Today I am taking a question that many women have when they start dating for the first time since their teens.
I was married for 27 years. My divorce happened about a year ago and I’m beginning to think its time to start dating. I’m a woman over 50 with an empty nest and I haven’t dated since I was a teenager so I’m not totally sure about some of the rules at our age. What I’d really like to know is when the right time is to have sex with a man you’re dating. Is there a protocol I need to follow? Thanks for helping me. I really didn’t know where to turn so I am so grateful to have found you.
Thank you. Catherine
Thanks for your wonderful question. Before we go any further it’s important to note that STD’s in our age group are on the rise, so practicing safe sex is a must for every woman over 50 these days. Now that worries over pregnancy are no longer an issue, we think we can be lax in this department. Don’t be. Always carry some type of protection with you so that when hormones heat up, you are protected. Sounds a lot like our teen years doesn’t it? A great place for more information is from your doctor on this topic.
Now that this is out of the way, lets get to your question about sex and dating. Let’s start with first date sex. Sometimes, we have such strong chemistry with a man that we hop into bed with him on date number 1. Hey, our hormonal urges sometimes need a good fix and there is nothing wrong with that. You just need to be aware that first date sex is usually just that – a fix that doesn’t go much further. It’s a fun fling, and the best way to avoid it is to keep a date under 2 hours so you don’t risk feeling so connected that you want to have sex with him right away.
Some say date number 3 is supposed to be the sex date. This is a great urban legend for women our age but is probably very much true for the younger crowd. Of course you can have sex on the third date if you’d like – just be sure to go with your instincts and whether or not it feels right for you. At this point, leave his feelings or pressures about moving forward into a physical relationship out of the equation until you know what it is that you want to do.
A very interesting piece of info you might want to know is that men over 50 really want to develop a friendship with you first to see if there is a connection that feels right for moving into the physical phase. Now that’s a change, isn’t it?
Yet, that being said, there are still men out there who want fast and easy sex. So be sure your online profile doesn’t mention anything about sex or making love or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. This sends the wrong message to men and if it’s there in black and white for a man to read on his computer, he will assume that it is sex -not a relationship – that you are looking for.
My best advice about sex and dating is to always follow your instincts. Although if the sexual pull is super strong right away, remember that this is HOT CHEMISTRY. Be careful here and go slow if this is the case. You want a relationship built on a foundation of friendship because once the sex wanes if friendship isn’t there, the relationship with nothing left to support it will crumble.
Take your time and don’t let a man pressure you into something you don’t want to do yet. If he is not willing to wait for the moment you are ready, then he is probably not the right man for you. There are plenty of other men out there who will be. I hope this helps.