Nine years ago when
I was in the thick of being a family caregiver and thinking of writing a book about my experiences, my mom’s physical therapist, Jean Galloway, suggested I contact a local woman, Karen Twichell, author of “A Caregiver’s Journey-Finding Your Way.” I had gotten to know Jean well in recent months because Mom had to spend three hours a week in her care. Jean handed me Karen’s business card. I remember thinking, “Wow, this woman has written a book.” I went home and ordered the book from Amazon, but I didn’t call Karen. I put her business card in my desk drawer.
Karen’s book was a big help to me because she presented practical information I could use, stuff like creating a binder or an online file of information about all the medications your loved one is taking and tips on medication management. Her book was the best one I found about caring for an elderly parent, spouse or friend. Still, I didn’t call her.
In 2005, my own book, “The Heart Way-A Journey From Corporate to Care,” began to take shape. And I was experiencing major caregiver burnout. A friend, Jim Collister, who knew how stressful caring for my parents was, asked if I wanted to join him for “Wake-up Succeed,” a daylong seminar featuring a keynote by Stedman Graham, a great speaker and businessman who just happens to be Oprah’s boyfriend. I bought a ticket. When I arrived, a little late, at the Costa Mesa Hilton for event registration, there was a note from Jim letting me know he was saving a seat for me up in the fifth row. It was a huge crowd of about 800 people, but I found Jim talking with three women. One of them, seated right in front of us, turned to me, smiled and said, “Hi, I’m Karen Twichell.” Synchronicity. I told her I had her book and that Jean Galloway had given me her business card. We became instant friends that day. It was as if we had known each other for a lifetime.
Karen and I started meeting for lunch every other month at our favorite Mexican Restaurant, Mi Casa. She helped me determine how to get my own book published, even contributed a quote for the back cover. She talked about how she had honed her speaking skills via Toastmasters (she is one of a small, select group of people who are accredited speakers for Toastmasters International), kept herself in great physical shape with tennis and in great mental shape by reading, writing, traveling with her husband, and being active in a variety of women’s groups. More than a simple good friend, Karen became my unlabeled “life coach” and caregiving mentor during a very challenging time in my life.
At one of our first lunch meetings, Karen shared with me that she picked an inspirational word to focus on every year. That word became a foundation upon which to make decisions and plans, and to focus on when things got rough. She asked me to pick a word. I picked “synchronicity.” And every year since then, I have always picked a word.
In 2011, my word was “patience.” Focusing on patience and being patient was a cornerstone of handling stress in my personal life and staying the course when things were not immediately going my way in any given situation at home or at work.
Just yesterday, I heard from Karen that her beloved sister, JoAnne, passed away on December 29th after a long illness. Karen and another sister had been caregiving for JoAnne for a couple of years and the past few months had been especially hard. I shared my condolences and also asked if Karen had picked a word for 2012 because I hadn’t selected mine yet. She said she had selected BRAVE, based on the song “If I Were Brave,” by Jana Stanfield, because she was listening to that song every morning lately. I didn’t know the song, but I thought it was a great word for Karen. She shared that some of her friends had selected SERENITY, ENJOY, HEALTH, PERSISTENCE.
Later in the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, still seeking divine guidance on my word for 2012, I watched a YouTube video of Karen’s fa
vorite song, “If I Were Brave.” At the end of the photo montage, “BELIEVE” filled the screen. That was it for me – the sign. BELIEVE. I looked it up in the dictionary and found: “To have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.” I can just hear Mariah Carey singing, “There can be miracles when you BELIEVE.”
What’s your word for this New Year, 2012? Spend some time reflecting if you haven’t already thought of one. Karen and I would love to know your word, and to understand why you are choosing it!
I created my vision board in the middle of the night…15 minutes into 2012. I had a burst of energy amd clarity…and a couple of hours later I had my goals, action steps, amd required behavior changes posted on my board. Yesterday…January 1st…I scoured magazines amd cut out pictures and quotes that represent those goals and steps. I was particularly struck by a big red word in a Christmas advertisement…so I cut that out and taped it to the top of my board because it encompasses all my goals.
My word? BELIEVE
This morning I read your post, and my decision for my word was affirmed…
BELIEVE
I think my word for the year has chosen me. Occupy. I am part of a group that sings at Occupies, Occupy events, and sings Occupy-related songs at transit stations. Working with Occupy groups requires patience and quick on-the-spot decision-making, neither of which I am particularly good at, so it is “another %&# opportunity for growth” which I’m actually glad to have, though it is frustrating too.
