I was at a gathering of friends this weekend, and the conversation circled energetically from family, to politics, to weather, to religion, finance, retirement, world events, and back again. We discussed upcoming weddings, elections, heat waves, house sales, gas drilling in the Catskills, oil spills in the Gulf, and more. We discussed family histories in the context of genetics, genocide, famine and disease. The topics varied greatly, but after a while, I realized that these conversations, even among friends, had one overriding element in common with many other conversations I’d had and observed in the last few years.
Rage.
The intelligent and educated opinions of my friends were mostly delivered with tense jaws, lined foreheads, narrow eyes and defensive postures. To look at them, you would think they were upset about everything, though they claimed they were not. Even those who were delivering opinions they knew would be well-received, delivered them with some degree of rage. I asked one friend why, after all these years, she still cared so much about “the outrageous hypocrisy” of a family member, and she told me that she did not care. That she had long stopped caring about the bastard.
I’ve thought a lot about rage lately—my own rage, and the rage of others. I am generally a happy and peaceful person, but I have experienced the toxic effect of rage rise up within me like volcanic bile. In turn, I have found myself physically backing off from the rage of others. I don’t ever remember this happening before in my lifetime on such a wide scale—not as a child, a young adult, or as a parent. We at VN have all lived through some calamitous national outrage, but I have come to see that general, free-floating rage dominates our broader culture now more than ever before. The question is…why?
Because I am so aware of its power, my own rage has softened significantly. Or I should say, once I took a look at the wild, unencumbered properties of rage itself, I have separated myself and my opinions from its tenacious grasp, one claw at a time. I have toned it down, if not eliminated it. You know when this has happened, because when it has, you feel at peace, even around the rage of others. But it was not always thus. My own rage was inspired by particular events—parceled out appropriately—that is, until it took on a life of its own, as rage always does. Unchecked, rage will jump easily from thought to thought, topic to topic, person to person, nation to nation. It is a master predator. A psychic omnivore.
Rage does not belong to you or me; to Democrats, Republicans, or the emerging Tea Party. It does not belong to majorities, minorities, or immigrants; to Christians, Muslims, Jews or Atheists. Rage is a Trojan horse wheeled into anyone’s midst in the guise of justice and justification. It is a dis-ease, powered virally, surviving on its host. The host is us.
I have this theory that our latest explosion of national rage was lit in downtown Manhattan on 9/11. That we have never recovered from the sheer, unredeemed injustice of it all—injustice that, no matter how extreme our politics, no matter what countries we attack or invade, will ever be made right. Feed that bedrock national wound with deadly hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, financial devastation, and calamitous environmental disasters—bellow it with polar politics and extreme talk show hosts—and the rage-fire is epic.
How to get it under control? First, we have to apprehend the enemy within. Only when we are able to get over ourselves—how our families, our nation, and the world in general, should revolve around our singular, keen, intelligent and astounding points of view—will we come to the end of our personal and national rage. Until we figure that out, one by one, and start listening to each other respectfully—the conversations in families, communities, organizations, and nations, will be fueled by the rage we feed with our own lack of personal responsibility and understanding.
Rage wants us to think that it is a quality of a certain topic or topics of debate. But the truth is, rage has become a national habit—a weapon in search of any target. Recognizing our own rage is the first step in ending its reign. Toning down the rhetoric of our personal and national conversations is the next step. Otherwise, the only one who will win the next election will be rage itself. As candidates go, it’s the most enduring and cleverest of all.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Wow Rea, what a powerful post. AA refers to anger or rage as the dubious luxery of normal men. And I have my own rage attacks. It flairs up with a life of it’s own, and I observe myself, and I observe the rage like a loathsome thing.
All I have to do is read the newspaper, or the rants on our local newspaper to get enraged. The latest was just a few days ago when our HST taxation was introduced on July 1. We saw that coming. What we didn’t see coming was the appearance of an ECO fee on all cash registers receipts. On a sliding scale from a few cents to a few dollars. An eco fee? WTF was that? And it was imposed on laundry detergent, dish soap, medications, syringes, and numerous other everyday items. I raged at it. And ranted at it, the insanity of it.
