive, medications to avoid, and libido enhancing foods.

Allow me to set the record straight on these topics that were covered in Mr. Wallace’s book, just in case there’s any confusion.  Text from “Sex Drive Magic” will be identified as SDM and the transcript of my interview with Mr. Wallace will be defined by my initials DL.  I shall mark my responses in italics. NOTE:  The text from the transcript has not been confirmed by my staff, as all we received was the text copy (not the audio).  Punctuation has been added, but nothing else has been changed from the transcript.  That being said, please excuse any poor grammar, as the text is of a conversation, in which I expect my tone and message fluctuated in the way that happens when you’re trying to explain something verbally.


— — — BEGIN — — —

SDM: Dr. Dorree Lynn is a psychologist, sexologist, life coach and best selling author of three books on sexual health and relationships.  She is a highly sought after speaker and media expert that has been featured in countless magazines such as Men’s Health, Time, News Week, USA Today and many more!

She was thoughtful enough to provide us with her expert insight as to how YOU and anyone else can raise libido and strengthen their relationship all at once using natural, safe methods that have been tested and proven to work.

DL: —

Thank you for the kind introduction, but I never claimed that any method was safe for everyone, nor did I claim that any method had been tested and proven to work.  And I certainly did not claim that ALL of them were safe and tested and proven to work.  Also, my three books are on psychotherapy, caregiving, and sex for grownups.  They are not all about sex and relationships.

— — —

SDM: Important Information on Sex Toys:  As men and women get older, it’s natural that our bodies will begin to give out on us.  Your sex drive is no different from the other functions in your body.  So let’s think about this for a minute.  What happens when an elderly person has lost the ability to walk?

Give up? They get an “Aid” so to speak such as a walker, cane, scooter, or even a wheelchair to help them out correct?  Why not treat your sex drive the exact same way?  I strongly recommend (*in the book, the sentence ended at “recommend”)

DL:  (on talking about how sex doesn’t have to stop when you get older) Sex is your birthright.  And if you pay attention to it, it goes on forever.  And let’s start breaking the myth that it ends with menopause and you need a little blue pill, which doesn’t work half the time anyway.  And I will tell you why.

Sexuality, especially in the US, is just simply hormone driven.  You know, your brains are all in your penis or your vagina and you don’t think about it.

And then of course when you hit 50 or older and people kind of put you out on an ice floe because they think it no longer exists, the truth is that it’s the over-50 population in the US that is becoming, the over-50 is the largest purchasers of products.

We use eyeglasses.  We use hearing aids.  We use walkers.  We get ill.  We use all of these aids.  Why not use sexual aids as well?

In the copy of the e-book that Mr. Wallace sent me, the advice I had given on sexual aids had not been completed, it simply ended at recommend, and was highlighted in red as if to suggest it was never finished and later forgotten about.  I believe my quote from the transcript accurately addresses the issue nicely.

— — —

SDM: 3 Factors that are KILLING your Sex Drive!: Aside from the usual “Stress” that can be killing your sex drive as well as your sex life, there’s also three other main sex drive killers that most people are being negatively effected by daily and don’t even know it.  They are as follows:  not enough exercise, not enough sleep, too much alcohol.

You absolutely need an adequate amount of sleep and exercise daily in order to be healthy overall as well as within your sexual functions.  Contrary to popular belief, alcohol is not the key to having great sex either while you’re under the influence or after.  Alcohol has the ability to weaken your sex drive over time.

DL: The simplest answer with lack of libido/sex drive is when you have no interest.  Period…There is always a reason.  People are not born with a lack of sex drive.  The brain is the biggest sex organ.  So if they’ve had an emotional or psychological trauma or it could be a religious inhibition, they don’t have an obvious sex drive.

And I want to be very careful about what I say here, because people who speak anti-sex, and you and I both know this, are 9 times out of 10 people who are doing something on the side.  And I’m not speaking against religions but that’s what happened with the Catholic Church and celibacy and preachers who speak against sexuality.  And all the rest, they’re living secret lives.

