Reading all the suggestions from so many of you as to how to tackle my weight loss was like reading “out there” all the accumulated voices in my own head, over my many years of trying to learn the simple art of “How to Eat.” No wonder I’ve been so confused. Like many of you, I’ve tried diet after diet over the course of my adult life, and had come to the conclusion that, though they might very well work in the short term, they were not useful, but harmful in the long term. So I’d sworn them off.
The sticking point for me is the artificiality of “systems” this one, that one, or any one. As I said, I decided a couple of years ago to drop the panic mode around food – the push pull, love hate, have/have not, of it all. The rules, the counting, measuring, timing, score keeping that mentality fed my compulsiveness, only in a different way. Do you know what I mean? It was such a relief, and it worked. The only criteria was avoiding processed sugar, flour, “bad” fat, and pre-packaged food whenever possible, but not getting overly reactive or dramatic about it when it seemed unavoidable without a scene (or starvation!) I consciously ate smaller portions, experimenting with what was “enough,” knowing that when I got hungry I could eat again – no starvation allowed. I learned to feel the difference between empty and hungry, and to make friends with my body again in the process. Also, I committed to lots of regular walking – but that too was a preference, but negotiable if circumstances intervened – as long as I did my 50-60 minute walk MOST of the time – it would be fine. No panic. No guilt. No black marks on my copy book.
There were those of you who agreed, having come to the same conclusion.
“Pat Barrone”: I have very definite feelings and viewpoints about weight loss and weight regain. They go hand in hand and are beautifully played by the diet industry to keep us perpetual customers. …My own weight loss occurred between 1996 and 2000, and in March, I’ll celebrate 10 years at my current weight. I lost over 70 pounds. It’s gone folks, and it ain’t coming back. I know it won’t because I changed, it wasn’t just my weight that changed. I want to tell you – there is no wagon. You aren’t on or off, good or bad, fat or thin. You just are. If you’ve got to leap onto a wagon, you’re being dragged away from yourself and no healing can occur there…A couple of key points: I’m only interested in permanent weight loss. Don’t care about diets and food plans and cleanses and things like that. IMO, that’s why many of us still struggle. We’re concentrating on the PHYSICAL aspect of weight – diet and exercise. This is what doctors, nutritionists, trainers, etc. are taught – the physical part. It is NOT ONLY about the physical. Permanent weight loss requires change on deeper levels of our being: mental, emotional and spiritual…If any of us can do something good today, find a teen and get her happy about her exact size and shape right now. If we can prevent young women from taking this path of restriction/dieting and help her accept and love herself, our future health will be better for it.
“Gloria” aka: Irishrgirl: I’m one to never really give a response on forums but I know how you feel and I can’t get the message out there strong enough. The media has fed us all a lie for so long and it is a multi billion dollar business, diets. You have probably heard a million times, diets don’t work and fake food is unhealthy. It took me years of dieting to find this way of eating. I have dieted strictly for 50 years…1. I ONLY eat when my stomach growls. It will actually tell me when it’s hungry, if I allowed it to. 2. I stop when I am satisfied. There is so much garbage out there in diet land that has convinced us that we need to be on something, program and such but never really approached the question before one eats, but am I hungry? Believe me I have followed programs to the letter. Leave out this scale down that, no fat this and exercise 1.5 hours a day. It does not last. I would follow a program but never asked myself if I were truly hungry before I did exactly what was on the program. I know it sounds so simple, (I’ve always taken the hard way in my life:) I am here to say, since Aug 1 2009 I have lost 30 pounds, with no effort whatsoever, and I mean this. Plus I have gone from a size 14 jean (tight) to a size 10 jean (loose, almost into an 8).
BUT – I’m tempted. Never having been this heavy in my life, I would LOVE a magic wand, a faster easier way. Lorri’s story in particular, is very compelling. So I find myself thinking – what difference does it make? Just do it, and get on with getting the weight off, THEN go back to what you know works for you. Whats the harm in a few months on a “healthy” processed meal replacement, supplement system? Then I’ll take it from there.
Who’s doing the talking here? Is it my old friend the Diet Devil, perched again on my chubby shoulder? (whispering, among other things, “you’re fat! you’re disgusting! you must do penance. you must be punished!”) And I thought I’d gotten rid of that horrid little beast once and for all.
But there’s the rub, isn’t it? I DID make peace. I DID drop the battle. I DID lose weight slowly and healthily. And then I lost the thread. I went unconscious again. It didn’t take much to push me over the edge once more – just the right lethal combination of chemicals (sugar) and habit (emotional eating) got stirred together in just the right proportions and there I was – hooked again. Not for a week, or a month, or a Christmas visit – for one solid year I ignored all evidence and kept right on overeating.
So why did I do it? I’ve mentioned my new life in Maine with time to cook, and Russ, the new man in my new life, the appreciative recipient of my endless culinary bounty. But – there’s more. In all the discussion last week, the other piece that surfaced, that we can’t ignore is the Why of eating. The psychology of it all. That lurking, undercurrent of wanting – what drives it? And how powerful a force it must be to be able to undo all my hard won efforts to change old habits, and my years of searching, then learning the best ways to feed my human, female self.
Stress.
We all have it. In one form or another. If you live on this earth, are a female in this country, at this moment in our lives, and in history, you are feeling it. And unless you’re a very highly evolved, very skillful practitioner (ie. the Dali Lama himself), you are soaking up some of the general tension, let alone stomping around in your own personal stash.
In hindsight it’s all so clear. Funny how I didn’t see it, and only occasionally felt it. I thought I was handling everything just fine, thank you. Here’s the list I’ve come up with:
-left Richmond, my lifelong home, to live in rural Maine.