But like other times and other places and other subjects, I saw this thing in myself, and observed it, and decided it was too disturbing to my serenity. And I could back off, find something real and constructive, someway to express my outrage, i.e. in the next election, I can excercise my voting priviledges. I could also do a number of other things. i.e. start making my own dish soap and laundry detergent. Now that was fun and creative, and reactive in a creative way. Who knew?
The thing is in recognizing this rage as I did some time ago, and observing it, and choosing to let it go I feel much more in control myself, my serenity and my peace.
Great post. I’m seeing it too, righteous indignation and vitriolic diatribes about just about anything. There’s plenty to be outraged about. Guess what, there’s always been things to be upset about. How does ranting and raving help?
The Native American story about two wolves inside us fits. There are two wolves inside us warring, one of peace and one of hate. Which one will win? The one you feed. There’s something to be said for “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”
Have we forgotten the value and price of peace?
WM, I agree. I’ve always loved the story about the two wolves.
There’s another Native American saying that says something like, “no tree is so foolish as to have branches that fight among themselves.” We’re all in this together and feeding the rage wolf only tears off more branches when we should be planting more trees … like peace, compassion and wisdom.
All too true… unfortunately.
The last few years I’ve been finding it harder and harder to handle other people’s rage, especially now as I deal with health issues and really need positive energy. But even if a person became a hermit, it’s difficult to avoid because it’s everywhere… in movies, music, newspapers, etc.
I sometimes wonder if that’s why there’s so much light, bright and trite filler in the news (like all the latest updates on celebrities that make no difference to most of our lives)… to distract people from what’s happening and to perhaps placate, but I could be wrong.
What I’ve come to realize is that it begins with me. I have to deal with my own rage. Like most people I have “good reasons” for being angry, especially the last few years with all my ongoing challenges, but unless there’s a way to channel it in a proactive way (like starting up a group to make a positive difference), it’s only going to eat me up, contribute to my health issues and/or I’ll lose my patience with someone over something trivial.
I have all kinds of “tools” like lovingkindness meditation or the serenity prayer when someone butts ahead of me in a lineup or when the HST tax was introduced, but it’s not always easy to remember to slow down, breathe and take into account what I can realistically do. It’s not easy to remember to send positive thoughts someone’s way when I disagree with what they’ve done or the way they seem to get off easy, as in the case of someone like Michael Vick.
“Suddenly meaningless me”
I think that rage stems from feelings of helplessness and hopelessness – be it in one’s own life or with regard to national or global issues.
Lately, I have never felt so inconsequential, like I make no difference at all in the world at large or my little corner of it. No matter what I do, the enormity, the terrible nature, the atrocities of the times we now live in have made me feel completely insignificant.
Feeling that way is frustrating and I think as it builds it produces free floating rage, which, in my humble opinion is synonymous with free-floating anxiety. We live in anxious times, fraught with stress. Rage seems to be the pressure release valve.
I often find myself simmering and sometimes cannot contain it. And it might be just a very small thing that finally sets me off. I know in my heart and my head that whatever I’ve blown my stack over wasn’t the real reason for the anger.
Perhaps my personal rage is exacerbated by health issues. I am alive by nothing short of a miracle after having survived sudden, pulmonary embolisms which lodged in each of my lungs. So I am not yet as resilient as I once was – not quite myself. And that is what I’ve been attributing my rage to, but that doesn’t explain the fact that rage is all around us, seemingly in nearly everyone.
There is despondency in the air, and everyone is breathing it in. And there hasn’t been a real, righteous but peaceful outcry since the 1960′s.
I’ve often wondered if others feel like I do. I see by this post and the responses, they do. And, collectively, my VN sisters, we can find only a very little solace in that. There is so much fuel for rage, as some posts above mine point out. There is so much work to be done.
Yes, I’m feeling (and seeing) the rage.
Great post, rea.
