A lot of my life has been in boxes lately. Some of the contents of these boxes were recently packed and some have been languishing, forgotten, for quite some time. The boxes are quite a metaphor for how compartmentalized the various phases of my life have become.
Some things in some of the compartments I am quite happy to forget about and hope they never re-surface to see the light of day again. Some things truly do need to stay out-of-sight-out-of-mind. I’ve become blissfully ignorant of them and am content to stay that way.
Sometimes I make a simple, happy discovery, like when I unearthed a half a package of my favourite Mexican coffee (Cafe de Olla – can’t get it in Canada) when we moved back into our condo and unpacked the kitchen. I am making that half package l-a-s-t!
John and I were up in the attic at our cottage this week, rooting through boxes he moved up here a while ago from our condo storage locker. I wasn’t expecting a trip down memory lane, as most of the stuff in the attic is his. I was quite disconcerted to unearth this 8 x 10 black and white shot from my early 20′s when I was doing a bit of modeling.
I was upset to see how young and fresh-faced I looked, and it triggered a weird kaleidoscopic re-experiencing of my life since age 24 when that shot was taken.
It’s even more of a shock for me to see this image because I have so very few photos of myself in my 20′s. That was the decade I spent with R., and he took a lot of photos which we had nicely organized into many albums. When we divorced, he made a specific request for custody of the photo albums and I graciously gave them all to him. After all, he took most of the photos, and it struck a chord in me that it appeared he wanted to keep these mementoes of our life together. He didn’t want me any more…but he wanted to keep pictures of me, and us…odd, but whatever.
About eight years after giving R. the photo albums, I wound up working closely with a girlfriend he’d had for a while, quite long after our divorce. She was an odd young woman who became quite fixated on me (apparently because I had succeeded in getting R. to marry me, and she had failed in her efforts to do the same).
We did speak a bit about R., and she told me she’d asked him about his ex-wife. Apparently he wouldn’t say much, but it did come across that he felt I’d rather inappropriately “gotten busy” with someone else (after he’d left me for another woman…sort of along the lines of the “Friends” Ross & Rachel “we were on a break!” episode. Good grief.)
I digressed – my point was she had asked him to show her photos and he said he didn’t have any. She claims he told her I had kept all the photo albums and then burned them! I was so shocked. I can understand him declining to show her the photos, but to portray me as someone who would withhold and then destroy these items of sentimental value was quite a chicken-shit thing to do. It also made me think he either burned them (and can’t take responsibility for their destruction) or he keeps them squirrelled away and secretly looks through them from time to time. I’m not sure how I feel about either scenario.
Given my reaction to seeing this one photo I found, I don’t think that I’d want to see those photo albums, even if given a chance to flip through them. Youth is fleeting and I don’t need to be reminded that I didn’t appreciate it or make the most of it.
Todo bien. (It’s all good.)
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thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
You were stunning and flawless at 24 but the face in the picture of today is also very beautiful…The eyes and the smile tell a story of a woman who has found her happiness along this journey we call L-I-F-E!
Thanks Debi. And I know in another 25+ years I will look back at my current VN blog photo and lament I no longer look like I did when I was 51…so I better get busy appreciating what I have at midlife! No looking in the rear view mirror, that’s NOT the direction I want to go in.
Precisely, Lisa! Yes, your photo at 24 is beautiful, but I like the photo of the 51-yr-old Lisa even better. Why? I’m not sure exactly why – I can only tell you I feel you look stunning NOW.
By the way, your statement to Debi was so spot-on. I look at the way my body has changed shape now and think “Oh WHY didn’t I appreciate it 10 or 20 years ago! I had a perfect body then compared to now!” And I guarantee that if I were around 20 years from now, I’d think I had a perfect body in 2010.
Such is life and human perception. We all need to learn to appreciate what we are while we ARE it. (I’ll go start working on that right now, LOL!)
Hey Duffy – thanks for your input! That 24 year old face of mine is a blank slate (hasn’t lived much real life yet!), and the 51 year old slate has been written on a bit! Maybe that’s the difference – a blank slate is just less interesting than one that has accumulated some content/experience?
I am going to take your advice and practice appreciating what I am while I AM it! lol
BTW – judging from your blog photos, you radiate beauty, no matter what cancer has done to parts of your body that now carry surgical scars. Physical confidence combined with mental presence plus humour are a powerful, attractive force – you are living proof of that.
Thank you, Lisa. First, you nailed it – what I didn’t like quite as much about your 24-year-old face. Interesting, but true. Second, you should SEE my poor chest! (That was a joke.)
What isn’t a joke is your last sentence. That meant a lot to me.
Duffy, I know the other VN women would agree with me – you are a beautiful presence on this site. Hugs!
P.S. I “see” your chest as the place that contains that big heart of yours.
I agree with you, Lisa!
GORGEOUS photo, Lisa!!! Also, I enjoyed reading your post…always do.
Yes, our youth is fleeting and why we weren’t ‘there’ for it….I just don’t know. Gads! Youth IS wasted on the young, indeed!
Well, you’re still beautiful inside and out! *Hug*
Thanks Evie, you’re always so sweet (I think of you as “Sweet Evie”). I can remember how critical I was of that photo when it was taken, and also recall being told to lose weight by modeling agents (I’m 5’10″ and was only about 125 lbs back then!).
I just think it’s impossible for us to grasp, while in the throes of our youth, that we won’t always looks and feel exactly that way…we have no other frame of reference and our imaginations just can’t take us there. Hugs back!
Good morning, Lisa!
A quick note! I have a ninety eight year old friend who still gets up every day, dresses, puts her little earrings on, and looks great! She is 47 years older than you! How about that?!
I’ve asked her secret and she says, “Live in day tight compartments!” Also, exercise (!) and one small piece of chocolate is enough!
Now she is someone I aspire to be like! Now I am going to go exercise.
You are so beautiful to me, Lisa. I always love your posts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlDmslyGmGI
LOVE this song, Namaste!!! Thanks!
Thanks Namaste – and what a beautiful rendition of this song! Wow.
Hi Lisa, i had the same experience in the last few days. Looking at pictures of my younger,” healthier” self. Same reaction as you. Your post helped me to look at my life now, and focus on regaining health. I do appreciate lovely older women, with all their experience showing in their faces and bodies. It looks good, I have to see myself the same way.
Thanks for your blogs
You’ve got a “Pixie” youthfulness going for you (I took a closer look at your VN “avatar”)! I agree the combination of experience AND health is most attractive. It’s important to feel good inside and out.
Haha i have a pretty bad cold in that pic