sex and the sixty (year old) pt 5 Most Liked Hot Conversation

I’ve had a lot of fun writing about Susan’s dating exploits.  Many of you, consisting of one person, asked if Susan was real.  I have actually asked her that same question on several occasions, and she has always considered thoughtfully and then told me to shut up.
Susan and I have been friends since 1998.  She’s an interesting person. Not many people have been tossed out of a country and told not to come back, imortalized in the Woodstock movie, and survived a fire in such a way that a producer wanted to make a movie about her. And those are just the items I can discuss in public.

Together, Susan and I have wreaked havoc at a sweat lodge (causing a Cree elder to have a heart attack,) run a speed dating company, been audited, and generally gotten into more trouble than two women over the age of 50 thought could be humanly possible.

In future posts, I’ll write about some of our antics, but for now, I’ll wrap up this series on her dating life with an episode I had forgotten to include:

When Susan agreed to my rules about coffee only and a 60 minute maximum time frame, she decided it would be a good idea to knock out (well, not literally) as many men as possible on a daily basis, and thus began setting up two coffee dates per weekend day, one per hour. The venue was a local bagel bakery in a crowded suburb of DC.

On one especially lucrative day, Susan managed to schedule three men, back-to-back. She set up a 10:00 a.m. date, went in, got a cup of coffee, sat innocently at the table in a bright chartreuse shirt (easily identifiable so that no man would ever mistake another woman for her), and waited for her date. Enter Date #1. He found her, they chatted. After approximately 50 minutes, she walked him out the door, said good-bye in the parking lot and then headed back into the bagel place.

She touched up her lipstick, rid herself of the cup of coffee, and checked to make sure her mascara was still in place. I’m not sure why Susan felt that the act of drinking coffee would damage her mascara, unless the coffee were so hot as to make her make up evaporate, in which case, it would also have been suitable material for a lawsuit.

She then purchased another cup of coffee and waited for her next victim date. Date #2 entered, and he and Susan went through the same scenario. In 45-50 minutes, Date #2 was out the door. For her third date, Susan re-entered the bagel bakery, and she was handed her third cup of coffee. As she walked away from the counter to pay for it, she overheard one of the cashiers whisper to another cashier “Ah, here comes the Bagel Hooker again.”

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Posted in Life in the Boomer Lane, love it! lists, Our Blog Circle.

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  2. sex and the sixty (year old) pt 3
  3. sex and the sixty (year old) pt 2
  4. sex and the sixty (year old) pt 1
  5. Sixty isn’t the “New” Anything

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28 Responses

  1. Generic Image B J says

    I have read your series, laughed out loud…..good for Susan…..I actually have been dating off and on for two years a gentleman I met on match.com……he is very nice, but this is a long distance relationship and not exactly what I want, although I do see a male friend that lives closer on a more regular basis.  Went out with one guy that was so cheap I had to pay for my own coffee.  He bought himself a coffee and a cookie and sat there and complained about the cost of the cookie….Have gone off the sight, as has my long distance friend, but miss the “fun” of cruising thru the pictures and backgrounds and responding to the different ways of contact…..If you never go out with anyone, it is a fun way to spend an evening at home alone, and by the way, I did get a dog after my husband died…….love my dog, but not the same as male companionship.

    1 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Thanks, BJ.  The online things is such a mixed bag.  At the very least, it’s a “fascinating” look at human beings.

      1 like

    • Generic Image sylviem says

      I laugh when you said you got a dog!! It is a year that my husband past away, and we have a dog, this week I was ready to give him up. Rocky was always barking, and doing his thing inside.!!! but now reading all the stories I think I will get another dog!!!,

      0 like

      • Generic Image B J says

        Sylviem, I have often thought about another dog because I am still working and my dog, stays home by himself a lot, but dogs are like children, put two of them together and they could tear up my whole house while I am gone…..better he just sleep by himself…..maybe I should say a lot like a man also…..I’m not giving you any advice about men, because I have made a few mistakes in my early “widowhood” and still have one mistake in my life “occasionally”.  But I have a group of girlfriends, several are married and they also include me and one other single lady in their parties, etc; when husbands are invited because they are all secure in their marriages, and we treat the men in the group as friends.  If you need a “group” to work with your grief, look for a Hospice in your area.  They regularly hold Grief Meetings where everyone can share and your husband didn’t have to have been on Hospice for you to participate.

