This is my second winter spent in Green Valley Arizona. My annual excursion to “the other side.” The Land of the Aged. A land of rugged terrain, prickly plant life, and fade-off-into-the-sunset living (the sunsets ARE glorious, I do have to give them that). The landscape is studded, not only with cactus, but with canes, customized golf carts, rec-centers, and silver headed seniors in various stages of decline.
One week after arriving, I celebrated my 57th birthday. The average age here is 74.
Now, I know I’m not THAT far behind. There are, among the inhabitants, a smattering of late 50′s early 60′s types who look comfortingly familiar. We (is it my imagination?) exchange relieved glances when we pass each other in and among our fellow wizened citizens. There but by the temporary grace of God. As unnerving as it is, it likely serves us to remember. We stand on the edge ourselves. It’s hard to fool yourself when you’re confronted at every turn with your own face, your own body, fast-forwarded by a mere 10 or 15 years. No wonder I went fetal last winter. But this year I’m seeing things differently. There are lessons to be learned.
- I should enjoy every moment of this, my last bloom of middle aged “youth.” My hair is not gray (or not much), I can walk really fast, I remember most important details. Hell, I don’t even qualify for senior discounts! The other day I was booking it along on my treadmill when the old guy on my left, creeping at a snails pace by comparison, turned to me and said, “Are you new around here?” Well, yes, sort of – this is my second winter. “Well, you look too young to be here.” Made my day.
- Be very kind to your spouse (or significant other, as the case may be). You’re going to need them. I see evidence, and over hear a fair amount of conversation, about the “other half” who has gone over the line. But with patience and sweetness that I find impressive and consoling. I hope I can muster such grace myself when my turn comes – whichever end I’m on. I waited for what seems ages, as a trim, bright, healthy, looking older guy did about a hundred 10 lb. reps on the abdominal weight machine – the last one on my list. When he finally got up, I moved closer to take my turn. He looked at me, confused, and said politely, “Oh, okay, go ahead, I can wait.” Didn’t know if he was coming or going. His wife, swooped in, cast me an apologetic smile, and steered him away oblivious but happy.
- Relax. Accept who you are, where you are, and what you look like. I have already talked – ad nauseam I’m afraid – about my horror at the current condition of my once decent body. I hate to go to the sauna or pool here, because I can’t stand the thought of anyone, even these way less than perfect themselves old people, seeing me in a bathing suit. On the rare occasion I swallow my pride and suit up, I wait till really late so almost no one is around, then I wrap myself in a huge beach towel, whipping it off only at the last minute, then ducking quickly underwater, or into the dim recesses of the sauna room. Hiding. Last week, I sat in the lobby of the rec center, waiting for Russ. The door opened and in came a very saggy, very large, very old lady with a towel over her shoulder, clad only in a bathing suit. No hiding. No apologies. Happy to be heading for the pool, happy at the prospect of sun on her shoulders, and fresh air in her lungs. Happy in spite of loose skin and sagging flesh, and all other afflictions real or imagined. A veritable Buddha. A shining star of hope.
I have so much to learn.
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One day when I was a young mother . I took the the kid to the beach I was a frazzed mess. I was watching them play . This older women walked by. In her glorous splender . She seem relaxed and confident . Grey hair and sagging skin. She carried it well. I looked at her and hoped someday I would look like her. I turned 50 this year. I play very well with my grandchldern. I am still full of of it and like to have fun. Maybe younger women dont understand I stopped caring. I have wisdom and I own my own house and maybe they might admire me in my way.I cant wait for summer then I willwalk past a young mother at the beach and smile at her as I remember how I was.
You are the best! I love the picture of you sashaying down the beach in all your glory with grandchild on your hip! Have fun!
