Comments on: The Dating Mistake You Never Want to Make as a Single Woman over 50 http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50 Sat, 25 May 2013 19:10:30 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: AprilC http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-167352 AprilC Fri, 28 Sep 2012 03:45:51 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-167352 Dear Anonymous, Didn't you say you are 67 years old?  Why do you need the permission of your family to date someone younger?  I get so angry at family members who feel the need to rain on the parade of someone who is happy in a relationship with a younger person.  As far as your children go, YOU are their mother.  They are not your parent!  Now if this man starts to abuse you, tricking you our of your money, beating you, things like this, I can understand them being concerned.  I think they should be happy for you.  If you want to take this man somewhere they may be, they should just deal with it.  You don't have to answer to anyone.  Sweetie you are GROWN!!! Dear Anonymous,
Didn’t you say you are 67 years old?  Why do you need the permission of your family to date someone younger?  I get so angry at family members who feel the need to rain on the parade of someone who is happy in a relationship with a younger person.  As far as your children go, YOU are their mother.  They are not your parent!  Now if this man starts to abuse you, tricking you our of your money, beating you, things like this, I can understand them being concerned.  I think they should be happy for you.  If you want to take this man somewhere they may be, they should just deal with it.  You don’t have to answer to anyone.  Sweetie you are GROWN!!!

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]]> By: Anonymous http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-166225 Anonymous Mon, 03 Sep 2012 18:59:11 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-166225 Mari, I am just not attracted to old. I cannot imagine that anyone today can still get hung up on bi-racial....but, their loss! Mari, I am just not attracted to old. I cannot imagine that anyone today can still get hung up on bi-racial….but, their loss!

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]]> By: Mari Hyatt http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-166224 Mari Hyatt Mon, 03 Sep 2012 18:37:07 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-166224 Anon, I've been there, dating a younger guy, i.e. I was 49, he was 36 & we lasted 4 (rather turbulent) years. Not to mention, I had a case of the guilties 'til 1/2 way through. Maybe the OP meant to say "younger," not "older." I don't date at present, but if I did, he would def have to be younger~I'm just not attracted to older guys. Probably something to do with this...I'm bi-racial~they didn't want me when I was young & pretty, I don't want them when they're old & gray! Anon, I’ve been there, dating a younger guy, i.e. I was 49, he was 36 & we lasted 4 (rather turbulent) years. Not to mention, I had a case of the guilties ’til 1/2 way through. Maybe the OP meant to say “younger,” not “older.”

I don’t date at present, but if I did, he would def have to be younger~I’m just not attracted to older guys. Probably something to do with this…I’m bi-racial~they didn’t want me when I was young & pretty, I don’t want them when they’re old & gray!

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]]> By: Walker Thornton http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-166218 Walker Thornton Mon, 03 Sep 2012 18:17:51 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-166218 Fabulous!  THat is so wonderful!  But, I'll say that in reference to your dating an older man.. I dated a 68 year old who was every bit as lively and capable in bed as a younger man...though his 'recovery' time was slower I'm sure! Fabulous!  THat is so wonderful! 
But, I’ll say that in reference to your dating an older man.. I dated a 68 year old who was every bit as lively and capable in bed as a younger man…though his ‘recovery’ time was slower I’m sure!

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]]> By: Anonymous http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-166216 Anonymous Mon, 03 Sep 2012 17:59:28 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-166216 Mari, I disagree.  If you want to stay young, date a younger man. I am 67 and if I date an older man, he will be too old to tango! Mari, I disagree.  If you want to stay young, date a younger man. I am 67 and if I date an older man, he will be too old to tango!

