Slowly dying….

I am so very glad to have found this site after feeling so hopeless about my current situation. I am a 45 year old mother of a daughter. She is 25 years old and had two small children. She has filed for divorce from her husband.

I also have a fiancé whom I adore. To say that he is a good man would be an enormous understatement. My fiancé and I have lived out of state and away from my daughter for one year. During this time, I was able to get a firm grip on my depression and lost 30lbs, all the while being loved and supported in every way by my fiancé. We were looking forward to a new life together and many adventures.

During the past few months, I have done my best to support my daughter financially and emotionally. She would call or text me non stop whether I was at work or not with different issues. If my fiancé and I were out to dinner, trying to spend time together, I would inform her but she would become angry and have temper tantrums. I have sent her so much money that I cannot tell you how many times I went without to make sure she was ok. I slept with my phone under my pillow every night as if I were "on call". The calls and text messages were non stop, even when my daughter knew I was at work.

Things came to a head when I decided to move in with her temporarily to help her with childcare and finances. It has been awful. She has taken advantage of me at every opportunity possible and the disrespect shown to me has shocking. I am spending more time with my grandchildren than she is. She exhibits a sense of entitlement when it comes to my time. All the while my loving fiancé has been so supportive and simply wants me to come home. My daughter is well aware of my depression yet somehow chooses to try to detract from the topic when I try to explain that I have to remove myself. Yet every time I attempt to leave, the calls, texts and guilt trips ensue. The insults begin and then the accusation that I was a bad mother.

I truly am at my wits end and just want my life back. I want to be happy again. Am I being selfish? Am I being insensitive? I love my daughter and grandkids but truly feel used and disrespected. Now my thoughts have turned to, "things would be so much easier, peaceful if I was no longer around". These are thoughts I had shortly before I had a breakdown and spent almost 2 weeks in a psychiatric center. I feel like the old me is slowly disappearing or dying.

Is there anyone out there who has any insight as to what I'm going through? Or maybe some suggestions as to how to get myself out of this situation and make everyone happy? Thank you.


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