I love Arizona… We moved to Prescott AZ in 2005, but still have a house for sale in Palm Springs area of Calif. We tried the first 2 years to live both places but that proved to be just weird. We live in 55+ community and when we first moved here had to prove our ages. I love my senior discounts and the pool here is indoors (we still have snow on the ground) My husband at 70 still feels like a kid here. After my gastric bypass I really felt worse about my body image (imagine a balloon that has deflated) wrinkles became more pronounce and my goodness saggy saggy skin everywhere. Places I did not even think about before, somehow being fat filled in the wrinkles a bit. I think that may play in to the the recent weight gain. A plastic surgeon is not in the budget. I did not think I was vain. Spent so many years being content as being me (I told myself) but was merely hiding. Now I really just want to get healthy again and rid myself of the extra poundage- Balance, so hard to find
I read this once…as I age I read it daily.lol.. It is beautiful…..Happiness and suffering come from your own mind, not from outside. Your own mind is the cause of happiness; your own mind is the cause of suffering. To obtain happiness and pacify suffering, you have to work within your own mind.
Buddist Wisdom…
So, so true. I do understand the truth of Buddhist Wisdom. I’ve worked with it myself for many years now, but MY miind is not so easy to tame. Nevertheless, it helps me to be able to call a spade a spade (or rather see a thought for what it is – a thought only!) Maybe I’ll get there before I’m through, but meanwhile – one thought at a time! Thank you for your wise words. Sarah
Lady Wolf – Balance is exactly the right word isn’t it? There’s a differnce between vanity and taking responsibility for your health. Keeping the balance between self acceptance and vigliance about tending the real needs of your body (and mind!) is sometimes a fine line to walk. That’s where I am too - realizing and accepting that at 57 I’m not going to look the way I did at 37, and being truly fine with that, but also facing the fact that carrying 45 extra pounds was not healthy. We can do it! all the best – Sarah
As a recent widow in my late 50′s, I have become keenly aware of my mortality and the process of aging. I wanted to re-connect with a social life; but not having that “strong arm” to lean on was so scary. My husband loved me no matter what – sickness, health, morning……….. but I became self-concious of how others would now perceive me based on appearance. I’m in pretty good shape but I have found that your body language, not your body, makes you appealing. To forgive your own flaws allows you to forgive them in others. Laugh at your imperfections – it will boost your “circulation” in many ways…………
What a lovely message. “To forgive your own flaws, allows you to forgive them in others”. And laughing at yoiur imperfections to boost your circulation! You’re wonderful! Thank you – Sarah
Hi Sarah,
So nice reading you. My goodness, I had stuff to say, but as I read on, all you ladies said it all! Good on us – are we ever wise, if we just give ourselves half a chance. Balance was the one thing that hit me as I read – like you say, Sarah, we have to give up the ghost on our 37-year old body, while at the same time work toward the best we can age-appropriately be.
And the other thing that struck me was that, at this stage of the game, what’s going on “upstairs” is perhaps where we need to transfer more energy – the longer we are blessed to remain in the land of the living, the more time we have to gather clutter up there in the old noggin – and this clutter of old emotional baggage does not serve us well anymore.
Below, I share what I posted on FB this morning? And though the original inspiration was from a blurb on smoking cessation, it really applies to all facets of our day-to-day efforts at living our best life:
I get an occasional Health and Wellness blog from Dummies.com, – don’t laugh, now! Anyway, this week’s entry is about smoking and substitutes for it when you are trying to quit. I love #10: “Redesigning your interior: … the effort to make yourself over begins inside. It flows outward from the heart and mind and feelings. It is interior redesign. What does the inside of your mental home look like now? Is it gracious, full of light, comfortable, and spacious, or is it a “carpenter’s dream,” begging to be renovated? The way you want to be is solid, consistent, and steady. You decide what you want in life, and then you mobilize what it takes to get it.”
Who knew you could find words to live by from Dummies …
Enjoy your weekend, all – let’s get out there and shine!
My 28 year old daughter put things in perspective for me awhile back, while I was lamenting about how old I felt, and how scary aging can be. She said, “But Mom, you have never looked or acted your age – you always seem younger to me! Now Dad, (my ex-husband), HE acts older than he is – he’s a grumpy old man!” She made my day with that comment!
Yes indeed – it’s all about attitude! And how wonderful to hear it from your 28 year old daughter? You must be doing something very right!