What I’ve Learned
I was going to get a tattoo, a pair of blue wings at the base of my neck, to celebrate the end of this journey. I didn’t do that. I did what I always do when something has come to an end. I cleaned house. I mean I seriously cleaned. I washed windows and scrubbed baseboards. Then I took a through shower and smudged the house with sage and prayed. It was a simple prayer, God. That’s it, just God. I figured simple was good and went with it. God. There it is and it’s enough. Just like we are.
Inside each of us is a little spark, a flame or a big assed bon fire that needs to be tended to. It’s that spark of spirit that made me scream, “Enough, enough,” and start a 90 Day No Negativity Challenge. That spark eventually nudged me into what Thomas Merton calls, the “wilderness” of my own interior journey.
In ancient days it was important to tend to the fire and its source because fire was life. It’s our job to preserve that fire so that it might provide the warmth and nourishment we need instead of having to look for it in all the wrong places. One or two drummers come to mind. The best way for me to tend my inner flame is to engage my soul on a daily basis and keep free of negativity. Here are my top ten tips for keeping free of negativity.
- Stop complaining, criticizing, or blaming. Just banish them from your mind and life. At least try, set a timer and try it for fifteen minutes and go from there.
- Stay silent. This is a big one for me because I like words and I like to talk. Just shut up sometimes. As Old Blonde said, “The person who stays silent has all the power,” and “If it’s not a question, it doesn’t need an answer.”
- Joe Friday is an angel. “The facts ma’am, just the facts.”
- Stay in the moment. Where’s your attention? It should be on right now, not what was or could be.
- Know what your triggers are and prepare for them. Mine is first thing in the morning, drummers and swings. Drummers make me stupid and I do stupid things on swings.
- Keep some of yourself to yourself. Don’t throw yourself out to everyone, full tilt. Hold back. You are not mangy dog that is begging to be scratched with a stick as the Sweet Potato Queens would say.
- If you wouldn’t say it, don’t think it. I’m personally rather fond of my imaginary billboard on I 85 that randomly projects my thoughts to the whole world. You are free to borrow it.
- Take care of yourself. You are the only you the world has and we need your gifts. Whatever that means to you do it. Taking care of yourself and your inner flame is the most selfless thing you can do.
- Life is an adventure and what happens is all part of the wilderness experience of being human. Treat it like a trip to a far away land that you paid big bucks for and enjoy it. The trip is paid for. All you gotta do is enjoy it.
- Choose. The best thing about being human besides cowboys, sex, and chocolate is that every moment of everyday we get to choose. So choose, it’s either fear or love baby. I’m choosing love. What about you?
[Click here to read more posts from Watermusic's 90 Day No Negativity Challenge ~ Eds.]
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
Thank you for such a beautiful and inspiring post.
Thank you watermusic for taking us through your challenge to yourself and your very indepth growth about yourself. I enjoyed every word and have gained awareness from it.
Thanks for a great post ….for the last two years I have been on a journey to help complete my message of art symbolism. Negativity.. and its backlash started me on a road over 12 years ago and gave me art of symbolism one day I will post the meaning of my Three Sister Logo that has traveled around the world.
Love the idea of your dealing with negativity the way you did and as in posts i have committed to the fact that LOVE IS THE ANSWER ..Have a great and Positive Life..of course with a few negative bumps along the way …or how else could you appreciate your positivity.
I would love to see the art work. Like I said, my New’s Year’s Resolution was to know love. What I had in mind and what God had in mind were two very different things. This is what happens when you get out the way and have a little faith in the unfolding of your life. I’m still diggin the idea of a cowboy but this is pretty good. I like what I have from this journey and will continue it in some way for my sake. I am toying with the idea of a blog to continue this in some way. Right now, I’m just enjoying the weekend.
I should have it up soon . Watermusic isn’t getting “older” and getting on with the real journey of life , better than just being young and not understanding what Love is really about?
I’m reading The Force of Character and the Lasting Life by James Hillman. He is, as always a fount of wisdom. He discusses the gifts of aging that we miss in our youth fixated culture. He writes of old as being fully mature and nourished and the value of old age. I’ve read his other books and this one resonates with me as much as the others.
Getting older never felt so good. I am just now beginning that journey and I love it. I get brief glimpses of what Love really is and it takes my breath away.