The more out in the open communication is, the quicker your sex drive is going to become available.  There are two reasons for lack of libido or sex drive.

One is physiological and that can be anything from hormone related.  And I’m sure you understand all of that, you know, the mixture between testosterone and estrogen and progesterone for both women and men.

And then, it can be thyroid related.  It can be in the pituitary, thyroid, adrenal system because those are the temperatures of the body.  Or you can have something that is simply misdiagnosed as it’s frequently misdiagnosed.

So you can have a physiological reason but nobody really knows in factly or very few people know in factly when it is physiological and when it is psychological.  And from my point of view, I rarely care how you intersect it first.  But if one doesn’t work, you try the other.

And in my own experience, I’ve had fantastic results as a psychologist and sexologist with increasing people’s libido primarily by getting they to talk about their feelings.

…nobody is going to convince me, except postmenopausally, when you have actual physiological changes or unless you have a testable physiological deficiency, hormone deficiency.  I believe it is more often something emotional and psychological.  People’s equipment works.  If you can masturbate, it means your equipment is working.

…Alcohol, cigarettes, too little sleep, all of that kind of stuff.  Most people live on a plane and pay-later (play now and pay later) principle.  Only pay-later creeps up faster than you think.  So yes, too much alcohol, not enough exercise, not enough sleep all impact desire.

Yes, alcohol, sleep and exercise can all affect (not effect) libido.  But Mr. Wallace made no reference to the bigger issue, the brain.  Because more often than not, it’s actually YOU that is killing your sex drive.

— — —

SDM: Medications to Avoid: Stress is already a serious libido killer and Dr Lynn goes on to explain that it gets even worse after you seek professional help.  What happens is doctors prescribe antidepressant medication to you in hopes of treating your depression and maybe it works and maybe it doesn’t.  But what is for sure is that, all Antidepressants are HUGE libido killers.  They drastically lower your sexual energy and overall sex drive.

Mixing antidepressants with other prescriptions drugs that are being used to successfully treat other ailments will react badly for your sex drive with the antidepressants.  It’s like a two headed sword.

In the end, this actually kills your sex drive in 3 different ways:  the initial stress that leads to depression, the antidepressant drugs that you take, the mixture of antidepressants and with other prescription and OTC drugs.

So in essence she’s saying that you need to avoid antidepressants at all costs and use the stress relieving techniques that you’ll learn in this book.  The natural way is always the best way.

DL:  Stress is a physiological killer.  If it kills the natural production of hormones, you will get basically adrenal fatigue.  And with adrenal fatigue, there’s tremendous market for products that deal with the secondary sexual issues.  With adrenal fatigue you also get emotional fatigue and you get depression and you get lack of desire.  So it’s very hard to differentiate between lack of desire and depression.

…And one of the biggest issues, particularly as people get older, is that very few health care providers, very few physicians really understand drug interactions.  And frequently, if you give a drug and an antidepressant, it will kill desire immediately and the poor person doesn’t even know what happened to them…you have to become an informed consumer.

I would NEVER offer the general advice to avoid antidepressants!  In response to whether or not someone should use antidepressants and / or other prescription and OTC drugs, I would tell my client to consult with their doctor.  If they didn’t like the side effects of the medication, I would advise therapy and work with them to manage their depression through alternative methods.  However, I would never advise someone to abandon a medication that they need to be on in order to be mentally and physically healthy.

— — —

SDM: Libido Enhancing Foods: According to Doctor Dorree Lynn, dark chocolate and oysters are incredibly powerful aphrodisiacs that can drastically raise libido very quickly and they taste fantastic.  Feel free to eat as much of these types of food as possible when aiming to raise your libido.

While there are many foods that if eaten regularly or at all for that matter can and will drastically lower your libido, foods such as these will actually raise your libido.  Increasing your intake will do lots of good just don’t overdo it.

DL: Dark chocolate has flavinoids and it’s great for your sex life as do oysters have.  They’re real foods that are sexual enhancers.

