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The high cost of going it alone.
Family & Relationships
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We get alot of Anons on this site where they ask how they are going to divorce, they look for advice and alot of advice has been given. Mostly dealing with the emotional aspects of a divorce.


I divorced twice the same man. Good I finally said it. I was want to say so much that I married him twice. Someone said to me….the point is not that you married him twice, but that you divorced him twice.


That being said the topic of the post is the not emotional side of divorce but the financial side. Of which, I have seen little in the way of down and dirty admitting to what women are living on once they take the plunge and divorce.


Especially at the 50 and on age.


So I am going to fess up and let all see just what a frugal life I now have in numbers.


1. Housing: $850 (rent)

Please do not think that this will be cheaper if you keep the house. You will still pay taxes, maintenance, etc, and where you may have been able to do some of it yourself when you were younger, going forward, shoveling snow, cleaning the gutters, raking the leaves, etc will not be as easy and you will be paying someone else to do.


2. Electric, Water, Sewer: Average $75 and $35

That is the average for the last tenant. I got the average heating bill down to $65 because I use a space heater and turn down the heat at night to 65. I clean one load of wash a week and hang the clothes so I do not have to use the dryer as often.


3. No cable, no flat screen TV, no major music system. I use a small BOSE mini system that sits on my buffet


4. Stream netflix on my computer for $8 a month.


Cell phone (no land line) $45 with a prepaid deal


Internet: $37


5. Food: I cook from scratch and cannot remember the last time I went out to eat. All work lunches packed, no StarBucks.



6. Gas, $150-200 a month

Maintenance on car: I have been lucky so far this past year but I would budget at least $50 a month, probably more


7. Insurance:

Car: $634 a year

Renters: $152 a year

Health: $85 a month (I, because it is not means tested get a subsidy from the government) that is why it is so cheap. But I do have a high deductible $1000 and OOP is $2000 with a %10 co pay for surgeries or hospital stays


Clothing and Misc: $100 mth


Dental and Eyecare: $30 mth


Fun: I volunteer at our Center for the Performing Arts so I get to see the productions for free.

I also volunteer at our Art Center so I get a reduction in price for art classes etc. sometimes some free studio space

Other than that no lunches with the girls and I have to take from something else to do retail therapy and the like


Personal care: $5 mth

I do not get my nails done. I get my hair cut every six months, I trim it myself and I color my own hair


Emergencies: Medical, Car $100 mth I had two crowns done and my breast exam came back showing something and I had to have more tests done $2000


Pet Care: I have three animals that I refuse to send them to the pound. The dog got an infection in her eye (alll better now) but the cost ran $1000 (the ex paid an additional $1000) so it ended up being $2000


I found a place that will give the dog her shots for less than a $100 a year so that is a great deal

So the GRAND TOTAL amounts to about $2000 net a month not counting the medical expense for the dog or for me…that came from the emergency fund that I set up for just this type of purpose. I have also set up a $50,000 emergency fund for my medical emergencies if I have one. I have no problems yet but I am turning 60 this year and my breasts and uterus always has some sort of something going on….


Well, there you have it. I live in a midwest city, not to bad for the cost of living.


Would you, could you live on this little?


I have $390,000 from the settlement but no social security from my ex and my own is minimal $850 a month if I take at 62. But that settlement has to last me till I die.


So what do you think…are you living this life or what is your story?


I would really like to know, so if you have any trick to getting these expenses down I would greatly appreciate your imput and I hope that those that are considering divorce…well, this is the mean reality of a “gray divorce.”


Talk to you soon!


From the divorced road,



Fast Fashion is Cheap Fashion
Fashion & Beauty
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Most production of clothing manufacturing is off shore. China, Vietnam, Bangladesh, and Cambodia are all producing Fast Fashion cheaply. The wages paid to garment workers in foreign countries is very low. Actually China is raising their wage structure and many customers are moving to cheaper countries for their manufacturing.


