Remember what it was like to be in school, afraid of the big bully in the neighborhood? The documentary Bully reignited the national dialogue about this challenge for kids, following several students and their families over the course of one school year.
Bullying is pervasive in our society today – research indicates that one in three children have been involved in an incident, either as perpetrator or victim. It’s been estimated that 13 million children in the U.S. are bullied each year, with 3 million being absent from school each month because they feel threatened there. Children with special needs are especially vulnerable – they’re 60% more likely to be attacked by bullies.
Here are some actions you can take as a parent if you fear your child is being bullied:
Prepare yourself. Slow down and be ready to have a private conversation when you don’t have any major distractions. Sometimes a familiar setting can include a minor diversion to help your child become more comfortable sharing – in your car, when you’re playing catch, working on a puzzle, completing a chore together.
Talk with your child. Create an atmosphere of trust by using your active listening skills. When you’re speaking, ask open-ended questions in a non-judgmental, non-threatening way. Don’t interrupt his responses. Try to keep your emotions in check and be clear in the message you are conveying. Be available and let your child know that her feelings and thoughts are important to you. Encouraging honest conversations with your children teaches them to trust themselves in expressing their thoughts and feelings to others.
Pay attention to non-verbal communication. It may be difficult for your youngster to open up and verbalize facts and feelings so notice her body language. And express your own support with physical closeness and comforting hugs as well as your words. You may not learn all the facts at one time so be patient and come back to the issues later.
Be positive. Let your child know that you are on his side, it’s not his fault and he doesn’t deserve to be bullied. Role model your own constructive behavior and good communication skills at home. Arrange for her to spend time with friends in a safe environment outside of school so that she can develop personal strengths. Discourage him from bullying others in response.
Contact your child’s school. Once you have a clear understanding of what’s been going on, write it down so that you have a straightforward narrative about the problem. Identify the appropriate people in your child’s school to contact and communicate your concerns to them. If your school has an anti-bullying policy in place, follow the procedures outlined there. The administrators have a responsibility to eliminate harassment, protect your child from harm and create a positive environment for learning.
Parents, family, friends, children and educators can work together to create a caring community for all kids. Parents help promote compassion and “upstander” – rather than bystander – behavior by respecting diversity and role modeling empathy toward others. Nurture positive relationships and broaden your circle to include more of the rich cultural tapestry of your community. Help your children find healthy, non-abusive ways to resolve conflict and don’t tolerate behavior that is harmful to another. Encourage others to get involved and prevent further persecutions by being supportive of the intimidated kids, empowering youth to stand up to bullying.
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Thanks May & Janice for all your helpful comments. I really appreciate them.
May - for the longest time, I said to myself that I will never want any plastic surgery done and that I will accept my body for what it is. Like many typical wome
I teach 3rd grade. The program we use is Olweus. Children are learning how to treat people from us, all of us. Look around you and listen to how people talk about others and then ask why we having bullying problem. One of the most important thing we can do is to teach our children to say something when a child is being bullied. That is the core of Olweus. We can do that by modeling it ourselves and standing up for others. First we must define what bullying looks like on an adult scale and here’s a clue…it’s not what you think.
I am the Ex. Director of a youth performing arts company, Upstart Crow Studios. Part of our mission is to use the arts as a means of positive expression. We have our young theatre group perform a theatrical piece on how to stand up when someone is bullied. The kids perform in school assemblies and in the community. Theatre kids are often targets, so they have a deep compassion for this subject and they are great storytellers. Good peer efforts are well received.