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VN Editors
Being Disabled Shouldn’t Stop You from Vibrator Use
Love & Sex
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Living with chronic pain and/or disability can prevent you from doing a lot of things, but it shouldn’t keep you from enjoying vibrator use. Some devices are specifically designed to be used by people with disabilities. It’s a little more difficult to find these specialized vibrators for women, but the search is well worth it.

Chronic Pain and Sex

Your body may still be physically capable of sex and sexual response, but other health issues can compromise your range of motion and your ability to enjoy sexual penetration. Arthritis, for example, can keep you from getting into standard sexual positions that you’re familiar with using. Chronic illnesses, such as interstitial cystitis, can make it difficult to enjoy sex because it causes pain (a condition known as dyspareunia).

And when you’re physically compromised in some way, sex toys are more fearsome than attractive. By and large, vibrators for women are designed to used by healthy, fully mobile women with an average range of motion. And if you’re not one, shopping for vibrators can be a rather depressing experience. If you have trouble getting into certain sexual positions, how are you supposed to contort yourself for vibrator use?

There is another option: vibrators for women who are disabled.

Specialized Vibrators

No one knows your body better than you. Be honest about your sexual needs and your physical limitations, and it will be easier to find the vibrators.

For instance, if you have a loss of sensation in the vaginal area you’ll need strong vibrators for women. The famous Hitachi Magic Wand has a powerful motor, and because it’s a wand vibrator it extends your natural range. This makes it easier for you to reach your pleasurable areas without bending and contorting into a bunch of weird positions.

Do you find that you’re too weak to hold a heavy vibrator for long periods at a time? Cancer treatments and illness can weaken muscles and sap your stamina, making it hard to manage a heavy vibrating device. Try something lightweight, like the Slender Sensations Vibrator. This is a good choice for women who have chronic pain issues. The Slender Sensations is made to be gentle on the vagina. It’s designed not to irritate or tear the vaginal walls.

Have trouble holding a device in the hand? Sit on the Sybian vibrator, or wear a pair of Fundawear (vibrating panties).

Disabled, but Sexy

People who struggle with disability and chronic pain are still sexual creatures. It’s not always easy to find vibrators for women that will work for you, but they are out there. Need more help? Look for forum groups and websites that are geared towards people with disabilities. Even if you’re disabled, you should still enjoy sex – and you can!

VN Editors
Can a Pill Cure Dyspareunia?
Love & Sex
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Many women experience painful sex, clinically known as dyspareunia, after and during menopause. But so few of them talk about it, you might feel as though you’re the only one who’s suffering with the problem. You’re not. So many women are affected, in fact, that pharmaceutical companies are working on finding ways to cure painful sex. One new pill has already been given FDA approval.

The Painful Sex Drug

Osphena, the new drug, is designed specifically to combat symptoms associated with vulvovaginal atrophy, or VVA. Female dryness, itching and dyspareunia are common symptoms of this type of atrophy. Vaginal atrophy occurs because lowering estrogen levels cause the vaginal walls to become thinner and lose muscle tone. This can make the sex act extremely painful, instead of pleasurable.

The FDA approved Osphena this year. The company is now running ads that claim “Sex after menopause shouldn’t have to hurt.” While that is true enough, some say that not all the claims about the new drug can have the same said about them.

The Realities of Painful Sex

According to USA Today, the menopause society says that 20 to 45 percent of women who reach mid-life and older experience symptoms of VVA. A survey of 3,000 women experiencing symptoms noted that more than half of them said it affected their enjoyment of sex.

Some women continue to have sex with their partners because it’s expected of them or because they don’t want to compromise the relationship. Others stop having sex completely, which will only worsen the problem and fundamentally change their lives. In fact, maintaining a healthy level of sexual activity keeps the tissues in the vagina and the muscles that surround it much healthier. Any increased blood flow to those organs is beneficial, which is why many sex experts advocate vibrator use as a treatment for female dryness and dyspareunia.

Many women use over-the-counter lubricants to supplement their natural moisture in the face of female dryness. Kegel exercises can also be used to strengthen vaginal muscles and pelvic organs.

Curing Dyspareunia

Now, Osphena presents another option. The pill is meant to be taken once a day. It mimics the effects  of estrogen on the body, but it actually does not contain any estrogen. However, because it mimics estrogen the FDA has stated that Osphena may increase the risk of uterine cancer, clotting and stroke risk.