First, it’s flavonoid, not flavinoid. Second, chocolate and oysters aren’t good for everyone.  In fact, they can make a lot of people very sick.  For that reason, among others, I would never advise anyone to “eat as much of these types of food as possible!”

Second, the aphrodisiac effects of chocolate aren’t fully supported by the entire scientific community.  Yes, dark chocolate contains flavonoids, but many companies process the chocolate to a point where the flavonoids have been reduced if not removed all together.  You have to be educated when looking to purchase dark chocolates with high levels of flavonoids.  Flavonoids, according to WebMd.com, keep cholesterol from gathering in blood vessels, reduce the risk of blood clots, and slow down the immune responses that lead to clogged arteries.  The idea that chocolate is good for your libido stems from flavonoids’ ability to promote healthy blood flow.

Oysters have long been rumored to be an aphrodisiac, with many citing an oyster’s resemblance to a vagina.  However, recent studies have shown oysters to be rich in amino acids that trigger increased levels of sex hormones and a high zinc content that can aid in the production of testosterone.  However, there’s a reason that restaurants are required to post signs in their businesses warning people to eat oysters at their own risk.  Oysters are filter feeders, so if you’re eating an oyster you’re also eating whatever it’s been filtering.  This is one reason why people with liver and kidney problems should stay away from eating oysters.

The bottom line when it comes to food that will boost your libido is to eat as healthy as possible and to try to keep your body and mind as healthy as possible.  You can’t fill your gut with fast food every day and then come home and eat a dozen oysters and expect to get an erection like never before.  And when you plan your diet, feel free to include dark chocolate and oysters, as long as your doctor agrees that you’re healthy enough to eat them.

— END —

While I am very disappointed in Mr. Wallace’s failure to accurately represent the views and opinions of the experts in his book, including my advice, I am thankful to have had the opportunity clarify my position on these issues and subjects.  As professionals, we all aim to provide insight and advice in ways that promote healthy and educated discussion and decision-making.  It is our responsibility, as professionals, to protect and educate innocent victims of miseducation.

Dr. Dorree Lynn
Men Have Toys, Women Have Tools
Love & Sex
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The world of sexual aids is broken down into two categories:  Toys and Tools.  Men use toys, women use tools.  This theory transcends sexual aids.  Men love their toys, whether it’s cars, boats, video games, men love to play.  Women, however, approach the idea of sexual aids in the same way soldiers approach objectives on a battlefield.  For the sake of humor, let’s call it “Operation Orgasm.”

Walk into any sex store and peruse the walls and aisles looking at which products are designed for which sex.  For men, you’ll find penis rings, sleeves, pumps, lubes, and plastic vaginas (if you venture into the gay area you can find anal toys ranging from beginner to expert, with “training kits” somewhere in between).

But if you go looking for products for women, you’ll find the intersection of science and sexuality.  Products that seem to have been designed on the Starship Enterprise fill the walls and, often times, you have to cock your head to the side and use a little imagination in order to fully understand what the item is and how it is suppose to be used.

You may find items in a sex store that are designed to do things that aren’t humanly possible.  Which is exactly my point.  Because men are task-oriented, products for men are designed to be toys that “simulate” normal sexual experiences, whereas products for women are designed to be tools that “supplement” sex/masturbation by doing what a penis (or the man attached to it) simply cannot do.

Take the Rabbit for example.  It’s a vibrator on steroids, complete with an extra appendage designed to stimulate the clitoris and beads on the inside of the fake phallus that rotate, all the while vibrating at 2,500 RPMs.  A former client of mine once complained, “How am I supposed to compete with that?  I can’t put a motor in my penis… I’ve talked to the Dr. and it can’t be done!”

So the question becomes, “What do we do with this information?”  Let’s start by accepting the facts, and then move on to incorporating those facts into our sexual experiences.  I’ve long been an advocate for sexual aids, especially for those over 50.  We use hearing aids, walkers, and vitamins, why not use a vibrator or a Fleshlight once in a while?  That’s actually part of what makes sex after 50 so great—we’ve lived long enough that we should be comfortable with sex, and at the same time we should have become bored enough with regular sex that we’re willing to kick it up a notch and try something new.  The orgasm shouldn’t be the goal, but rather the journey to the orgasm… the giving of pleasure by one partner to the other, even if that means using a toy or utilizing a tool to get you where you want to be.

