I have had many conversations over the years with people who believe in the power of the mind and the ability (by fault or default) to create their own reality. Most of these belief systems in our popular culture, however, are incomplete and underdeveloped. For example, when an even remotely negative issue is introduced, proponents of this ideology will often say, “Oh, don’t say that!” or “Take that back right now.” Or, (my favorite from an Armenian friend), “Cancel; cancel; cancel!” Through the centuries and across generations in every culture, people have been careful to reinforce the positive (knock on wood) and banish the negative. The idea that we make manifest our destinies is an idea that has somehow survived every society. But the way we have gone about it is all wrong.
As a child, when I would tell my Irish mother that I was nervous about a new school or a foreign situation of any kind, she would say what her mother had said to her, “Don’t borrow trouble!” As an adult, she no doubt understood the context of this adage as “Whatever will be will be. Take it as it comes. Don’t try to predict it.” And to someone capable of examining his or her own fears and anxieties, this advice might be useful. But to children, or anyone facing an unknown situation, this statement feels more like the brush-off. As I got older, I saw these axioms and refusals to examine or even discuss negative situations as more denial than wisdom.
By tamping down issues we perceive to be negative, we are not getting rid of them at all. Instead, we are creating layers of mental soil—soil in which the thoughts and ideas we refuse to discuss become psychic compost. Compost that has the power to transform the seed of any emerging future thought into a flourishing field of anxiety and worry. Why? Because by not dealing with our fears openly, we allow them to thrive in the very part of our minds over which we have the least control—the subconscious and unconscious. Rooted there, they will eventually affect the very core of our being. Rooted there, they will make us sick.
Why did my grandmother refuse to discuss the conditions in her Irish home before she was sent to the U.S. as a young teen? Fear and ignorance. Fear of picking up the poverty, rejection, and anger and examining them; and ignorance of the knowledge that by doing that, she would have a chance at removing their power. We do not get rid of our toxic thoughts or their companion emotions be saying, “Take that back.” or “Cancel; cancel; cancel.” We do not get rid of our toxic thoughts (or those of a friend) by never discussing anything meaningful. By telling someone in the depths of sorrow to “Let it be,” we are only showing that we are resonating with the same fear, not that we are above it. We get rid of toxic thoughts by neutralizing them.
One very powerful way to neutralize negative thoughts is to counter them with specific affirmations. How to do this? First, identify the culprits—the negatives thoughts and feelings that most influence your situation or your life. Next, list them on the left side of a piece of paper. Examine them; acknowledge them—not as realities, but as fears. Next, identify their opposites in the form of affirmations, and list them on the right. These affirmations represent our conscious decision to replace the negative with the positive. To overcome wild and untamed influences in our psyches and bring them under our control. Once you have composed the appropriate affirmation, erase the negative root.
As an example, if one of your gravest fears is physical illness, you will list that fear on the left. On the right, to directly counter that embedded fear, you will write an affirmation to neutralize it. That affirmation might be: I am strong and resilient. I am healthy and I will remain healthy. All the systems of my body, mind and spirit are filled with a dense, white light that promotes and sustains radiant health in every aspect of my being. Etc. Affirmations should be tailored specifically to the negative idea, thought, or situation. They should be memorized and recited ten times in the morning upon waking and ten times at night just before falling asleep when your mind is most receptive. They should also be recited at any time during the day when you catch your mind spinning itself into a worry loop.
I have used affirmations for years, and in the toughest possible scenarios. Believe me, in time and with faithful repetition, they work. Fears, cast aside, will not disappear; they will grow. Free-floating anxiety that arises with almost any situation will not disappear either. You can ask yourself: What is its root? Are the situations that result in this anxiety similar or related? And then empower yourself by writing it down—making the choice to alter your thinking. Far from discarding the idea, canceling the impulse, burying the thought, we must be willing to look our fears in the eyes, expose them, and transform them into light.