And the side effect the drug company doesn’t want you to know about? Osphena may increase your hot flashes. In some studies, 7.5 percent of women on the drug experienced hot flashes. Compare this to only 2.6 percent of women who experienced the same while taking the placebo.

For some, taking a pill may be easier than using lubricants or vibrators, which requires being physical with oneself. However, the increased risk of hot flashes should be weighed against the possible benefits of taking the new drug. Before beginning any treatment, even a non-prescription supplement, consult with your doctor about all of your options to find the one that’s best for you.

Divorce Strategist Nancy Kay
Is your Marriage on Life Support? 9 Warning Signs
Family & Relationships, Love & Sex
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For better or for worse… but when it does get worse, you may find yourself trying to decide if your marriage can still be revived or if it’s time to disconnect the monitor that’s barely keeping the marriage alive- even knowing that it will cause pain, disruption and many changes to come.

How can you tell if things have reached a point where your marriage is flashing that  red now and now in critical condition?

Here are some questions to ask to assess the current state of health of your marriage:

  1. Is your partner self-absorbed and unwilling to accept responsibility for their part in your marital issues?
  2. Does your spouse often communicate with you while using a tone of contempt and disrespect?
  3. Is it more important to be ‘right’ in an argument rather than to compromise or negotiate with each other?
  4. Are you noticing that you spouse has altered their patterns of time away from you and/or become more secretive with their cell phone, computer or money?
  5. When your spouse becomes angry, do you feel intimidated when they block your path, make threats, limit your access to resources, act out physically or drive recklessly?
  6. Does your spouse use alcohol or drugs irresponsibly or have other addictions that are significantly impacting your relationship?
  7. Is your partner more concerned with ‘the image they present’ rather than dealing with the underlying dynamics of your marital and family relationships?
  8. Have you lost trust and faith in your spouse?
  9. Do you find that most of your conversations are about practical day-to-day small talk and you feel disengaged from your partner on an emotional level?

If you are discovering that your marriage is on life support, it is very helpful to get some guidance and support

Nancy Kay photo

Divorce Strategist Nancy Kay

from someone who has experience in these areas so that you can feel less stuck and more empowered to take back control of your life.

Whether you decide to stay in the marriage or make plans to separate or divorce, you’ll feel less confused and more confident about the decisions you are making right now and what direction you’ll take to move forward.



Lisa Copeland, The Dating Coach Who Makes Finding Love After 50 Fun and Easy!
Dear Lisa- My Older Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me
Love & Sex
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Dear LisaDear Lisa,

I’ve had men write me online but I just don’t know how to answer them.  Any suggestions?  Margie



I like to look at online dating as if it’s a virtual cocktail party.  How would you act at a party?  You’d be fun, flirty and cute.

Your flow of emails are the same as cocktail party conversation – light and fun.

To do this, take a few moments to collect your thoughts before answering a man’s letter.

Keep your answers short and be sure to ask a fun question he can respond to.

You’ll find if questions aren’t asked, email flow can end.

If he starts asking serious questions in his emails, then suggest taking your conversation to the phone.

See this as the fun/flirty phase of opening up a conversation to see whether you want to talk or meet a new man.


Dear Lisa,

I’ve dated off and on since my divorce.  About three years ago, I met a man named Steve.  After a couple of dates with a little bit of kissing and some minor touchy feely playing around, we realized we were not meant to be in a romantic relationship with each other.

Yet we enjoyed our friendship and began meeting for lunch once or twice a month.  When it comes to paying, we always take turns or we split the bill.  We both enjoy this friendship but have no desire for any more than that.

About six months ago, I began dating an older man.  I am 57 and he’s 68.  He thinks this friendship is wrong and I’m being disrespectful of him by doing this.  He believes men and women heading into a serious relationship should not be friends with a member of the opposite sex they once dated even if it was brief.

I’m having a hard time with this since my friend and I have known each other longer then this man and I have.  I don’t understand why this is such a big deal.  I’m not romantically interested in Steve at all. I’m not sure what to do about this.  I’d love to get your insights. Livia



I’ve known many men and women including myself who have stayed friends with people they briefly dated.  Often a romantic relationship won’t work but a plutonic one does quite well.