Dr. Dorree Lynn
Sex Shop Shy
Love & Sex
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Dear Dr. Dorree,

A couple of days ago, I went into an adult sex shop for the first time and I was so confused that all I could do was make a quick lap around the store and get out of there as fast as I could. How in the world do I know what I want?

—Erica, 65


First forays into adult sex stores can be embarrassing and even intimidating, but going online and shifting through the gazillions of mostly useless and often expensive sex products can also be pretty overwhelming. One is better off seeking the advice of a trusted friend or a knowledgeable sex educator. If you can screw up your courage to ask for help (we understand it may be too hard), salespeople in adult sex stores are like good salespeople in all stores. They usually know their products and enjoy their work. If that’s too embarrassing, I suggest going to a knowledgeable therapist and educator, like myself or one of my well-trained colleagues. Or visit my new e-store, Dr. Dorree’s Divine Desires, for some expert approved products.  Gadgets are fun and can enhance your love life, solo or together, but as with all products, selecting what best suits your needs often takes some sage advice.

Women tend to purchase online to maintain privacy, though they often think nothing of paying by credit card. Men, not surprisingly, like to see and touch what they buy, and are less shy about going into brick and mortar stores to survey the goods and ask questions. Either way, there is a wide range of prices for the same items and some have huge markups. It is best to purchase items from someone who is very familiar with their pluses and minuses. The end user (you!) has to be aware of any poten-
tial negative side effects.

Remember, these toys are for your pleasure, so it makes sense to get items that will be easy to use, feel great, and get the job done. While younger people tend to focus more on how snazzy a sex toy looks, more mature types like to feel good about using it and want to get the most benefit from it—like the ability to be aroused quickly and easily so we can enjoy our partners and still have time for a good night’s sleep.

And why not? If we can use eyeglasses, hearing aids, canes, dentures, large-size type, wheelchairs, support stockings, knee braces, orthopedic  shoes, wigs, push-up  bras, vitamins, sun block, Botox, glue-on fingernails, false eyelashes, back supports, and all manner of other technologies to make our lives work better, why in the world can’t we use sex-enhancing technologies in bed? This isn’t dirty or shameful; it’s stimulating, fun, and makes sex less physically demanding. For adults from 50 to 100, sex toys make sex a lot easier, and for some, even possible.

Dr. Dorree

other blog entries from »

Dr. Dorree Lynn
The Great Joy Ride
Love & Sex
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Psssst. Wanna know a secret? Grownups, even some very grownup grownups, are playing . . . with sex toys! In fact, for couples and singles alike, there is a revolution occurring for people over 50. Adult sex toys, pornography, erotic literature, game playing, and other pleasure products and practices have become much more mainstream than ever before. This is good news for those in good health because sex toys can add fun and excitement to adult life. And it’s even better news for those in ill health because there are many new products available to help make sex easier, possible, and more satisfying for those with health challenges—like eye- glasses and hearing aids for the bed.

You’re Never Too Old to Play with Toys. Whatever your situation or age, jazzing up your sex life with sex toys and perhaps pornography can be a great way to feel vitally alive and sexy for all your years. Single folks may find that a little help from a manufactured friend, like a vibrator or other sex toy, can be a welcome addition. And for couples in long-term relationships, some added spice is always nice. While no sex gadget can fix a broken relationship, experimenting with sex toys, porn (his, hers, and for couples), erotic books, educational sex films, role playing, and perhaps even working with a sex or relationship therapist, can be very helpful for lifting an otherwise good relationship out of a passion slump.

The Joys of Toys As We Age. While vibrators are the most popular after-50 sex toys, there are many other passion playthings on the market today. Now that we are living longer, it’s the perfect time to incorporate adventure (and convenience) into your sex life. After all these years, we’ve finally arrived at the joys of sex unzipped. In the privacy of our own homes or hotel rooms, alone or with our partners, no one is watching or keeping score. Adults of advanced years are grown up enough to enjoy their sex lives to the fullest, and they are going for it in droves.