-entering a new relationship on a full time basis with a man I’d met on the internet 9 mos. before
- my children were mad at me
-my mother was mad at me
-my business had failed and I was counting on earning enough painting dog portraits
- I was living on way less income than I had been used to
-my house was “sold” but in danger of not closing if the buyer couldn’t sell hers (indeed, mid-way through the year, she backed out of the contract)
- plus, Russ was in a state about decisions he needed to make, stressing out himself on a regular basis
Then, against all rhyme or reason, I dropped all my systems.
- I stopped walking
-I stopped meditating
-I stopped eating the way I had learned to
-I pretended it was all okay, Russ loved me anyway, and it didn’t matter.
I needed to sit with myself and get quiet. I needed to move my body alone in the open air. I needed to feed myself properly at least on a “most of the time” basis. And it did matter that I was making myself not only fat and unhappy, but fat and unhealthy. (Russ gets big points for loving me anyway and laying low through it all.)
“So now tell me, my pretty, what have you learned?” And, my answer, just like Dorothy’s, is, “There’s no place like home.”
Home within myself. Home in the places where I keep myself in my body and nailed down to reality. If I’m not diligent about tending the home-fires, the lights will go out. I can’t get “there” and then take it for granted, nor can I ever underestimate the power of downward momentum. I’ve told many a young woman that marriage, despite the popular advertising campaign, is not like a diamond. It’s like a houseplant. In need of constant care and attention – water, air and sunlight in the right proportions, and a certain measure of benevolent neglect. I see now that this business of tending the body, tending the soul, works in a very similar way.
But, being human (impatient), American female (fixated more than is healthy on the look of my body), and 57 years old (beginning to feel “old,” so clutching at any straw of youth still within my grasp) – I have to admit I’M TEMPTED.
But I will try, for now at least, to stay the course. I wont’ be lured by quick fix magic wands and jars of miracle powders and potions. I WILL be patient. I WILL learn again to trust my body. I WILL come back to myself and an appropriate, healthy weight. OK – enough. I’m off for a walk!
Sarah
PS – I lost 2.5 lbs in 10 days. Now that I know something is happening, I think I’ll drop the scale so as not to fixate. No use reinforcing the idea that this is simply about a number on a scale. I’ll just pay attention to how my pants fit, and leave it at that.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
My goodness. I am reminded of my own dislike of the over-used term, “life-changing.” Everything the media bombards us with is “life-changing.” Perhaps we need (I need) to learn evolution – evolving slowly and deliberately with conscious determination of what I want to accomplish, what I need to eat, and where I want to go in this life. Getting quiet with myself is determinational (I am a historian – I get to make up words) – it will determine how well I handle this in-between time of life (55 years old). I must choose, as you must, and the reality of life-changing diets, habits, books, relationships, careers – are all part of that old saying, “If its too good to be true, it probably is.” Congratulations to you for seeking that answer inside and deciding to take the slow and steady course. I can’t wait to see how it works for you.
Dear Sarah,
So glad to catch up with you again – you had me on the edge of my seat reading Part 2. I had just checked Part 1 and nothing much seemed to be happening over there and I thought – what, she just dropped out? – lol!
You are so intuitive about the effect of stress on the body. Stress puts weight on the body, not just for the obvious reason of stress leading to indulgences and other poor food choices which clearly go straight to the hips – BUT STRESS IS AN IMPORTANT SOURCE OF TOXOCITY IN THE BODY.
When we talk about toxins within the body, we tend to talk about the effects of air and water pollutants, agricultural additives such as growth hormones, antibiotics, pesticides and herbacides, food additives such as artificial colouring and flavouring as well as preservatives. chemical salts and the like, beauty product chemicals that enter the body via the skin, etc. But how many of us know that stress, in and of itself, creates toxins within the body. Even if we ate perfectly well and lived in a pure environment, our bodies would be toxic to one degree or another, so long as we were stressed. And in the presence of toxins, the body enters fat-production mode to capture toxins and layer them safely on our mid-section to keep them away from vital organs. Once toxins are fat-encapsulated in this way, it is very difficult for the body to release that fat unless the toxins are flushed out first. Also, the toxins get in the way of our brain’s participation in the managing of our emotions and our body processes, including digestion (nutrient absorption and waste management).
One thing feeds the other – emotion and stress feeds body toxicity leading to body fat and in turn body toxicity feeds back into the various forms of moody blues (both emotionally and bio-chemically) and more stress and so on into an insidious vicious circle.
To me, after a lifetime of dealing with moody blues and stress and body fat (literally since childhood) the only way I have found to be effective in breaking the vicious toxic stress-fat circle is to get the toxins out of the way – then, and only then are we liberated of that DEVIL you keep talking about (for you should be under no illusions as to what that DEVIL is – it’s THE EXCESSIVE PRESENCE OF BODY TOXICITY). And when we are free of the DEVIL that is toxicity, we are then free to apply what ever food approach, exercise approach, relaxation approach and moderation approach we choose, all of which you have so eloquently elaborated upon.
Here’s wishing you eventual DEVIL-freedom and happy choices, Sarah!
Sarah, your list of stressors is very similar to mine, and last year I started graduate school and an internship, broke both legs, and suffered a horrible financial assault by my former husband. I am single, though, and don’t have the backup of a loving partner to love me through anything. I’m just plain overweight from eating while recuperating, and I’m on my own with it. Well, don’t let my standard poodle hear me say I’m alone
I’m encouraged because I’m thinking that if you can do this, I can do this. Keep posting your progress.
Onward to you, and onward to me, and onward to anyone who’ll join us!!!