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]]> By: Anonymous http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-166211 Anonymous Mon, 03 Sep 2012 17:10:40 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-166211 Sandra, my husband passed away suddenly after 26 years of marriage. I am 67 and just moved to an over 55 community. A long way from NJ to FL....it seems like a long time ago, but, it actually has only been closer to a year.  I missed the companionship we had, going out to dinner 2-3 times a week, parties with our friends, and going for a drink. It is lonely out here! My daughter and 4 grandchildren live 11 miles away and we have a wonderful relationship but, my daughter is not the companion I am needing at this point in my life. In the last few years of my marriage, I slept in my own bedroom as I became tired of the TV going all night and never having sex because of....too many excuses to address here, but, I had accepted that I would live the rest of my life without ever having made love to a man again...a thought that made the sexual me very sad.  After my husband passed away and my life changed so drastically, so did I. I had both knees replaced and lived with my daughter during rehab. I bought my condo and moved into it as soon as I was able to do most things on my own. Then....I was alone. At first, I was unpacking boxes. Meeting neighbors. Getting a library card. Doing all things associated with a move to a new state, city, home. Then...I was very alone. I needed to do something! I went to have a mani/pedi on a Thursday. I picked out a lovely shade of pink for nails and toes. As I sat in the pedi chair, I looked around and saw other women getting vibrant and bold colors applied to their toes. I looked at the lovely pink bottle of polish sitting at the ready for my toes. Sitting next to me was a young women who had several bottles of polish she was trying to choose from and then...I saw this beautiful, bold, dark lavender blueish bottle. It struck me that the bottle I had chosen was so dull. Sort of like I had become. Right then and there, I wanted that color of blue on my toes! I even wanted it on my fingernails! I walked out of that nail salon feeling as if I had just conquered the world! So, now I had these bold and beautiful toes and fingers that made a statement about the new ME. But, my closet still had the old me in there.  I stopped at the nearest clothing store and bought the most beautiful, multi-colored billowy long skirt I have ever seen. I bought a pair of sexy wedgies that matched the new skirt and certainly showed off my new blue toe nails! That next day, a Friday, the monthly pest control sprayer man found a leak under my air conditioner. He called a friend of his who owned an air conditioner repair company. I dressed up in my new skirt and shoes, my dark blue toes peeking from those sexy shoes...ready to go out when... the air conditioner man called to say he was near and could come right over to look at the air conditioner. The man came to repair it. Since that day, the man has repaired me, also.  We became friends and lovers. He is handsome. He is Brazilian. He is the most considerate of lovers. He has a beautiful body. He laughs. He sings to me. He whistles. He can and does fix things. A fixer of all things, but, mostly, he fixed me. The only problem...he is 47 years old. One year older than my youngest child. I cannot let my family meet him as they would think I had lost my mind. I have not lost a darn thing except my hang-ups about growing older and having a body that gravity has taken over. I have my sexual self back. The flirty, sensual woman that gave up many years ago. The woman that everyone thought had it all but, lived a lonely life in the midst of many. An unfulfilled shell of who she once was. I suppose the point of all this is that in order to get to the place you have chosen as your place of contentment, one must first find the person inside that allows the heart and mind to open up and accept all possibilities. My 47 year old lover may not be the end all man, nor am I ready for a permanent man in my life, but, for now, for me, he is my joy. What he has done for me, no man has ever done before....he found a young woman in an old woman's body and brought that young woman's mind out in the open...made the older woman realize that a man desired her and wanted to make love to her, often. The woman that had been trapped inside was released by her young lover and could now walk proudly anywhere and feel good about herself. He will never know this, but, no matter what happens in our relationship, I will never forget what he has given back to me. I think we older women short change ourselves. I did. I have promised myself that I will not short change myself again. Life is short for us. Too short to accept half a glass when the whole glass is there for the taking.  I wonder now what my mother did for sex after my dad passed away. For thirty years she lived alone....I can only wonder as she has passed, but, I wonder if when she was 67, did she ever feel sensual.....I hope she did because it is the fountain of youth, that sensual feeling. I hope you find it, Sandra. I hope you will look out with eyes and heart open and find the life you need to make you whole. Sandra, my husband passed away suddenly after 26 years of marriage. I am 67 and just moved to an over 55 community. A long way from NJ to FL….it seems like a long time ago, but, it actually has only been closer to a year. 