Researchers attribute the widespread use of adult sex toys to easier availability and a cultural shift away from the bad boy, triple-X-rated sex toy industry. New Internet sites for sex products aimed at mainstream couples now feature images of middle-aged models and realistic sex scenes. Women, as well as men, are buying more sex toys and pleasure products than ever before which hasn’t gone unnoticed by the adult novelties industry. In fact, several companies now market exclusively to women as old as postmenopausal golden girls. In many regions of the country Tupperware-type parties have given way to adult toy sales gatherings, almost always attended and led by women. Not only are women buying and using more sex toys, the sales of erotic novels are up, too, even in a down economy. An entire flourishing industry now markets erotica especially for women, including older women.

Grownups are too old to be shy or have shame. It’s all part of the ways to use it, not lose it and keep those hormones healthy. If you have any questions about where to shop, look in your local Target, Walgreen’s or department store under body back massagers, and your local drug store, even your supermarket, now carries vaginal lubricants (called “lubes”). Read the label and make sure you use one that’s water-soluble.  If you have any questions about where to go or what to use, feel free to contact me or visit my new store at www.DrDorreeLynn.com. Or, read my next column in Upbeat Senior Magazine.  I’ll tell you the best ones to use for both men and women who may benefit after illness or want to know what is best for a beginner or an advanced user. This kind of between the sheets shopping can be useful as well as fun.

other blog entries from »

“My Favorite Things” redux
Books & Entertainment, Home & Garden
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Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things..

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Tips for Medicare Benefits
Healthy Living, Work & Money
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Tips for maximizing Medicare’s benefits BY Diana Ransom Daily news business writer Tuesday, October 5th 2010, 3:59 PM Sullivan/Getty

Paying attention to key details can help older Americans get the most out of Medicare.
Big changes coming to MedicareObama administration to offer $5 billion for early retiree heath care
Report says Obamacare will cover more, cost more Medicare can be both a blessing and a burden. The government-sponsored health insurance system is definitely complex; just signing up requires paging through dozens of policy choices. But for those who’ve struggled to land insurance — self-employed workers and those with preexisting conditions, for instance — Medicare is a long-awaited ticket to health care coverage. No matter how you view Medicare, the last thing you should do is squander it. Here’s how to get the most out of your Medicare benefits:

You’ve got to assess your health needs and your finances at the outset when deciding on Medicare plans. Your coverage options may include so-called original Medicare, which consists of Part A (hospital coverage) and Part B (medical coverage); Medicare Advantage plans, the Medicare-approved health plans run by private companies known as Medicare Part C; and coverage options through employer-provided plans. Also, Medicare Part D prescription drug coverage will require yet another choice. Compare coverage of procedures you anticipate and medications you take. “If you are a diabetic or person with cancer, look closely at the coverage for those illnesses,” said Joe Baker, president of the Medicare Rights Center, a counseling organization with offices in midtown.

BEWARE FALSE ECONOMY As you — or someone helping you — crunches your numbers, be sure to factor in out-of-pocket costs. Under original Medicare, supplies like aspirin, hearing aids and long-term care aren’t covered. If these costs are extensive, a seemingly expensive plan may be the best choice. To pick up unforeseen expenses, a supplemental policy known as a Medigap plan would cover some fees.

COMPLACENCY CAN HURT Careful analysis every year is also vital for those already enrolled. “Plans can change the level of premiums they charge, the co-pay, other cost-sharing features and what they cover,” Baker said. “Even if you are happy with a plan today, take a look at the information they send.” Information should come in the mail this month.

Another frequent mistake: being swayed by big names. Even plans offered in conjunction with AARP aren’t right for everyone, said Mary Johnson, a Medicare policy analyst at the Senior Citizens League, an advocacy organization in Alexandria, Va. “AARP may have seen less growth in premiums, but as far as co-pays and other out-of-pocket costs go, you really have to get your printout and compare plans,” Johnson said. While UnitedHealthcare’s AARP-branded Medigap plan has premiums that may seem high, they don’t increase just because participants get older, a UnitedHealthcare spokesman noted.

