Negativity to Belong
Nancy, a woman I work with announced that she’s had enough and was joining me in my challenge. She told me that the past two days had been demanding and part of the problem was the barrage of negativity she was being exposed to. She noticed that she participated in negative conversations to be part of the group but it made her day go badly and she wasn’t productive.
Negativity has become a way of bonding, a foundation for our friendships and it’s infectious. Nancy said she used to work with a group of women who all moaned and groaned about their husbands. She was a newlywed and began moaning and groaning about hers to fit in until she noticed that it wasn’t true and what was worse it was effecting how she felt about her husband.
I’ve seen the same thing and in fact that was one of the compelling reasons I started this challenge. I was friendly with a number of women in the paddling community. Whenever I mentioned one of the women to J she told me what was wrong with her or a problem that woman had. The conversations we had were insidious because it felt like honesty and intimacy. The truth is that they were destructive to my wellbeing and my other friendships. I found myself keeping my distance from some of the women and responding to them with judgment that I hadn’t before. J was slowly becoming my primary friend in that community which was not a good thing.
I’m starting to reconnect with those women and making my decisions about how and when to spend time with them free of J’s negative assessments. I am also free of J. Negativity damages relationships, enough said.
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
hey I didn’t read these for the first few you did. but I’ve been clicking on them daily now. Very interesting indeed!
I sure needed to read this one. Our front desk at the office and starting to feel like a groaning board. Who needs it? Not me.
I know what you mean
Being an electrologist, my job parallels with that of a bartender. A woman lays down on that bed & I suppose she feels that if her chin hairs are exposed, the rest of her & emotions might as well be too. I must admit I am a good listener & IF they ask for advice or my opinion, I try to keep it simple (talk to him) or perhaps throw a spin on a way they never considered before (most seem to like that). man, the secrets I know, but they’ll never leave me!
Anyhow, it could be quite easy for me to fall into their negativity, but I don’t except for the terminally negative martyr type, in which I smile as they leave & then rant to myself & get it out of the way. One of the challenges I face is gossip. Small town, things happen blah blah. However I nip it in the bud when I can see my client is ‘fishing’ & have found that if I say I don’t know (the victim) then the client drops it. The last thing I want is someone repeating something said that comes from my office. One quickly learns who to be tight lipped around! If you hone it, you can get very good at tuning in when bad vibes re about to start. Just change the subject, or better yet, leave if you can.
it’s best just to steer clear of those people.
Sorry, Miss WM, did I just get off topic?
No at all. I live in a city and teach in a nearby small town. I get it. I’m finding that people who are negative are leaving me alone which suits me. The universe abhors a vacuum. It’s a mistake to hang onto people out of fear or a misguided sense of compassion or obligation.