Teabird, I apologize for piggy-backing onto your post – computer problems make it necessary. AND your response resonated with me. First, I’d like to address the media coverage of all things negative: I avoid it like the plague. I subscribe to no magazines or newspapers, and never read them – because I don’t believe more than 5% of any edited article. It’s gossip, and it’s rarely done in a way meant to make us feel good about the subject. I get important headline news off my google start page, and that’s it for me.
I don’t watch the news on TV, because I don’t need to know about every person who was beaten or killed or all the negative aspects of everything that’s happening in the world. Unfortunately, my husband watches the Chicago network news, and so I often hear news blurbs despite trying to not listen. They are not welcome in my brain, but they tend to stick there.
I felt absolute horror (and later rage) in 2001 when someone I was chatting with on my computer told me to get to my tv – and I watched the 9-11 terrorist attack on the Twin Towers. LIVE coverage. I’ve since let go of the rage, because it’s not helpful to me. The horror will always be there to some degree, obviously.
And now to address what spoke to me in your post, tbird – feeling inconsequential, as though we have no control over our own lives. I’ve dealt with breast cancer three times now – in 2002, 2007 and 2009. Personal terror and rage were my companions off and on, but over the last year I’ve somehow managed to walk away from those emotions. **For the most part.** They occasionally try to rear their head, and when I realize it, I have to work hard to say a firm “NO” to them again.
Occasionally, I’ll get caught up in a thread on here that involves arguments and causes negative feelings. When I (often belatedly) realize it and notice those negative feelings are spilling over into everything I do and say, I walk away from the thread and I don’t look back – because once that starts, I find myself behaving and reacting negatively to other things in my life in a way I need to not do/be if I wish to maintain my inner peace.
Having said all that – I understand why people are frustrated with our economy, with our politicians, with their lives, with so many things. I just try really hard to not be sucked into it, because I don’t believe whipping other people up into a state of anger or alarm with words here on VN serves any useful purpose. Not unless they immediately go out into the world and do something about it. I may well be wrong about that, but I don’t think so. I only know I personally need to avoid those threads like the plague, just as I try to avoid negative news reports and magazines that print slanted and negative gossip about celebrities.
It serves me no purpose. For me personally, it doesn’t help me feel the inner peace and happiness I need in order to deal with my cancer prognoses. I realize not everyone in the world can act like an ostrich, or nothing productively good would be accomplished in this world, either….. But I know for a fact that overdosing on negative news reports can feed one’s depression – and yes, cause contagious rage that often has no **useful** outlet.
No apology necessary for whatever reason, Duffy. After all, this is an open forum. And you actually expounded on some of the issues that I alluded to that are causing rampant rage, in my opinion.
peace always, ~ tea
You wonderful sensitive thinking Women!! I’m in Australia and I have to say I agree with all youve said. The rage is here too. for all the reasons you’ve all so eloquently expressed. The messages were getting thro the media are pessimistic affirmations about doom and gloom and if people buy that, then we cant reverse the trend. The collective thought process is destructive and leading us to lose hope in the future. There’s a deep and powerful underlying feeling that all is not well in the state of Planet Earth. If feelings are generated from thoughts and statements, then we’ll have to start spreading messages full of hope!!
Lets face it, when we lose hope, whats left but fear and despair. Have we lost our faith in good triumphing over evil?? I’m finding it really difficult to believe that the human race can survive and prosper. Feels like we’ve cooked our goose!!
Dianna, it’s wonderful hearing from you and knowing that our Australian friends understand (and are influenced by) the same pressures. Not that I wish you rage! But I think if we all team up to penetrate the underlying sense of hopelessness and despair, we, as a human family, have a better chance of overcoming it. Thanks for your reply. I haven’t given up!