The word I’ve chosen is “Allegria”. It’s a beautiful sounding word and it means jubilation, merriment, happiness, cheerfulness, joy and contentment. I truly believe that before we can dream new dreams and set new goals, we must take time to give thanks for what we have already accomplished, enjoy life and celebrate important milestones. This is something my Italian culture has given me. For 2012, may your cup runneth over with gratitude and may your heart and home be filled with the glow of Allegria.
What a lovely and powerful word you have chosen and, isn’t it fun that you are Ladyhawk and I am Hawk Lady.
Forgiveness. I need to apply this to myself. I need to forgive myself for not figuring out how to help my sister before she self-destructed and died of alcoholism. I need to forgive myself for not figuring out how to launch the business that I have been working on for five years. Forgiveness for me and others I might be tempted to less than patient with.
Carol, I picked forgiveness 2 years ago because I was struggling with blaming my parents for my problems. it really helped to forgive myself first! And it’s a word that makes a difference, in my experience. Good luck…
My word is Elan… it means a feeling of strong eagerness, inspired by passion or enthusiasm ~ a refined quality of gracefulness and good taste That is my word for 2012! Actually it has been my word for several years now
Great post!
Heidi Richards Mooney
Elan is a beautiful word, Heidi! Nobody says we can’t have the same word every year!!! Thanks for your post….Happy New Year!
My word is commit because I tend to dabble in things but when I fully commit I am more present and more successful.
I like commit. But you know, “dabble” is good too!
My word for 2012 is CAPACITY. It says everything about a person. If you know your capacity….you know everything about yourself….your comfort zones, your ability to deal with things as they come along, your ability to multi-task or single-task and most importantly, to interpret your emotional and stress barometers. This is helpful to those with a small CAPACITY, who are trying to minimize their life loads to become more manageable. It is also helpful to those with a huge capacity…to understand that and to bring it in a bit.
My word is “PRESENT”. My husband has Multiple Myeloma, an incurable cancer, and I don’t know how long he will be with me. Right now he feels well and I want to enjoy our time together and be present. My goal is to live now and not worry about what might happen tomorrow or the next day. I am learning to breathe deeply and be grateful for all the small things. My husband’s smile, my children’s voices when they call, my art and nature. We know our days are limited and it is important to appreciate them and be present….
Wonderful, Hawk Lady. Your message made my heart dance, as you embrace what life offers you.
What a beautiful post, Hawk Lady…and Ladyhawk too! I saw a beautiful hawk on a light post high above my car stopped at a traffic signal this morning. And then I read your messages. Present is a good place to be…a blessing that you know it. Enjoy…
Hawk Lady, you touched my heart with your word PRESENT. My mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with multiple myaloma. She is starting treatment this week in fact. So enjoying the present is a great gift you are sharing. My prayers for you and your family. I will have to repost for my word. I am still sifting through.
Grace. The Bible tells us His grace is sufficient for us. I pray to extend grace to others as I receive it from Him. This is a tribute to my mom because she most always extended grace to others by receiving them right where they were. Her listening ear and her acceptance made life better for many.
Grace is one of my all-time favorite words. It’s beautiful and profoundly meaningful!
Grace is a word that touches me profoundly. Not just in the biblical sense or even the physical but also because it was my beautiful mother’s name……
I loved this post…I have been giving care to my Mother for 3 years now and the bond between us has grown rich and deep…Not that it is always easy as she has lost her independence and slowly her strength, memory, eyesight, and general health. She was always a strong, intelligent woman and I love spending the time with her remembering the past as we deal with the present and plan for the future…I get tired sometimes and wish I had more help from siblings for the daily things, but am also thankful my sister helps with all things medical and financial…I do the listening, the driving , the working out and shopping….the fun stuff, as my sister reminds me…;) I will be looking for your and Karen’s books. I love the replys from everyone about their word for 2012. I will have to think about it for myself for a while, and then repost….Anyway, Thank you for this thought provoking post…
Thank you, Shannon, for starting these posts. What a great tradition. The words inspire so many different thoughts and ideas. So I have chosent the word FOCUS. In this over-stimulated world I experience both on and off the web, it will help me concentrate my energies and direct my full attention to my spiritual life, my family, my friends and my work. I need to slow down and focus on the beauty of the world around me. My lens needs cleaning and I will let you know what I find when I start using it more.