My mother was known for her easy-going, mild-mannered disposition, except when it came to one thing. Thank-you notes.
Then, she became Atilla the Hun, or one of those nuns, raising a ruler overhead to deliver a sharp whack on the knuckles. Ferocious. Militant. The rule was–a note went out (correct grammar and spelling, of course) within a week of receipt of the gifts. No excuses.
Call me old fashioned–but I DO love sending and receiving a note–via snail mail. Seeing real, live handwriting from someone who took the time to care–and who might have even gone to the trouble to pick out a special stamp–still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Don’t get me wrong–when I am in a rush, I will send a thank-you via email. But, I always feel guilty afterward. It’s not just my mother’s historic “tsk-tak” ringing in my ear but my own desire to continue the traditions of civility. No matter what, I don’t believe high tech, with the most cleverly designed e-cards, will ever replace the high touch feeling of opening a card with someone’s heartfelt message written in their own hand.
Emails, Twitter and Facebook are a way of acknowledging people, no question. But notes and cards, sent through the mail touch us with something extra. No?
And, there’s a part of me that hates to think I am giving in to the “rushing” quality that can overwhelm my daily life–becoming “one of those people” who never takes a deep breath–to smell the roses or who can stop for 10 minutes, at the store, to pick out notes and cards for friends. I just don’t want the rush to become the reason to brush off life’s little kindnesses in favor of whatever is the most expendient way to “get the job done.”
I guess the point really is–to remember to say “THANKS”–no matter how it’s delivered. Just a thought and, well… A reminder. The first week of the new year, is almost over y’know. Do I sound like my mother?
other blog entries from »
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
I admit that I don’t usually send notes any more. I do follow up a gift received, or a good deed done for me or my family, with a phone call (usually prompting a pleased response from the recipient of my call). If I can’t get them on the line, I email my thanks and ask them to call me when they are not busy. This usually means a good old fashioned sit down and chat on the phone. For my closer neighbors, I have been known to send a batch of freshly made cookies. They seem more personal than a note or card and they can be seen as quid pro quo for the thoughtfulness of the person who gave me something or did a favor for me, or even just remembered me. As you get to my age, these things count! Living away in the country means I don’t always have the card that fills the bill, so my own interpretation of a thank you has to do. Carole
I so relate to what everyone has said! I may be a “geezer” too, but those hand written notes are the first I open in the pile of bills and junk I get daily. And it doesn’t matter what the younger people SAY–by the smile on their faces, their heart is loving that card. The pace of life these young people have needs to be checked, for their own health, and the sweetness of taking the time to care through handwritten notes is one way we can help the run-away world of the young.
I so relate to what everyone has said! I may be a “geezer” too, but those hand written notes are the first I open in the pile of bills and junk I get daily. And it doesn’t matter what the younger people SAY–by the smile on their face, their heart is loving the time and thought within that card. The pace of life these young people have needs to be checked, for their own health, and the sweetness of taking the time to care through handwritten notes is one way we can help the run-away world of the young.
Yes, notes are still important, and thanks particularly so. I’m not that good at it, and have to push myself. I agree with most of the comments here, except that grandparents are here to spoil the children. If we do that with no consequences for their misbehaviour, what are we teaching them? I think at some point, no thank you means no future gift. If parents won’t draw the line, grandparents may have to.
As has been said…our mothers knew each other!!! Thank you notes are not generational or cultural or ethnic: they are just right. It involves picking the card, writing the right thing, connecting with the person we are writing too: its a ritual! I love writing and receiving handwritten notes and open them first! My children have been good so far about thank you notes, I hope it continues.
Years ago, when my children went away to school, I wrote to them every week. When I went to move them out to college…I found all my letters!!! it was so touching. I still sent at least one note a month, handwritten and my children look forward to them.
This post proves that there are a lot of us keeping this custom alive!!! Thank you!!!
As has been said…our mothers knew each other!!! Thank you notes are not generational or cultural or ethnic: they are just right. It involves picking the card, writing the right thing, connecting with the person we are writing too: its a ritual! I love writing and receiving handwritten notes and open them first! My children have been good so far about thank you notes, I hope it continues.
Years ago, when my children went away to school, I wrote to them every week. When I went to move them out to college…I found all my letters!!! it was so touching. I still sent at least one note a month, handwritten and my children look forward to them.
