Here’s the thing. There’s writing, and there’s life. Two parallel tracks that don’t always intersect in workable ways. When I brought this up recently to a writing friend of mine, she quoted someone famous (?) who described writing as “The Other Life”. It does feel that way.
It’s as if the freight train of my life is rolling along through the sunshine and shadow of regular days. I ride the rails at a steady pace. Momentum carries me along with a clickity clackity rhythm. Nice. You know how easy it is to sleep on a train.
To write, I have to stop. I have to consciously pull a switch that sends me down a side track into a kind of tunnel. The track may run parallel to the regular line, but let me tell you, there’s not much light there. It’s hard to see where you’re going, or how you’ll get there. It’s a slow, grinding route. Mostly uphill. With lots of rocks and litter blocking the path. And no way to know when you’ll come out the other side.
Who needs it?
I’d rather dig in the warm spring earth of Maine. I’d rather make a pot of soup. Talk to a friend on the phone. Read a book. Hug Russ. Soak in my outdoor tub. Watch the birds. Cut an armload of lilacs and bury my face in the smell. Paint a picture. Sweep the floor. Or watch a movie in bed with this new-found man I love lying warm and solid next to me.
I used to feel guilty when I stopped writing. Or when I noticed my own resistance. Irresponsible. So, with rare exceptions, I posted my bit, week in, and week out. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes not. But the obligation often hung heavy. What finally got me was noticing the part that was looking for approval. I saw a trick pony, a dancing bear, a little dog jumping through hoops on cue, then waiting, bright eyed and panting, for the applause. So I stopped.
But, here I am again. I figured sooner or later I’d have something to say. The ice would thaw, the tide would turn, something would draw me into this “other life”. I’d turn full circle and back to this outside of real life, inside of myself, place of thoughts, feelings, words. And, wonder of wonders – it feels good to be back.
Maybe I’ll even manage to sidle up to my poor neglected book. No mere tunnel that one. More like a mine shaft down into the mountain of my life. One shovel full at a time. Deeper and deeper. Lured on, as every delusional miner will tell you, by the gleaming hope of gold.
There. Now it’s time for breakfast!
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Great column about why you haven’t been writing…Now I’m hungry to know more about those non-writing moments!!
It is true – we have so many other demands on our time – that writing always gets pushed aside. I actually reorganised our dining area a couple of days ago so I can use the space as a writing space. I plug in the head phones and write with my back to the TV!!!! Which is constantly on – husband remote control problem!!!
Then all I have to contend with is “Mum…..” questions!
Happy writing.
Sarah,
Was it really “approval” and “applause” you found yourself waiting for, or was it signs of connection and resonance you might have been seeking whenever you put yourself ‘out there’ with your thoughts and words?
Your writing is extraordinary; I personally can’t imagine anyone not enjoying and appreciating it. And I have a sense of you as a person (from reading all your writing on VN) that you would not be shaken or destroyed if someone didn’t approve of or took issue with your perspective.
When you write, and especially when you “sidle” back up to your book, just do it for you…the benefits to the rest of us will naturally flow from that.
Lisa – Wow! You’re the best. What wonderfully encouraging words (just when I need them). I just told Russ this morning that the book project HAS to get back on my front burners. And I know that once I get started, it will generate enough momentum to get me through. It IS hard work. Much harder than I thought, but helpful to know that there might actually be people out there who would enjoy reading the end result.
Thanks again for the “applause” (ha!) And the reminder that it is, indeed, the connections that make it all worth while.
That’s great news you’re putting the book on the front burner where it belongs!
Keep us “posted” on your progress, and I am here any time you need an encouraging and supportive nudge or to be reminded there are a lot of us who’d line up to buy your book (hopefully a signed copy)!
I have to agree with Lisa. I love your writing. I found your Vibrant Nation blogs in April, and sat down and read them all in one sitting. Your writing and your life experience really speaks to me. I look for your weekly post, and was disappointed when you ‘took a break’ from your writing. As Lisa said, I will also be lined up to get your book when it comes out.