“Nana, how old will you be when I’m 52?
My seven-year-old grandson is starting to ask the big questions. After a litany of similar questions, right up until he asked how old his Nana would be when he turned 99, there was silence in the car. That might be due to my answer that I would be long gone by that time. Rather than let him dwell on my ultimate demise, I turned the conversation into a learning experience. We began to figure out the life spans of a variety of animals including dogs, cats, parrots, elephants, and tortoises. When he heard that some tortoises can live over one hundred years, he said he wishes he were one.
I love this questioning phase of childhood, when no question is off-limits. There are so many things that are old hat for me as an adult and so many things our boy is just starting to discover.
The problem is, as he matures and processes the world around him, his exposure to things both fascinating and frightening is part of the deal.
I sometimes wish I could shield him, just as I felt when I was raising his mother and his aunt, but I know the impossibility and perhaps the harm in doing so. The best I can do is to provide him a safe haven that he can count on when he is confronted with those moments in life that cause him fear, pain, confusion, and worry. Just like I did with my daughters, I can only hope it is enough.
On the day of Aiden’s birth I purchased a book of blank pages. Before I even met him, knowing only his full name, I began to tell him about himself, his family, the world he had been brought into. I update the book on occasion, sparing little detail so that when he is old enough to read and comprehend he will know just how he arrived at the place he presently finds himself. I hand the book to others in his life so they, too, can share their thoughts, feelings, and impressions as they relate to him. Aiden himself has entered into his book, adding drawings and stickers. When I showed him his book on a recent visit he exclaimed, “My book!” As he flipped through the pages seeing artwork from his younger self he said, “My brain is going crazy!”
I have two more grandchildren due this spring. I need to go out and find the perfect book of blank pages for each of them. When they are each 99-years-old and my own mortal body is long gone, I hope they will turn to the one thing of me that remains: my words and the documentation of their lives as I witnessed it.
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thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
I have a book for each of my two children.. And I wrote in them up into their adulthood. I would love to have one for my little grandson and the new grandson on his way this winter. Thank you for reminding me to start again with the next generation…=]
My daughter in law bought a beautiful book for me — “Memories For My Grandchild” that she hoped would be a lovely family keepsake for my granddaughter. My problem is that it asks that I fill in all my childhood information and thoughts about my family members — none of which would be pleasant to record or remember. I don’t keep all this brutal stuff secret, but neither do I want to record it in this book — meant to be a sweet, flowery group of recollections. My daughter in law doesn’t understand why I can’t somehow just pretty it all up, and I’d love to be able to manage it, but (if anything) the years bring more grim reminders, not the hoped forgetfulness. Ideas?
Hi KGrandma, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I know from personal experience that there is a right venue for sharing certain family stories that are hard to repeat, but which are important to pass down as they provide insight into how someone developed into who they become. I found another outlet to do that. For Aiden’t book, i write down funny things he said, update him on his own progress and life story, which includes certain elements that are unpleasant like the break up of is family and situations that show how life wasn’t always a piece of cake.
Perhaps you need to get a book of blank pages and create the memories you want your grandchild to have. Use the other book to tell all those other stories, keep it somewhere out of sight until a time when you feel the stories can be shared. As an oral historian, I know two things about sharing stories both unpleasant and pleasant, that they provide relief to the person who finally gets them out of their head and that the lessons revealed in the telling are very important and freeing.
Good luck to you.
What a great idea! I hadn’t thought of precisely that type of memory book for my grandchildren. It’s never too late to start, though, especially for my younger grandchildren.
I have, though, compiled a collection of letters my mother saved, letters I wrote home from South America during a three-year stint my husband and our two kids spent there. I typed them, added bits of my memories, and photos, and ran off copies for the kids.
I also wrote letters to my granddaughters when my husband and I lived in Africa for eight years. Though the girls were too young to understand them then, I saved them all and recently compiled them into a memoir which will be published this month.
I also teach memoir classes based on Deuteronomy 4:9 (my paraphrase) – “Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you, and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!”