This post proves that there are a lot of us keeping this custom alive!!! Thank you!!!
I’ve enjoyed reading the posts to your question.
While there are many ways to say “Thank you,” the thank you card has lasting value. It tells the receiver that someone cared enough to take the time to select just the right card, include a handwritten note, and send it in the mail, especially for her or him. This simple act of kindness is like skipping a stone across the pond and watching its ripple effect dance across the water. You don’t even know how far the ripple effect will go. And your heartfelt example will inspire others to follow suit.
How do you feel when you receive a thank you card? Valued? Appreciated? Create a special file to hold these notes. On those days when you wonder if you are making a difference to anyone at all, when you wonder whether it’s even worth getting out of bed in the morning, take a few minutes to read the notes in your file. You’ll be reminded of how something you did or said impacted the lives of those around you and made the world a better place.
I like thank-you notes both ways. For some things, especially of a business nature where information exchanges are done online, a simple thank-you by email is fine. But I love sending notes of thank-you. I love the notepaper and I love receiving such notes as well. I usually reserve thank-you notes for personal exchanges. People love receiving hand-written notes. The personal touch goes a long way.
First of all, I have to ask, did you really get whacked over the knuckles with a ruler by the nuns? 17 years of Catholic education – K through college and I never had it happen to me or saw it. I just now here these famous or infamous stories.
And as for thank you notes becocming obsolete – NO, NO, NO! It says you’re grateful, you care and you took the time to show it. Appreciation like this comes from the heart.
Nothing, but nothing, I think, replaces a handwritten thankyou note. The language needn’t be flowery, nor the stationery expensive, but do handwrite one in simple, clear language (unless you wish to embroider, of course, on paper! Unfortunately, English, which is the richest language on earth, is all but disappearing into the abbreviations and jargon used on those electronic devices. Not only will you make the recipient feel good, you will, too, and you will be helping preserve what is left of our beautiful, rich language. The recipient will likely be touched and pleased you took the time to thank him/her in such a way, not just key in a fast message.Personally, I sometimes send a short email the day after I have had dinner, gone to a party, whatever, at somene’s house, or the same day I receive a gift. I follow that with a handwritten note of thanks on notecards, which I collect. The recipient will likely be touched to think you took the time to do that.
I am from the ‘old school’ way of thinking. Thank you notes are a definate! I have people tell me all the time that they love the fact that I cared enough to write it out and send it via snail mail. I think it is a must. I think thanks by any other means is just lazy… Have a Great Day! ’2010 is going to be Fabulous!’
I agree with your Mom – I have been appalled several times when I have taken the time, money, etc. to pick out a special gift for someone – whether it be a wedding gift, baby shower gift, etc. This past summer my niece put on a lavish, over the top wedding – she invited me to three, count them three “showers” and/or luncheons. I only attended one and gave her a very nice gift, as did ALL of the women at the shower (which I might add did NOT really know my niece personally – they were just members of the church her mother in law to be was employed at.) These mostly elderly women took the time to get her almost EVERY item she had on her registration listing. ANd guess what, NO thank you notes went out to anyone!! My Dad (her grandfather) even called my brother (her Dad) to ask where his thank you note was – he gave them a substantial check. To top ALL of this on, MY daughter was asked to spend $150 on a bridesmaid dress, had to spend another $50 to have it altered to fit. I was amazed to see my once gracious niece basically turn into a Bridezilla!! The kicker of this story is definately that she did NOT sent out ONE thank you note!!
Some of my relatives are really bad about thanking the donor when the gift is sent by mail or through another person. I for one, would even settle for an email…or phone call…it’s better than feeling blown off.
Thank you notes – YES! Do my kids do them? – not yet [ages 9 and 11 - they can write!] - but I am working on it and thanks for all the great ideas about how to get them doing it.
Sometimes email thanks yous are fine in certain work situations but for any type of gift or special thoughfulness shown – a card/note is essential.
There are some great books out there – you can pick them up at the library – about how to write thank you notes for that age group and there are actually note cards that will help you in the process. Both are great learning tools. As a teacher (and a mother who insisted on thank you’s for her children), I found these tools very helpful. It’s worth a try and may get them motivated.
