The Negative Expert
I was involved with a conversation with a colleague about some recent trends and policies. This person is well respected in our professional community. She’s knowledgeable and enthusiastic about her craft, which is why I seek her out when I get excited about something. She’s also negative, something I never realized until today, and of course I got to see the same tendencies in myself. She’s what I call a negative expert, that shoe fits me too.
A negative expert sees what’s wrong, the recognition of what’s wrong implies that they wouldn’t do it that way because they’re superior. It’s usually expressed in calm, professional terms and a tone of great concern. They may or may not offer solutions, but often offer unsolicited advice and opinions which serve to support their expertise. The unsolicited advice, however well meaning it maybe, is more about demonstrating their expertise than really doing anything about the wrong they identified.
This is a big problem for me, it’s where I see myself easily shifting into negativity which serves no one. Someone told me recently that I had strong opinions but I was usually right. I don’t want to be right at another person’s expense. I want to be supportive, the key for me is to have strong opinions without criticizing or blaming anyone.
It comes down to this, am I raising the level of humanity or adding to the problem? It was mixed today. I did a little of both.
The conversation started out with me sharing a great book and organization I found and quickly disintegrated into a thinly veiled b*&h fest as we two experts pointed out what was wrong so we could feel superior. I didn’t like it, it didn’t feel good at all, and you know, there was a time when it did.
When I became aware of the negativity I tried to consciously reframe the blames and criticism as a problem. Identifying a problem in neutral terms leaves room for a solution in a way that criticism on it’s own doesn’t. It was challenging.
I’ve got this to say at the end of the day, if it’s a problem, offer a solution or shut up and get out of the way for someone who can.
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Great topic, Watermusic… If in someone we find a trait that we detest so very much .. it’s most likely a trait which lives in ourselves, as well.Not all the time, but quite often. I try to stay away from folk who are always negative and contradictory, about everyone and everything.. It will bring me down and make me unresponsive … just as a positive response will lift my spirit. Now I have to learn that …every thought and verbal out-pour holds questions to ponder. and answers to honor.
FTR, it’s Day 19. I didn’t realize it until I got home and put this entry into my journal. Yesterday I was diggin this whole journey and was thinking I had it made in the shade, today….not so much.
I have found that the older I get, the more negative I get. This strikes me as odd considering that I am in a place where I am going deeper to find peace and spirituality in my life. I have to agree that the things we dislike in others is often a mirror of the things we dislike about ourselves. I work with a supervisor that asks for your opinion and then proceeds to tell you why it’s wrong. I am the oldest one there (by a considerable number of years) and that works itself into the equation as well. Sometimes I feel as if women our age are the only ones who really understand what’s going on. I don’t like myself when I am negative. This sounds like a really tough challenge. I admire your courage to take it on.
I have never thought of myself as negative and most people don’t think I am. However, I’ve seen the damage negativity does and wanted to see what my life would be like without it. Most of the time it’s interesting, today was a challenge.
Last night I dreamed that a man I was with was interested in a woman. I told him she was a demon. I could see that it was a waxy imitation of a woman, flesh and blood but no soul. I asked if she was of the Christ Light. When she said no, I stabbed her and felt a sense of peace and power. Later I got into my parked car and maneuvered my way out of the parking lot. The dream book I use says that demons represent negativity and the shadow parts of our selves.
I think I’m on the right track, it’s interesting, if nothing else.
due to my age and the stage i am in my life (close to retirement) if i were to invest on something bad i will lose everything…. so i think of all the negatives first. When i was younger i did not care because i had time to recover, but now…. it is very difficult to just look at the bright side of things.
I am doing a 90 Day No Negativity Challenge. I am not doing a be positive, look at the bright side challenge. Negative and positive are two sides of the same coin. What I am doing is removing the mental debris created by negativity. I only want to hear the voice of God.
This is some of what I wrote on Day 16
“Fear and negativity will cripple your spirit. I am in a demanding situation at work but as I free my mind of negativity there are no illusions to obscure the truth and my actions come from the Core of my Being and I am filled with peace.
That is what I noticed most of all, the quiet confidence of peace that exists more consistently. “
What I have seen is that when negativity is not present I make better decisions about everything.
I get the idea about caring more because there is less time. I would like to have the trusting attitude (or the what the heck attitude)that I had when I was younger….I’ve tried to write that three times and it resists being written.
Maybe I do have a trusting attitude, faith for sure. However, I am very aware of that I have lived more than I will live and what I do matters more for that reason.
Is being aware of the consequences and making choices based on them negative?