I missed the companionship we had, going out to dinner 2-3 times a week, parties with our friends, and going for a drink. It is lonely out here!
My daughter and 4 grandchildren live 11 miles away and we have a wonderful relationship but, my daughter is not the companion I am needing at this point in my life.
In the last few years of my marriage, I slept in my own bedroom as I became tired of the TV going all night and never having sex because of….too many excuses to address here, but, I had accepted that I would live the rest of my life without ever having made love to a man again…a thought that made the sexual me very sad. 
After my husband passed away and my life changed so drastically, so did I. I had both knees replaced and lived with my daughter during rehab. I bought my condo and moved into it as soon as I was able to do most things on my own. Then….I was alone.
At first, I was unpacking boxes. Meeting neighbors. Getting a library card. Doing all things associated with a move to a new state, city, home. Then…I was very alone. I needed to do something!
I went to have a mani/pedi on a Thursday. I picked out a lovely shade of pink for nails and toes. As I sat in the pedi chair, I looked around and saw other women getting vibrant and bold colors applied to their toes. I looked at the lovely pink bottle of polish sitting at the ready for my toes. Sitting next to me was a young women who had several bottles of polish she was trying to choose from and then…I saw this beautiful, bold, dark lavender blueish bottle. It struck me that the bottle I had chosen was so dull. Sort of like I had become. Right then and there, I wanted that color of blue on my toes! I even wanted it on my fingernails! I walked out of that nail salon feeling as if I had just conquered the world!
So, now I had these bold and beautiful toes and fingers that made a statement about the new ME. But, my closet still had the old me in there.  I stopped at the nearest clothing store and bought the most beautiful, multi-colored billowy long skirt I have ever seen. I bought a pair of sexy wedgies that matched the new skirt and certainly showed off my new blue toe nails!
That next day, a Friday, the monthly pest control sprayer man found a leak under my air conditioner. He called a friend of his who owned an air conditioner repair company.
I dressed up in my new skirt and shoes, my dark blue toes peeking from those sexy shoes…ready to go out when… the air conditioner man called to say he was near and could come right over to look at the air conditioner. The man came to repair it. Since that day, the man has repaired me, also. 
We became friends and lovers. He is handsome. He is Brazilian. He is the most considerate of lovers. He has a beautiful body. He laughs. He sings to me. He whistles. He can and does fix things. A fixer of all things, but, mostly, he fixed me.
The only problem…he is 47 years old. One year older than my youngest child. I cannot let my family meet him as they would think I had lost my mind. I have not lost a darn thing except my hang-ups about growing older and having a body that gravity has taken over. I have my sexual self back. The flirty, sensual woman that gave up many years ago. The woman that everyone thought had it all but, lived a lonely life in the midst of many. An unfulfilled shell of who she once was.
I suppose the point of all this is that in order to get to the place you have chosen as your place of contentment, one must first find the person inside that allows the heart and mind to open up and accept all possibilities.
My 47 year old lover may not be the end all man, nor am I ready for a permanent man in my life, but, for now, for me, he is my joy. What he has done for me, no man has ever done before….he found a young woman in an old woman’s body and brought that young woman’s mind out in the open…made the older woman realize that a man desired her and wanted to make love to her, often. The woman that had been trapped inside was released by her young lover and could now walk proudly anywhere and feel good about herself. He will never know this, but, no matter what happens in our relationship, I will never forget what he has given back to me.
I think we older women short change ourselves. I did. I have promised myself that I will not short change myself again. Life is short for us. Too short to accept half a glass when the whole glass is there for the taking. 
I wonder now what my mother did for sex after my dad passed away. For thirty years she lived alone….I can only wonder as she has passed, but, I wonder if when she was 67, did she ever feel sensual…..I hope she did because it is the fountain of youth, that sensual feeling. I hope you find it, Sandra. I hope you will look out with eyes and heart open and find the life you need to make you whole.