My children, 35 and 38, know to write thank you notes for gifts to everyone – they even send ones to their mother. But their mother sends them ones too. And I love them. My son-in-law teases my daughter and I about how much we love paper. And we do
)
Is it ever “out of style” to feel appreciated? I don’t think so. I have found even through out my day that small deeds or words of appreciation go a long way with people…even strangers! So a “thank you either writen or verbal or even electronic is never “out of style”.
Of course, if you’re over fifty, you sound like your mother. The harder thing is seeing your mother in your bathroom mirror. Thanking people is crucial. The gift is fully completed when it’s been acknowledged. I drilled my children and they understand the signigficance. It also makes them better gift givers. They see the lightweight character of gifts of money and the deeper appreciation for gifts chosen for that person’s personality or hobbies. Books (my writer’s mantra) make perfect gifts. You can enjoy, repeat read, share and gain insight into the donor all in 300 pages and a few hours of reading. To say nothing of the vicarious enjoyment of traveling in someone else’s life to wherever.
When I was in cancer treatment this past year, I wrote thank you notes once a week, looked forward to reviewing the growing list of gifts people had sent. Books, meals, phone calls, prayers, it gave me a safety net when I was in free fall. Thank you notes are a gift back to the giver. Like love, they will come back full circle to you in support and friendship. And what else are we here for, our mere 80 years in this world, than to share that human experience and connect. Writing fiction for me is the same kind of sharing. Thank you for raising awareness.
Actually, you sound like my mother! Which is not a bad thing. I am like you, I have to send a real thank you note. I have on occasion sent a quick email but always follow it up with an actual personal handwritten note. Sadly, the only time I seem to get thank-you notes myself is from contemporaries of my mother, aunts and such. I have even had one friend tell me not to send her thank you notes (as well as other cards) because it is a waste of money. But I do it anyway, after all, it is MY money! I love the thrill of getting the mail and seeing a card and wondering who it might be from, the pleasure of opening it, the emotions the card evokes. So I say, keep sending those notes!!
My daughter’s friend actually told her, in front of all the birthday guests, not to send a Thank You for the birthday gift she gave my daughter. She said she just opens it, reads it, then throws it away. I almost fell off my chair! Even if you read it and throw it away, you know the person is grateful that you chose a gift especially for them. I think my face fell to my knees. I have never heard of someone saying that before. How incredibly sad.
I’ve already responded but just reading through the other responses brought something to mind that I’ve been too busy to remember. I used to drop little notes in the mail to different people just to let them know I was thinking of them. It’s a great way to say hi when you don’t have a lot of time for a phone call but also so wonderful to receive. You may never be aware just how much it meant to them. It could have been a day that wasn’t going so well and your little “smile” in the snail mail turned it around. I know that’s what it does for me. A little email does the same thing but a card or hand written note can be put on the counter to be enjoyed every time you glance at it.
I, too, was raised to send “Thank You” notes when I have received gifts. I still do send “Thank You” notes and raised my child that way. However, according to my daughter “Thank You” notes are a thing of the past with the way society has evolved. Apparently, emails, facebook, and twitter is the new way.
I will continue with “Thank You” notes all the same.
As popular as it is among our children to express thanks via our social media links, the impact of sending and receiving a handwritten thank you note is priceless, in part because it’s becoming increasingly rare.
Maya Angelou is credited with saying: “No one cares how much you know unless they know how much you care.” Sending thank you notes will let your recipient know how much you value their generosity and help you make a lasting, positive impression.
Expressing thanks will never go out of style. We can add e-mail, facebook and twitter to the means by which we do that, but let’s also not forget the power of the handwritten gesture.
My mom was like your mom. On top of it, I was an Army brat (Officer’s daughter) so I had to be even more civilized. And since we were not around the extended family, Thank You notes were always required for all gifts including money. We had to let them know what we were going to use the money for, also. Now as an adult giving gifts, I know how much these notes mean. My nieces (now in college) usually call instead, which is wonderful also. But they never forget to thank me. My mom has been upset with her sister’s kids and their kids never thanking her for gifts. But we just lost her sister and husband and the whole family was strong and loving together, so I think that makes up for it. Sometimes you just know that they appreciate it even without the acknowledgement. Now that I am on social media, I can see why the younger ones use it. I do think the whole point is to be thankful and ackhowledge it in some way, even if it is not snail mail. Young people do need to remember older ones who are not on the computer – so a phone call or a card is then the way to go there. I do love the beautiful stationary and pens and use them when ever possible.
