Desire
They say that the gates of heaven are guarded by fear and desire. Today was a quiet Sunday doing a little bit of nothing. I was well satisfied with myself and my life until I started pawing through my knitting bag. I rummaged around a bit looking for something small to knit when was I was hit right between the eyes by the urgent yearning for more. I needed more yarn, even though I could knit for a year and not use my stash. I had to have more sock yarn because a new pair of Moreno wool sock would be just the thing to wear with my river booties. And now is the time to think of Christmas. I have a pattern for shopping bags that would be a perfect quick gift if I only had more yarn. That shrug pattern was so cute! I just needed more yarn, silk would be nice. The only reason I didn’t run to the yarn shop salivating at the mouth was that it was closed. I had an attack of the wants. Desire tapped at my door and peered around the corner tempting me with wouldn’t it be nice and didn’t I deserve. And suddenly I wasn’t as satisfied anymore.
If you have paid attention you are living a life that suits you and you are happy. If you haven’t paid attention than your life chafes against your spirit and rubs you raw. I’ve paid attention and my life suits me. It’s not for everyone but I’m happy more often not. When I’m not I go to ground for a bit and sort out what needs to change. Then I pray for courage and guidance. That’s for the big turning points in my life, when I come to a cross roads or have lost my way. Most of the time all it takes is being satisfied with what I have and the way things are. That means being free from the burden of desire.
I’m always a bit taken back by desire. It seems to have a life of its own and have nothing to do with me. Most of the time my desires are relatively harmless ending with a life time supply of yarn and a couple of what was I thinking relationships. The worst part of desire is that that prevents me from living in the moment and being happy with what I have. Right now is all I have. It’s all I ever have. I lose the only thing I have that matters when I succumb to the siren call of desire. It pulls me into the future and away from the present with a promise of better when right now is pretty dang good if I let it be. I’m letting it be.
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
Good morning watermusic. As I read your post day 85 of 90 I wondered if you could sum up the changes in you. I’d like to hear about your biggest “ah ha” moments. Can you do that? Thanks.
If you don’t mind I’m thinking that I’d like to finish the challenge than write a epilogue (?) or postscript to it.So, if you don’t mind waiting a bit. I’ve been thinking about how this has changed me and if there are any big ah ha moments. I know that there have been several times when I’ve made peace with the past and parts of me I thought that I had settled. I’ve also been surprised to see things that I thought were a virtue actually work against me. The lesson of impatience comes to mind.
I can wait. And I look forward to it.