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]]> By: Mari Hyatt http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-165916 Mari Hyatt Tue, 28 Aug 2012 00:54:10 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-165916 <em><strong>"If you want to feel really young and sexy, date an older man." </strong></em><strong>You just finished extolling the virtues of younger men~which is it?!!? Plus, what's the  "</strong>the dating mistake you never want to make as a single woman over 50?" “If you want to feel really young and sexy, date an older man.”

You just finished extolling the virtues of younger men~which is it?!!? Plus, what’s the  ”the dating mistake you never want to make as a single woman over 50?”

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]]> By: HauteOver50 http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-165277 HauteOver50 Wed, 08 Aug 2012 15:18:08 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-165277 Lisa, I couldn't disagree more! Younger men are looking for a mother (I have a son) or a "sugar Mama". Older men are focused on sex and if you think for one minute they are not interested in younger women, you are mistaken. I actually date quite a bit and just broke off an engagement with a man my age ( we are both in our early 60's). My last husband was "older" and yes, they are grateful, but he left me for another woman with more money. I don't know where you live but obviously you have a "dating pool" that is extraordinary indeed! Lisa,
I couldn’t disagree more! Younger men are looking for a mother (I have a son) or a “sugar Mama”. Older men are focused on sex and if you think for one minute they are not interested in younger women, you are mistaken.
I actually date quite a bit and just broke off an engagement with a man my age ( we are both in our early 60′s). My last husband was “older” and yes, they are grateful, but he left me for another woman with more money.
I don’t know where you live but obviously you have a ”dating pool” that is extraordinary indeed!

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]]> By: SapphireSky http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-165260 SapphireSky Wed, 08 Aug 2012 02:46:13 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-165260 Dating websites are designed to bring the most possible men directly to your laptop and phone-which they do! I have a very strong sense of what I like and how I like to be treated as well as who I'm attracted to. From there its just a numbers game. My personal average is about 210 loosers for every 1 or 2 I find are dateable- on the similar age sites. And 5 loosers to every 1 hot sincere guy on the "cugar" sites. Really! Have a positive attitude, quick and decisive exit plans with kind phrases to say- then move on! Please believe me- this strategy works and you find the men you want! Also after when they stop trying and become boring and less attentive (99% do) you can trade them in for a nice new one! Haha. Dating websites are designed to bring the most possible men directly to your laptop and phone-which they do! I have a very strong sense of what I like and how I like to be treated as well as who I’m attracted to. From there its just a numbers game. My personal average is about 210 loosers for every 1 or 2 I find are dateable- on the similar age sites. And 5 loosers to every 1 hot sincere guy on the “cugar” sites. Really! Have a positive attitude, quick and decisive exit plans with kind phrases to say- then move on! Please believe me- this strategy works and you find the men you want! Also after when they stop trying and become boring and less attentive (99% do) you can trade them in for a nice new one! Haha.

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]]> By: Walker Thornton http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/the-dating-mistake-you-never-want-to-make-as-a-single-woman-over-50/comment-page-1/#comment-165192 Walker Thornton Mon, 06 Aug 2012 15:06:35 +0000 http://www.vibrantnation.com/?p=114366#comment-165192 Sandra, They are not all horrible. I've met several very nice men there. One of whom I had a 3 year relationship with. But, I think the horror stories stick with us and just beg to be shared. Yes, there are many guys who lie about their age, some because they don't want to date women who are older than they are. I had one guy tell me that  saying he was 68-69 put him in the eyes of 70 year old women and that was too old for him. Personally, I find it disconcerting to meet someone and find out that they fudged on their age, it makes me wonder if they're comfortable hiding the truth about other things too. You might think about that. I think you have to just jump in and arrange a daytime coffee date with someone. Get that first date out of the way. And, yes as you said, just be yourself. Tip: I always ask for a phone conversation first (I call from a blocked number) so we can get a sense of how conversation might go. It's a good screening tool. Sandra,
They are not all horrible. I’ve met several very nice men there. One of whom I had a 3 year relationship with. But, I think the horror stories stick with us and just beg to be shared.
Yes, there are many guys who lie about their age, some because they don’t want to date women who are older than they are. I had one guy tell me that  saying he was 68-69 put him in the eyes of 70 year old women and that was too old for him. Personally, I find it disconcerting to meet someone and find out that they fudged on their age, it makes me wonder if they’re comfortable hiding the truth about other things too. You might think about that.
I think you have to just jump in and arrange a daytime coffee date with someone. Get that first date out of the way. And, yes as you said, just be yourself.
Tip: I always ask for a phone conversation first (I call from a blocked number) so we can get a sense of how conversation might go. It’s a good screening tool.

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