Have you ever known someone (or perhaps been guilty of this yourself) who has treated their partner more like a child than a significant other? This of course also applies to men and their leading ladies, but let’s face it; given the inherent nurturing nature of most women it’s often more common to see male-mothering in today’s society.
Below are the top 10 signs you, or someone you know, may be “mothering their man”. It’s great to act as a guiding light for your partner but when you cross the line and step into mom’s shoes, this may not be the healthiest of relationships for you.
1. You set a curfew for him
2. You control how he dresses and give him unsolicited advice on his wardrobe for work, school or “play”
3. You constantly moderate his spending and give him a weekly allowance
4. You engage in excessive baby talk
5. You control his diet to the point of dictating what he eats in and outside of the house
6. You cut his meat for him, regularly hand-feed him or wash his back when he showers
7. You might as well live in a hotel room because you give him daily turn-down service, fluff his pillows and tuck him in at night
8. You tell him how to behave
9. You use his favorite past times to reward or punish him
10. You give him detailed instructions on what aspects he needs to change in his life and then nag him accordingly
If any of this sounds familiar it may be time to step back and ask yourself if it is in fact a relationship you want in life. Healthy relationships are about two mature adults who are ideally equal on most levels. Differences should be appreciated and addressed only when they are affecting the other partner in a harmful way. If you want to change everything about your partner and find yourself laying out a detailed rule book on how he should act than this may not be the right match for you.
Also, what do children often do when they grow up? That’s right – they leave the nest! This is often the case when a woman “grooms” her significant other into the model partner and then is disappointed to find the next woman after her get the man she always wanted.
Another aspect that suffers in this scenario is your sex life. When a man feels like his girlfriend or wife reminds him of his mom, chances are he isn’t going to be rushing to jump in the sack with her. The best way to keep that passion alive is to keep the relationship on all fronts is to keep it on an equal footing.
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I will plead “guilty” to having done this with my husband of 38 years. I just didn’t get it before, but after our divorce when I had some perspective on things I realized that I did “mother” him, and that may be why I didn’t feel a lot like having sex with him. Who wants to have sex with their son? He was/is a handsome guy, good hygiene and I loved him to pieces and was very turned on by him when we were young college sweethearts. But somehow marriage caused those feelings to fade for me, and I know now that the “mothering” thing was probably a large part of it. I am remarried now and my present husband resists all attempts at mothering. At first i was extremely frustrated, but now I see that the problem is me not him.
All I can say is “AMEN” to every word you wrote. I think at times we are all guilty of one or more of the behaviors, but we do not have to make it a regular habit and if we do need to make it a regular habit then we don’t need to be with that man!!!!! As an ex-wife, I know the next woman got a man that was left to make all his own decisions and did not have my income to include in the equation and has since been led to bankruptcy. I am glad I was not sattled with the financial debt, but have been finding out I have been dealing with the emotional scares for the last 10 years. I am fine, I am a work in progress and hopefully one day I will meet another man and believe me there will not be any mothering of any kind!!!!!