How do you write about feeling elation, disappointment and amazement all at once.

Where do I begin? How do I start? I have so much to talk about but I need to find the words that will convey how I’m feeling right now (I need Linda, my very good friend in Texas to help out here because she can weave a story that grabs you and doesn’t let go).

I’m elated I finished, I’m disappointed I “hit the wall” so hard and yet amazed (truly amazed) that I actually finished considering I wanted to quit and probably should’ve quit at mile 18.

I guess I should start with the fact that I knew, without a doubt, that I would finish and had the capacity to finish in under 4:30 hours. That was my mindset going into the run because I had run 20 miles just 3 weeks before with a 10:17 pace. Here is whole post. Blog Post on the 20 mile run. The last paragraph read, “In any case, I think I’ll be able to finish my marathon in 4 1/2 hours and not the 5 hours that I thought it would take me. I now realize the fears I had of coming in last if I ran a sanctioned race were unfounded. But heh who knew.” That 20 miler was one of my best runs I’d had run since I began my training.

I had no doubt I was going to finish and also had very good reason to believe I would finish it under 4:30 hours. 4:30 hours is important because this is the time I would need to qualify for Boston. Not to say I was thinking of running Boston, but it was a good target to shoot for, at least I thought so. So imagine my surprise when I started to fade at mile 10 and by mile 18 was totally convinced I couldn’t take another step, let alone run another 8 miles.

The first time I hit a wall was my first try at running 13 miles. Here is what I mean about “hitting the wall” Wikipedia – Hitting the wall but I ran without carb loading the night before, without any energy beans, with almost plain water. That was a huge SEE (significant emotional event) for me and since then have never even attempted a longer run without carb loading the night before (Friday night spaghetti is now a norm in the FOX household), Gatorade and sports beans to replace the electrolytes. And it worked for I never came close to hitting the wall again, that is until yesterday. So why did I run out of glycogen yesterday and run out as early as 10 miles? I can only speculate but it had a lot to do with not respecting the how far 26 miles is and how much running 4:30 hours takes out of a body.

Up to week 17 of the 18 week training program I was developing a formula that would get me, not only through the runs, but with increasingly better times, indicating I was getting stronger . This formula was figuring out which Friday night high-carb meal fueled me the best, which sports drink tasted better than the rest, which sports beans didn’t get caught in my throat, which running shoes were the best suited for my foot, which sports bra didn’t rub me raw. But the most important part was, which running strategy worked the best.

In the early stages of my training, I did a fast walk, for about 10 seconds, every mile as I was drinking. This worked until I realized I was getting stronger and was running so much better that I didn’t need to walk and drink every mile but every 2nd mile. On my 20 mile run I walked every 2nd mile for the first 10 miles then every mile on the way back. Obviously this was a good formula because that run was awesome (except for the shoe issue).

But I didn’t do that yesterday, I ran the first 8 miles without stopping. Why you ask? Well the week before I had 8 miles to run and it was very very windy. If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll know how much I hate running in the wind, so Harry suggested I only run one way with the wind behind me and I thought that was an excellent idea. My best time for 8 miles up until then was 1:21 and I finished that 8 mile run in 1:16 without walking once, not once. I don’t know how much the wind actually contributed to that awesome run but probably a lot.

So yesterday, based on the 8 miles when I didn’t stop once, I mistakenly made the decision to run the first 13 miles without stopping. When I got to mile 8, I started to realize my error and abandoned that idea of running non-stop for 13 miles and took a walk break. By mile 10 I knew I was in trouble. I got to mile 13 in 2 hours and 15 minutes and realized I would never make the 4:30 time so took about 5 minutes to visit with my daughter, son-in-law and grand baby. My daughter had a banner, “Run NANA Run,” and pompoms to cheer me on, all pretty cool. I’m very glad I did take the time to visit with them.

Once I headed back I began to fade even faster and by mile 18 told Harry I wasn’t going to be able to finish. I have never, not once, ever said I couldn’t finish a run, and some of the runs over the last 18 weeks have been pretty dang hard. I developed a cramp in the back of leg, another first, and felt the light headedness so I knew I was glycogen depleted. I know for a fact I should have quit but …

I had my daughter, her family and a couple of friends waiting for me at the finish line, I had a two friends waiting at mile 20 to run the last 6 miles with me. I had my blog to update when I got back. I couldn’t disappoint you all, I just couldn’t so I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Stella met me a mile 20 and then Kim a short ways later. They had me play a game of we’ll run to that tree then walk, then we’ll run to that signpost and walk. We did that for 5 miles and they got me to the finish line where I had flowers, a tape to break through, balloons and Amber. Once my grand baby, Amber, saw me she came running down the path with her arms up, I used all the energy I had to pick her up and we both crossed the finish line together.

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