Vibrant Nation

Dear Ladies of Maine,

To begin,I must offer my apologies for any offense I may inadvertently have caused with my Subaru Outback story. It was never my intention to impugn the sexuality/femininity of my fellow Maine dwelling, Outback driving, heterosexual female compatriots (not to mention their husbands, sons and boyfriends). However, I do stand on my assertion that, by indisputable circumstantial evidence, the ever faithful Subaru Outback seems indeed to be the number one choice for National Lesbian Car of America. And Maine, judging by the quantity of clone-like vehicles on the roads, and happily paired females on the streets, seems to be the "Mother Ship". So what? Driving an Outback doesn't make you a lesbian if you're not - right? After all, I myself am, and have heretofore always been, solidly heterosexual (we can talk later about the phase of my life when I wondered whether an about face in this department might solve the ever present issue of finding the right man - that's another story).

If there's a disconnect here, it's a cultural one.

Face it, under these dirty work pants, muddy boots and not exactly up to snuff hair, lurks the prettily beating heart of a Southern Belle.

When the above mentioned, and now duly apologized for, piece re Subaru Outbacks hit the "Blog Circle", I received a long, heartfelt, handwritten letter from one of my new female acquaintances here in Maine. After reading my story, she felt compelled to dash off a letter of self defense. First she described at some length her sequence of beloved Outback wagons, citing how many miles she had logged in each, and how many children, animals, plants, sports equipment, furniture, fertilizer and, and, and, she had hauled over her several decades of living here in Maine. Then came the grand finale - " I do believe I could arguably be placed at the top of the list of the World's Most Heterosexual Women. You have to understand, I love men! I don't know, maybe it's a Southern thing."

Hmm...really? What's a Southern thing? Liking to feel female? Wearing a skirt every now and then, or - God forbid - sexy shoes? We certainly like our men, and, Lord knows, we know how to flirt. Now, no one would call me delicate, and prim and prissy is certainly not my style. So what is it we're talking about here?

Here's what I think - it all boils down to a difference in style. Attitude really. Here in New England, the women stand square, staunch, and strong, with an admirable bent towards independence, and they make no bones about it. Will tell you straight out that's how it is. Good pioneering stock who'd as soon plow the field themselves as sit around waiting for some man to do it.

Now down South, we take a slightly different tack. We know good and well we could plow the damn field if push comes to shove (they don't call us "Steel Magnolias" for nothing), but wouldn't it be way better not to let the guys know it? I mean really, we've got enough to do as it is without taking on their jobs too. And if we look good, and play nice, they will want to do it!

See? It's a win-win.

Now ladies, are there any more questions?
 

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