It sounds like your boyfriend might have some trust issues.  There’s always the possibility a woman in his past cheated on him and he’s projecting his distrust upon you out of fear you’ll do the same thing.

Also, your current boyfriend is a member of the Silent Generation, the men and women born prior to Baby Boomers.

What might help you is to understand this man comes from a generation where honor, respect and doing the right thing are part of his core.

This man would likely lay down his life for you.  Think of men who, in Medieval times, would have dueled for your heart, believing may the best man win.

To your boyfriend, Steve is being disrespectful of his territory, which he sees you as a part of.

Boomers view life differently than many from the generation before them.  They grew up with free love and give peace a chance.

This is the reason for the conflict you have in your relationship.

So where do you go?  If your relationship with this man is something you want to continue, you will probably have to give up your relationship with Steve.

I’m not saying its right, but it’s likely the only way you’ll have peace with your boyfriend. It sounds like there’s no room for compromise here.

Or you can find a man who may have female friends of his own and will be fine with your friendship with Steve.

Your heart is a great guidance system.  Check in and see what feels best to you to get your answer.

If you still aren’t sure, set up a Complimentary Discovery Session with me.

Tell me what you think below in the comments!

Much love and joy to you, Lisa


Marcia R Reich
In search of the perfect panties
Fashion & Beauty
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I learned about French women and their underwear many years ago when I traveled to Paris for ten days with only two pairs of panties. Mind you I had enough pairs of shoes to walk 10,000 miles but only two pairs of panties. For the life of me I can’t understand how this could have happened. You can leave your toothbrush at home but never, never leave home without enough underwear!

I ventured out to a couple of department stores thinking (naively) that finding underwear in Paris had to be ridiculously easy, if not incredibly fun — NOT REALLY. Hours later, I trudged back to my hotel room having stopped along the way to buy some detergent. It seemed that I might be relegated to washing and praying. I’d be praying that the pair I washed at night would dry fast enough to wear the following day. It doesn’t always happen. Walking around Paris in damp underwear is really not fun.

French women seem to be very serious about their underwear. While my mother always impressed upon me the necessity of clean underwear, French women go above and beyond. A salesperson in one particular store literally gasped when I revealed myself to be wearing a colored bra and panties that didn’t come close to matching. Unthinkable!  As I remember it, I was escorted out in record time. “No, Madame, we have nothing for you.” Needless to say, humiliation followed me around for the rest of that day.

Not one to give in to a challenge, I pushed onward, facing sales person after salesperson, relinquishing all my armor, grace and pride in the pursuit of a few pairs of basic, clean underwear. I have a working knowledge of the French language. Enough to get me directions, order food, use the ATM and pay for a thing or two. I do not have nearly the vocabulary to explain or ask where I can find a more substantial pair of panties. All I found were thongs— silk, lace, V’s, C’s & G’s. I went from store to store without finding a single pair of panties that covered at least an inch of my buttocks.

And then an “older” woman (my age now) rescued me. Seeing my distress and hearing me speak what was at best a ghastly version of the French language, she offered me a pencil and a piece of paper. Somehow I understood that she was asking me to draw what I was looking for — oh how I wish I had that drawing now.

Somehow, bad illustration and all she was able to discern my desperation for panties with just a tiny bit more coverage. I was on the third day of my hunt by then and I was willing to compromise with anything greater than a string. She went into a back room and returned with a handful of lovely lace panties—with backs. As it turned out she spoke more English than she let on at the beginning. Do French women not own or wear bikinis; high cut briefs or even those cute boy shorts?  “Bien sur, Bien sur, mais ne s’affiche pas.” In English: Yes, of course, we sell them AND wear them, we just don’t display them. But matching, I learned is serious business.

While this was at times a rather uncomfortable experience, it also led to some interesting cultural revelations — French women like pretty, sexy, sensuous lingerie but they seem to want it and buy it for the way it makes them feel about themselves. One woman told me that it made her smile to know she had pretty underthings on even though no one can see them. As for their bodies, a French woman I got to know a little better shared, French women aren’t all thin, we don’t have perfect bodies— we’re just a little kinder to ourselves.

So how did we as American women get here? How is it that we came to judge ourselves so harshly and continue to struggle to live up to media images that have little in common with real, live, healthy women? I returned  home with some lovely lace panties and a passion for helping women learn to love themselves a whole lot more.