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i believe in dealing with the problem at hand in reality vs. trying to pretend it does not or will not exist. For instance, we were waiting for a storm in So Florida on Friday. A few persons in the office were tracking it. I finally said…” if you are praying for a day off, is not going to happen, it is a minor storm and it will arrive in So Florida at 2 p.m. and you will be here, so deal with it.” My secretary said.. “OMG you are so negative, they may still give us the day off” I have been working for this company for 13 years, they only give you a day off if the hurricane is announced by the official authorities and it is almost at our doorstep. A tropical storm is not a hurricane. And it happened exactly like i said. Actually it came earlier, we were driving in to work when the storm reached us and it was a mess. The parking lot was flooded etc. The company did not close. That was in their minds. It was not because i created a mental negativity or whatever, those were the FACTS.
I do pray and meditate when i want something good to happen. For instance my nephew wants to move from Boston to So Florida. He came for a couple of weeks w/the intention of finding a job and staying if that happened. So i prayed a lot, lit some candles and meditate. I wanted to bring to our home good charma. Well, happy to report that he got a job, and not just a job, a GREAT job, so i was sooooo happy. Did my prayers have anything to do with it? I want to think it did. But i was not in prayer by myself, his wife, his mother, his kids, and everybody were praying for this to happen. Positive energy has its place.
Also, Lynnette, I think that people hoping for something devastating to happen (hurricane)just so they can get a day off…is incredibly negative, don’t you? You were not the one being negative in that scenario at all! I’m happy for you about your nephew and absolutely believe that your prayers, meditations, and the loving desire to have him close to you definitely contributed to his job success. Good for you!
Thanks Rea, I think this idea could be very helpful. I am concerned about being considered negative, so I stay quiet. It does make me sick…
When you are voicing an opinion, as a statement, protecting or expressing the views and opinions of your ‘inner child’ — that is not negative. Be kind to yourself first.
Thank you for this post. I agree with what you wrote and needed the reminders.
I believe the answer isn’t so much positive thinking, but optimal thinking. For example, it’s a quality control person’s job and same with a newspaper editor’s to look for possible problems so that they can then be fixed.
I wouldn’t want to be riding in a vehicle where the quality control person mindlessly parroted positive affirmations and then happily ignored what could lead to trouble all because of magical hide-your-head in-the-sand thinking.
I’ve been lately experimenting with self-hypnosis (still have much to learn) because I’ve heard that the mind is more receptive to positive affirmations and changing thinking patterns when a person is relaxed.
Your idea about listing negatives and then coming up with the opposites reminds me of something I read in Michael Losier’s Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What Don’t. It makes more sense than anything else I’ve read about the LOA because it addresses dealing with negative thoughts and the need to take action.
What an inspiring post! I made some notes from it and am going to do the list and work required. I have always hated when someone says “Oh no, you don’t feel that way” or anything like that. Don’t tell me how I should feel!
You are an awesome writer with great insight! Please keep posting….most of us need the reassurance!
Thank you, LML, I’m so glad you got something out of it!
Thanks for this. I wonder, often, what good comes of denying sadness, grief, fear, and other “negative” emotions. Sometimes we just have to feel them, move through them, and emerge on the other side. Recognizing reality, putting truth to the inescapable, is not negativity, it’s common sense. When I was reading your wonderful post I wondered how much the constant admonitions to look on the bright side and think positively keep women stuck in abusive relationships, mired in thankless jobs, and trapped by their own inability to move beyond denial.
Had to learn to substitute fear with ‘faith’. Knowing that I am where I am supposed to be and making the most of it. Feel the fear and do it anyway??? Also having a higher power (faith) relieves me of having to do something (which could be wrong) and thinking ‘I’ am in control. That in itself should be good for a laugh!! It’s taken me years and years of good and bad and mediocre experiences to get to where I am today. And the ride was and still is — worth every second.
Firmly believe as a child of the Universe that I was given all of my emotions and meant to experience them as the sandpaper that would and could eventually smooth my rough edges of negativity. God does not give me these emotions to not use, I think so.