90 Day No Negativity Challenge – Day 52

A Servant to the Soul

Education saved me once maybe it will save me again.  I’m writing that and I don’t know what it means.  It rings true though and it’s what wants to be written so, there it is.

I came of age during the height of the feminist movement and was part of it, proudly part of it. It was a great time to be a woman, full of possibilities and opportunities. Teaching went against the grain when there were so many other opportunities open to women. It was never part of my long range plans. I tried to leave teaching once,planned to leave teaching twice and was called back twice.

The third and final time involved me arguing with God above a Class IV drop in December.  It would appear that teaching is the calling of my soul. Teaching might be the call of my soul but education is another matter. I would really rather be a back up singer for Tina Turner, but there you are. When I surrendered to God above that Class IV drop I had plans for my life that did not involve education. While I might be stubborn I am in the end, obedient and I returned to education. When I did  I made a promise that I would be a servant to the soul of my students.  Ask me how that’s going under the regime of NCLB.

NCLB has sucked the joy out of teaching. It’s sucked the soul out of it and is gnawing on the marrow. Teachers are undermined at every turn, by parents, politicians and worse; other teachers. Rafe Esquith wrote “There are many charlatans in the world of education. They teach for a couple of years, come up with a few clever slogans, build a web site and hit the lecture circuit. In this fast-food society, simple solutions to complex problems are embraced far too often. We can to better.”  Let me put it another way; talk to me when you’ve been teaching fifteen or twenty years.

It is incredibly frustrating to see experienced teachers who are dedicated to their students be rejected by teachers who can almost half teach and yet are so smugly full of self importance that it’s coming out their ears. They have forgotten what the profession is about. Here’s a hint, it’s not about us. (May my ears hear what my mouth just said.) Every day I see teachers criticizing and demeaning other teachers for the sole purpose of demonstrating their presumed importance. I don’t do that, but I do find myself competing with those teachers as if I have to prove my worth to them.   A pissed off attitude and needing to be seen as significant has made me lose the focus of what’s important. It has frustrated me and left me disappointed in myself as a teacher and in my profession.  The year didn’t start out like that and I am determined that it’s not going to end like that.

Other people’s negativity bothers me less. My own negativity makes me increasingly uncomfortable. I have this irresistible urge to wipe it off, rather like a kid with a leech, “Get it off, get it off!”  It’s gotten in the way of I’m doing and why I’m doing it.  Here’s a hint, it’s not about me. Negativity interferes with what matters the most. The illusion it creates hides the truth that would be revealed.

Harrison Barnes wrote, “You need to do the work you love and live the life you want without being controlled by a need to be significant.  This will change everything for you and allow you to contribute to the world in a productive way.”

I suspect that letting go of the need to be important will lead to greater change for me both personally and professionally.  I see the beginning of that already. At the very least I will be released from the vicious cycle of needing to be significant to people who don’t really matter and start focusing on the people who do.  I will return to being a servant to the soul of my students.  Please God.