She’s 51 and works in an industry that worships youth. She doesn’t want anyone at work to know her age because they’ll think she’s old, finished, and irrelevant.
As I listened to this woman at a party Saturday night, I felt torn.
Part of me wanted her to encourage her to stop hiding her age. If those of us who are 50, 60 and beyond don’t let the world know this is what “older” can be, how is our culture ever going to stop our ageism?!?!
Part of me understood and supported the choice she was making in the face of ageism. She wasn’t making this up! She was just doing her best to deal with her situation.
Thanks to years of being a coach, I quickly realized it was her choice to make, let go of my opinions, and just listened.
Our conversation lingers with me though. How sad any of us ever feels the need to be in the closet about our age.
Have you ever felt you needed to hide your age? How did you handle the situation?
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I am proud of my age and correct anyone who tries to guess how old I am and get it wrong. They mostly think I am younger! I am not without wrinkles. I work in a hospital and I mostly get the comment from a new co-worker or from patients. You see, I work the night shift. So they either can’t see very well because they are tired, the lighting or are too sick. Whatever it is, I often get the comment that I look a lot younger than 51.
I do color my hair. Within a year it went from no white to half white and dull grey. I don’t wear make-up to hide my wrinkles, althought I did go to an esthetician for my daughters’ wedding last friday, but it was for the picture taking. I didn’t even own any make-up until I bought lipstick to touch up, again for the pictures. So now, I own an expensive thing I might not use again. Although it was worth it for the wedding.
I do use skin cream because my daughter had bought me some as a gift after I had mentioned I should be doing something to take care of my skin. I was just kidding at the time. Imagine my surprise when I opened the gift. I couldn’t tell her I might not use it, she was so proud to have remembered my mentioning it. So I tried it and liked the feel, and look it left on my face. I don’t use it everyday, but have bought some since that first time.
So what I do, I do for me. Not necessarily to hide my age.
anir
Anir, sounds like you’re comfortable with yourself and your age. Good for you!
Funny, but I kicked and screamed and dug in my heels about turning 30. I hated it! Now I celebrate every one of my 55 years. I often tell people my age. Doesn’t bother me at all.
Lovemylife, as part of doing my Savoring Your Sixties business, I’ve talked with many women re their age. It’s so interesting how different years affect different women.
Some were bothered by 30. Some 40. Some 50. Some 60. Some may never be bothered about their age (I thought that would be me until I neared 60
) I don’t know why it’s different for each of but it is.
Keep celebrating those years!
I also celebrate my age which is starting to seem a little silly. We all age. What I am really celebrating is my wisdom and maturity. I like who I am and who I am becoming very much. I’m being less candid about my age though because people react, not with respect, but with an where’s an ice floe attitude. I think that this generation will redefine what it means to age.
I like who you are, too.
Watermusic, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating as far as I’m concerned. I believe in celebrating as much as possible. My husband & I celebrate our b’days, our meeting anniversary, our 1st date anniversary, our engagement anniversary, and our wedding anniversary. Silly maybe but it works for us!
I agree that we are redefining what it means to age. Too bad in that transition, we have to face what you call the “ice floe” attitude.
Aging is natural — and I’ve always been for ‘natural’. Anti-aging can be a futile exercise — it happens without us — like it or not. Maybe ‘preserving’ might be a better word???
Hi, Maggie! I’m not sure what is a better word and I don’t like “anti-aging.” From the time we’re born, we age or we die. Anti-aging seems like putting our energy, our focus, our thoughts, our attention on a fight. And it’s not even a fight we can win.
I am going to be 60…on January 29th …I am HAPPY, & EXCITED, to be ALIVE!!! In my family, the men ALL outlive the women!! I plan to stick around and be a Fun Loving, Eccentric Old Lady!! p.s Bubbi Luba…Grandma Dorothy…Mother…I know you’re smiling down from heaven as you’re reading this!!
Debi, happy & excited to be alive — you’ve got a great perspective.
I am 63. The only time age is relevant is if you are a tree or a cheese! In the dating world….arghhhhh…I am on-line dating and since people guess my age at 10-20 years younger I made myself younger!! Why? How many men are going to specifically LOOK for a woman for 63? Maybe if they are 105. Ageism…ick.
Alicia, I like your sense of humor.
Aargh, the dating world! Glad I don’t have to even think about doing that!
I’ve had some friends meet & marry someone they met online so I know it works for boomers. And I’m sure it’s tough to do.
I understand the ageism you’d face in that realm. But what do you do or will you do when things “progress” with someone and you’ve made yourself younger?
I am actually in this boat now… I met a wonderful man and we have a great connection. I sense that the relationship will progress. However, my online dating profile states that I am 35, when I am actually 41. How can I tell him that my real age is much older? And how will he react? I know I risk losing him.
This is awkward. I want to get married and have children. However, men my age no longer seem to look at me as an option. They seem to stop their searches with the 35 year old woman. My experimenting with my age proved this point. I get an average of 5 Match emails / day when I position myself at 35. At 36? Forget it! I am lucky to get 2 emails a week. At 41, I am a hit with the 55 and over crowd.
I never understood youth and fertility to be such a bargaining chip until now.
Ooo! Now what are you doing to do?