So much of Fast Fashion is really almost disposable fashion. Made to last one seasonal trend or just a few wearings. The fabric is thin, the craftsmanship is shoddy, and the fit is hit or miss. Many factories off shore have to produce so many pieces so quickly that quality control is almost nonexistent. By the time you want to get rid of the garment it is not even worthy for the Charity shop.


Stores like Forever21, H&M, and Zara copy fashion designers looks and cheaply make copies. Designers are making styles for Kohl’s, and Target. So what’s the big deal? In the US, our consumerism to have the latest trend at a cheap price has just about bankrupt the US fashion industry, almost made a skill and trade obsolete and has even negatively impacted Thrift and Charity stores.


So what does this all mean to you? When you are shopping ask yourself a few questions:

What is the fabric? Can I see through it?

If I pull at the seams will they come apart?

Where is the garment made?

Is this a style that fits well?

Is this a one-season wonder?

Could more money be spent for a better-made item that will last longer?

Could a similar garment made in the USA be bought?


In my company,, I knew when we started we would have our production done in the USA. I heard too many horror stories about off shore manufacturers loosing inventory to sizing mistakes, or switching to inferior fabric. Even big designers like Karen Kane have moved much of their production back to the States because of quality control issues.


Then of course there is the issue of sweatshops and low-low wages. I could not run a company where my product was produced under those conditions. The manufacturing company I use pays their employees a living wage with benefits. They call me if there is a question on a design style or if they notice a flaw in the fabric. My production costs are easily 10 times more than they would be off shore but we are a company with values. I want my customers to feel good about their purchase and to use their buying power to promote clothing made in the USA!


Are you having a difficult time finding quality made clothes, or clothes made in the USA?











Charmaine Coimbra
California’s Rich Field Moment–More Tales of Drought
Home & Garden, News
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A saintly twelve inches of snow-covered portions of Sequoia National Park on All Saints Day, Nov. 1. How could I complain, even if I had planned an early November three-day hiking adventure among the majestic sequoia months ago? Any show of rain or snow in the drought-dry California mountains and valleys couldn’t eek out the vaguest of grumbling by the most curmudgeon of curmudgeons.

The trails I mapped out were ice-packed and completely inadvisable for any person not that long out of knee surgery. So much for meandering among the giants.

Back at the riverside rented cabin, the moistened soil — autumn-sun warmed — seduced dormant seeds awake. A resurrection of green slipped through the layer of fallen leaves and dried grasses. By morning a thunderous roar filled the canyon. The Kaweah River no longer struggled to trickle through plump gray boulders. Overnight it swelled into a cacophonous roar of melting snow and runoff rain that gave the river’s sentinel sycamores and their air-dancing red and golden leaves the ride of their ending lives.

It was the California I knew from my youth. A plentiful, generous land:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABy late September we filled local ski shops for early buy bargains. Mammoth Mountain, Squaw Valley, even the southern San Gabriel mountains would soon freeze. Snow, measured in multiple yards,could smoother the Sierra-Nevada slopes overnight. By May’s end, reservoirs filled near capacity. With ski boats ready, we made camp on man-made lake shores, flipped for turns at the tow rope’s end and debated who made the biggest rooster with that fat water ski out on mid-lake.

The rivers ended at the Pacific Ocean where we gathered during August. Under a beached full moon we sat crossed legged on cheap Mexican blankets in the sand and talked about who would leave next for one of California’s many state colleges.

Life was a rich field in California. The Sixties offered sun, spirit, dreams and opportunity.

This All Saint’s Day snow sent locals into spinning cartwheels. Snow boots, gloves and sleds sold at local sporting goods stores. The drought from hell was over!

Not really. Meteorologists told reporters that it was, “the last expected rainfall in the foreseeable future.”

The nearby reservoir is woefully empty.

It’s warm today. Very warm, actually. The river’s melodious chorus delights me. But like any anticipated event, it will end. I pray it’s temporary.


