Once again I’ve been rescued. Thanks to my Vibrant Nation “outreach program”, I’ve been lifted from my Green Valley desert doldrums, pulled back into the land of the living, into the welcoming arms of a new found friend. Don’t get me wrong, I love Russ, but there’s nothing in the world like good old fashioned female companionship.
Girlfriends. You just can’t beat ‘em.
No matter how much you love the man in your life, there’s just no substitute for regular doses of like minded female companionship. So if there’s no man on hand at the moment – don’t despair. There are plenty of girlfriends to go around. As another female friend in Richmond says, “We women need our circles, our estrogen mirrors.” And isn’t that what Vibrant Nation is all about?
Like me, my new friend Jane grew up in Richmond Virginia. But despite the fact that we’ve now discovered we have many mutual friends, she was a few years older, so we missed completely. Last winter her sister discovered my journal on Vibrant Nation, and forwarded it on to Jane. She left Richmond (“ran away”, as she puts it) when she was in her twenties to live in Colorado, and never looked back. Horses, cowboys, and wide open spaces were much more Jane’s style. (her earliest memory was wanting to be a cowgirl). Now, lucky for me, she spends her winters in Arizona (horses and all).
Jane responded to one of my posts on Vibrant Nation, which triggered a year long e-mail relationship that’s kept us both entertained. As pen pals, we made each other laugh, shared tales of relationships, writing frustration, painting, and weight struggles, though unlike me, she’s as thin as a fence rail. Jane too is a painter, a reader, a lifelong seeker of wisdom and truth. She’s disarmingly honest, refreshingly irreverent. An inveterate, unapologetic lover of a good laugh. Full of beans and enthusiasm, a sort of a female Peter Pan, surrounded by her own tribe of animals (2 horses, 3 dogs, 6 cats) instead of lost boys, though she’d be the first to tell you she’s taken in a few of those in adult form and lived to tell the tale. Jane says her main problem is that, at 62, she still hasn’t managed to really grow up. She keeps a box of dress up clothes in the back room, and prides herself on her ability to get anyone to drop their regular “costumes” and go rogue! Needless to say, we hit it off immediately, and splashed around happily in our estrogen soup for two days and two nights.
A taste of Jane:
“You don’t look nearly as fat as I thought you would.”
“I’ve never had a successful relationship because my arms are too skinny. Have you ever known anyone with skinny arms who’s in a good relationship?”
“You look all soft and nice, and I look like a skinny old country western hag.”
“The best thing in life is to not give a shit.”
So go find a “girl” friend and play. It will do your heart good. Confess all, spare no detail, you are likely to find a fellow traveler down many a similar road. You may even find you can laugh at yourself. And ain’t it grand!
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Sarah, I love this post. I met a friend from VN for coffee here in Seattle. Nancy and I hit it off right away and discovered an amazing amount we have in common. I feel so blessed to have her as a new friend, and can’t wait for the chance to see her again and spend more girlfriend time hanging out, talking about writing, talking about life.
In March I’m going to meet Lynette in Moloka’i and truly look forward to that opportunity, too.
VN is amazing. It is my hope that the powers that be will organize a get-together of some sort in the near future. I’ll be the first to send my check.
Rock on, my friend!
-Sarah
ps–about the name: In one of my graduate seminars, there are nine students. THREE of us are named Sarah. That’s a lot of princesses in one room, don’t you think?
Seawriter – I didn’t know you were a Sarah! I remember you said we had a lot in common, but guess I missed the shared name! Princesses indeed.
Too bad Seattle’s so far away from either Maine or Tucson, it would be so much fun to get together. BUT, meanwhile, we have Vibrant Nation! By the way, how’s your food plan coming along? (note I did NOT use the “D” word) I’ve lost a total of 5 lbs in 5 weeks, despite my rigorous “health spa” routine of good food and plenty of excercise. I’m seriously considering trying the nutritional cleanse program Lorri keeps telling us about.
I’m so happy to hear you too have found a real life freind (or several by the sound of it) via VN. So go forth and have a good laugh, maybe even hug some cats while you’re at it!
Princess Sarah (!)
Good work on the 5 pounds! I don’t use a scale but I am being ever so conscientious about what I eat so I am sure I will do okay. It’s so slow, though. Let us know if you try the nutritional cleanse Lorri talks about. I’m curious about that, too.
Best to you!
Excellent post!!!!! I’ve had similar experiences having found a lot of great women to ‘solve the worlds problems’ with solely due to this site. But one lady in NY in particular has become an extremely special friend I’ve been blessed with through VN. I look forward to Miss Jo’s e-mails with the excitement of a little kid!
Sandi – Isn’t it great! Who knew this virtual thing would transmute into “real life, real time”. Love the idea of “Miss Jo” – how wonderful. Enjoy!
I so agree!!! I think women NEED other women–I mean, who understands us more?? I tell my daughter the same thing. Boyfriends are fun, but a girl needs her girlfriends.
This is a great post, thank you!!
Had a few close gf’s in my life, but nothing like you have described. The friendships consisted of them crying and going on and on about men problems, me listening, and when I needed and shoulder they were conviently out of reach. Just ended a friendship that I thought had some promise when she used all the things I had talked to her confidencially to disregard me, and my feelings, and to critisize me. So I imagine having a gf like you described, but really my best friend is my husband.
Matriarch – I love hearing that your husband is your best friend, what a wonderful thing to be able to say! I’ve been married twice, and not managed to find what you have. (However, it may FINALLY have happened with Russ – better late than never!) So count your blessings, as it sounds you do.
I’ve spoken to other women who haven’t had great luck finding and cultivating long term female friendships. I don’t know if it’s just a case of bad luck, not finding and connecting with someone who’s the right fit for your personality, or if it somehow runs deeper than that. For instane, I spent most of my formative years in all girls schools, maybe that’s why female friendships seem easy and natural. I was very surprised to discover as late as my 30′s, that there were many women who saw other women primarily as competitors, threatening in some way. Not that that’s you, just an example of a different point of view.
I’m sorry your latest shot at a girlfriend turned out to be disappointing, but don’t give up – you never know. I found Russ when I’d just about given up on men, so you too may find that special girlfiend yet! All the best – Sarah
Thanks for you encouraging words. I am working on trying to stay open to opportunities to connect. It’s hard for me, but it’s worth it I’m sure.
Matriarch:
We all had a great discussion not too long ago about cleaning house of the high maintenance friends. Not sure if it could still be pulled up but there were a lot of comments about this very subject.
You may find it interesting too…
Thank you Sandi, I appreciate it. I will look it up.