When I woke up this morning, the radio announcer mentioned it was June 6th, the anniversary of “D Day” from World War II. I remember this “D Day” date for a completely different reason – if I had gone through with my 1981 engagement/wedding, today would be my 29th wedding anniversary. Nah, not a chance – even if I had gone through with it, we would have been divorced long before now.
Back then I was close to turning 22, and in my last semester of university. My fiance, B., was four years older, and supposedly working full time. Somehow, it seemed starting a career in real estate involved a lot of time hanging out at the pub, drinking beer with his buddies, playing video games, and earning zilch.
I was struggling to complete term papers and gear up for studying for finals, and he was already pressuring me about needing to get a job and support us, as he repeatedly warned me his income (commission sales) was not going to be steady or reliable. He also enjoyed referring to our approaching wedding date as “D Day” and not in any way as a commemoration of June 6th and its WWII meaning.
Yes, I was really young and really dumb. A ton of bricks needed to fall on me, and thank goodness they did.
After a day of classes, I stopped and did some grocery shopping on the way home. I saw a very nice sirloin tip roast on sale for $8.00. I bought it to put in the freezer; I thought it would make a nice graduation dinner that I could cook, and save us money as we wouldn’t have to go out to celebrate.
I was putting the groceries away when B. came home (from an afternoon drinking beer at a pub that had strippers). He looked at the price tag on the roast I was putting into the freezer and proceeded to give me a huge lecture about what was I thinking wasting money, and that we could not afford a cut of meat like that. I felt terrible and hastened to explain my thinking that it would save us money as we would not go out to dinner to celebrate my university graduation. He shook his head at me in a “the things I have to put up with” sort of way and went into the living room. I followed him and saw the truth that would set me free.
In addition to having spent the afternoon drinking in a strip bar, B. had spent money on a couple of record albums, a bag of chocolates, a Playboy and a Penthouse magazine, and a bag of pot! And he had the nerve to give me grief about buying food. In a blinding flash, I saw the light.
The engagement ring was off my finger and launched so it skittered across the dining room table in his direction. I packed a bag, left and never looked back. It was one of my best decisions ever.
Todo bien. (It’s all good.)
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thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
Hi Lisa,
Boy were you smart! Wish I could have had such a wake up moment. Naw, some of us have to be dumb and do the wrong thing. Variety is the spice of life! Besides, I wouldn’t be and appreciate where I am today had I made a good a decision as you have. To each their own.
anir
Narrow escape, good call, congratulations!
I broke off 3 relationships in my 20′s when I realized I no longer “loved” those “men”. After I’d done that, those “men” avowed their love and actually asked me to marry them. Like…. “Excuse me? You worked that hard to kill every bit of positive feeling I had for you and now that I saw you for what you are, now you want me to do a complete turn-around and suddenly love you again?”
It was almost funny. I always swore I’d never get married because I’d never meet someone I could live with the rest of my life, and then I finally met this guy… Within one week I told my Mom I was going to marry him. She thought I was nuts. We were married one year later – in June of 1981. Sometimes it really pays to be fussy.
OH – that was technically a reply to Lisa, anir. For reasons VN can’t understand, I can’t respond to any original posts. But actually, I have something to say to you, too. You’re right – we each need to have had our own individual experiences in order to become who we are now.
Live, laugh and love – mostly laugh. :-)
Congrats on not marrying husband number one, which many of us did. D-Day certainly does have other memories for you! Thank you for sharing.
I have to admit I blew it with “husband #2″ – that’s another entire blog topic for another time. I went from Ratfink #1 to Ratfink #2.
Third time lucky though – husband #3 is a total keeper!!
Saved by the rudeness. Have u ever found out what became of him, did he make it in life?
Okay, since you asked Lynnette…I have seen him and heard things.
First – soon after I moved out it was time for both our birthdays (they are two days apart). He asked me for dinner for old time’s sake. Against my better judgement I went. On the long drive to the restaurant he started berating me over a UTI (urinary tract infection) he was currently suffering that his doctor put down to the fact he had been abruptly cut off sex! I told him to the turn the car around and take me home, which he did.
A couple of years after I dumped him, I ran into him at a party. I was dating another guy (one I married and later divorced due to his cheating) and B. (guy #1) had the unmitigated nerve to approach me at this party with the following offer – “I miss you, I’d like to get back together with you, and you need to know I haven’t changed at all and don’t plan to.” Needless to say, I had NO trouble declining his ever-so-charming offer!
He later got a girlfriend pregnant and immediately took off for China by himself to think things over. Unlike me, she actually married him when he came back and decided he should do the right thing. They now have 3 kids, she’s very unwell, and nothing I have heard about his situation makes me doubt my original decision to r-u-n away as fast as I could.
wow, great story!
Walking down the aisle in 1975 I asked myself what in the hell was I doing. I thought it was the best I could do. I should be counting my lucky stars anyone would have me. Of course like every young, new bride I thought things would change, he would change. Well guess what? Things didn’t change. He didn’t change. But I did. I left in 1986. He was a functioning alcoholic. It took me a very long time to see that he was an alcoholic because all I’d known before were stereotypical alcoholics. Mean, nasty, never holding a job drunks. We had nothing together except lived under the same roof. We’d have been married 35 years this year. I never did grow to hate him. I tried, thought it would be easier to leave if I did.
I have been remarried 22 years in June. He’s as opposite as can be from #1. There are different issues with this marriage. Issues I never, ever imagined. I think perhaps I wasn’t meant to be married. I’m really not very good at it.
I am awful at it too, really. If there is one in the crowd, i find him. So i decided, after this one, NO MORE! I will have friends but no live ins and definitely no marriage. EVER!
That line ‘the best I could do’ has pulled more young woman into marriage – almost — than the other one — ‘anything is better than nothing’. We have such self-doubt and low confidence — for the first 25 30 years - and listening to you and others – most of it comes from the nasty dialogue — (one way) of arrogant, mindless men who must have control. I think that’s why men have no trouble with war. They know how to force almost anything. Ugh. There are so many Great Escapes – and my hats (have about 25) are off to y’all.
GOOD CALL! Man, hindsight is 20/20 & in these cases hindsight came early. I was in the same boat, but a twist to it. I may have one of the few successfully cheating stories out there.
I became engaged to a guy when I was 22 & just why I’ll never know. Well, probably for all the reasons that Lovemylife said. Anyhow, while we were engaged & lived in the same town, probably only about 5 miles apart, I never even saw him for 6 weeks! Oh, I called a few times, I think he called once, always having one reason or another for not getting together. During that time I even moved out of my folks home & into an apartment with a friend & I had to get a guy at work & a couple of his friends to help move me…loverboy wouldn’t even help!
So a couple of weeks after this, a company BBQ was coming up & sounded like fun. The same co-worker, just being funny asked me if I’d like a date to bring. I surprised him & myself by blurting out “Sure!” My husband was that blind date; he knocked my socks off. And even though Mr. Engagement was SOOOO sorry & loved me SOOO much & would ALWAYS ALWAYS be there for me he ended up paying off the rest of that ring without a finger in it.