Take a rest for 4 minutes and view Sequoia National Park in November.  The music, “The Clearing,” by David Crosby, strikes my mood when reviewing these photos my camera captured –somewhere between true love of the beauty that my eyes see and the melancholy of natures’s loss.





question on dress for granddaughter’s wedding
Fashion & Beauty
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My granddaughter is getting married in December and I would like some suggestions on what type of dress I should get.  I am 71 but a young 71 and would like something stylish but nothing that will make me look cheap.  All the sites I’ve seen have dresses very short and/or cut down to my navel. Or they look so matronly and that just isn’t me.  Would it look ok to wear a “jacket dress” because of my upper arms?  My daughter-in-law tells me it should be maybe a “cocktail length”.  Do I have to wear a specific color?  I’m really at a loss here and I’m hoping for some good advice.


Charmaine Coimbra
Life & Toes in Drought
Home & Garden
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“What is that between my toes?” I wondered while stretched out on the sofa watching the big screen buffoon machine.

While the answer borders on TMI, it’s just another sign of the life and times in severe drought.

See this map? See the blood-red area of California along the coast? That’s where I live.  It’s Exceptional-droughtland. And less than a year ago, our local community water providers left Pollyanna-land, and informed us citizens that there was a huge likelihood of our wells going dry by late 2014.

The powers that be mandated that no more than 25 gallons of water per person per day. That began in the spring. And with no rain since—well, I just don’t remember when we last had a measurable amount of rain—this week’s headlines warned that sometime between October and December, our wells will be dry.

No more drawing water from our spigots for the roses, the trees, and the daisies. Non-potable water is available. But this requires hauling the water from designated wells/tanks into containers and then lugging the untreated water home. Truck owners strap 300-gallon tanks to their truck’s bed and queue up for the water along with the graciously retired who fill 5-gallon buckets carefully placed in the trunks of their Mercedes-Benz sedans.

Neighborhood English-style gardens of lavender, yellow, pink and white floral pallets, are now 50 shades of brown.

And, as a community, we have added to our recycling passion every single drip-drop of allotted water used in the home.

Showers, reduced to one-minute or less, with the water turned off while we suds, include a certain amount of physical coordination. No more water down the drain! That’s a valuable toilet-flushing, plant-watering, floor-scrubbing resource. You see, many of us have learned how to straddle a 5-gallon orange Home Depot bucket while we shower, letting excess water flow into the bucket.

Typical locals hoist their water-laden orange buckets into the garden in an effort to save the roses.

Local chiropractors and masseuses keep busy these days.

On the positive side, I installed energy-efficient, water saving appliances when I remodeled the house a few years back. So, if I run dishes and laundry on the short cycles, I use the least possible amount of water. Kind of like my one-minute shower. Yet, the recent discovery of something between my toes, probably has much in common with my dishes and laundry. But I’ll get back to that after a few more words about living in real-time drought.

On the negative side, some unpleasant dialogue between citizens about water solutions has sprouted like a fire hydrant after being struck and dismantled by an errant truck. The commonality, however, is the fact that most of us wash our hair less, use more masking deodorant and perfumes, and wish that each time we must flush our toilets, that waves of guilt did not overtake other life-pleasantries.

El Nino watches are like daily prayer rituals.

But it’s not just us people. Our back-breaking efforts to save our roses with leftover shower water? The deer thank us. As my garden area begins to resemble a fortress to keep the deer from leaping into the air to scale over the garden fence, these creatures are desperately hungry and thirsty. They have taken up near full-time residence in neighborhoods as opposed to the nearby forests. If it is green, they’ll pretty much eat it now. If my roses survive the drought, the soapy water, and the constant leaf-striping by local deer, I will bless every one of those rose thorned-pricks as a gift of life’s perseverance.

Deer feasting on neighbor's pyracantha
Deer feasting on neighbor’s pyracantha

All the wild critters are hungry and thirsty. Bobcats, bears, and mountain lions are willing to tolerate our human ways for just a drink of water or a bite of rose. Their home, the Monterey pine forests, are as dry as the desert in July. The once verdant pines have lost their green and turned to brown. Those are the lucky trees. Weakened, pests and bacteria are taking out at least a dozen such trees in my neighborhood. They stand tall with denuded gray limbs and trunks that beckon fire tempests.