PRESCRIPTION MATH If you know you’ll be filling pricey prescriptions, pick a drug plan that has either a low deductible or none at all. This year and next year, the standard deductible is $310, according to Medicare administrators. Any medications after that will be on the insurance company’s dime — until you reach the coverage limit, or so-called donut hole, if your medical costs pass $2,830 this year or $2,840 in 2011. Coverage won’t resume until your costs tick up to $4,550 this year and next year. Also note that after you pay the deductible, you may still need to kick in 20% for co-insurance. Plus, these plans often have higher co-pays and higher monthly premiums. By contrast, “for some seniors who take just a few prescriptions, [paying] a deductible may help them get rock-bottom co-pays and lower premiums,” Johnson said. To find out if paying the deductible is right for you, plug your prescriptions into Medicare.gov’s Plan Finder tool and compare available drug plans. “The top five or 10 that you look at will say whether the deductible is less money than paying out of pocket,” Johnson said.

YOUR MEDICAL BUDGET Most people will have out-of-pocket costs, so it’s a good idea to plan for them, said Jocelyne Watrous, a Medicare advocate at the Connecticut-based Center for Medicare Advocacy. Without a Medigap plan, co-insurance for Medicare-approved services and supplies can amount to roughly 20% of the total cost. If you spent time in a hospital, even 20% of the bill can be a budget-buster. dransom@nydailynews.com

Lynn Wilson
40% of Nursing Home Admissions Are Due To Falls
Healthy Living, Home & Garden
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I am a caregiver and that is what I am mostly concerned about. 

We are declaring war on falls, this fall.

Home Safety Makeover: Tips for Preventing Falls

Prevent falls and tripping hazards by assessing your home for dangers and equipping it with safety tools.

Fall Prevention Awareness Week was Sept. 19 through 25, and it’s a great time to remind everyone that 40 percent of nursing home admissions are due to falls and preventing mishaps is a cost-effective way to reduce risks. A fall-prevention strategy should incorporate education, home safety assessment and modifications, and the right tools to keep a loved one safe.

Bathroom hazards The bathroom is one of the most dangerous rooms in an elderly person’s house. The combination of slippery surfaces and physical instability requires special attention to safety. To make tubs and showers as safe as possible, install safety bars and textured mats. Is standing in the shower uncomfortable? Include a bath bench and a showerhead with detachable hose. Check water heater settings to help avoid the risk of scalding. For those who find it difficult to get in and out of seated positions, raised seats on toilets may be more comfortable.

Tripping dangers As our vision deteriorates, the risks of tripping and falling increase. Clear away any clutter; move furniture and electrical cords out of high-traffic areas. When designing or redecorating a home, keep in mind that contrast between flooring and walls can make navigation easier. Brightly colored tape can make objects more visible. Is lighting bright throughout the home, especially in entryways, hallways, and the bathroom and kitchen? Consider a lighted cane to illuminate paths.

Area rugs are a tripping hazard at any age. Better is wall-to-wall low-pile carpeting. If you choose not to remove all area rugs, fasten the edges to the floor below with heavy-duty, double-sided tape. For hard floors, use cleaners that don’t leave slippery surfaces. For stairway safety, install railings, ramps if a transport chair is used, or even a seated chair lift if climbing stairs becomes a burden.

Bedroom safety Bedrooms are another area of the home where extra attention is needed to keep a senior safe. Keep a lamp within reach of the bed, and install nightlights along the path to the bathroom. Does your loved one feel cooler because of decreased activity? A safe remedy is layers of blankets, to avoid fire and burn hazards associated with electric blankets or direct heat sources. Use safety railings, and even a safety harness if necessary, to prevent falls from bed.