        2 like

  2. Paula Ellen Paula Ellen says

    Renee, forget the book… this is a sit-com! You and Susan are rock stars. I totally lost it at “Here comes the Bagel Hooker.” This is awesome stuff. Thanks so much and looking forward to more!

    8 like

    • Renee Renee says

      I keep toying with the idea of sending a couple pieces to an agent.  But if they wanted an entire manuscript, poor Susan would have to be institutionalized.

      5 like

  3. Generic Image ckgabrielle says

    Hi Renee,  I’m chuckling cause the dating experiences you’ve written about with guys over 60….hmm, maybe that should be over 50 are pretty much what I’ve encountered.  
    I really dislike thinking negatively this but after spending many hours trying to find one that isn’t single for an obvious reason…I’ve given up.
    I’d much rather spend my time doing fun things with friends, male or female or for that matter just do what gives me joy…alone.  
    It seems unfortunate to me that there are still so many women in this day and age who appear to feel they “must” find a man.  I think it’s great if you do but treat your time and yourself as precious. :) connie

    1 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Agreed!  I didn’t really start to enjoy dating until I got that my life was perfect, with or without a man.

      4 like

  4. Dolores Hagen Dolores Hagen says

    This is some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a long time. I can relate to the hilarious dating and went through a few as well. What I found such a turn-off when I was exploring dating, were the men who talked endlessly about themselves, as most of them did, and asked me three or more times how many children I have. There was the one who told me he wanted a good cook, another who wanted to take a trip to Mexico, with me footing the bill, and the one who gave me a video so I could watch him in a 2-second movie extra part of a crowd.

    Thanks for sharing your great sense of humor.

    1 like

  5. Generic Image LJ says

    Oh I laughed so hard at these stories – the antlers!!  Hilarious.  I can so relate as I have been on and off online dating for the past year and I regale my best friend with my misadventures.  I had in my profile that I would like to meet someone to go kayaking with – a date was arranged with a person who suggested we could be paddling buddies.  He showed up with his arm in a cast.  The arm had been shattered in a motorcycle accident a month prior.  He was also about five inches shorter than he had claimed to be.  I paid for my own lunch.  He suggested we could at least go hiking together some time.  There was no second meeting.

    2 like

  6. Generic Image sylviem says

    I am reading your stories, am staying single, no way I would go on date!!! Being recently a widow, I was so bless with my husband. Only happen once in a life time. I will just enjoy my 3 now adult boys, and try to raise them to be the men that their father was.

    1 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Sylvie, you are a lucky women for having had a great, loving relationship with your husband. Enjoy your sones.  Something tells me they will be great men just like their dad.

      1 like

  7. Generic Image Susan406 says

    These stories were hilarious – and so well-written!  Thank you and keep them coming (so to speak).  :-)

    3 like

  8. Paula Ellen Paula Ellen says

    Renee, your comment about your life being perfect, with or without a man is right on. Do you remember the story called The Missing Piece? It’s about a little Pac-Man shaped shape going out into the world, looking for it’s “missing piece.” And on the way, it stops to smell flowers, and a butterfly lands on it, and it’s generally enjoying life. It tries a lot of pieces that seem to fit, but some are too big, some too small, and some too sharp. Some fit too tight and break, and some too loose, and are lost. Finally it finds one that seems just right, and as it rolls on through life much faster than before, it finds it’s going too fast to stop and smell the flowers, and too fast for a butterfly to land.

    With this realization, it sets the piece down gently and again rolls through life as before, knowing that it is complete as it is, in need of nothing to make it more complete.

    I read that story over and over to my children to make sure they got the message. And I have had to remind some friends from time to time that they too, are complete as they are. You are right, it’s sad that some women keep seeking for something they already have.

    6 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Hi Paula Ellen, I didn’t see your comment when it came in.  Your comments are womnderful. We are humans and we are by nature socialized beings.  Having partners in life is what most people want, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of who we are as individuals. And it should come because we believe our lives are deficient in some way. Before we partner, we should rejoice in who we are.