Yesterday’s weekly weather forecast noted that this has been the warmest year on record here. Our normally chilly ocean is about five degrees warmer than usual. The salmon are bearing north in search of cooler waters, while exotic fish from Mexico’s warmer waters tease local anglers.

Meanwhile, I crave a long soak in my deep bathtub overflowing in luxurious, floral scented bubbles. I want to slowly, deliberately scrub my toes and feet. I want to run warm water over my hair and let it stream down my back. I want to stretch out in my tub with a refreshing drink at arm’s reach, candles burning, and maybe a cheap magazine article to read. But if I do, that’s three days worth of my personal water use.

And this is what fueled that nightmare discovery between my toes. I think the common description is “Toe jam (a) common non-medical term used to describe the ‘gunk’ that accumulates between the toes. It is a combination of dead skin cells, sock debris, dirt, body oil residue, fungus and bacteria…and is associated with poor hygiene.”

Toe jam? OMG! Perhaps, like wooly caterpillars, and migrating tarantulas, this is a sign of the return of normal rains this fall.


Marguerite Orane
What will you do now that you ‘no longer’
Other Topics
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Came across this quote from Meryl Streep, which I shared on Facebook. Many people shared it as well, stating their total agreement:

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition or academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” – Meryl Streep

I instinctively said “YES! That’s me too”. But then I started to muse: if I have stopped doing something, then I must have started something else. What does my stopping any of the above mean in terms of what I now choose to do? I think it looks something like this (warning – it’s stated in the present tense, but is still a work in progress):

  • I speak up about cynicism, criticism, hypocrisy or excessive demands.
  • Or I decide it doesn’t matter and walk away.
  • I only spend my time with those who like me, love me and who smile with me.
  • I accept people as they are (although that does not mean I will choose to be in their company).
  • I speak words of love and encouragement.
  • I choose my friends carefully.
  • I am the friend I would like to have.
  • I am patient.

What’s your own list of “Now that I no longer ….., I now ….”?

I am SICK of Chicken!
Home & Garden
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As you know, earlier, I posted about the cost of eggs these days. Way to much in my opinion.

I have decided to blog on what I see in the grocery store. And comments are truly welcome and needed!

I think that the price of eating has jumped enormously in the last year. All I have to do is do the math from my credit card bill and my budget for food (200$) per month is going above that.

I do not eat out. I eat at home and I do not snack. I health concious so my diet is not laden with uneccessarry food stuffs such as pop, snacks (as I said) and alot of pre-processed foods.

I cook with food that has not gone through a vat of chemicals or at least I keep it at a minimum since one never knows what is genetically challanged these days.

Today I went shopping. It is a Saturday and I do count that the weekend is not the time to get the best savings, that being said this is what I found

1. I can get a whole chicken for 99 cents a pound. I can get drumsticks for about 1.30$ at pound. That goes for thighs also.

You know why drumsticks are so cheap! Because the american consumer (via discussion on NPR) does not like drumsticks! I have the opinion that we have been sold on breasts being the “healthy” meat and we must eat “healthy”

Shoot, buy the time the breast (at upwards to 3.00$ a pd) is baked in butter, slathered with oil, drenched in potatoes with all the “fixins” we have just as much fat as a drumstick dinner.

Doesn’t make sense, does it?

I have one pd of ground beef in my freezer right now that I got for 3 bucks on sale.

I could find no chuck, top, or pork shoulder with out a price tag of 4 bucks a pound or more.

That is the reason for the tag. At a dollar a pound what do you think I have been eating for the last month?



So the price of chicken drumsticks is so cheap because the american consumer does not like to eat them.

Go figure!

I will be moving up north to the other side of the city for which I live. I suspect that the selection will be larger just because there is alot more competition and because the per capita wage is much higher up there.