Tools and products  We’re fortunate to live in an age where personal safety devices and tools are readily available. No senior should be without a phone with preprogrammed numbers and a loud ringer. Hearing aids are an important part of home safety, and emergency response systems save lives. For those suffering from lack of mobility, consider the broad range of tools available, from reaching devices to transport chairs.

For a complimentary guide to preventing falls, “It All Starts With a Fall,” call The CareGiver Partnership at 800-985-1353 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              800-985-1353      end_of_the_skype_highlighting or request one by e-mailing info@caregiverpartnership.com. The guide also includes 20 of the most useful products to enhance in-home safety. The guide will be available in late October.



Dallas Lady
The Impact of Healthcare Reform on Employer Medical Plans
Healthy Living, News, Work & Money
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Remember the comment when BO was selling this “If you like your insurance now you won’t have to change.”  Here’s the problem:  the employer plan you have now will change because of healthcare reform and you won’t like it.  Here are two examples that will happen in 2011:

1.  Employer must offer coverage to adult children up to the age of 26 (whether they are students are not) unless they are covered by another employers’s plan.  Most employers already cover FT students up to age 25, but expanding this out to all adult children  over the age of 18 and not working and not going to school means more people on employer’s plans…people NOT working for them but people old enough to work:  people of childbearing age, and people with a higher accident/trauma rate.  Employers can’t / won’t bear that additional cost, so instead they will put in a separate adult child cost structure for all covered dependents 18-26….whether they are in college or not (they can’t differentiate), so now anyone with college aged kids on the employers plan will be paying more to cover them (likely COBRA like rates instead of a subsidized dependent rate.)

2.  Employers may  not impose lifetime limits and can only impose only “restricted” annual  limits on coverage.  I know that sounds good in theory….but the practical application will have some very unpleasant consequences for some folks.  Most major employer plans put a maximum amount on things like hearing aids (one pair every x number of years), in vitro fertilization, Durable Medical Equipment (think wheel chairs), etc.  They aren’t REQUIRED to cover these services by the way.  So now its a “all or none” proposition…..if you cover it, you can’t put a max on it….but you don’t have to cover it.

What do you think will happen?  Risk hundreds of thousands of dollars  per employee/dependent on no max on IVF?  Or just not cover it?

That employer plan that used to be decent just got…not so decent….because they can’t afford this type of open ended coverage on all types of services.  They’ll have to drop some coverages to avoid the risk of no life time maximums. 


And that’s just 2011….plenty of other things in future years that will also impact employer plans, but I’ll save those for another thread.

gail maria
Hot or Not; dating over 55
Family & Relationships, Love & Sex
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Let’s face it dating over the age of 55 is a huge freaking bummer. First of all is anyone a “hottie”? No. And don’t get all “look who’s talking”, I’ll include myself in the “not a hottie” population. Wasn’t that really a fun part of going out? Remember the chemistry?! Sigh. Today chemistry only reminds me of a class I dropped junior year in high school. Now a man with hair is a date to remember. Oy! Nothing against bald guys, because bald is a much hipper look than three or four strands draped across the top. Hot or not? How about hearing aids…are they a turn on? I remind myself it’s better than yelling across the table. At least those men want to hear what you’re saying. Trust me, that’s the new “hot”.

I went on a date with a man who talked the entire evening about himself.Non-stop I say! Every sentence began with “I, I , I, I”. I think I fell asleep. He didn’t notice. Hot or not? But he had hair and no hearing aids…good date/bad date? That’s a toughie. My friend Jay says, “It’s a numbers game, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs”. I was very bad at math so the idea of numbers makes me sweaty . And gross babe, frogs conjur up the image of some biblical plague for which I’m not vaccinated and would need better health insurance. On second thought are frogs good listeners? Jon tells me I’m too picky, although this advice comes from a man who only wants to date women less than 105 pounds with small breasts. I consider his remark and think his options are limited and jail bait. Jon, wake up! And put the Twinkie down if a thin woman is high on the priority list. Ixnay to double standards big guy.

I don’t think dating via “frog kissing” is for me, although I did get an A- in biology, and my teacher was a hottie…. now he’s probably bald and hard of hearing. Is it too late to take chemistry?