I’m in the same ‘old school’ of writing thank you notes. However, in this day and age when everyone is going 100 mph it seems, I’ve learned to accept the alternate methods of thanks as well.
When my kids were growing up, the rules were simple. If they received a gift from someone they could not immediately hug (like grandma or grandpa), they could not use/play with/wear the gift until the thank you note had been written. I’d take care of mailing it, but they had to write it. Things were smooth for many years.
Then enter the internet, with e-greetings, e-invites, cell phones with IM’s and texting…. some things have gone by the wayside, it would seem.
I still like to send out real cards, but these days, I have to say that most are not for thanks. Seems like I don’t get random gifts and such much now with both sets of parents gone and not being close with my one sister, there aren’t many other gifting opportunities. But, I do like to email ‘thinking of you’ cards out to friends, or get well cards if I know they are sick. I don’t think anything will completely replace the thrill of getting something in the snail mail that isn’t a bill! : ) I used to practically keep our local Hallmark store in business single handedly, But these days, cash is tighter, so I don’t shop as much. However, I can always find a more generic card, or perhaps blanks where I just write a heartfelt sentiment inside.
Maybe we can all resolve to send out one snail mail card this month (and every month?) to someone, just because they are on our hearts or minds.
MusicalMom
I almost started a conversation on this subject but wisely did a search and found all the comments.
One thought for finding affordable Thank You cards is your local dollar store. Some even have packets of the smaller Thank You cards that are very nice and still for only $1. Keep writing those greetings to others. They touch hearts in a lasting way.
(I write to my 90 yrs. young Mom every week even though we see each other at least once a week. She loves having a note to read and re-read and prop on her table where it brightens her day.) I’m sure some of the folks you have written put the card from you on their fridge or bulletin board.
There are some occasions in which emails can replace thank you notes, e.g., a follow up to a visit or a phone call, etc., but I don’t think that it could replace a thank you card for a wedding gift, baby shower gift, etc. It is more endearing to receive a tangent card vs. something sent via internet. Besides, who would save an internet card?
<edited by moderator> – advertising
<edited by moderator> – advertising
I haven’t read everyone’s post, so maybe I’m preaching to the choir here, but I’m really put off by not getting a thank you note. And I actually never thought I’d say that. Truthfully, I have always sent notes, but never liked the chore and found it to be a pain, always saying to myself “Gosh. How nice it would be if we never had to do this!” Now that I’m on the other end of it, I’m totally eating my words. (And I’ll GLADLY do them next time without complaining!) Here’s a dilemma I’m faced with — I go above and beyond to get a neighbor’s two kids presents for their birthdays, and for the last three years – that’s 6 parties – we haven’t received squat. I can sort of pardon this if presents were opened and personal face-to-face thank you’s are given – I’d be okay with that. But for these parties, presents went home unopened and then no further acknowledgments were given. At first, I thought maybe I got one but forgot?? The second time I thought, maybe they lost track of who gave what? The third time I thought, gosh, maybe there was some family emergency and they understandably got side-tracked? Then by the forth time, I got the hint. And then I got agitated from the fifth. And now, with the sixth, I’m dreading the next birthday initiation, and honestly, don’t want to send my daughter to their parties any more. The trouble is, I like this lady – and am totally surprised that she’s doing this, given how strict she is with her kids and their manners, etc… Plus, my daughter really likes her kids too, and I want to stay on good terms. So, I’m not sure how to handle this one. I kind of want to give her a taste of her own medicine by not sending ‘her’ a thank you, but I’m sure that would fall on deaf ears, and just reconfirm for her that this is acceptable. Dilemma…. (Wow. I really think I needed to get that all off my chest! So here’s a heartfelt “THANK YOU” for reading and bearing with me!)
Thank you, Peggy. I was going to start a conversation on this very subject today and wisely did a search first.
WoW! So many responses; I am still reading through them. Thanks for opening the door.
Blessings of the day to you~!
When I grew up we were trained to write thank yuo notes, but of course we did not have the same access to others that we have today.
Long dislance calls were expensive, tweets were only what birds did, if you wound up in a facebook you may be picked for a line-up and the idea of e mail would be something that you’d find in the Sunday comics along with a wrist TV communicator.
Although I am big on manners – table and otherwise general manners, I do feel that in most cases a verbal thank you or an electronic one is sufficient but necessary.
Check out my column – new one posted every Monday