I am feeling you girl… age has it’s best advantages when you look at how much you survived and now knowing you can do it easier and have less “”clutter”( there are all kinds ) in our life ….cause it is about YOU …giving and loving others in a way that just keep bouncing back to you as it spread around the vibrations of wisdom and allowing others to be who they are….what if we had learned this sooner ….better late or on time than never .
I am going to give this one a read. Thanks for the recommendation.
I grew up with cowboys. Unless you love the smell of manure on boots and squeezing warbles from the backs of cattle (http://alturl.com/s6ivv) you don’t want a cowboy, you just want a fantasy.
I like your idea of a negativity “fast”. So much of what we think, believe, and do is just a habit that we have never examined. Taking control of your own thoughts is huge.
I grew up with cowboys. I still want one but one with blue eyes, who plays the guitar and paddles a red Caption.
Good luck with that. When I was young, my parents advised me, “If you want to marry a cowboy, go where the cowboys are.” I didn’t want to so I stayed away from ranching country and rodeos.
What is a Caption?
A whitewater canoe.
Thank you sooooooooo much for this post and sharing your experience. It has really given me new thoughts about how to take care of myself. I will print it out and post them some place to remind me.
Thank you. I’m turning the list into a simple bookmark that I can print out. I need it for me.
A statement that once caught my attention was, “One can not build a chair until one imagine’s the chair–sees the chair in one’s mind first.” The lesson being that what we think is what we manifest.
So we la-di-da about and suddenly, out of nowhere negativity jumps in front of our path. Sometimes we walk around it and sometimes it wails out a wallop. And what is really the challenge is when we didn’t see it coming!
Thanks for the reminder that it is a matter of practice, practice, practice.
Oh my gosh, you’ve pointed out all the things this “meno-me” is doing wrong. Somehow I’ve changed from this fun-loving/doing anything kinda gal, into one who is jealous of their holidays/new homes/cars or grandkids…. What the heck is wrong w/me??? Two have already written me off, and another is dang close. I will copy your 10 tips, and try to live by them..
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Gee. When I clicked that I loved this response earlier today, I could have sworn I also left a response. Let me try again….
Wow. What a terrific “part 2″ to this portion of your article, Watermusic! Thank you for taking such time to answer. It’s like you got into my head and made sense of my fragmented thoughts. I realize I still have to put them into action but your summary will help. I am printing it out and carrying it with me.
I am surrounded by negativity and the situations are not ones I can extricate myself from any time soon, if at all. My job (I will spare you the details and, in the spirit of the article just say I am enormously grateful for the paycheck), my mom (elderly and an enabler of an alcoholic sibling) are draining for someone who is healthy and strong. I am recovering from a near-death illness. Numbers 2 and 6 are also tough ones for me but I have more control over them. In my “About Me” section on Vibrant Nation, I actually write that I am “gregarious” (that’s the word I use), and that “I believe we were given the gift of speech for a reason”.
As for choosing, I want to choose love, and I will continue to try, continue to struggle and use some of your advice to and make the healthy choice. As always, anything that is worthy, positive, helpful is easier said than done, like it is easier for someone to drag a person down than for the other to lift a person up. What is worthwhile a person must work for – it must be earned.
Loved your article, the discussions it elicited, and your outline. Thanks.
peace always ~ tea
This is the only post that I read about your 90 day no negativity challenge. And I tell you, this is another amazing wisdom from you. I realized, theres a lot of negativity in me. Projecting a positive attitude is nothing, if negativity lurkes inside and even invading the whole me. You went in a challenge and came out with a gift good for everyone. Thank you watermusic…
Thank you, thank you, thank you for getting it. I’ve got nothing against projecting a positive attitude but eliminating negativity means that you don’t have to project anything. Your natural goodness shines through. Listen, if positive thinking works for you, knock yourself out. As difficult as this was at times it was ultimately much easier than putting on a happy face. Acceptance and no resistance is ever so much easier and satisfying. That’s just me. I don’t have a monopoly on anything.
I don’t know if it was a gift good for everyone. I was improvising and trusting my inner guidance. This was the music that I danced with my soul to. I suspect that everyone has their own. It doesn’t matter what the music is or what the dance looks like, only that you do it.
Ironically I’ve been trying to banish the negative from my life for a while prior to reading your ‘list’ (which is awesome by the way!!) But I have found that projecting a positive attitude does indeed help eliminate the negative.