I am full of rage because I was attacked by a crazy lady and have permanent eye damage and received NOT ONE PENNY for my thousands of dollars of medical bills etc…I am full of rage because we live in an a world where money rules!!
http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/debi-drecksler/attacked-at-a-virginia-rest-stop/
Yes, there is so much to be enraged about–all the more reason why we must re-learn how to talk to each other without anger, and without forcing our opinions on others as if ours are the only opinions with any thought or intelligence behind them. I think we will make much progress as a nation if we and our politicians can just talk respectfully to each other. Thanks to all for sharing your health issues, and I will add you to my prayer list if that’s alright. xo rea
Absolutely wonderful post! Although technically, anger is a very important emotion, I have always viewed rage as the obsessive/compulsive distortion of anger. It occurs when ones own hopes, dreams and just plain wellbeing comes under attack from so many different directions that we lose focus of the total situation at hand.
Although it still takes wisdom to solve the challenge, when composure is lost by the the majority, we have lost it all.
I struggle with this as well, and I have good days and bad days, but maintaining inner calm and a cool head is still the goal I work toward.
great definition of rage, Deborah, thanks!
I had to soul search to learn why I became enraged when two women pushed my cart to the back of the grocery line while I had stepped away to grab one onion. I was first in line and had been gone only 30 seconds. It was MY turn. I had waited 5 mins. for those ahead of me, and now I had another 15 min wait as their carts were more than full. My last minute onion grab should not have cost me my spot. This was taking my precious time visiting with my grandbaby and I was enraged, but did not want to make a scene in a market I was respected in. I had to be to work in another half hour. NOT makine a scene left me enraged. I remained too in control to make a scene but was seething inside. I went to work mad…spouted all weekend about it….but could not bring myself to say anything to those two women who pretended I was invisible. In my head I called them viscious names. WHY could I not defend myself ? What should I have said to make my point about their rudeness ? Keeping it to myself was damaging to me.
Weezy, I think these happen all the time, and they are so maddening. Keeping it to yourself probably felt like the best way to defend yourself at the time since you weren’t in control of your feelings. And people can be so rude and inconsiderate. I’m sure those women had their own scenario going about you, which is just so ridiculous. Sometimes I think it is better say something, though. Just take a few deep breaths and tell them your story. I need to try this myself at least once to see how it goes! Thanks for your reply!
I don’t consider what you felt at the grocery store warrants the term rage. Had you actually publicly defamed them or physically attacked them, that would have been rage. Certainly by the weekend rage was festering in your mind, but at the store, what you felt was anger.
And anger IS definitely damaging to both your spirit AND body – especially your brain cells - if it is not relieved in the proper amount of time.
During the time I spent teaching preschoolers, I taught them assertiveness skills using what Dr Becky Baily always referred to as “Using Your Big Voice” In the process, I learned that I needed to develop that “big voice” in myself as well. Articulating firmly, with composure, how this made you feel and why you did not appreciate it, may not have resolved the situation, but would have gone a long way toward reducing the anger that you were feeling at the time. I, too, do not do confrontations so very well myself, and working at this skill will be a lifelong goal for me, as well.
Being in control does not necessarily men being composed. It’s kind of like “faking it till you make it.” For me, whom I’ve often self described as the “original angst ridden artist,” I have found composure a much more spiritual concept that I will probably spend the rest of my life working on.
This is a powerful post and a potent reminder of a cancer that is eating away at our society. While we individually can control how we react and even go so far as to avoid media to prevent ‘seeing’ that which enrages us, the answer lies in ‘how do we defuse the national rage’? I don’t know exactly, I wish I did.
It has been mentioned that rage is encouraged by helplessness and hopelessness – I so agree. No one listens anymore! I mean really listen. We are so focused on being right – no matter the topic – that we fail to digest the opinions and explanations of others, to give their viewpoint credence. We are so ‘me’ oriented anymore that respect and compassion are neglected traits. If we disagree with each other, we’re both thinking ‘what an idiot’ or ‘how does this person get thru life’ or some other demeaning thought. I am so guilty of this even though I know logically none of what I’m thinking is likely true. It’s a pileon effect. This person is rude, that person is selfish, this one is hateful and sarcastic, that one is totally ignoring their negative effect on others, people seem to be hurting others intentionally – it doesn’t stop. Then kaboom, you blow up and everything is fair game for anger and rage. We feed each other.