I guess I will have to enter through the back door since my per capita doesn’t even register. Oh well, won’t be the first time I got in through the back.

Do you think a woman can be, well, a back door woman!

From the chicken ranch,


VN Editors
5 Vibrators for Women for Under $25
Love & Sex
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Vibrators for women aren’t the cheap, plastic toys that they were once upon a time. Today’s vibes may be gold-plated, made with platinum and come with very hefty price tags. So discover 5 of the best vibrators for women, each of which costs $25 or less. Despite the affordable price, they’re still made with quality design and materials.

Affordable, not Cheap, Vibrators for Women

Vibrator use is meant to be fun, and you can’t get a lot of enjoyment if you’re stressing out about that $400 toy you just bought. You don’t necessarily need a sex toy that’s gold-plated or diamond-encrusted, because yes those types of vibrators do exist. But you do need easy-to-clean designs made with safe materials in user-friendly designs. And when you need to spend less than $25, you’ve got several great choices.

  • My First Jack Rabbit: Better Sex offers a 5-inch, waterproof rabbit vibrator that’s very easy to use and well-designed. The EZ push-button design has a soft jelly head and rotating beads along the shaft. It runs on 4 triple-A batteries.
  • First Time G-Spot Tulip: A vibrating tip, meant to engage the G-spot, is the highlight of the G-Spot Tulip from Eden Fantasys. It polyurethane-coated plastic, latex-free and hypo-allergenic. Designed for beginners, the Tulip is waterproof and has a multispeed motor. Power it with two double-A batteries.
  • Black Magic 7-Inch Ribbed Vibrator: Use the Black Magic from Luxstr to stimulate any part of your anatomy. The long, rippled design puts a twist on the classic wand design. This design stands out from other vibrators for women because of the powerful but virtually silent motor. It’s also waterproof, latex-free and very easy to use.
  • Adonis Pink Dual G-Spot Vibrator: Many dual vibrators are costly, but the Adonis Pink from Adult Vibe is affordable. It has 7 different vibrating functions and it’s made with Phthalates-free silicone. The dual-pleasuring action can be used in a variety of different ways.
  • JoJo G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator: Looking for something totally different? Instead of paying top price for the latest high-tech vibrators for women, try the Eden Fantasys JoJo. The unique design invites experimentation. It’s made with hypoallergenic silicone that’s non-porous for easy cleaning. This particular vibe is even dishwasher-safe, a feature you won’t find often, and offers pulsating vibrations. Play around with the built-in control pad to see what it can do.

Using Vibrators for Women

High-end expensive vibrators for women are always fun if you want a special treat. But if you’re looking for an everyday tool, try a more affordable design. Vibrator use is healthy, and it doesn’t always have to be used as a substitute for sex. Many couples incorporate vibrator play into their sex lives.

I admit it! I did it!
Family & Relationships
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OK, my divorce if officially done, settled, all loose strings finally wrapped up and tied.


Boy, was I blue, yesterday. Yep! I never have to see him ever again. No kids, no nothin to keep him and I bound by some imaginary string.


It’s over, done, finished and without a doubt…the end.


I blocked him on e mail and will do so on my cell once I get my new phone. My old one is about 5 years old and is about to die so I will be getting a new one. Once done then BLIP! no more Urgent! Voicemail.


I did something yesterday to start my new life.


I bought a diamond pendant and earrings to match. I went over my budget by about 120%. I got them at Sam’s Club. They are the kind that has alot of sparkle but are very small diamonds hooked together by tension settings. So not extremely expensive but not cheap either.


It’s true! Retail Therapy does work!


I feel much better today. And I am so glad I do not have to see him sitting on my couch or peeing in my toilet (leaving splatters).


I move to my new digs in less than a month and he does not know where I am going.


It is very freeing. No one to tell me what to do. No one to mess up the bathroom. No one to complain complain complain.


Just me, the dog and the two cats.


Now, if I could just get the cats to start going to the bathroom in the toilet I would be all set.