Given the situation I have been known to have a low patience threshold (some would say maybe none! lol) ie: stupid people in general who pretend to drive, fail to behave like adults in public or some roadblock that causes me frustration when I’m on a mission of some sort! After all these years it’s hit me that I was allowing others to dictate my moods – giving me headaches, a short temper, ruining my day! Wow, was I giving others way too much power over my life – it’s bad enough when it’s friends and loved ones, but total strangers??
My journey started small – if an incompetent driver cut me off, pulled out in front of me, tail gated, thought turn signals were optional equipment: instead of wishing I could slap them silly and feeling so upset over something I had NO control over – I chose to say 1 time a less than complimentary word (not an awful swear word) and be over it! It works!
Rude, disrespectful people you meet out in public? I hate to grocery shop – it’s a necessary evil, lol! People have no concept sometimes how their actions affect other people – and I’d come home wired and upset – enough so that my husband would laugh at me and ask if I’d murdered anyone at the store!! So I decided to smile and move on, make them think you know an awesome secret and wonder what you’re smiling about! It works. Hubby still asks, but I just laugh and say ‘no, I let them live’ I still hate to shop but at least I come home in a better mood!!
I make lists when I have a big project, whether it’s a family dinner, a craft, a party etc. Those lists don’t just include what I need to do, but the time frame it needs to be done in. In the past if something caused my time frame to be off it was a source of frustration and anxiety which led to more issues. What should have given me pleasure to share was ultimately making me miserable. So now I give myself pep talks – it works! This past weekend my son got married, I did the rehearsal dinner, for 30 people. Obviously I wanted it to be very nice! This entailed actually preparing the meal at home, making sure I had all the necessary serving pieces and tableware and transporting it to the site, setting it up and decorating. I had my list! The day went fairly well as far as adhering to the time table – but by 3pm I was starting to fall behind and could feel a bubble of anxiety building! Then lo and behold, I’m on my way home from picking up the last thing I needed for dinner and there’s a fender bender in the intersection! Oh wow!!! There wasn’t anyway to get out of the jam except wait until the cars were able to turn at the intersection ever so slowly!! I gave myself that pep talk – what’s the worst that could happen? Dinner is served a few minutes later than I planned on? I told myself that ‘I can do this’, ‘I will pull this off’, ‘it WILL be a success’ It worked!! The dinner I’m proud to say was a success based on the feedback I got and I enjoyed it all!!!
My point (and there is one!) is that projecting, thinking and doing a positive attitude – making an attempt to change my response to situations – has been very helpful to me. By intentionally doing these things, it’s changed my perception, thereby changing my response, allowing me to ‘let go’ of a huge load of negativity!! I suspect Pavlov would have loved me for a test subject – I’ve conditioned myself to either not find the negative or if it finds me – change my response! (except politically – in which case I’m still a passionate soapboxer! but that’s a whole other blog!!)
So, watermusic and all the other ladies here, I hope you dance – hear your music and dance! It feels good!
The Sedona Method usually works for me, but sometimes I forget. I keep the book by my bed. Being in the present moment is vital to move forward. We can’t do anything about our past, only how we feel about it. NLP helps too. I think you have a nice combo of many techniques here I am not sure you are aware of. If you think positively, that is what you will get in your life. The trick is you actually have to feel it. Fake it to make it is a good start too as it will ultimately happen. You have given me some food for thought.
I usually clean like a madwoman too after doing something momentous.
Thank you, watermusic, for your generosity in sharing your life lesson with us. It is one I used to follow “religiously.” Over the past 15 years, however, it kept getting lost in the detritus of my life, until it disappeared altogether. I am grateful to you for sharing yours, which helped me see how much I lost of mine.
My life over the past two years has been hideous (loss of job, house, second chance at a new career/new life, even a place of my own to be), and by mid-February I felt — for the first time in my 63 years — defeated. broken. The depths of that despair were a shock to me; I didn’t ever imagine my self in such a state.
Finding your list this morning is the life raft I need. I am still drowning in pain, shame, sorrow and despair, but at least I have that life raft to swim toward. Bless you, dear lady.
You’re welcome. I hope things get better for you soon. May we each be blessed with peace, wisdom and the inner guidance we need today.
Thank you! This is my first day on Vibrant Nation and I’ve learned from your post already. I really like #2! It is so true.
