Negativity as Defense
Negative thoughts try to weasel their way into my mind at the same time every morning. I start putting on my makeup and they start in with their insanity. They don’t even knock; they barge right in like noisy uninvited quests. I’ve been stopping them. This morning I decided to notice them. When I paid attention I realized that the thoughts were always the same thing, snarky comments I’m going to make to someone who I think needs telling off because of something I think they might say to me. Does that sound insane to you? It does to me.
What I’m really doing is mentally defending myself against anticipated criticisms and slights. Difficult people are part of the world. Negative thoughts won’t protect me or shield me against them. The more I defend myself with negative thoughts the more afraid I become. The more afraid I become the louder my negativity becomes, drowing out the truth. Its a vicious cycle that I want to stop. The question is why I feel like I need to defend myself in the first place.
Why do I feel defensive? The answer came instantly. I feel defensive because I believe that I am not enough in some way. Writing that breaks my heart. That feeling, that message that we get from a hundred places and thousands of people that we are not enough is the worst form of negativity. If I am, in fact, as God created me than I am, in fact enough.
A Course in Miracles says be defenseless. I love how that makes me feel, strong, confident and sure. I am strong in my defenselessness. My negative defenses hide my fear that I am not enough. Letting go of my defenses mean I get to see where I feel that I am not enough and release it. It’s like turning on the light in a child’s bedroom to scare away the monsters she has created in her imagination. Negativity hides the light, another reason for letting it go, even though doing that makes me nervous and is scary today.
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
this is what I mean when I say observing the thought but not getting caught up in the story.
or how I deal with them sometimes, like a cloud of misty air just let them pass on through. no resistance no struggling, just……..um…….in one side and out the other.
this works in very serious circumstances as well. I used it frequently as a mental tool when i was suffering such mental anguish after my sisters suicide. saved the day many a time.
Thank you for the support, I appreciate it. Attachment is suffering. I have to remind myself that they are just thoughts. We think that thoughts are telling us about the other person when they are really telling us where we are vulnerable and scared. I’ve never seen attacking thoughts do any good. I’ve never seen attacking do any good come to think of it.
if you say that thoughts are telling us about the other person or that thought are telling us we are vulnerable or scared……..then you are giving thoughts power.
why do we have to label our thoughts? especially if they are just passing through?
sometimes it is appropriate to label or notice our thoughts but I would suspect that 99% of what passes through my mind is not worth buying into. endless endless endless mind chatter.
the point is to quiet the mind.
or another way of saying it is my mind is a bad neighborhood, I need to keep out of it.
but quieting the mind is the essence of meditation. and learning to listen to the 6th sense, the still quiet voice from within.
think you?