Lord, I hate cleaning the cat box. Found my bra under the cat litter. This was not accident. The cat litter needed changing and for once I left some undies in the bathroom after my bath. I got the message.


Well, I can deal with that. They don’t complain too much and snuggle with me. I think its a fair trade off.


Don’t you?


From freedom road,



The Price of Eggs
Work & Money
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I was discussing this subject with a very purchasing concious friend and we were comparing the price of eggs in Indianapolis ($2.00-$3.25 dz) to Northern Kentucky (no more than $1.89 dz).


I was able to find a dz eggs yesterday at Auldies for $1.65, a cash and carry place where you have to put in a quarter to get use of a cart and you must bring your own bag.


I am curious, since I am considering moving to another state where costs are not so high I would like your comment on what you are paying for eggs or anything else that you have found to have jumped in price.


We all know gas is out of this world at this time and so is taxes so let’s try to keep it to food and the basic necessities if you please!


Like think of ground beef. Used to be the poor man’s meat since it was so cheap. Now I am seeing that price per pound I could purchase a slab of beef (chuck comes to mind) and it would be about 10 cents cheaper per pound and I would know what was in it.


I am thinking that things like ground beef are now sold as “convenience foods” since all you have to do is open the package and you have beef to throw in the pan.


No cooking a roast, or cutting the slab of beef up into small chunks (again, like stew meat where the price now is more expensive than a slab of beef).


I am curious, what is your opinion?

women who filed for divorce
Family & Relationships
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I see so many posts on here about women who are devastated and shocked by the ending of a long term marriage.  I filed for divorce. I couldn’t stand another minute with him. I would like to hear from the women who made the leap . How are you handling it? Any regrets? How are things now whether u are still in the process or long over it. I am in the process and he is making things difficult and expensive. For such a cheap basta** I don’t get it.

Home & Garden
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Hello, I bought the cheap sheets at a kiosk at the mall, $29.95 for a queen set with 4 pillow cases. When I got them home and unpacked, I saw it was microfiber. There was no indication on the packaging that it was microfiber. I washed them, and slept on them that night; the pillow cases were so rough I had to change them to some old cotton ones the next night. The sheets are almost as thin as gauze. There is an odd roughness, quite irritating. The salesgirl told me I could not return them; only exchange them. So when you see a sheet set for that cheap, with some outrageous high thread count, beware. I think I am just stuck.

being Boswell
This is happy
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Our neighborhood is one of the favored locations to watch fireworks. So when we started walking 15 minutes before the fireworks were scheduled to begin, I wasn’t convinced we would find a decent viewing spot.

We reached the main drag and joined hundreds of others looking for the perfect overlook. The street looked like something from one of the many zombie movies popular today, only this group wasn’t the undead, they were very much alive, excited for the upcoming show and inebriated from an afternoon of celebrating Independence Day, weaving their way with their red solo cups, stopping to take group pictures, arms thrown around each-others necks, screaming endearments to one another.

I began to hunt for a break along the fence.

There is was. A spot. It was huge compared to the numbers deep on each side of it. I wondered if it was reserved, or forbidden, or the large leafy vegetation that bordered it was poison sumac. Regardless, my little entourage planted our flag.

As we stood, patiently waiting for the pyrotechnics to begin, I began to worry that everyone knew something we didn’t know — that this vantage point sucked. Not being Pittsburgh natives and not making the yearly patriotic trek to see the fireworks, I assumed we were missing something. I asked my compatriots, “Do you think we will be able to see them from here?”

They didn’t know either. But my question now lived in their minds too. Doubt, like fear, is often contagious.

Tom and Greg decided they would do some recognizance work and check out the bar-with-a-view just up the street. Several minutes later they returned. No luck. The bar was closed to a private party.

So this was it. We could leave and keep looking, but we may lose this spot. I have a rule in the grocery store check-out line or in the bank drive thru…never leave your line. Experience has proven that when I change lines/lanes, the original choice always moves faster.