Thank you I needed this post today to stay in the moment. I’ve go to print this out, post it and share it.
I most love #8. It seems without doing that, we have nothing to give others. Great article.
Deb Habr
This one of the best articles I read in a long time, thank you!
Thanks for such as great post. Everyone should be doing this challenge. This is the root cause of much of our own turmoil in our lives.
Thank you and a special thank you to Cara and Beth for indexing all the posts. I flew off the handle on day and impulsively decided to go on a 90 Day No Negativity Challenge to eliminate negativity from my life. 90 Days of eliminating negativity and writing about it was like going through psychic detox. I became engaged in a journey with my soul that was more productive than anything I have ever done before.
I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. It felt like I was along for the ride sometimes. What made the biggest difference was the support of this community, especially Old Blonde and NanaCatharine. They both said just what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it the most.
There is tremendous value in being able to tap into the collective energy of women over 50. Completing this challenge proved that if nothing else.
This is the most amazing site. I learned so much about myself from others. I want to say “THANK YOU”. I have been trying to look outside myself and this group of amazing woman are showing me the way. Keep up the great work. Bless you.
Hi all. For any members wanting to read all of Watermusic’s 90 Day No Negativity Challenge posts, here is an index with the posts listed in date order:
How “The Art of Being Human” began
You had me from the cowboys and chocolate. Well said, but so hard to do it. I like your writing. Will check out your profile.
VERY INSPIRATIONAL,AND WELL WRITTEN….THIS IS DEFINATELY SOMETHING I NEED TO PRINT OUT AND START FOLLOWING …I A’M WORKING SO HARD ON GETTING RID OF NEGITIVITY IN MY LIFE…I USE POSITIVE AFFERMATIONS,MEDITATION,SELF-HYPNOSIS CD’S…YOU NAME IT…….EVERY DAY I TELL MYSELF THE PAST IS OVER,I NEED TO LIVE FOR THE PRESENT,AND THE FUTURE WILL BE BRIGHT…..MENEPAUSE MAKES THIS A LOT HARDER TO DO,[I NEVER THOUGHT MY HORMONES CAN RAGE LIKE THIS:]……I THINK THIS 90 DAY NO NEGITIVITY CHALLANGE IS JUST WHAT I NEED……A EXCELLANT POST…THANK-YOU SO MUCH!STIZZY
#1,2,7 were the most useful tips for me. Once I could do those then there was room for positive affirmations, in fact, they became more natural and effortless. Once I emptied my mind of clutter there was room for other types of thoughts, thoughts I got to choose more consciously.
This is wonderful! I shall print and post both at home and at work. Thank you.
Thak you so much watermusic for being such an inspiration! I am new to this site and I am so happy to have found this thread. It was one of those little miracles that happen when you least expect it. I was feeling down and have been having negative thoughts lately. When I woke up this morning I told myself that I needed to get out of this dump and get on with my life. I opened my email and found your journey. I joined Vibrant Nation a few weeks ago but I didn’t do anything with it because of other things going on in my life. I’m so glad that I subscribed because it gave me the opportunity to read your posts and share in your journey. I am going to come back here and re read these as I pursue my own inner journey. Thank you, thank you , thank you!!!!!
What a wonderful post. I am so inspired by your wisdom and your positive outlook. I could not agree more about that spark of life inside us. I think that is the very force which animates our life and tending to it is the most worthwhile thing we can do in life. In my experience that spark is what we see radiating from the eyes of vibrant people , no matter what their age but it is particularly striking in the aged face.
I describe it as a sort of pilot light in us, burning subtly but continuously, with the occasional flare-up. I suggest that when a woman reaches her oldest years, that tiny flame flares up brighter and brighter. It is the same light that has sparkled in her eyes all along, and the heat from it both comforts and inspires us when we get close enough. As the years pass, this light does not fade. It just keeps getting brighter year after year until it is all there is, shining from an Open Field within.
To me this is the description of the natural spiritual journey which is within us all. We need not have asked for it or understand it but being aware of it can bring great peace and comfort in life and have an amazingly positive impact on the quality of our life.
Imagine a world without the energy drain of negativity…now that is worth working towards
Thank you
Do not hide your light so that others won’t feel insecure around you. And as you let your light shine, you unconsciously give others the right to do the same.