If your kidults have left for college or moved out, how about creating a grown-up nest? Can you imagine more simplicity and less chaos? Think about what it would be like to clean out closets, give away the stuff they don’t want anymore and make your home totally yours again.
If you decide to make this change, it may be full of positive and negative feelings. Such a transition marks the end of a significant chapter, with the house full of family and activity, of growing children and all their antics. Perhaps you’ll mourn the loss of a lot of things, material and otherwise – valuable pieces of history relegated to the attic, the hard discs of your past life, memories triggered by stuff. Yet, you’ll grow more content, surrounded by what is most important to you now – the photo albums that trace your family vacations, souvenirs from your travels or your treasured books and all the precious memories that you carry around in your head.
Soon, you may find yourself anticipating the changes and getting excited about making a fresh start. Changing your surroundings at home can stimulate you to change your outlook on life. This sort of shift can give you the impetus to explore new areas and discover adventures outside your experience. As you consider feathering a nest that works for you, here are some ideas to help you get started. Remember that any difficult process takes time and, by definition, involves flexibility.
1. It is never too early to begin gathering information about the changes you plan to make. Speak to others who have already gone through this. Use the Internet to discover books, seminars or blogs that can help you learn more. Talk to anyone in a position to inform, share and educate.
2. As the Greek sages once said, know thyself. Increase your self awareness by examining who you are now and who you want to become. Are your unfulfilled dreams still meaningful to you? What are you committed to now? What old contracts did you make with yourself or your partner that impact your choices today?
3. Take time for you. Now that you don’t have the daily responsibilities of hands-on parenting, do you plan to relax, work, play, volunteer? Keeping a journal will give you structure as you brainstorm, set achievable goals and put your new plans in motion.
4. Once you have created a dream, let your priorities determine what is realistic. Are you alone in making the decision? Is this change financially feasible? Are there work or personal issues to take into consideration? Are there others in your household whose needs you want to consider?
5. Understand that emotional reactions during transitions are common and normal. Allow yourself to express and accept your feelings as they come up. You may have regret about what you have let go of yet feel relieved about less clutter. Perhaps you’ll vacillate between enthusiasm about how your home reflect the current you and sadness about what you have left behind. Your interest in exploring new options may fluctuate with fears of the unknown.
As you begin feathering your grown-up nest, be mindful of what you need. Have confidence in yourself and trust that you will keep in your life what is truly meaningful. While drawing from your traditions and values, you’ll create a present for yourself that is rich and rewarding.
other blog entries from »
This is exactly what I want to do! I’ve been slowly getting rid of things which is difficult because hubby is a pack rat. My two are still home, daughter should leave in January, son a senior in HS and looking to go away in the fall. I am more than ready to have my house back! Hubby is so resistant to change however! I’d love a whole house re-do.
It sounds as if you have a jumpstart on updating your nest. Now you just need to figure out how to get your hubby on board. Trying to understand his perspective on ’saving stuff’ may encourage and motivate him. And as your kids get ready to move forward, so can your relationship!
The best thing I did was to teach my kids not to need me. The worse thing I did was to teach my kids not to need me.
They are both self-reliant, good adults. So where does that leave me? Not sure yet, I am still trying to sort it all out. Last weekend I finished packing up all my sons thing and moving them to the garage and next week I start on my daughters things. Now I have 2 empty rooms and I am trying to make this home MY home. So many possibilities. To be honest I want to worry about school work, dentist appointments and laundry. I miss it. This will be a new chapter in my life.
I know what you mean – I did the same when my kids were younger. And the results can be bitter sweet. But this time really is for you and them to explore the possibilities. And believe me, when they have a family, they’ll be back in your life.
I am an older Mum (I was 36 when my son was born) and I still have my 17 year old and 21 year old living at home. I am so looking forward to creating space for me when they have gone…And I will have the challenge of my hubby’s hoardings – he hates parting with things!