There are moments in my dating history that I would like to forget and push as far back in my mind as possible. But sometimes you do have to drag those bad memories out to the surface because you know (or hope you know) that your experience might be of benefit to someone else. And isn’t that what blogging is all about?
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Several years ago, I met a guy who was all wrong for me, but at the time, it all seemed perfectly right. He was tall and nice looking and it didn’t hurt that he boasted a great physique for a 51-year-old man. Yes, I was attracted — very attracted, but I knew that we were as different as two people could be. I knew it right from the beginning and I’m sure he did to, but both of us chose to ignore our instincts. He was the quintessential “bad boy,” and since I’ve not had too much experience in that dating department, I took the precarious leap in going out with this man.
Without going into detail, our dating relationship waxed and waned for two years. The word dysfunctional is too light a word to describe what we both put each other through during that time. Toward the end of the second year, he told me that he was moving to California. I can only tell you that I felt some surge of relief. Distance would end what the two of us couldn’t. Despite our dysfunctional ways, I honestly thought that we would say our good-byes in person. It was only weeks after his announcement about moving that I received a call from him now settled in southern California.
During those first few months after his move, he would call periodically. Our conversations were primarily forgettable. I only remember that I forced myself to talk and laugh at things that I neither found interesting nor funny. Our relationship charade still continued across those 3,000 miles. And as much as I hate to admit it, I even continued to take his calls despite a voice mail message to me one day asking for Patty. No matter how much I rationalize it, there’s no way Patty sounds anything like Marian. And yet, for some reason, I still hung on until the bathroom incident.
I was cleaning the bathroom one night when the phone rang. My caller id showed his number. The phone rang, the caller id screen still showed his number, and with that I made a decision. I needed to scrub the bathroom floor.
I may be close to the extreme example of leaving everything behind. Divorced after many years, kids, memories and so on. I could not stand the thought of suddenly being single among my married friends, so, as I had dual citizenship I chose to move 
You're upset.... Well, your son is an adult, and knows perfectly well what happens when you have unprotected sex. The consequences are, that he has a child on the way, and you are going to be a grandmother.
I suggest that you stuff your anger, 
Good for you!! And don’t beat yourself up for putting up with the relationship for so long. We do what we do for a reason. I’ve dated guys in my past who were boring beyond words. But I couldn’t let them go. Maybe we’re trying to peel an onion that has absolutely no layers. Eventually, you can’t even work up a tear and you let ‘em go! Great story. Thanks for sharing!
Ahh… I love your “we do what we do for a reason.” When I think about life from that perspective, I don’t feel like kicking myself for those past mistakes.
Yup. Sometimes the onion doesn’t have any layers. I enjoy your blog. You’re a wise woman.
Marian
I truly believe everyone comes in our life for a reason, a purpose and even just a season. We learn and then we move on. Whatever you got from this man was something that probably needed healing in your own life even if it was being able to finally let go of something that no longer worked. Good for you for not beating yourself up especially when everything is a just a wonderful opportunity to learn something new about ourselves. P.S. Doesn’t it feel good to just clean and get life in order again?
Lisa,
Yes, you’re absolutely right. I also believe that people do come into our lives for a reason. And yes, I learned a lot from my time with this man. And double yes… getting life in order again is a true blessing!
I had to smile as I read your blog because I’m in one of those relationships right now. The man I’m seeing is drop dead gorgeous and I think a part of me is just thrilled that he’d be interested in me. A bit vain I suppose, but I’m enjoying it. We do have fun when we’re together. He has a great sense of humour, but the relationship is a bit lopsided in that it tends to be more about him. I know that this will never be longterm, but I’m having fun with it and in the meantime I am learning a lot about myself. After a 29 year marriage I think I lost me – that knowing who I was and what I like and want out of life. From this man, I am learning what I’m looking for in a partner – if I choose to have one. There are things that I really like about him, but I know that he is really unable to commit – I guess that’s why he’s still single – so for right now, I like to think of him as my first fling.
I think that as long as our eyes are open, we’re not hurting anyone and we can see it as a learning experience – why not! I agree with the other blogger, people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes we just need someone to get us through the tough times and the pain, and that is exactly what this guy is dong for me.
Chia1958 — you’ve got your eyes wide open, which is always the best thing. As you say, he’s showing you what you want in a partner — you can’t beat that lesson.