Let it go Patricia,” I said to myself, “if you can’t see you can’t see. It’s not that bad.” I called on my spiritual training to let be was is.

And now, as if we were early pioneers, others had taken up camp with us. We were surrounded. This once empty stretch was currently 3 people deep.

The first flare went up. The crowd went silent.

It exploded.

RIGHT. SMACK. DAB. IN FRONT OF US. It was like a private show. Just for us. I smiled to myself, “Will I ever learn?” All my worry and distrust for naught. We had the best view on the street. I relaxed and allowed myself to be enchanted by color, the drama, and the force of these rockets exploding before me.

As the finale crescendoed with thundering bursts of white cascades, I felt a childlike awe…like I was seeing something for the first time. My opened mouth smile was full bodied. Every cell was alive and captivated. I was enthralled. Totally.

Fireworks are a generous gift. A free treat. I don’t know how much they cost to display but I assume they are not cheap. I so appreciate the lavish offering that is still able to transfix me.

I loved feeling that happy.

I want to allow myself to be taken by the view more often.


what’s going on
Healthy Living, Love & Sex
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My spouse of 42 years has ED and we have not had physical intimacy for 6+ years.  I asked his to see his dr and he prescribed Levitra.  Still  no reaction and when I asked him he said  “it doesn’t work “besides they’re really pricey”.  There is no touching and if I try to touch him he smiles and pushes my hand away.  When I asked him about it he said that he wants to take things slow.  Slow????, it’s been one year since he rec’d his prescription and no changes.

I’m 63, retired and very lonely. He doesn’t care how he looks at home yet if he’s going out to curl or golf he has a shower before leaving the house.

Hi mood swings and comments about how helpful his is is killing me.  He seems like he want to talk me and himself into how helpful he is. The only thing he puts dinner dishes in the dishwasher, no other help around the house. No vacuming or anything else.

He’s got it made, I ensure alll the bills are paid and do everything except cut the grass…only because it a riding unit.

Found him on the net once looking at porn and he denied accessing it until I brought it up later. I found he scanned an old photo of himself …30 yrs ago and titled it “younger”.  I strongly suspect something is going on as he mes these trips to our previous community 2K away  every 3-5 months for “business”.  He disolved business intersts 1 yr ago and workign on a patent where there is neither revenue or expenditures.  He is under that locations health care and motor vehicle registration. He refuses to register in our location because it would mean additional vehicle taxes and health care will come with monthly premium costs..currently pays nothing.

He’s covered under my previous employers retirement medical plan, mealsm mortgage and all other costs paid for and alll he has money for is his car lease/insurance.

He’s living a lie, burning the candle at both ends and I really hope that he will be found out.

He uses everyone when away from home, stays with family and friends in his travels…too cheap to pay his own way for even one night motel enroute.

We do have some shared interests and when he’s in a good mood is happy and smiling but that changes in an instant.  Denies depression but won’t not see a dr. and gets very angry with me for even suggesting it.

I have had growing thoughts of separating because I feel like a door mat. He can’t/ won’t do ANYTHING for himself.

Even when we go shopping…he loves to fill up the cart and when it comes time to pay says he has to go to the washroom.  When he gets out the groceries are all bagged and we’re ready to leave.

I don’t understand.  He was an executive bringing in a very good salary however everything has sprialled down since just before he was totally retired 2 yrs ago. He joked about me plannign away for retirement which he never did.  Although he has a nice portfolio  those semi annual funds mostly go to pay his charge and there is nothing left for anything else.

I don’t know if he is seeing anyone when he’s away and also don’t know if he is into online dating and if he still visits porn sites although he says not any more but it wouldn’t surprise me.

I feel he is so selfish and suspect he may be depressed and possibly cheating but I don’t know.

Over the years 2 of his close pals made jokes about where he was…that he didn’t come in to work or that he may be with someone and when I comfronted him he denied it.  Why would his 2 friends be so cruel?  All his friends have been divorced and now working on their 2nd wife.