The wolf story is an apt one, but if I’m feeding the peaceful wolf and that person is feeding the hateful one – which one wins? We have as a society forgotten the golden rule. I do my best to be compassionate and respectful, to treat others as I want to be treated and find that I do get back what I dish out but not enough. It is tiring to not respond to ugliness, you feel beat up after awhile. I do my best to contribute in a positive role and will continue to do so hoping that what I give, you will accept and pay it forward. But sometimes you just have to ‘punch’ back!
Darkness, evil, apathy, ignorance and a malaise of discontent have taken over our society and I think in general we feel we can fight back only with rage and anger or be eaten alive! Rea said it correctly, that until we identify the ugliness within and learn to corral it and apprehend it and change it – rage will continue to win! It will be a tough road to travel, but collectively (as indicated by the responses thus far) we will be successful. I must work even harder to do my part to ‘fix it’
This is beautiful, Ladyhawke, thank you!
While some forms of rage may be justified, unfortunately an awfully lot of unjustified rage is being fueled by some political forces hurling needlessly divisive messages. They do this–not in the interest of the public good–but rather to serve their own selfish purposes. If only people could learn to be more critical of the motives behind these incendiary talk show hosts and even political mailings then they could learn to feed the peaceful wolves and ignore the hateful ones.
That’s so right, Margaret. I recently read an article by a man who was criticizing an extreme radio talk show host from his own party. He was basically saying that this host doesn’t even want his party to win, because should his party come into power, he will have nothing to be enraged about. Nothing incendiary to discuss on-air. So these people are not really pro-republican or pro-democrat–they are pro-rage and pro-ratings.
Several likeness of Kwan Yin (the goddess of compassion) are posed about my home. Not because I pay homage to the goddess, but because it is a reminder that compassion brings peace. I’m not all that peaceful–henceforth the reminders within my space.
Rage disallows compassion. Rage does seem to be the fashion. Fortunately, I try not to be fashion’s slave. Instead I earnestly attempt to use compassion first.
There are times and places for rage–rage against the wicked, not the poor, not the under-represented, etc., but compassion must always come first so that we might have a better understanding of our and others’ rage.
But when I bring this up to those with chronic rage, they name call and point fingers at the wussy-compassion thing. Aha! Why? Because compassion hasn’t found a place in their over-heated hearts yet.
My last encounter with a rage filled person who seemed to have lost logic and common sense, was to thank that person for reminding me how not to behave when such circumstances arrive. It ended the conversation.
Kwan Yin has such a calm, loving and peaceful serenity, she influences everyone around. I like to put flowers at her feet to add to her beauty and the floral smell in our home.
Absolutely lovely. An act of peace vs. rage. I Heart it.
What a powerful blog.Great food for thought.Have been noticing the flareup of rage in the last two years and wondering where all this is coming from.Reading everyone’s very open and honest responses made me feel fortunate to be part of such a great group of women,who are willing to be honest about how they feel about this issue. For me this is the most important step,how I feel,because then I can do something about it. The separation between rage and anger is excellent,because anger can be a healthy thing in the right circumstances,but rage is being out of control.I have been blessed to have great spiritual teachers,from whom I learned,that it is always me never the other person or situation.If we as human beings would concentrate on ourselves,on being the best we can be and not pointing fingers at others or wanted to control those,who think different than we do,the world will start changing.Jus think about it ,if each of us would just work on ourselves and not on others,there will be peace and harmony in our families,our communinity,our city,our state and the world ,but as long as we look at the “mistakes” of the other person ,we will experience anger, that might escalate into rage.How can I point the finger at others,when there is so much within myself that needs fixing. As Ghandi said:Be the difference you want to see in the world.I don’t watch the news and walk away from those who spout out anger and rage.The main reason being,that I don’t want to accept that in my energy field and very importantly,because it will affect my health.More and more doctors are realizing now,that the way we think and react brings on many illness.As I intent to live a long and healthy life,I will not permit deep anger and rage,to affect my life.
This is a wonderful community and I learned something from each comment I read.It is great to be associated with so many,intelligent and wonderful women,who are not afraid to open their hearts and feelings.Blessings to all.