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Sinking into Stillness Most Liked Hot Conversation

Most summers I set ridiculous goals for the sake of setting goals. The summer I finished graduate school and got divorced my goal was to see how much fun I could have without going broke or getting arrested. The answer to that, in case you’re wondering, is quite a lot. The soul will have its way though. It took two summers of being sidelined, first by torn ligaments in my left ankle and then a broken right ankle, for me to listen to my soul’s cry for solitude. It feels like a waste of a good life to not jump in with both feet, which is how I broke my ankle, come to think of it.

I discovered something the summer I broke my ankle and was house bound for six weeks. It became very clear to me during those six weeks that I was not living my life alone, however much that may feel sometimes. I was always dancing to life with my soul and it leads. It leads and I try to keep up, sometimes not very well. I’ve tried to have it my way only to end up with broken ankles, heart aches and regretful liaisons with drummers. So, now I listen to my soul’s need for silence and allow myself to be embraced by its stillness.

I’ve needed the solitude this summer has brought to my life to sink into a new way of being. One of the gifts of being older is that you stop being a reflection of others and start being yourself. This summer I’m giving that self time and space to grow deep roots. It’s not very exciting, at least not on the surface, but in my inner world some wonderful things are taking place and I’m grateful for the time to tend to that part of my life. It is a gift that few people get. There are days, however, when I can’t bear one more minute of it and succumb to whatever pretty bauble of distraction presents itself. I understand why people went into caves to seek wisdom, no distractions and I’m not even seeking wisdom, just myself. I’m kind of wondering if that’s not a type of wisdom though.

One of my favorite stories is about Rabbi Zusia. Rabbi Zusia was a famous and respected teacher who had a vision that told him that when he died the angels would ask about his life. He told his followers that it worried him. When they asked him what could possible worry a humble and scholarly man about that. Zusia said, “I’ve have learned that the angels will not ask why I wasn’t more like Moses. They will ask why I wasn’t more like Zusia.” What a gift the world would have if we were each fully ourselves, our best selves, the self we were born to be. That’s all I’m trying to do here, be my best self, the woman I was born to be. I don’t always know what that is or what that looks like. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. Maybe all I’m supposed to do is have a little faith, which I do because like the woman said, it’s either fear or love, baby. This week it was all about love.

Aretha Franklin singing Spirit in the Dark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yx4q1Qq3MUE

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Posted in other topics, Our Blog Circle, spirituality.

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12 Responses

  1. ThurmanLady ThurmanLady says

    I love how your writing makes me smile… “It feels like a waste of a good life to not jump in with both feet, which is how I broke my ankle, come to think of it.” :)
     
    I’ve had loads of time for solitude and do it a little too often, especially these days.  Maybe I need that summer of how much fun can I have without getting arrested (since I’m already broke!)?  Right now, some of that solitude is necessary as I’m going through yet another rough patch in my “love life” and I need to be alone – and have someone to talk to about in on occasion.  How I wish I was in a position to get back into counseling; I could use listening to myself saying stuff out loud!!
     
    While I do want to be the best me that I can be, I find that I’ve stopped analyzing my “stuff” too much and just let it be.  Life has a way of making us grow whether we’re up for it or not.  AFGE… just what I need. ♥

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    • Happy Daze Happy Daze says

      We have a female pastor in our local college town who gives free counseling sessions as part of her ministry.  Maybe there is one in your area?  When I got my degree in counseling we had to tape our sessions and critique ourselves.  If you have a tape recorder it may be a way to bring things out and consider them in a new way.  It’s powerful to have a live body to sit across from and have them at least nod, smile & receive your words.  Keep writing here, ThurmanLady.  I always glean something of value when I read what you’ve written.  Thanks :)

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  2. watermusic watermusic says

    You know, you can always pretend to be on the Oprah Show and tell your story there. It sounds silly but it’s amazing how therapeutic it is.
    Persevere, baby, better days are coming.

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  3. Debi Drecksler Debi Drecksler says

    I wish that you and Thurman Lady lived closer so that we could spend time together….I like you both so much. p.s. Thanks for including the Rabbi story. I loved it!

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    • ThurmanLady ThurmanLady says

      I’d love to get together with the two of you as well!  I’d pretend to be on Oprah and you could be my audience – a participating one, of course. :)

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    • watermusic watermusic says

      Thanks, it’s one of my favorite stories. I usually get up to you neck of the woods at least  once during the summer. This summer, I’m afraid will be the exception to that. 

      TL,
      I’m telling you that the Oprah Show pretend game is very good for you.

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  4. Happy Daze Happy Daze says

    I love your exuberance and zest for doing new things spontaneously, watermusic.  You are still moving forward as you get beyond the broken ankles and leap into the next excitement in your path.  Out of stillness comes action and new life.  EnJOY~! :)

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    • watermusic watermusic says

      Thank you. I have your quote from another thread on my desk. “Recreating ourselves and our realities begin in  our minds and shows up in our actions.”  It’s perfect.

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      • Happy Daze Happy Daze says

        watermusic,  I’m touched that something I said touched you.  Thank YOU :)

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  5. Titirangi Storyteller Titirangi Storyteller says

    I love this entire thread! I’m a bit too busy (1st monday of the month) to write anything meaningful, but I just wanted to say… :-}

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  6. Generic Image stuck says

    Hi its jomarlene I hope you all dont mind me jumping in here?I dont realy like solitude and I to wish sometimes I had counseling.Cant afford it as well.I do need some solitude by myself on a beach,in a camper somewhere to reflect my soul,start a new chapter?Not really sure.When I sit and reflect to long here I end up with my childrens problems.Its like God says if ya dont go I will find yo something,but Lord is that my purpose?Im refering to my grand-children ,10and 4 are thier ages.Their parents are without power right now by fault of their own.No water (well)no bathroon,no shower.She finally went to seek help.It will be next week.My husband gives no mercy he says their innocent.We have no choice.(the children).The parents make more in foodstamps or almost as much as I do from my part-time
    job.He does not like it when I ask my son for a few things to help with the food.
    I should have put this in a different spot,but with the closeness of you ladies I VN right now.Hmmm recreating myself.Is it ok to let go?How?I dont want to hurt anyone.I love them all,but I feel so much peace when Im rolling by myself.I dont really mind the children they keep me occupied.To let go of the only life Ive known for 32 yrs?Watermusic How”d you do it?How old are you?I still have not obtained a college education or a career.Not to concerned about that.
    I guess its just letting go.Still.
    I like the Zusia story.I was planning a trip North this summer.I loaned my 32yr old son 1000.00$hes good at paying me back.Or are they excuses because I feel stuck??Who knows.Thanks for listening VN.

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    • watermusic watermusic says

      You might want to put this in a new thread so people can respond to that instead of this post.  The value of stillness is that you feel a calm and clarity often comes. 

      There are a lot of grandparents raising their grandchildren. You are not alone and those children need someone.  

      Most places have counseling that is free or on a sliding scale. Good luck. Do repost this under a new thread.

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