      1 like

  9. Alicia Alicia says

    I am complete as I am, but missing someone to share my life with.

    2 like

    • Renee Renee says

      You put it well, Alicia. You are a wise woman, a free spirit, and a natural teacher. You do have so much to give. If that partner comes along, it will be fantastic. And if it doesn’t, your life will not be diminished in any way.

      0 like

      • Alicia Alicia says

        Thank you, Renee!  You are very kind!  Yes, i will keep on keepin on…to my goal of sharing my knowledge about verbal abuse (was recently invited to present at the Honors college at my University. 

        Hugs, Alicia

        0 like

  10. lynlake lynlake says

    I just bumped into your posts. I’m glad I got to read them all at once, except that my stomach muscles hurt from laughing. Please, please let this come out in book form soon. I want more.

    I’ve been married for 34 years to a gem of a guy.  We had a few bumps getting to the altar, but life gets better and better. We have a large family and have enjoyed (with only a wee bit of nail-biting) watching our children date and marry. Not one of them used the internet to date, but it sounds “exciting.”
    I loved your writing– you’re a keeper. Give us more.

    0 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Hi Lyn–

      I’m glad you are enjoying Susan’s exploits.  Susan, on the other hand, is seriously considering therapy.  Two friends and I wrote a couple books for women over 50, and went the print-on-demand route. It was hard work.  We sold about 8000 books, but I don’t know if I have the energy to do it again!

      0 like

  11. Generic Image kahlilgibran says

    How totally hilarious, yet sadly true….you are so right, I am sure that any of us who have experienced online dating have stories that, unfortunately, sound more like science fiction than reality.  You have brightened my day with your stories, and made me realize that I am not alone in my experiences……I guess, the bottom line is, “if it is meant to be, it will be”…….thanks to you and Susan…..you are my kind of women!

    1 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Wow, I’m honored. Susan deserves the credit.  She is a trooper. I keep saying there are great men out there.  Maybe the trick is to think of the others as tests of your ability to stay positive (or of your courage).  Just think, when/if Mr Right comes along, it will seem so effortless.

      2 like

  12. Generic Image sylviem says

    I have been in susan shootés for about 18 months! Lucky i do have a sens of humour ……i would like to know what your thinking about this …idon’t know if I should say encounter because we never saw each other….but we are chatting for almost one year…..seriously every night for 60 minutes and plus…and a few months ago also in the morning before he goes to work…..and sometime during lunch……..we are 4 hours away from each other …he mention he is divorce for about 2 years and working to pay back is ex for haft of the house ….. We develop a friendship….telling each other pass ..childhood story……I never caught him lying ….. He cancel his membership on the dating site…. And now we use email or fb…… My friends telling me to forget about him….he will never be more then a pen pall! A few week ago we had a bad connection for 3 days…I taught ok he had enough ….but I really miss our chats … He told me he did…before I mention it……funny relation…..I still date ..but can not find the same connection even after a few dates with the same gentleman….he is always in my mind….

    0 like

    • Renee Renee says

      Sylvie, your situation is shared by others. There is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing a written or phone conversation with someone, if that works for you. I know a woman who has been doing this for about 10 years.  Sometimes, the value is all about being able to share your thoughts and know that someone else is thinking about you. But remember, it’s a lot easier to see your relationship with him as “perfect” when neither of you has had to deal with real life events. Don’t put him on a pedestal. Be realistic. And if you want more from a relationship, it’s time to move on.

      2 like

  13. Alicia Alicia says

    Been on the dating sites for (gaccckkk) 13 years.  Sometimes my determination and never give up attitude works against me (like staying in an abusive marriage for 31 years), and i am beginning to think…..the dating sites are the same….in that they aren’t the “answer” but I have no idea what else to do.  HATE being alone

    Without my sense of humor I would be drooling in a corner. Without my life story, I wouldn’t be in college.
    Sophomore at 68!
    Dancer, singer, author, poet, Vietnam era Veteran and lots other stuff!

    1 like

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